Please Help! I want custody of girls who live in another state!

[Mom234]

reply

just curious...

do any of you have any type of legal training/education?

 

[stealth2]

I'll let the others speak for themselves. I have no formal legal education - but plenty of practical experience.

 

[tigger22472]

just curious...

do any of you have any type of legal training/education?

I also have practical use but in school now with 'pre-law' studies and then it's off to full-fledged law school.

I have read enough cases, done enough research, seen enough examples to know you have a chance closer to none then slim of gaining custody. AND, as Stealth mentioned you will need a lawyer from HI, EVEN just to consult because a NY attorney is not going to know HI law and to research it is going to cost even more time and money, two things you would be better off spending on a move back to your children.

 

[legalcuriosity]

just curious...

do any of you have any type of legal training/education?

This question ALWAYS gets asked when the person doesn't get the answers they're looking for.

Never fails.

Go ahead, spend a few grand and find a lawyer who will tell you what you want to hear. Then, come back and tell us how it went.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Dear Mom234, don't take offense to people on here. I have been reading these pages and questions for 2 months now and have learned a tremendous amount on here! There are a couple of people on here that seem to post (ask) stupid questions - (and I am probably one of them.) But, it's not a $200/hr attorney that you are speaking to either! Some have legal courses, others have 'world' courses, like me! We have all learned from our own battles in court! My first court battle was an eye opener! I only WISH I had taken law courses because this stuff is like a foreign language!

Just do the best you can to learn all you can!

As far as what you have chosen in your and your childrens' lives, I CAN tell you this, I agree with what the previous people have told you. I have learned first hand - when I tried to move away when I was going through my divorce - my attorney said "If you move, you may surrender custody to him because this county is where the court's jurisdiction is" - so I STAYED RIGHT here in the court's jurisdiction and didn't move.

I hate to break it to you, but you now you would HAVE to prove him as being an abusive father(etc) in order to move them to where you live.
I agree with them - no judge is going to say that you put your children's best interests ahead of your own when YOU decided to leave your family and move to be with your boyfriend.
And - I know what threats are - he threatened to call the cops if you took them out of state - well, you had EQUAL rights to them at that point because there was NO court order - you AND he had EQUAL rights to that child and you both could take them wherever you wanted to!- He just used that so you would leave without the child(ren)!
So, that was your second mistake - your first one being that you walked out on your kids!
You, as a MOTHER, should have stayed with your kids long enough to consult with an attorney and found out that if you left them there, ESPECIALLY to leave your exhusband for another man, that you could be losing your kids forever.
And - on the topic of finances.... You are working two jobs in order to 1) pay child support 2) pay for AIRFARE (EXPENSIVE!) to see your kids! 3) housing in NY (which HAS to be expensive!) - you would be LOADS BETTER off moving back to where your kids are, getting a parttime job there - or 2 jobs like you have now and beign CLOSE TO YOUr KIDS!! What part of being a MOM doesn't jive here?
Money isn't everything.. go back to your kids - they are only going to be around for 18 years and then there are going to college and starting their owns lives, so get back to your kids and see them as MUCH as you can!!! If you move back NOW - like LAST week - you have a shot at least of seeing them a lot more! You don't have to settle on seeing them every summer and holidays - gees! You can see them at a soccer game or a football game or the afternoon of their proms if you live in the same town instead of email and pictures!!! THINK about it - you will be right down the road from them if they need you. What happens now if they get put in the hospital - you would have to be able to AFFORD an airline ticket!!!
NEVERMIND _ this is crazy even to ME! If you want to be with your kids, go be with your kids - don't ask us if we think you might be able to prove to the courts that you deserve them when their father and his fiancee are the ones doing all of the work! It's like being a manager... you have to step up to the plate when you are an underdog and prove that you are management material BEFORE they will give you the manager job! .... You have to be the one doing the taking care of the kids before they will let you have them - and especially before they will let you move them out of the home that is currently taking care of them! Look up on the internet about custody cases - they will ask you to list who does the cleaning, the cooking, who feeds the kids, and who baths them etc - so, you answer those questions - WHO does that? I'm not being mean to you because I am a Mom too - I'm just pointing out the way the judge looks at it!

 

[LdiJ]

Dear Mom234, don't take offense to people on here. I have been reading these pages and questions for 2 months now and have learned a tremendous amount on here! There are a couple of people on here that seem to post (ask) stupid questions - (and I am probably one of them.) But, it's not a $200/hr attorney that you are speaking to either! Some have legal courses, others have 'world' courses, like me! We have all learned from our own battles in court! My first court battle was an eye opener! I only WISH I had taken law courses because this stuff is like a foreign language!

Just do the best you can to learn all you can!

As far as what you have chosen in your and your childrens' lives, I CAN tell you this, I agree with what the previous people have told you. I have learned first hand - when I tried to move away when I was going through my divorce - my attorney said "If you move, you may surrender custody to him because this county is where the court's jurisdiction is" - so I STAYED RIGHT here in the court's jurisdiction and didn't move.

I hate to break it to you, but you now you would HAVE to prove him as being an abusive father(etc) in order to move them to where you live.
I agree with them - no judge is going to say that you put your children's best interests ahead of your own when YOU decided to leave your family and move to be with your boyfriend.
And - I know what threats are - he threatened to call the cops if you took them out of state - well, you had EQUAL rights to them at that point because there was NO court order - you AND he had EQUAL rights to that child and you both could take them wherever you wanted to!- He just used that so you would leave without the child(ren)!
So, that was your second mistake - your first one being that you walked out on your kids!
You, as a MOTHER, should have stayed with your kids long enough to consult with an attorney and found out that if you left them there, ESPECIALLY to leave your exhusband for another man, that you could be losing your kids forever.
And - on the topic of finances.... You are working two jobs in order to 1) pay child support 2) pay for AIRFARE (EXPENSIVE!) to see your kids! 3) housing in NY (which HAS to be expensive!) - you would be LOADS BETTER off moving back to where your kids are, getting a parttime job there - or 2 jobs like you have now and beign CLOSE TO YOUr KIDS!! What part of being a MOM doesn't jive here?
Money isn't everything.. go back to your kids - they are only going to be around for 18 years and then there are going to college and starting their owns lives, so get back to your kids and see them as MUCH as you can!!! If you move back NOW - like LAST week - you have a shot at least of seeing them a lot more! You don't have to settle on seeing them every summer and holidays - gees! You can see them at a soccer game or a football game or the afternoon of their proms if you live in the same town instead of email and pictures!!! THINK about it - you will be right down the road from them if they need you. What happens now if they get put in the hospital - you would have to be able to AFFORD an airline ticket!!!
NEVERMIND _ this is crazy even to ME! If you want to be with your kids, go be with your kids - don't ask us if we think you might be able to prove to the courts that you deserve them when their father and his fiancee are the ones doing all of the work! It's like being a manager... you have to step up to the plate when you are an underdog and prove that you are management material BEFORE they will give you the manager job! .... You have to be the one doing the taking care of the kids before they will let you have them - and especially before they will let you move them out of the home that is currently taking care of them! Look up on the internet about custody cases - they will ask you to list who does the cleaning, the cooking, who feeds the kids, and who baths them etc - so, you answer those questions - WHO does that? I'm not being mean to you because I am a Mom too - I'm just pointing out the way the judge looks at it!

Kudos to you...that was very well said.