Single Dad Seeking 50/50 custody in Texas

[CJane]

at a complete disadvantage in terms of child custody simply based on their sex

No, not because of your gender.

Because you chose to have a child with someone you weren't married to. Had you been married, you would have far more equal standing when it comes to the child. That's the way it works.

YOUR choices. YOUR consequences.

 

[mistoffolees]

Again I understand and agree a mutual custody arrangement outside of court is best for me, his mother, and our son. I suppose the point I haven't been able to get across is that I believe ultimately she's not interested in that as a solution, and NOT because she feels it's in our child's best interests...but rather because when push comes to shove, she knows there's a good chance she doesn't HAVE to. That is the kind of person she is.. for what it's worth.

And the part YOU keep missing is that you already have what you want - without raising a fuss. Yes, she can try to take it away - but then you could run to court and you'd be the wronged party.

If you do nothing, you have 50:50 and you haven't indicated any reason to believe that's going to change.

If you file suit, you're going to spend money on lawyers and you MIGHT get 50:50 or you might get much less.

Why in the world would you want to rock the boat when you already have what you're asking for?

 

[stealth2]

Why in the world would you want to rock the boat when you already have what you're asking for?

Because he wants to stop paying Mom $400/mo. And as soon as he stops doing so, she will stop allowing him so much time. It's not about the kid (for either of them). As usual.

 

[tx2011]

@CJane:

You're right, it wasn't the actions of two people involved in having a child outside of marriage.. it was completely my choice. Interesting.

And why a married/divorced father supposedly would have more rights than a father (and mother) who chose not to go down that road, that's simply ridiculous.

@stealth2:

Obviously you didn't read my earlier post about how the child support isn't the main issue, although feeling the fact that I have to pay "support" when we have equal time, and/or if the mother ends up earning more than me I don't believe for a second is unreasonable.

 

[stealth2]

And why a married/divorced father supposedly would have more rights than a father (and mother) who chose not to go down that road, that's simply ridiculous.

No, it is not. Because in an unmarried situation only ONE parent starts out with any rights - the mother. Why? Because the child actually sprang from her womb. There is no doubt as to the maternal origin of the child. However... paternity? Could be any dude who sniffed her up during the right time frame.

When a couple are married, the law presumes that the husband is the father.

So, if one chooses to go down the path of knocking up women you're not married to? Expect to have to jump through additional hoops.

@stealth2:

Obviously you didn't read my earlier post about how the child support isn't the main issue, although feeling the fact that I have to pay "support" when we have equal time, and/or if the mother ends up earning more than me I don't believe for a second is unreasonable.

Oh, I read it. And I understand it. Even agree with it. But you don't seem to understand (or even want to understand) how reality works in these situations. Sadly, while you learn the hard way - so will your son.

 

[CJane]

@CJane:

You're right, it wasn't the actions of two people involved in having a child outside of marriage.. it was completely my choice. Interesting.

And if Mom was here complaining that she only had to jump through legal hoops to establish paternity because she's a woman, I would point out the exact same flaw in her reasoning.

It's not a gender based issue, though you could certainly try to make it one. Your situation IS an unmarried issue.

In an unmarried situation, the Mother is presumed to have sole custody (with the exception, I believe, of Connecticut) until a court orders otherwise. And because of that, its more difficult for unmarried fathers to gain 50/50 or better. Because by the time these things make it to court, status quo is usually established and changing it is rigorous.

And why a married/divorced father supposedly would have more rights than a father (and mother) who chose not to go down that road, that's simply ridiculous.

Ridiculous in your eyes or not, it's the law. In nearly all 50 states. Which means that a whole lot of people in a whole lot of places have heard a whole lot of complaints and decided that this is best for the CHILD.

 

[Tex78704]

I know, that's what concerns me. Neither of us have definitive legal rights as of today...

Plus if we do it now, she can't afford a very good lawyer. I on the other hand, can pay for one right now. So the question is be preemptive and potentially have the upper hand, or wait.

You are all over the place with notions of filing preemptive legal attacks, and what you feel you will accomplish with this gambit.

You were never married to the mother, and there are no custody orders in place.

As of now, The Mother Is The Only One with a legal possessory and custodial right to your child.

One pretty sure bet is that very soon after she is served, you will cease to have your child as much as you now do. Certainly far less than the half time you now claim. This too would be a preemptive move that her attorney would probably encourage, in anticipation of the pending hearing.

It is very unlikely a Texas judge will grant 50/50 custody in a situation where the parents are antagonistic, and much less to those who were not married. The most probable result of your going back to court to establish custody orders would be that mom would be the custodial parent, and you given a Texas Standard Possession order and child support order.

While you certainly can and should go back to court to amicably get a custody order in place, any ill advised attempt to blindside her and legally force 50/50 would almost surely be a bad idea.