runaway teen

[xhaustd]

What is the name of your state? VA

My son ran away from home in Feb and stated he wanted to live with his dad. I have legal primary physical custody. He is an honor roll student, 14, and no longer wanted to follow my rules. Which were your basic, finish school work first before computer games, etc. Nothing really harsh. Do chores for allowance and such. We have a great relationship but he misses his dad and dads house has no rules. Since then, we have spent time together, he's been over to the house on weekends here and there, and even came over to surprise me on mothers day.
Since he's been at his fathers house, he recieved an F interim, a few of his grades dropped, and most of the times I call him, his father doesn't know where he is and he doesn't know where his father is. He told me him and his friends were throwing a ball back and forth across a major road and almost "accidentally" his a car. When I told his father about that, he didn't say anything to our son about it. I know cause I was there. Also since living there, our son has called me with medical problems, and for rides. Things his father should be taking care of since he now wants to live with him right. He never called his dad to take him anywhere when he was with me.
His father chose to be unemployed to go to school on his gi bill, he wanted money from me before we even went to court and stated if i don't pay him, our son will have to come back because he can't afford to feed him. I said thats fine, you tell him that. So needless to say, he is working somewhere, I don't know where and how much and how often. Things I am supposed to know according to our original support agreement.
So finally, I wonder given decrease in grades, playing with danger out in the road, (someone could have been seriously injured if a ball hit the windshield), he calls me when he is sick, his father was arrested before he moved over there for domestic violence, and missing school to oversleeping, could I have a chance and fighting for joint, shared custody and no one would have to pay child support. I dont' trust that the man will take the money and use it towards our son. He has gone from job to job, no retirement to speak of, no savings, and no health ins. I would be giving a huge chunk of money over. I only ask this because I heard that once you are 14 in VA you can state which parent you want to live with. I am just tryin to show that his father is incompetent and not caring for his son or watching over him as he should.

When this finally goes to court, and if I do have to pay child support, will I have to pay back pay from when my son ran away from home back in feb?
I still hold the papers that state I have legal physical custody. His father filed in april and we still have not settled yet.What is the name of your state?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? VA

My son ran away from home in Feb and stated he wanted to live with his dad.

Did you call the police and report him as a runaway?

I have legal primary physical custody. He is an honor roll student, 14, and no longer wanted to follow my rules. Which were your basic, finish school work first before computer games, etc. Nothing really harsh. Do chores for allowance and such. We have a great relationship but he misses his dad and dads house has no rules. Since then, we have spent time together, he's been over to the house on weekends here and there, and even came over to surprise me on mothers day.

And you have not told him he has to stay at your house? You have not told dad that he is violating the court order? You have not filed anything with the court to state that dad is interfering with your parental rights?

Since he's been at his fathers house, he recieved an F interim, a few of his grades dropped, and most of the times I call him, his father doesn't know where he is and he doesn't know where his father is. He told me him and his friends were throwing a ball back and forth across a major road and almost "accidentally" his a car. When I told his father about that, he didn't say anything to our son about it. I know cause I was there. Also since living there, our son has called me with medical problems, and for rides. Things his father should be taking care of since he now wants to live with him right. He never called his dad to take him anywhere when he was with me.

What does your court order state about who has legal custody?

His father chose to be unemployed to go to school on his gi bill, he wanted money from me before we even went to court and stated if i don't pay him, our son will have to come back because he can't afford to feed him. I said thats fine, you tell him that. So needless to say, he is working somewhere, I don't know where and how much and how often. Things I am supposed to know according to our original support agreement.

The original support agreement holds. As does the original custody order. However you dont' seem all that keen on following court orders. You seem to take them as suggestions and let your ex and your son take them as suggestions as well.

So finally, I wonder given decrease in grades, playing with danger out in the road, (someone could have been seriously injured if a ball hit the windshield), he calls me when he is sick, his father was arrested before he moved over there for domestic violence, and missing school to oversleeping, could I have a chance and fighting for joint, shared custody and no one would have to pay child support.

did dad file for custody? If not then you still have primary physical custody and can abide by that court order. however you have given your ex perfect opportunity to get joint based on status quo. and child support is a different issue. Just because there is joint custody doesn't mean no one pays child support.

I dont' trust that the man will take the money and use it towards our son. He has gone from job to job, no retirement to speak of, no savings, and no health ins. I would be giving a huge chunk of money over.

Oh really? According to what court order? And the court will order someone to pay child support. At which point whoever pays does NOT have a legal right to dictate.

I only ask this because I heard that once you are 14 in VA you can state which parent you want to live with.

And I heard little green men live on Mars and the moon is made of green cheese. What you heard has no legal basis. But okay then.

I am just tryin to show that his father is incompetent and not caring for his son or watching over him as he should.

And it would be easy to show that you are just as incompetent if not moreso for allowing your son to live with dad voluntarily. Hence dad is not that bad of a person to live with because you have been allowing it for quite a while. And don't even try to say your son would just run away again because that shows your lack of ability to parent and gives dad an even stronger basis for full custody. NOTHING YOU HAVE STATED rises to the level of being unfit (incompetent is a totally different legal idea and you have not reached that either) as a parent and all you have mentioned is nothing more than parenting differences.

When this finally goes to court, and if I do have to pay child support, will I have to pay back pay from when my son ran away from home back in feb?

Don't know. Dont know what your current order states. Most probably you will have to pay from the date of filing.

I still hold the papers that state I have legal physical custody. His father filed in april and we still have not settled yet.

Good for you. You haven't done anything to enforce them though and you have given junior permission to live with dad and dad permission to house junior. Look for dad to get primary physical custody based on YOUR actions.

 

[xhaustd]

i hear what you are saying

Did you call the police and report him as a runaway?

No because when I finally found out where he was, I told his dad he had better bring him back to me or I would call the police, so he brought him back.

And you have not told him he has to stay at your house? You have not told dad that he is violating the court order? You have not filed anything with the court to state that dad is interfering with your parental rights?

My son said he would run away if I made him come back. And if he couldn't live with his dad, he would just run away. Is it too late to file that his father is interfering with my parental rights?

The original support agreement holds. As does the original custody order. However you dont' seem all that keen on following court orders. You seem to take them as suggestions and let your ex and your son take them as suggestions as well.

No, i do care. I care a great deal about my son and his happiness. His happiness is more important than my need to be selfish right. Of course I would love to have him with me but he turned 14 and wanted to live with his dad. I was not willing considering his father decided to quit his job and go back to school full time.

did dad file for custody?

yes but it hasn't gotten to court yet.

And don't even try to say your son would just run away again because that shows your lack of ability to parent and gives dad an even stronger basis for full custody.

I don't think my son running away shows my lack of parenting. An honor roll student, socially active, polite. We still get along great. He just didn't want my rules anymore. Like I said, no rules at dads. Again, concerned about his happiness but also concerned about his care while with dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

No because when I finally found out where he was, I told his dad he had better bring him back to me or I would call the police, so he brought him back.

Then dad did the right thing.

My son said he would run away if I made him come back. And if he couldn't live with his dad, he would just run away. Is it too late to file that his father is interfering with my parental rights?

How? Dad brought him back. You apparently let him return to his father with your consent rather than telling your son if he did run away you would have taken in to juvenile court as an unruly child and if he had to sit in detention maybe he would learn that there were rules. Dad is not interfering with your parental rights since it appears that you consented to junior's threats.

No, i do care. I care a great deal about my son and his happiness. His happiness is more important than my need to be selfish right. Of course I would love to have him with me but he turned 14 and wanted to live with his dad. I was not willing considering his father decided to quit his job and go back to school full time.

But you let it go however about the court order. You took it as a suggestion and let it play as a suggestion and not an order that needed to be enforced. After five months it is going to be hard to now say you want to enforce it -- especially since dad filed for custody.

yes but it hasn't gotten to court yet.

And dad has status quo on his side now though because you did nothing in the courts to enforce the order before now. You allowing junior to stay with dad was not a smart move as it shows your consent of the situation.

I don't think my son running away shows my lack of parenting. An honor roll student, socially active, polite. We still get along great. He just didn't want my rules anymore. Like I said, no rules at dads. Again, concerned about his happiness but also concerned about his care while with dad.

Concerned about HAPPINESS? Sorry but kids are unhappy sometimes and they do not have a constitutional right to be happy all the time. It does show a lack of parenting when rather than laying down the law you let your son make the decision. In VA children get to choose at the AGE OF 18 where they want to live. In other words when they become an adult. Your son is a child. If you wanted him to have rules then you enforce the rules. YOU DO NOT ACT LIKE A FRIEND. You had a court order that you could have enforced. Trying to enforce it now is not going to play well with the judge. it is going to look vindictive because you have let junior to stay with dad under some misguided principle that sonny has to be happy rather than learning to live by rules. LIFE has rules. The real world has rules. How is he going to learn to follow them?
And yes this may be harsh but truthfully your reason is not going to hold water in court.