Pack clothes?

[Ohiogal]

and how do you suggest that this is even possible? The NCP has no duty to inform the CP of activities planned, or really anything else for that matter. How can the CP send "proper" clothing? If dad wants clothes at the house (wich, if he is any sort of dad, he will) then he needs to go out and buy some clothes for HIS daughter.

Actually in some places they are supposed to make requests for special clothing. It depends on the plan. And some states require the CP to provide the NCP with clothes if it is an every other weekend arrangement.

 

[justalayman]

Sorry....But, I don't see a negative in kids packing a bag to visit someone.

And just to add...They have much more enthusiasism(sp?) when they think 'Dad' is coming!

If not making one feel like they are at home when with dad is a positive, I will agree with you. My children knew they had two homes, both of which they had their belongings and felt "at home" in either place. If they need to bring stuff, then it is a vacation or "visit" rather than staying at their other home. Staying with me was not a vacation or visit but a continuation of their life, merely in a different home. They continued to have responsiblities, just like at their other home, which when on vacation, I would never expect of any visitor. It is simply a mind set that I find as setting both parents up for trouble in the future. The old, "I never have to do (that) at dads house. I want to go stay with him" and such. Unrealsitic expectations.

In the OP's situation, it appears to be an attempt at manipulation. As many know, if you give in without justification now, you often are expected to give in in the future. OP needs to be careful this is not the beginning of many "gives" in the future.

I believe the problem is not with what the children do nearly as much as why they are doing it.

 

[StickyFingers]

Actually in some places they are supposed to make requests for special clothing. It depends on the plan. And some states require the CP to provide the NCP with clothes if it is an every other weekend arrangement.

Like I said in my previous post....I don't see why anyone would not send all that a child might/would need when going on a overnight visit!

Not much of a difference in whether it is aunt, grandma,....or NCP.....

Just as your signature says....Love your child more....

 

[justalayman]

Well so much for opinion.

Apparently there is no parenting plan in place and this apparently was not addressed in the child custody dealings so..

OP is not obligated to provide anything at this point.

It sounds like a good time to consider a parenting plan to settle this, as well as any other problems that have come about.

Not much of a difference in whether it is aunt, grandma,....or NCP.....

This is where I respectfully disagree. I believe there is a HUGE difference between a parent and an aunt or g-ma or a friend or anybody else, both legally and morally. I'm sorry you see a NCP visitation as less than what it is and that due to that, the children are exposed to unrealistic expectations. Hopefully NCP enforces rules and discipline as a father and not as an aunt, g-ma, or a friend would.

 

[StickyFingers]

If not making one feel like they are at home when with dad is a positive, I will agree with you. My children knew they had two homes, both of which they had their belongings and felt "at home" in either place. If they need to bring stuff, then it is a vacation or "visit" rather than staying at their other home. Staying with me was not a vacation or visit but a continuation of their life, merely in a different home. They continued to have responsiblities, just like at their other home, which when on vacation, I would never expect of any visitor. It is simply a mind set that I find as setting both parents up for trouble in the future. The old, "I never have to do (that) at dads house. I want to go stay with him" and such. Unrealsitic expectations

I understand your point of view.

I don't necessarily disagree...except with this...

I believe the problem is not with what the children do nearly as much as why they are doing it.

This statement... IMO...Has to be qualified.

First...We have no idea how old the children are.

And also how much influence they are under....

Heck, The poster hasn't been back yet....We may never know!

 

[StickyFingers]

This is where I respectfully disagree. I believe there is a HUGE difference between a parent and an aunt or g-ma or a friend or anybody else, both legally and morally. I'm sorry you see a NCP visitation as less than what it is and that due to that, the children are exposed to unrealistic expectations. Hopefully NCP enforces rules and discipline as a father and not as an aunt, g-ma, or a friend would.

I am sorry...Maybe you misunderstood.

Although you may see a difference ...as far as what to send on an overnight pertaining to who the child has an overnight with**************and have higher expectations from a NCP....My point is that no one should.

Just as no CP should bank on that child support check comming through...

Independence is what I am explaining...Send the clothes that your child needs with them, if you think the NCP won't provide. If you get them back....cool!

If you don't....then at least you know that you child will have clothes at NCP's house when you send them next time!

Better to have your child(ren) provided for....then have them lacking.

Just my opinion.

 

[Tautog]

Thanks for all the replies...

To add a little more info...

I have some clothes for her at Grandma & Grandpa's in addition to all the clothes they buy her, really Grandma buys her alot of clothes so it's not even an issue when she stays with them.

We've been divorced for about a year and he's always had his own set of clothes for her. Now that she's starting to outgrow those clothes he thinks that since he pays child support, clothes at his house should come out of the child support payments.

What he pays for in child support doesn't come near to 1/2 of what it costs to provide shelter/food/clothing/etc here, and he asked me to set aside $200 from the child support payments to buy "summer clothes" for his house. (basically 1/2 of a months payment)

The court order does not stipulate that I have to provide when she goes over and it's never been an issue for the year and a half that we've been separated, until now. (I don't mind sending clothes but I've never done so in the past, why start now?) When she's older and starts to dress herself and wants to take her own clothes, I have no problem with that, at all. But is he right in saying that clothes should be provided for his house since he pays child support?

(she is 4 years old)

Thanks Again!

 

[Tautog]

If not making one feel like they are at home when with dad is a positive, I will agree with you. My children knew they had two homes, both of which they had their belongings and felt "at home" in either place. If they need to bring stuff, then it is a vacation or "visit" rather than staying at their other home. Staying with me was not a vacation or visit but a continuation of their life, merely in a different home. They continued to have responsiblities, just like at their other home, which when on vacation, I would never expect of any visitor. It is simply a mind set that I find as setting both parents up for trouble in the future. The old, "I never have to do (that) at dads house. I want to go stay with him" and such. Unrealsitic expectations.

In the OP's situation, it appears to be an attempt at manipulation. As many know, if you give in without justification now, you often are expected to give in in the future. OP needs to be careful this is not the beginning of many "gives" in the future.

I believe the problem is not with what the children do nearly as much as why they are doing it.

I've always and still do tell her that she has two homes and she often says that she has two homes, "here and at daddy's".

(off topic)
Everything I do is for the betterment in life for my daughter and me. I give him at least weekly updates to how she's doing and he calls her at least once during the week so he knows what's going on with her.
I feel dad has always tried to meddle in my life and always uses the line, "well she's my daughter and if it involves her then it involves me". Granted it's true but I feel as though he's trying to keep tabs on me and using her as his manner of manipulation. When he uses his "line" it's when he asks about my personal life. Where do I draw the line?

 

[justalayman]

I've always and still do tell her that she has two homes and she often says that she has two homes, "here and at daddy's".

QUOTE]

my rantings were not pointed at you. I (and a few others) took over your thread. I apologize for that. I was trying to state very simply that I believed your ex may be attempting to manipulate you rather than asking something because he felt it was fair or correct and it ran from there.

Sorry about that.

Since you are the person involved, nobody can really see what all is happening other than you. I simply suggest being cautious to not allow yourself to be manipulated. If it is not a big deal to offer the clothes, it may be simpler to do so but again I caution you to be careful this is not the beginning, or continuation of, him manipulating you.

Ohiogal has a good signature line:

Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.

 

[Tautog]

justalayman, Thanks, I appreciate your comments and everybody else's tremendously. (I quoted you but I wanted to quote Stickyfingers "This statement... IMO...Has to be qualified. First...We have no idea how old the children are. And also how much influence they are under.... Heck, The poster hasn't been back yet....We may never know!" so I wanted to add to the thread and shed some light in my situation.

You are right though, if I give in now, who's to say he's not going to ask for "fall, winter and spring clothes" for years on end.

Until I prove to him otherwise, his impression is that since he pays child support, clothes at his house is my responsibility as well.

Just a FYI, he is also a big advocate of, "if I bought it, it stays here".

 

[GrowUp!]

and how do you suggest that this is even possible? The NCP has no duty to inform the CP of activities planned, or really anything else for that matter. How can the CP send "proper" clothing? If dad wants clothes at the house (wich, if he is any sort of dad, he will) then he needs to go out and buy some clothes for HIS daughter.

Picky picky picky. Unless one is that retarded they can't look at a weather forecast to know what to pack...If it's going to be 95 damn degrees, then packing a cableknit turtleneck would NOT be proper.

 

[justalayman]

Picky picky picky. If it's going to be 95 damn degrees, then packing a cableknit turtleneck would NOT be proper. Unless one is that retarded they can't look at a weather forecast...

I was thinking more along the lines of beachwear if going to the lake or a pool, dress clothes if going to church or a restaraunt that required such clothing, or overalls if child was helping with lawn work or working on the car and such and any other situation where a unique type of dress is required/preferred.

In other words; specialty clothing. It was nothing to do with weather conditions unless dad intends on taking the youngster skiing and resides in Houston, Texas.

 

[LdiJ]

It actually depends on your state guidelines and the type of child support calculation that is done. If you are in one of the states where the ncp gets a generous credit for parenting time, then dad is really obligated to provide for the child on his time, and that includes clothing.

If you are not in a state that gives generous parenting time credits, then its likely that you are obligated to pack a bag.

One solution (and I think someone else mentioned it) is to go to goodwill and get a supply of clothing for them to keep at dad's house.

 

[bugsmom18]

I would suggest Googling your state laws. In my state, it was actually listed out that the CP must provide everything the child would need (down to a toothbrush/paste) for the NCP visits. If your ex decides to keep this issue as a big deal, you want to know for sure what you're required, if anything, to provide.

Now even though that may be the case for MY state, I do not provide anything unless my ex asks for something. He keeps clothes, shoes, coats, etc. AND he has her EOW. I'm also on the other side of the fence as we do not get anything for my stepDD at our house. But even if something was sent, we wouldn't need it. Our house is her house and we want her to feel like it's home and not a place to visit. So she has her own wardrobe, toys, room, etc. What's funnier is that her mom will ask US for clothes for special occasions, etc. And we have her EOW and one during the week and my DH pays her substantial child support. Go figure....