stepmother and CPS

[kimberlywrites]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I have a posting history here of my kids' problems with their stepmother.

The latest incident was on the weekend, when she screamed at my 10-year-old son "I never want to see your face again" and then pushed him.

Apparently DS was asked to pick up his baby brother's toys, and he told his stepmom "But I just sat down." Yeah, that wouldn't fly with me either, and she sent him to his room. I would have as well.

It was 5 p.m. or so and she told my ex-husband that DS was to stay in his room until morning, no supper.

Ex-husband said that was unreasonable, talked to DS in his room, DS apologized. He went downstairs to do the same to stepmom, but the minute she saw him, the yelling and shove (and I do mean two-handed shove, ex-husband told me himself).

My son was upset but he seems fine; my daughter (12) isn't so fine about it, because this is just the latest incident in a long, long, long line of stepmom/stepchildren conflict.

She broke down at school yesterday, and told her teacher everything.

Teacher said she's required by law to report all of this to CPS. Now my daughter is terrifed her dad will find out she told.

What happens now? If CPS determines the children can't live there, does that mean ex-husband loses custody....? Or would I still need a lawyer since it would be a custody case....?

FYI, I've been trying to get the kids out of that situation for about three years. Ex won't change our current agreement, which is 50-50, no matter what he puts the kids through. I've consulted lawyers before. The police once too, when stepmom pushed me backwards into a wall when I was trying to get to my son, who was crying for me, and she wouldn't let him come to me because "these are my kids when they're here, not yours." She has been warned via legal documentation (letter from a lawyer) that her over-stepping ways could cost her husband custody....

I kept hoping it would just get better. I don't want the kids to not see their dad as much. It would break all their hearts. But now here we are.

When the ex-husband brought the kids back to me on Sunday, he pulled me outside to talk. He said he told his wife if she ever touched DS again, he would call the police. He also said he'd rather divorce her than not see his kids. Seems he's taking it a lot more seriously this time around.

What do I do...? Kids say they refuse to go back on Sunday (yes, I know that's too bad, so sad; they must).

 

[randolph76]

As with any situation, if your kids ever feel in danger they should call 911. And hopefully your ex would also call the police as you said in your post, if he sees this happen again.

And yes, overstepping stepparents have caused people to loose custody.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I have a posting history here of my kids' problems with their stepmother.

The latest incident was on the weekend, when she screamed at my 10-year-old son "I never want to see your face again" and then pushed him.

Apparently DS was asked to pick up his baby brother's toys, and he told his stepmom "But I just sat down." Yeah, that wouldn't fly with me either, and she sent him to his room. I would have as well.

It was 5 p.m. or so and she told my ex-husband that DS was to stay in his room until morning, no supper.

Ex-husband said that was unreasonable, talked to DS in his room, DS apologized. He went downstairs to do the same to stepmom, but the minute she saw him, the yelling and shove (and I do mean two-handed shove, ex-husband told me himself).

My son was upset but he seems fine; my daughter (12) isn't so fine about it, because this is just the latest incident in a long, long, long line of stepmom/stepchildren conflict.

She broke down at school yesterday, and told her teacher everything.

Teacher said she's required by law to report all of this to CPS. Now my daughter is terrifed her dad will find out she told.

What happens now? If CPS determines the children can't live there, does that mean ex-husband loses custody....? Or would I still need a lawyer since it would be a custody case....?

FYI, I've been trying to get the kids out of that situation for about three years. Ex won't change our current agreement, which is 50-50, no matter what he puts the kids through. I've consulted lawyers before. The police once too, when stepmom pushed me backwards into a wall when I was trying to get to my son, who was crying for me, and she wouldn't let him come to me because "these are my kids when they're here, not yours." She has been warned via legal documentation (letter from a lawyer) that her over-stepping ways could cost her husband custody....

I kept hoping it would just get better. I don't want the kids to not see their dad as much. It would break all their hearts. But now here we are.

When the ex-husband brought the kids back to me on Sunday, he pulled me outside to talk. He said he told his wife if she ever touched DS again, he would call the police. He also said he'd rather divorce her than not see his kids. Seems he's taking it a lot more seriously this time around.

What do I do...? Kids say they refuse to go back on Sunday (yes, I know that's too bad, so sad; they must).

I'd like to applaud your daughter for doing something when your ex was too weak to stand up for his kids.

I'd be down at the court house faster than you can spit if I were you. I'd have a restraining order issued against stepmonster.

However your ex decides to handle that with SM, is really not your concern as long as she is not allowed around your kids.

 

[CJane]

Has CPS contacted you? If the teacher made a report yesterday, the parents should be contacted today so that, at the very least, the safety of the child/ren can be ascertained.

I've got my own issues with a StepMom who apparently can't keep her hands off the children, or her yap closed even though it's specified in our order that all 'parenting' is to be left to the actual parents.

So, I feel your pain. Let CPS do their jobs. It's highly unlikely that this will be a custody changer though, nor is it likely that the children will be removed from Dad's home. StepMom behaved inappropriately after a long string of inappropriate behavior. But the kids are not in imminent danger of serious harm.

 

[Antigone*]

Has CPS contacted you? If the teacher made a report yesterday, the parents should be contacted today so that, at the very least, the safety of the child/ren can be ascertained.

I've got my own issues with a StepMom who apparently can't keep her hands off the children, or her yap closed even though it's specified in our order that all 'parenting' is to be left to the actual parents.

So, I feel your pain. Let CPS do their jobs. It's highly unlikely that this will be a custody changer though, nor is it likely that the children will be removed from Dad's home. StepMom behaved inappropriately after a long string of inappropriate behavior. But the kids are not in imminent danger of serious harm.

I'm sorry CJane but I disagree with you just a little bit. Anyone, and I mean anyone who shoves, let alone touches my kids inappropriately will have the fury of all Haedes upon them faster than they can spit!!!

 

[kimberlywrites]

Has CPS contacted you? If the teacher made a report yesterday, the parents should be contacted today so that, at the very least, the safety of the child/ren can be ascertained.

I've got my own issues with a StepMom who apparently can't keep her hands off the children, or her yap closed even though it's specified in our order that all 'parenting' is to be left to the actual parents.

So, I feel your pain. Let CPS do their jobs. It's highly unlikely that this will be a custody changer though, nor is it likely that the children will be removed from Dad's home. StepMom behaved inappropriately after a long string of inappropriate behavior. But the kids are not in imminent danger of serious harm.

No contact yet...but how does that work? WILL they contact me? This happened in their dad's house. Obviously they will contact him. Will they tell him who reported it? I really don't care if he thinks it's me, not at all, because in fact on Sunday when he brought them to my house and told me again what all had happened, I said "maybe I should CPS, hmmm?" Then he told me everybody was over-reacting....even though he had JUST finished tellng me he would call the cops, divorce her blah blah blah. I just want to be able to soothe my daughter's fears. She's pretty much terrified. I told her she did the right thing, 100 percent.

 

[CJane]

I'm sorry CJane but I disagree with you just a little bit. Anyone, and I mean anyone who shoves, let alone touches my kids inappropriately will have the fury of all Haedes upon them faster than they can spit!!!

That's fine. But you going to jail for assaulting the offender isn't going to help the kids, is it?

Kimberly needs to be aware that it's very unlikely that CPS will recommend the removal of the children. Put a safety plan in place? Sure. Recommend that StepMom not be alone with the kids? Absolutely. Actually enforce anything? Nope.

And a single incident isn't likely enough to convince a judge to change anything either, if nothing else has changed.

It's unfortunate, and I'm not saying I LIKE it. I'd PREFER that CPS showed up with someone proportionally as much large than the offender as she is larger than the children, shoved her up against a wall and screamed in her face that she's a worthless piece of poo.

But it isn't going to happen. And it's unlikely that a restraining order is a possibility either.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Can CPS enforce a 'kids are not allowed to be around stepmother' order if that's what they determine? Obviously if that happens, the kids will be with me unless the ex rents his wife a hotel room every other week. Oh, I am giddy at the thought.

She's scary, no doubt. The fights those two have in front of and because of my kids are practically legendary. The kids know she doesn't want them. But that's not illegal, right, even though it might be harmful to their young minds.

 

[CSO286]

No contact yet...but how does that work? WILL they contact me? This happened in their dad's house. Obviously they will contact him. Will they tell him who reported it? I really don't care if he thinks it's me, not at all, because in fact on Sunday when he brought them to my house and told me again what all had happened, I said "maybe I should CPS, hmmm?" Then he told me everybody was over-reacting....even though he had JUST finished tellng me he would call the cops, divorce her blah blah blah. I just want to be able to soothe my daughter's fears. She's pretty much terrified. I told her she did the right thing, 100 percent.

They will certainly contact you since an event occurred involving your children.
Though, they may not be contacting mom within the 24 hour investigation period--Mom wasn't there--but they will be talking to Dad.

They will not tell Dad who reported it (they cannot).

Yes, absolutely Little miss did the right thing, and now the grown-ups just have to take the steps needed to try and make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Has CPS contacted you? If the teacher made a report yesterday, the parents should be contacted today so that, at the very least, the safety of the child/ren can be ascertained.

I've got my own issues with a StepMom who apparently can't keep her hands off the children, or her yap closed even though it's specified in our order that all 'parenting' is to be left to the actual parents.

So, I feel your pain. Let CPS do their jobs. It's highly unlikely that this will be a custody changer though, nor is it likely that the children will be removed from Dad's home. StepMom behaved inappropriately after a long string of inappropriate behavior. But the kids are not in imminent danger of serious harm.

Will CPS interview the children? How does that work?

 

[stealth2]

I have to agree. Lay your hand on my kid? Deal with my wrath.

 

[Antigone*]

That's fine. But you going to jail for assaulting the offender isn't going to help the kids, is it?

Kimberly needs to be aware that it's very unlikely that CPS will recommend the removal of the children. Put a safety plan in place? Sure. Recommend that StepMom not be alone with the kids? Absolutely. Actually enforce anything? Nope.

And a single incident isn't likely enough to convince a judge to change anything either, if nothing else has changed.

It's unfortunate, and I'm not saying I LIKE it. I'd PREFER that CPS showed up with someone proportionally as much large than the offender as she is larger than the children, shoved her up against a wall and screamed in her face that she's a worthless piece of poo.

But it isn't going to happen. And it's unlikely that a restraining order is a possibility either.

lol... CJane, I think we must have misunderstood one another. I didn't mean to imply that I would take matters into my own hands.

I do think that a TRO is a viable option and should be looked into. She only shoved the kid this time ~ what's next. If the RO is not issued, at least dad and SM know that Kimberly will do whatever it takes to protect her children.

 

[CJane]

Can CPS enforce a 'kids are not allowed to be around stepmother' order if that's what they determine? Obviously if that happens, the kids will be with me unless the ex rents his wife a hotel room every other week. Oh, I am giddy at the thought.

CPS cannot MAKE orders. They make recommendations. And they are, in large part, recommendations without teeth.

CPS has to physically verify the safety of the child/ren within 24 hours. If that means they have to come to your house, then that's what they'll do. If they so determine, they can go to the kids' school and interview them there. But they MUST speak with the child within a specified period of time.

THEN they worry about speaking to the adults.

 

[CJane]

lol... CJane, I think we must have misunderstood one another. I didn't mean to imply that I would take matters into my own hands.

I do think that a TRO is a viable option and should be looked into. She only shoved the kid this time ~ what's next. If the RO is not issued, at least dad and SM know that Kimberly will do whatever it takes to protect her children.

All I can post is regarding my personal experience in this area, which is not in TX. And, a case I'm familiar with that is very similar that IS in TX.

A restraining order was not a viable option in either case.

Unfortunately, the courts don't operate on "what might happen next" with kids - they operate on "what just happened".

IMO, what Kimberly SHOULD do is let CPS do their job - the kids are with her for the remainder of the week anyway. THEN she should contact Dad and ask him if perhaps the kids can spend a little extra time with her so that things can cool down at Dad's house.

Once the CPS case closes (usually 30 days or so), she should file for a modification to the order, citing the substantiated case against stepMom as the change in circumstances, and request that StepMom not be allowed to be around the children unsupervised.

 

[Zigner]

SM physically assaulted the child. Mom should be down to court IMMEDIATELY to have this stopped. TRO - YEP! There is a PATTERN here.