Opinions, please

[snostar]

What is the name of your state?NY

I am the CP and NCP has no legal visitation. I live in NY, dad lives in MA. I originally agreed (verbally) to EOW visitation and offered to drive our son 1 1/2hrs (each way) to the ferry for the drop off. Since Oct, dad hasn't showed up for PU, and refused to return him to my house twice (forcing me to drive back to the ferry to pick our son up). I also offered him this school vacation from today till Sunday. I informed him that from now on he is to PU our son at my home and I will PU at the ferry, that way I never have to drive to the ferry 2x in a weekend, and if he doesn't show I am not unconvinced. I feel like I have been extremely generous, but today he blew up at me stating I should drive our son to the ferry today because it's xmas time. He also stated that if I ever screw up I will never see our son again! What ever that means- yes, he is an idiot. The distance is 5hrs each way for a visit and I am contemplating making visits once every three weeks....is this reasonable for this type of distance. Of course he can file for visits, I almost wish he would so when he violates an order I can file contempt.

I am looking for opinions...and a baseball bat

 

[stealth2]

My kids see their Dad once every month, since our divorce (then 3 1/2 hours each way, now 6+ hours each way - tho they now fly). Also alternating holidays & most of the summer. W/o an order, you're in the driver's seat. I think you're being very fair in doing a portion of the transportation, considering the circumstances.

 

[snostar]

Is once a month pretty standard for that kind of distance? I orginally agreed to EOW, because our son was living 50/50 NY and MA prior to the order and I thought EOW would make the transition easier for him. Do you think once every three weeks with me doing part of the transporting (I get no CS either..yet) is something the courts would probably see as reasonable. He now claims I am trying to keep our son from him...but of course he could move back to NY to see him more often, he just chooses not to.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Tell jerkboy to kiss wind. He is more than welcome to take you back to court for visitation but until then, it's your way or the highway.

 

[BL]

My opinion :

Explain to Dad exactly what you posted here .
That he was a No show on at least 2 occasions and you WON'T subject yourself , or your child to it again.

If he is threatening to keep the child , why don't you be the first to Petition the Court for some stable Court ordered Custody and Visitations.

Also, even with a court order and you having primary Custody , if he's a no show for his visits , you don't file contempt. You can keep records to document them , in case you go back to court.

He can however file contempt if you fail to send the child for visits per court order.

 

[snostar]

If he is threatening to keep the child , why don't you be the first to Petition the Court for some stable Court ordered Custody and Visitations.

He can however file contempt if you fail to send the child for visits per court order.

I do document everything. Custody is established but there is no court ordered visits, therefore no way I can be found in contempt - dad was too lazy to file. I didn't push the visitation issue before the signing of the court order because I felt - why should I pay my attorney to draw up a visitation petition/order, he should pay his to do so.

I did tell him if he didn't return our son he would be charged with parental kidnapping, and at this point the only rights he has is access to our sons medical and school records...he just doesn't get it. I told him he can see our son without a visitation order because the court entrusted me to do what was best for our son, but for now I make the rules....boy he didn't like that one!

 

[snostar]

Tell jerkboy to kiss wind. He is more than welcome to take you back to court for visitation but until then, it's your way or the highway.

How about kiss my donkey?

 

[Reyna7]

My Opinion

When dealing with distance, every 3 weeks is fine, especially if he has trouble showing up. I wish my son's father would try and visit that often, he is more of a once every five years type of guy. If your ex does not like it then he can go to court to change it. I also think you are doing MORE than your fair share with the transportation and your idea of him picking your son up at home is great. How much better to sit at home waiting, than at the ferry.

 

[haiku]

we have 6 hour distance and we also do once a month, and longer visits for holidays.

Because of that, I think it is imperative everything is spelled out in a court order.