Summer visitation and summer school

[elaine60]

What is the name of your state? Indiana. I am writing this to ask a question for my fiancee'. He has a 12 year old daughter that he has joint custody of. We have her 7 days out of 14. Our circumstance is unusual in the fact that we live 35 minutes from her home. Up until recently I worked in the same town that she lives in so getting back and forth to school was not a problem. I would drop her off before school and pick her up after. My job was recently eliminated which I realize is not her mothers problem. The problem is this each year she has enrolled her in summer school mainly so that she will have somewhere to be in the summer so that she will not have to have a sitter for her daughter. My step daughter informed me last night that she is going to enroll her this year also. The first year I was with her father I had the summer off so it was not a problem. We have her the 1st through the 15th of June, July and August. My question is this can he object to her putting her in summer school. Currently I am still unemployed but June 1st is approaching fast. If I do find employment it will be nearly impossible for us to drive her back and forth every day. My fiancee' loves his daughter very much and does not want to lose his time with her. In the past they were always able to work things out but a year ago she moved in a new boyfriend and everything changed. It went from him being able to talk to his daughters mother in person and on the phone to his daughter having to be the go between. The man she lives with wants very little contact at all. It almost seems as if he wants a man that has dedicated his life to his daughter to disappear. Does anyone have any answers to the summer school situation?

 

[elaine60]

Forgot to add the fact that we handle all of the transportation. The mother and the boyfriend have been to our house once in the last year to pick up daugther. In the original child visitation order the parent observing visitation had to pick the child up and then upon the end of visitation the other parent was to come get the child. The mother moved away about 5 years ago. My fiancee' has always accomadated her as much as he can. He pays 76.00 a week in support even though it was based only on every other weekend visitation not half the time , provides all medical insurance and is the only one to take her to the doctor and the dentist. We provide clothing for her at all times because we usually just get her in what she comes in. There situation is a lot different then mine was. I packed suitcases for my kids with everything but the kitchen sink in them, took care of all doctor and dentist visits and he got them every other weekend. He moved to Florida and I had to pay for flight back and transportation to and from air port. Strange how things are always different.

 

[tigger22472]

Except for the fact she's at your home 7 days and my step-daughter is at my house 14 days in a row this sounds a lot like my case, including the state..
Right before my step-daughter started school we lived approximately 35 minutes away. We knew mom wouldn't compromise and so we moved to the town she lived in. Could this be an option for you? Now, even though we moved to the same small town that didn't eliminate everything. We've yet to live in her actual school area. The house we are in now is the furthest yet it was supposed to be in her school when we bought it.

If summer school is NOT mandetory then she doesn't have to go. My husband recently took his ex to court over several things. One of them was that mom put the child in several activities and dad disagreed as he felt it was too much on the child. Another was to see of changing her school since mom lives closer to both the school she goes to AND the school the bus near our house goes to. As far as the activities go (and I would consider non-required summer school an activity) my husband was told that mom could do what she wanted on her time and he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to, it was his time. As far as the school went, we lost that. We knew that going in though because although mom had agreed prior to the school year, putting the child in each elementary 3 years she refused at the last minute so his daughter would spend 4 years at one school and judge would not change it. So we too have to do transportation both ways when she's here and I understand the strain that is because in order to maintain custody you have to provide that transportation and it cuts right into the day as far as working and working around it.

I do want to warn you, judges don't like 50/50. Society doesn't like 50/50. In my husband's case there is NOT a primary parent and yet people believe there MUST be and society is still a**backwards in believing it should ALWAYS be mom. I have literally had a person at the school tell me the mom (calling her by name), 'the primary parent' had to discuss an issue with them. When my husband was in court, if the judge said it once, he said it ten times "If you guys can't agree then someone needs to file for full custody." The point is you need to see just how far you'll take this argument because it could come back and bite Dad.

 

[casa]

Forgot to add the fact that we handle all of the transportation. The mother and the boyfriend have been to our house once in the last year to pick up daugther. In the original child visitation order the parent observing visitation had to pick the child up and then upon the end of visitation the other parent was to come get the child. The mother moved away about 5 years ago. My fiancee' has always accomadated her as much as he can. He pays 76.00 a week in support even though it was based only on every other weekend visitation not half the time , provides all medical insurance and is the only one to take her to the doctor and the dentist. We provide clothing for her at all times because we usually just get her in what she comes in. There situation is a lot different then mine was. I packed suitcases for my kids with everything but the kitchen sink in them, took care of all doctor and dentist visits and he got them every other weekend. He moved to Florida and I had to pay for flight back and transportation to and from air port. Strange how things are always different.

If father has been providing transportation- he needs to either: A.) make plans to continue to do so, or B.) abide by whatever the current court order states. Which means he can pick up the child for visitation and then tell Mom to come get her.

If summer school is not necessary, then his visitation should not be cut short because Mom's wishes for voluntary summer school.

Sounds like Dad could benefit from modifying the court order to address the distance (sharing transportation), summer school (whether necessary) & his % of child support.

 

[LdiJ]

If father has been providing transportation- he needs to either: A.) make plans to continue to do so, or B.) abide by whatever the current court order states. Which means he can pick up the child for visitation and then tell Mom to come get her.

If summer school is not necessary, then his visitation should not be cut short because Mom's wishes for voluntary summer school.

Sounds like Dad could benefit from modifying the court order to address the distance (sharing transportation), summer school (whether necessary) & his % of child support.

They have more to deal with than just these issues. This is Indiana. If dad can't continue to get her back and forth from school each day, then dad is not going to be able to maintain the 50/50 timeshare that he has now....which means a trip back to court.

Summer school is also pushed very hard here...even for the kids who are not required to attend, so its no guarantee that mom would come to any grief for insisting on summer school. The Indiana guidelines also call for an exact division of the summer (which appears to be pretty much what he has now)...and summer school only lasts for about 4-5 weeks, so dad and mom could easily rearrange his visitation schedule so that it wouldn't be effected by summer school.

However...what I am basically saying is that unless dad can figure out a way that he can still get the child back and forth to school each day....he is NOT going to be able to maintain the 50/50 timeshare....so he is going to end up back in court anyway.

 

[tigger22472]

However...what I am basically saying is that unless dad can figure out a way that he can still get the child back and forth to school each day....he is NOT going to be able to maintain the 50/50 timeshare....so he is going to end up back in court anyway.

I agree and 50/50 WILL NOT be granted which means A. Not only does a parent lose 50/50 custody but the child also loses! This is why I suggested moving closer if possible. We are in the exact situation because I have seen another 50/50 case in which one filed for custody and the other wanted it to remain the same and yet the judge didn't even give 50/50 an option at that point. If someone files for full custody, someone is getting it.

 

[kayceebee]

I guess a lot of this could have been avoided if more detailed information was given in the CO. My boyfriend has his daughter 50/50. The CO stipulates that the child was to remain in the same school district unless both parents agree. Her mother moved 25 minutes away and has to provide private transportation every day to and from school and to all school activities. If she can’t be there at the end of the school day, she is to arrange for after school care until she gets there. Their CO reads that if one parent moves more than 35 mile from the school, they forfeit their 50/50 rights and visitation will be altered to an every other weekend schedule.

Hind sight is always 20/20! My agreement with my ex is quite detailed, but it I knew then what I know now, I would have been even more so.

Good Luck

 

[elaine60]

I am constantly learning that things have definitely changed. I divorced in 88 and my orders were very clear and originated from the court systems. I realized after reading his court papers that the attorney he hired was not an asset to him. It was handwritten, it stated that they had joint custody with her being the primary caregiver. Sounds like double talk to me. It states he has visitation every Tuesday and every other weekend from Thursday after school till Sunday at 7p.m. Both parents are to provide transportation upon receiving the child. Insurance is proportionate to their percentages and so is dental. He provides all insurance and all dental and takes her to all appointments. She comes with the clothes on her back. We went the first of the school year and bought her 8 pairs of jeans, shirts and and underclothes when she started showing up at our house in her mothers underwear and bras and clothes. Her mother makes decent money were she works. She makes 12.00 an hour. Right before we bought her the clothes my fiancee said something to his ex about her clothes and all he got was yes I need to take her and get her more. Then she ran outside to show him her brand new truck that she bought. When she moved out she left his daughter with him for three weeks, his attorney should of had him filed for custody then. When I met him she left their child with him the whole summer without calling or visiting because she split with her ex and was moving, he should of filed for custody then. He wrote checks to her for support before their papers were not filed in court at the start because his lawyer told him to and of course they threw that out and made him start over putting him behind. The ex and her new boyfriend just bought a house and it sits three miles into another county and she is planning on still taking her to the same school and if she gets caught she will either have to move her to the right school district or pay tuition. His child has been in 4 schools in 5 years, one even being just over the Ohio line. What ever happened to what was in the best interest of the child. He went to an attorney and the attorney told him that it would be in his best interest to not rock the boat or he could lose alot of his visitation. Last year she took her out of school for a week so her sister could take her on vacation and her grades were failing. We do not care about the amount of the support we just want her to be taken care at home. She was being made fun of at school because her mother was sending her in her hand me downs. This child has parents that both make decent money and considering that she is the only child of both of them she should be able to have all the advantages they both can provide. I have picked her up when she has had a temperature of 102 and I took her to the doctor, I would not of sent my own if they would of been that sick. I would of wanted my children with me in that case. The system needs to be changed and the best interest of the child needs to be addressed. My fiancee' has had to watch his daughter struggle through depression continuely each year over the loss of friends because of the constant moving around. Luckily enough she still has three friends where we live that she kept in contact with over the years and we have them for sleepovers on the weekends that we have her. As for the summer school issue if she truly needs to go then we will make sure that she is there. We only want what is best for her. The sad thing is she lives with a mother who is very self indulgent and takes only her best interest into consideration not the interest of her child. Don't think that I am just saying that because she is his ex. In the beginning I give her every benefit of the doubt, this is conclusion I came to after being in the situation for over two years now. We appreciate everyones comments and we are going to contact the school for a summer school schedule. She is 12 now maybe in a couple of years she will be old enough to have some say with the court as to her demise, all we can do is hope.