but mommm...
Crafty--
I don't disagree that it's a very different situation, and I'm not even knocking you for feeling indignant, toward me or her, but the point is that those kids shouldn't be made to suffer for their father's awful choice. I can't imagine what might have brought it on, but I have seen enough situations where adoptive parents (familial, private and state-arranged) actually made representations to a birth parent to soothe and assure them that they would, in fact, NOT be cut off entirely. Sometimes it's a lie they want to believe themselves, and then their own discomfort makes them unable to keep their word. But sometimes it's just a lie. In this case, those kids were old enough to know each other, and I think it's unconscionable for the mom to do that to them. It's just wrong, period. Even if she wanted to prevent the BF from seeing them, she could have some human decency toward those little people.
That's just ugly.
And she doesn't have any grounds to make assumptions about your story, and I certainly do not make any, either, but you've got to know that your experience doesn't represent the experience of all adoptees. It's just such a deeply complex situation for all parties involved. And I'm really, really fortunate to be a party, in one role or another, to four separate successful, comfortable adoptions. The odds are waaayyyy against that, and I remember to feel grateful about it when I want to cast harsh judgment on someone who surrenders in haste and poor thinking. Also, I think you'd agree that a step-parent adoption is a slightly different critter than the standard. Those kids know for sure that someone was wrong, and that someone is being punished. I just hope they can discern that it's not them.
ae
Crafty--
I don't disagree that it's a very different situation, and I'm not even knocking you for feeling indignant, toward me or her, but the point is that those kids shouldn't be made to suffer for their father's awful choice. I can't imagine what might have brought it on, but I have seen enough situations where adoptive parents (familial, private and state-arranged) actually made representations to a birth parent to soothe and assure them that they would, in fact, NOT be cut off entirely. Sometimes it's a lie they want to believe themselves, and then their own discomfort makes them unable to keep their word. But sometimes it's just a lie. In this case, those kids were old enough to know each other, and I think it's unconscionable for the mom to do that to them. It's just wrong, period. Even if she wanted to prevent the BF from seeing them, she could have some human decency toward those little people.
That's just ugly.
And she doesn't have any grounds to make assumptions about your story, and I certainly do not make any, either, but you've got to know that your experience doesn't represent the experience of all adoptees. It's just such a deeply complex situation for all parties involved. And I'm really, really fortunate to be a party, in one role or another, to four separate successful, comfortable adoptions. The odds are waaayyyy against that, and I remember to feel grateful about it when I want to cast harsh judgment on someone who surrenders in haste and poor thinking. Also, I think you'd agree that a step-parent adoption is a slightly different critter than the standard. Those kids know for sure that someone was wrong, and that someone is being punished. I just hope they can discern that it's not them.
ae