Quick Holiday qeustion

[mommabearx1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia
My CO says that all major Holidays are to be split as parties agree (and then names holidays) I have asked my XH a few difernt times how he wants to do the splitting whether it be alternating years or splitting the day. The last time I asked him in person he said since our daughter wasn't allowed around certain people in his family then it she would not be able to visit for Thanksgiving. I called him over the weekend to double check his decision and he hasn't returned my phone call yet. But if he decides this can I be held in contempt for not encouraging a relationship with his family for the holidays?
Thank you in advance!!

 

[Isis1]

woohoo! you fixed it!!!

okay, if that is the way your court order is written, then you can't be held in contempt. i think it's poorly written, but that's me.

is there a restraining order on some of his family members involving the children?

 

[mommabearx1]

woohoo! you fixed it!!!

okay, if that is the way your court order is written, then you can't be held in contempt. i think it's poorly written, but that's me.

is there a restraining order on some of his family members involving the children?

Well I just assumed (fool that is me) we would have been able to agree to share the holidays. There isnt a restraining order however in our CO it specifically states our daughter is to have no contact with my XH's sister-in-law. He argued in court that there would not be anyway to have holidays with our child because they do a big family thing and his mother said the same thing, they couldn'e exclude on member of the family just because of our daughter. And the judge absolutely no contact. So he said unlesss they end doing something at his Gf's family's house then he wouldn't be able to get her.

 

[Isis1]

Well I just assumed (fool that is me) we would have been able to agree to share the holidays. There isnt a restraining order however in our CO it specifically states our daughter is to have no contact with my XH's sister-in-law. He argued in court that there would not be anyway to have holidays with our child because they do a big family thing and his mother said the same thing, they couldn'e exclude on member of the family just because of our daughter. And the judge absolutely no contact. So he said unlesss they end doing something at his Gf's family's house then he wouldn't be able to get her.

so let me get this straight....dad would rather go to mommy's house to eat and spend the day without his daughter, then spend the day with his daughter and do something at home?

 

[mommabearx1]

so let me get this straight....dad would rather go to mommy's house to eat and spend the day without his daughter, then spend the day with his daughter and do something at home?

Unfortunely yes. At this point he isn't sure if he is even getting her this weekend because they have famly plans with eveyone. But I won't know that until Friday.

 

[Isis1]

Unfortunely yes. At this point he isn't sure if he is even getting her this weekend because they have famly plans with eveyone. But I won't know that until Friday.

from the looks of it, dad said no. he denied himself, not you denying him. you have no legal worries.

 

[LdiJ]

from the looks of it, dad said no. he denied himself, not you denying him. you have no legal worries.

I agree, you have no legal worries.

 

[onebreath]

Do you two email, or, can you email him? I would hope there is a way you can document this occasion so dad can't come back later and say you have not been fair around holidays...or makes up some story about this Thanksgiving. Sounds like you are more than reasonable as to letting him call the shots as to HOW to share holidays. I would just want you to have this documented...if you can email send a business like email stating your understanding as to this Thanksgiving is ______ and therefore you will have daughter this Thanksgiving holiday.

Have you two been able to make any agreements around upcoming Christmas holiday? After Tgiving, I would go ahead and email or send a letter, ask him to write back with his preferences.

For the future, I would try hard to establish email contact so that there is a paper trail.

onebreath

 

[mommabearx1]

Do you two email, or, can you email him? I would hope there is a way you can document this occasion so dad can't come back later and say you have not been fair around holidays...or makes up some story about this Thanksgiving. Sounds like you are more than reasonable as to letting him call the shots as to HOW to share holidays. I would just want you to have this documented...if you can email send a business like email stating your understanding as to this Thanksgiving is ______ and therefore you will have daughter this Thanksgiving holiday.

Have you two been able to make any agreements around upcoming Christmas holiday? After Tgiving, I would go ahead and email or send a letter, ask him to write back with his preferences.

For the future, I would try hard to establish email contact so that there is a paper trail.

onebreath

No he won't use a computer, I'm not sure he even has access to one, but I could be wrong. I did finally get a call last night and he is totally forgoing the holiday itself, and I did explain that this in no way shape or form did this mean I would be forgoing next Thanksgiving. However her brother will be coming over to eat dinner with us so he can see her. His mom called last night also and we try and get them together as much as possible!!
I did ask him to go ahead and start thinking about our plans for Christmas, and he said did have some idea already of his plans so we are working at that, but again he said it depends on how his "family" plans go because they have certain traditions regarding Christmas Eve and having their get together then. I told him not a problem as long as SIL wasn't go to be in attentedence let me know the times. He oh she will be there, I can't ask her not to come, which of course sent me into a rage, so I just got off the phone as quickly as I could. And yes I documents everything, I know it's not in an email but it's the only way I have got at this point

Thanks for everyone's replies!! And have a GREAT THANKSGIVING!!

 

[Just Blue]

Just out of curiosity...Why isn't SIL allowed near your daughter??

 

[mommabearx1]

Just out of curiosity...Why isn't SIL allowed near your daughter??

Because I asked that she not be allowed around our daughter. She and I had a horrible relationship and I was able to prove through emails and voicemails over a three year period, where she " vowed to destroy my relationship with my daughter" She also had a few restraining orders on her from her own family members for physical abuse. With the above quoted remark made numerous times in emails and on voicemails, the judge said oh no, and pointed out at the time she wasn't even married to my XH's brother she was simply a GF and even if she did marry into that family no contact would be allowed.
After that court date I had all 4 tires slashed on my truck, my windshield smashed in and the headlights smashed out, and some lovely words painted on my hood. She then called and left another message on my home phone asking how did I like how she decorated my new truck. She isn't to bright. So I would prefer to not have her anywhere near our daughter.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

This woman was your ex's brother's GF?!?! Yikees. You'd think that people would have better things to do with their time than hassle their boyfriend's brother's wife. What'd you do to tick her off?

By the way, mommabear, you're not the only one wearing egg on her face after the whole hunting thing last week. My brother broke the safety on his gun this weekend, kept hunting with the gun with the broken safety, and ended up breaking his nose when the gun accidentally went off, kicked back, and hit him in the face. I don't disagree that hunting can be dangerous, especially when precautions are NOT taken. No hard feelings?

 

[Humusluvr]

No he won't use a computer, I'm not sure he even has access to one, but I could be wrong. I did finally get a call last night and he is totally forgoing the holiday itself, and I did explain that this in no way shape or form did this mean I would be forgoing next Thanksgiving. However her brother will be coming over to eat dinner with us so he can see her. His mom called last night also and we try and get them together as much as possible!!
I did ask him to go ahead and start thinking about our plans for Christmas, and he said did have some idea already of his plans so we are working at that, but again he said it depends on how his "family" plans go because they have certain traditions regarding Christmas Eve and having their get together then. I told him not a problem as long as SIL wasn't go to be in attentedence let me know the times. He oh she will be there, I can't ask her not to come, which of course sent me into a rage, so I just got off the phone as quickly as I could. And yes I documents everything, I know it's not in an email but it's the only way I have got at this point

Thanks for everyone's replies!! And have a GREAT THANKSGIVING!!

IMHO - Stop pushing him. You can't make him be any less of a schmuck for choosing this "family tradition" over his daughter. I think its super crappy, but its also super telling of his priorities.

Just consider it bonus time with your daughter. Time that is drama free. Time that is not stressful on her. WHAT A BLESSING!

Your court order wording is great, in my opinion. You can't be held in contempt for his craptastic decisions. So let him give up his time. Its his choice.

 

[mommabearx1]

This woman was your ex's brother's GF?!?! Yikees. You'd think that people would have better things to do with their time than hassle their boyfriend's brother's wife. What'd you do to tick her off?

By the way, mommabear, you're not the only one wearing egg on her face after the whole hunting thing last week. My brother broke the safety on his gun this weekend, kept hunting with the gun with the broken safety, and ended up breaking his nose when the gun accidentally went off, kicked back, and hit him in the face. I don't disagree that hunting can be dangerous, especially when precautions are NOT taken. No hard feelings?

According to her I thought I was better than her, which I AM!!

OMG your poor brother!! Oh no, no hard feelings. Not a good day on my part SO I APOLOGIZE!!

 

[mommabearx1]

IMHO - Stop pushing him. You can't make him be any less of a schmuck for choosing this "family tradition" over his daughter. I think its super crappy, but its also super telling of his priorities.

Just consider it bonus time with your daughter. Time that is drama free. Time that is not stressful on her. WHAT A BLESSING!

Your court order wording is great, in my opinion. You can't be held in contempt for his craptastic decisions. So let him give up his time. Its his choice.

Yeah that's why I just got off the phone last night. It's not even worth me wasting my breath. Thanks Eveyrone