Regarding parenting plans/parenting time

[coloradocowgirl]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

My soon-to-be-ex and I are in the process of getting divorced; we will be going to mediation for a few unresolved issues; both of us are pro se. We have a daughter who is just shy of 3 years old. I have a few questions regarding parenting plans/parental responsibilities:

1. I have been the primary caretaker of our daughter. I have done the majority of dropping her off and picking her up from daycare. I was a part-time stay-at-home Mother for a while. When my husband worked nights, our daughter was my responsibility. Will this be factored in when considering the division of parenting time?

2. We do not have a temporary parenting plan in place while we work out the details of the divorce. We had a "verbal agreement" that we were working with, but that plan hasn't worked out. First he needed a break after work, so couldn't take our daughter in accordance with the verbal agreement (which was initially 3 nights, knocking it down to 2). Then he needed to work more so could I please watch her more (which I agreed to; knocking it down to 1 night a week). We returned to the "verbal agreement" plan (3 nights), and our daughter did *not* handle that well. When I tried to discuss her reactions, he wouldn't listen. Now he is saying that I *have* to adhere to the verbal agreement or he will call the police and have them force me to give our daughter to him. I have already confirmed that the police won't touch that situation (outside of their jurisdiction), but my question is, will the court take into account his behavior regarding the informal agreement? How negatively will it reflect on me if I refuse to give him our daughter for the informally agreed on time of 3 days? Will the court take into account the reactions our daughter has had to the 3 days with her Dad? Additionally, if he does call the police and try to have them take our daughter, will the court take that kind of radical action into consideration and might that impact the decision?

3. I have serious concerns about standing up to him and then him taking off with our daughter. In the event that happens, is there any legal recourse at this point? Keeping in mind that we are both legally her parents, and no court ordered agreement regarding parenting time, at this point.

4. With regards to child support payments, he has said that he wants to pay the daycare directly. Because finances and financial obligations have been such a trial with him, I want an income assignment (he has not been reliable about contributing to her daycare expenses since we seperated) through the family support registry. Basically I don't want to bear the responsibility of prying money from him. Is the court likely to authorize him making payments to the daycare directly?

5. I intend on utilizing the child support worksheet and asking for the recommended amount of child support. How likely will it be that the court adheres to that? I know that my soon-to-be-ex would prefer not to pay child support at all.

Any thoughts you have would be appreciated!

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

My soon-to-be-ex and I are in the process of getting divorced; we will be going to mediation for a few unresolved issues; both of us are pro se. We have a daughter who is just shy of 3 years old. I have a few questions regarding parenting plans/parental responsibilities:

1. I have been the primary caretaker of our daughter. I have done the majority of dropping her off and picking her up from daycare. I was a part-time stay-at-home Mother for a while. When my husband worked nights, our daughter was my responsibility. Will this be factored in when considering the division of parenting time?

Yes.

2. We do not have a temporary parenting plan in place while we work out the details of the divorce. We had a "verbal agreement" that we were working with, but that plan hasn't worked out. First he needed a break after work, so couldn't take our daughter in accordance with the verbal agreement (which was initially 3 nights, knocking it down to 2). Then he needed to work more so could I please watch her more (which I agreed to; knocking it down to 1 night a week). We returned to the "verbal agreement" plan (3 nights), and our daughter did *not* handle that well. When I tried to discuss her reactions, he wouldn't listen. Now he is saying that I *have* to adhere to the verbal agreement or he will call the police and have them force me to give our daughter to him. I have already confirmed that the police won't touch that situation (outside of their jurisdiction), but my question is, will the court take into account his behavior regarding the informal agreement? How negatively will it reflect on me if I refuse to give him our daughter for the informally agreed on time of 3 days? Will the court take into account the reactions our daughter has had to the 3 days with her Dad? Additionally, if he does call the police and try to have them take our daughter, will the court take that kind of radical action into consideration and might that impact the decision?

No, the court will not concern itself with the "reactions" your child has had to Dad. It's normal. Yes, you should give the child to him for the informally agreed-upon 3 days. You're likely to end up with close to 50/50 anyway. May as well work with it starting now. No, the court won't care much about his initial problems: everyone has initial problems. What will matter is that he settled into a pattern.

If he does call the cops about a verbal agreement, they will mock him. To his face.

3. I have serious concerns about standing up to him and then him taking off with our daughter. In the event that happens, is there any legal recourse at this point? Keeping in mind that we are both legally her parents, and no court ordered agreement regarding parenting time, at this point.

Not much legal recourse. He likely won't take off with her. That'd be a lot of work!

4. With regards to child support payments, he has said that he wants to pay the daycare directly. Because finances and financial obligations have been such a trial with him, I want an income assignment (he has not been reliable about contributing to her daycare expenses since we seperated) through the family support registry. Basically I don't want to bear the responsibility of prying money from him. Is the court likely to authorize him making payments to the daycare directly?

Yes. It causes a lot of problems when the paying parent can't "see" where the money is going. Day care is particularly problematic because often friends or family provides the "daycare" and NCP knows s/he is being screwed.

5. I intend on utilizing the child support worksheet and asking for the recommended amount of child support. How likely will it be that the court adheres to that? I know that my soon-to-be-ex would prefer not to pay child support at all.
Any thoughts you have would be appreciated!

CO courts exhibit, in each instance I have seen, absolute adherence to the CS worksheet.

 

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

My soon-to-be-ex and I are in the process of getting divorced; we will be going to mediation for a few unresolved issues; both of us are pro se. We have a daughter who is just shy of 3 years old. I have a few questions regarding parenting plans/parental responsibilities:

1. I have been the primary caretaker of our daughter. I have done the majority of dropping her off and picking her up from daycare. I was a part-time stay-at-home Mother for a while. When my husband worked nights, our daughter was my responsibility. Will this be factored in when considering the division of parenting time?

could be, should be

2. We do not have a temporary parenting plan in place while we work out the details of the divorce. We had a "verbal agreement" that we were working with, but that plan hasn't worked out. First he needed a break after work, so couldn't take our daughter in accordance with the verbal agreement (which was initially 3 nights, knocking it down to 2). Then he needed to work more so could I please watch her more (which I agreed to; knocking it down to 1 night a week). We returned to the "verbal agreement" plan (3 nights), and our daughter did *not* handle that well. When I tried to discuss her reactions, he wouldn't listen. Now he is saying that I *have* to adhere to the verbal agreement or he will call the police and have them force me to give our daughter to him. I have already confirmed that the police won't touch that situation (outside of their jurisdiction), but my question is, will the court take into account his behavior regarding the informal agreement?

you really don't have proof of the agreement

How negatively will it reflect on me if I refuse to give him our daughter for the informally agreed on time of 3 days?

denying dad time, with both of you knowing court is looming would not be a good idea if at all avoidable

Will the court take into account the reactions our daughter has had to the 3 days with her Dad?

for that to best be considered you should have a GAL for your child

Additionally, if he does call the police and try to have them take our daughter, will the court take that kind of radical action into consideration and might that impact the decision?

it could- and the decision could go either way


3. I have serious concerns about standing up to him and then him taking off with our daughter. In the event that happens, is there any legal recourse at this point? Keeping in mind that we are both legally her parents, and no court ordered agreement regarding parenting time, at this point.

you want some sort of order from the court asap so that this is actionable immediately

4. With regards to child support payments, he has said that he wants to pay the daycare directly. Because finances and financial obligations have been such a trial with him, I want an income assignment (he has not been reliable about contributing to her daycare expenses since we seperated) through the family support registry. Basically I don't want to bear the responsibility of prying money from him. Is the court likely to authorize him making payments to the daycare directly?

some times they do, but most of the time it is bundled in with cs

5. I intend on utilizing the child support worksheet and asking for the recommended amount of child support. How likely will it be that the court adheres to that? I know that my soon-to-be-ex would prefer not to pay child support at all.

the court needs a good reason to deviate from the guideline usually

Any thoughts you have would be appreciated!

good luck, you guys may want to try mediation or adr to see if you can come up with an arrangement you can agree on before really wading into the court stuff

 

[Silverplum]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=370093

 

[coloradocowgirl]

Yes.

No, the court will not concern itself with the "reactions" your child has had to Dad. It's normal. Yes, you should give the child to him for the informally agreed-upon 3 days. You're likely to end up with close to 50/50 anyway. May as well work with it starting now. No, the court won't care much about his initial problems: everyone has initial problems. What will matter is that he settled into a pattern.

If he does call the cops about a verbal agreement, they will mock him. To his face.

Not much legal recourse. He likely won't take off with her. That'd be a lot of work!

Yes. It causes a lot of problems when the paying parent can't "see" where the money is going. Day care is particularly problematic because often friends or family provides the "daycare" and NCP knows s/he is being screwed.

CO courts exhibit, in each instance I have seen, absolute adherence to the CS worksheet.

Thank you.

 

[coloradocowgirl]

good luck, you guys may want to try mediation or adr to see if you can come up with an arrangement you can agree on before really wading into the court stuff

Thank you. We do have mediation scheduled, but it will be a month before our first mediation date.

 

[nextwife]

1. I have been the primary caretaker of our daughter. I have done the majority of dropping her off and picking her up from daycare. I was a part-time stay-at-home Mother for a while. When my husband worked nights, our daughter was my responsibility. Will this be factored in when considering the division of parenting time?

Depends. How long ago was this? Has a different status quo been the case for some time? If you and he have been doing something different now for a while, what you once did is now irrelevant.

Example: My daughter was cared for by the orphanage her first two years, her next year I was primary caregiver, but for the past six, hubby and I have both been caregivers. So what was the case back when doesn't now matter, does it?

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

My soon-to-be-ex and I are in the process of getting divorced; we will be going to mediation for a few unresolved issues; both of us are pro se. We have a daughter who is just shy of 3 years old. I have a few questions regarding parenting plans/parental responsibilities:

1. I have been the primary caretaker of our daughter. I have done the majority of dropping her off and picking her up from daycare. I was a part-time stay-at-home Mother for a while. When my husband worked nights, our daughter was my responsibility. Will this be factored in when considering the division of parenting time?

Only if he still works nights, regardless, the expectation will be that his parenting time will be worked around his work schedule or yours.

2. We do not have a temporary parenting plan in place while we work out the details of the divorce. We had a "verbal agreement" that we were working with, but that plan hasn't worked out. First he needed a break after work, so couldn't take our daughter in accordance with the verbal agreement (which was initially 3 nights, knocking it down to 2). Then he needed to work more so could I please watch her more (which I agreed to; knocking it down to 1 night a week). We returned to the "verbal agreement" plan (3 nights), and our daughter did *not* handle that well. When I tried to discuss her reactions, he wouldn't listen.

could be a factor in how parenting time is decided by the Court, but generally the expectation is that all kids will have some transition issues


Now he is saying that I *have* to adhere to the verbal agreement or he will call the police and have them force me to give our daughter to him.

he is funny!.. cops won't do anything like that


I have already confirmed that the police won't touch that situation (outside of their jurisdiction), but my question is, will the court take into account his behavior regarding the informal agreement? How negatively will it reflect on me if I refuse to give him our daughter for the informally agreed on time of 3 days?

this is where it gets sticky, if the Court's orders 50% parenting time (assuming mediation does not work), then she will be spending 3-4 nights a week with him. I think anything you can do to encourage your daughter spending time with him is a good thing for your daugther and may be eventually what happens. Till the issue is resolved, see if you can talk him into a graduated schedule, 1 night a week for a few weeks, then 2, then 3 etc.


Will the court take into account the reactions our daughter has had to the 3 days with her Dad?
Depends on how "bad" those reactions are, if she is regressing tremendously etc then yes, they may appoint a CFI, if it is normal separation anxiety, and has only happened so far with the 3 days, probably not, again the key is a graduated schedule, so that your daughter will get used to things. My daugther who was also 3 when she started spending ovenights with Dad (and Dad had been gone for 75% of her life) had the same issues, which are much better now.

Additionally, if he does call the police and try to have them take our daughter, will the court take that kind of radical action into consideration and might that impact the decision?

Probably not a whole lot of weight will be given to it.

3. I have serious concerns about standing up to him and then him taking off with our daughter. In the event that happens, is there any legal recourse at this point? Keeping in mind that we are both legally her parents, and no court ordered agreement regarding parenting time, at this point.
not much you can do, unless you get temporary orders, if you are really concerned about kidnapping, then try and get temporary orders ASAP, better that than the alternative (they I would highly advise an attorney). But think carefully whether they are true fears or more a result of the separation anxiety about your daugther (which is perfectly normal)

4. With regards to child support payments, he has said that he wants to pay the daycare directly. Because finances and financial obligations have been such a trial with him, I want an income assignment (he has not been reliable about contributing to her daycare expenses since we seperated) through the family support registry. Basically I don't want to bear the responsibility of prying money from him. Is the court likely to authorize him making payments to the daycare directly?

He can pay the daycare portion directly to them and CS through the family support registry, you can ask the Court's (if you get to Court ie) to authorize both payments through family support because of his history of non payment and the consequences that can have on the daycare issue. again if you are in mediation, and cannot afford an attorney, you need to try and work things out.

5. I intend on utilizing the child support worksheet and asking for the recommended amount of child support. How likely will it be that the court adheres to that? I know that my soon-to-be-ex would prefer not to pay child support at all.

very strict adherence., CO courts do not mess around with CS. of course your ex does not want to pay cs, neither does mine

Any thoughts you have would be appreciated!

Good luck!

 

[profmum]

Thank you. We do have mediation scheduled, but it will be a month before our first mediation date.

I am in a very similar situation, my mediation is also scheduled a month out, in the interim I would encourage to set up some sort of a schedule for parenting time, a graduated one, that can play a factor in what eventually happens at mediation (Dad may realize a month later, he can only do 1-2 nights a week etc)