Should I Motion for Change

[huntingguy]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

Divorced 2012. Court order states mother and I have 50/50 shared custody/placement. Does not specify days or holidays in order. Mother has never had our son 50% of the time always less. In 2018 she had our son 23% of the time. I keep track. Some months she has only taken him 3 days. For the past few months now she has been taking him one or two days a week.

The days she takes him are all over the place and our son is 14 years old and needs a stable schedule. I decided to have a meeting with the three of us to discuss set days so court wouldn't be needed. She did nothing but cuss and swear at me in front of our son. Our son never got a word in except to say he would like to visit with her every Monday and some Sundays. He wanted to explain why but she would not let him speak. I understand two days a week is not half the time, but for the past four years she has never taken him half the time anyway. This year alone was ridiculous but it has been whenever she wanted she would pick him up. She never calls to ask to take him or to even talk to him on the phone and has let it be whenever our son calls and asks to come over for months now.

Ever since that meeting she has been texting me cussing and swearing and berating me. I do not respond. I am just saving them all. She is threatening court now and all of a sudden said she is picking our son up, exercising her shared placement and taking him for an entire week. Our son does not want to go at all. How can it go from 1-2 days a week and all of sudden now she wants 7 days straight because she is threatening court?

Do I file for change of placement? How much say does our son have? Will a GAL most likely be appointed? Can we skip mediation since she wouldn't even sit down to have a meeting already?

Thank you in advance.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

Divorced 2012. Court order states mother and I have 50/50 shared custody/placement. Does not specify days or holidays in order. Mother has never had our son 50% of the time always less. In 2018 she had our son 23% of the time. I keep track. Some months she has only taken him 3 days. For the past few months now she has been taking him one or two days a week.

The days she takes him are all over the place and our son is 14 years old and needs a stable schedule. I decided to have a meeting with the three of us to discuss set days so court wouldn't be needed. She did nothing but cuss and swear at me in front of our son. Our son never got a word in except to say he would like to visit with her every Monday and some Sundays. He wanted to explain why but she would not let him speak. I understand two days a week is not half the time, but for the past four years she has never taken him half the time anyway. This year alone was ridiculous but it has been whenever she wanted she would pick him up. She never calls to ask to take him or to even talk to him on the phone and has let it be whenever our son calls and asks to come over for months now.

Ever since that meeting she has been texting me cussing and swearing and berating me. I do not respond. I am just saving them all. She is threatening court now and all of a sudden said she is picking our son up, exercising her shared placement and taking him for an entire week. Our son does not want to go at all. How can it go from 1-2 days a week and all of sudden now she wants 7 days straight because she is threatening court?

Do I file for change of placement? How much say does our son have? Will a GAL most likely be appointed? Can we skip mediation since she wouldn't even sit down to have a meeting already?

Thank you in advance.

Dad, the court will rip you a new one for involving your child in the decision making process in that manner. He should have NEVER been present while you discussed things with his mother. The fact that you had him there throws everything in disarray.

Mom has every right to exercise her 50/50 placement at this time. You have every right to file for a modification. However, again, the fact that you had your child present for your discussion with mom really messes things up.

 

[huntingguy]

Dad, the court will rip you a new one for involving your child in the decision making process in that manner. He should have NEVER been present while you discussed things with his mother. The fact that you had him there throws everything in disarray.

Mom has every right to exercise her 50/50 placement at this time. You have every right to file for a modification. However, again, the fact that you had your child present for your discussion with mom really messes things up.

There never was really any discussion. Like I said she was cussing and swearing, no one got any word in. I didn't think I guess it would be a problem. I just wanted all of us to hear each other out so we both were aware of what our son wanted (not that he has much of a say) and what is in the best interests for our son based on the circumstances. Everything is always around what is convenient for her and easiest for her, not what is healthy for our son. I should have thought things through more.

I don't think it is healthy for our son to be thrown into a one week on one week off schedule when it could cause issues to arise again.

Thank you.

 

[Zigner]

It is not the child's choice, nor should it be his burden to be stuck in the middle of the fight between his parents.

 

[Just Blue]

There never was really any discussion. Like I said she was cussing and swearing, no one got any word in. I didn't think I guess it would be a problem. I just wanted all of us to hear each other out so we both were aware of what our son wanted (not that he has much of a say) and what is in the best interests for our son based on the circumstances. Everything is always around what is convenient for her and easiest for her, not what is healthy for our son. I should have thought things through more.

I don't think it is healthy for our son to be thrown into a one week on one week off schedule when it could cause issues to arise again.

Thank you.

What "issues" will there be with mom utilizing her full custody time vs only two days a week?

 

[huntingguy]

She has an opiate addiction
Our son is always late to school or misses school when with mother. She lives 30 minutes away.
Grades fall when with mother, homework is missed.
The boyfriend she lives with is a hoarder and unsanitary.
She is constantly fighting with boyfriend in front of our son to the extent she has stayed at a hotel with our son for a few nights.
Sports are missed because she doesn't want to drive him.
Constant cussing, swearing, belittling to our son verbally and via text message.

The days she does take him she drops him off at my house at 530am because she cant get him to school if she works. So our son is waking up at 430am. Then she doesn't even come to get him sometimes until 5pm 6pm after school and its because she is running errands.

Our son loves his mother and I want him to have a relationship with his mother trust me. When our son sits here waiting for her to pick him up and she calls last minute and says oh I am not coming, it isn't right. He has wasted half days where he could be doing things for her to cancel and he misses out.

I know this may sound like complaining but it is just tiring. Finding out the morning of or hours before oh hey I am going to come pick our son up and then not coming when said or not coming at all.

 

[LdiJ]

She has an opiate addiction
Our son is always late to school or misses school when with mother. She lives 30 minutes away.
Grades fall when with mother, homework is missed.
The boyfriend she lives with is a hoarder and unsanitary.
She is constantly fighting with boyfriend in front of our son to the extent she has stayed at a hotel with our son for a few nights.
Sports are missed because she doesn't want to drive him.
Constant cussing, swearing, belittling to our son verbally and via text message.

The days she does take him she drops him off at my house at 530am because she cant get him to school if she works. So our son is waking up at 430am. Then she doesn't even come to get him sometimes until 5pm 6pm after school and its because she is running errands.

Our son loves his mother and I want him to have a relationship with his mother trust me. When our son sits here waiting for her to pick him up and she calls last minute and says oh I am not coming, it isn't right. He has wasted half days where he could be doing things for her to cancel and he misses out.

I know this may sound like complaining but it is just tiring. Finding out the morning of or hours before oh hey I am going to come pick our son up and then not coming when said or not coming at all.

Then by all means file for a modification and make your arguments about the best interest of your child. However, please understand that you totally messed up involving your son in the discussion at all, and stop making excuses for that. Simply be prepared to admit fault and grovel in court if it comes up.

 

[huntingguy]

Then by all means file for a modification and make your arguments about the best interest of your child. However, please understand that you totally messed up involving your son in the discussion at all, and stop making excuses for that. Simply be prepared to admit fault and grovel in court if it comes up.

I will, if it comes up. Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I'll add that age could be considered a "change of circumstance" - your court order is over 6 years old, and the needs of a 14 year old are different from a 7-8 year old. If loosey-goosey parenting time when Mom feels like it, then modifying based somewhat on status quo and/or clarifying issues that have been causing tension would be worthwhile. For example, since you have been keeping track of when Mom has been exercising her parenting time, if there is a pattern, that could be used as a proposed basis of a parenting plan. Mom's last minute cancellations can be addressed by requiring advanced notice of cancellations.

Slightly stickier would be drug testing - unless she has a documentable record of her drug problem (arrests, for example).

 

[huntingguy]

I'll add that age could be considered a "change of circumstance" - your court order is over 6 years old, and the needs of a 14 year old are different from a 7-8 year old. If loosey-goosey parenting time when Mom feels like it, then modifying based somewhat on status quo and/or clarifying issues that have been causing tension would be worthwhile. For example, since you have been keeping track of when Mom has been exercising her parenting time, if there is a pattern, that could be used as a proposed basis of a parenting plan. Mom's last minute cancellations can be addressed by requiring advanced notice of cancellations.

Slightly stickier would be drug testing - unless she has a documentable record of her drug problem (arrests, for example).

Thank you for your input. It helps. Fortunately she has not been arrested so I am unsure how her opiate addiction could be brought up. The advanced notice of cancellations would indeed help.

Question, is there a time limit I have to wait until she comes and get our son? There are no set times or days in the order but if she says she is going to pick our son up at say 3pm how long do I have to wait for her to show up before I can leave?

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you for your input. It helps. Fortunately she has not been arrested so I am unsure how her opiate addiction could be brought up. The advanced notice of cancellations would indeed help.

Question, is there a time limit I have to wait until she comes and get our son? There are no set times or days in the order but if she says she is going to pick our son up at say 3pm how long do I have to wait for her to show up before I can leave?

Curious...How do you know she has an addiction to opiates?

 

[huntingguy]

She has come to our son's events higher than a kite. I have had other parents come up to me and ask if she was ok and ok to drive. She has mentioned on numerous occasions all of the pills she is on and how she is on Vicodin and Percocet for her pain. I have also be confronted by a previous neighbor that she comes to him for cocaine. If that is true I am not sure but just the way she acts at our son's events, it would not surprise me. I have mentioned all of this to her a number of times. She is constantly being fired from her jobs and who knows maybe this is why. I just don't want it to affect our son. So if needed I will see if a drug test can be done, hopefully out of the blue.

 

[LdiJ]

She has come to our son's events higher than a kite. I have had other parents come up to me and ask if she was ok and ok to drive. She has mentioned on numerous occasions all of the pills she is on and how she is on Vicodin and Percocet for her pain. I have also be confronted by a previous neighbor that she comes to him for cocaine. If that is true I am not sure but just the way she acts at our son's events, it would not surprise me. I have mentioned all of this to her a number of times. She is constantly being fired from her jobs and who knows maybe this is why. I just don't want it to affect our son. So if needed I will see if a drug test can be done, hopefully out of the blue.

You have to have some basis to ask a court to order that a parent be drug tested...some verifiable basis. If she has never been arrested, you don't have that basis unless other people are willing to testify in court to the times that they have seen her high...objective, outside people.

 

[Just Blue]

You have to have some basis to ask a court to order that a parent be drug tested...some verifiable basis. If she has never been arrested, you don't have that basis unless other people are willing to testify in court to the times that they have seen her high...objective, outside people.

Yeah LD...Calling Holly Housewife or Suzi Soccer-Mom in to give their professional observation on OP ex's opioid intoxication will go over aces with a Judge.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Thank you for your input. It helps. Fortunately she has not been arrested so I am unsure how her opiate addiction could be brought up. The advanced notice of cancellations would indeed help.

Question, is there a time limit I have to wait until she comes and get our son? There are no set times or days in the order but if she says she is going to pick our son up at say 3pm how long do I have to wait for her to show up before I can leave?

Unless your court order says it, there is no time limit.

However, you can request when modifying custody/visitation that there be a time limit. (Half an hour seems reasonable.)