To Ohiogal

[Ohiogal]

I quess I have no idea who you are either. Except maybe IAAL?

I have an attorney 'ragging' at me about how my husband could possibly spend money on reversing custody when their college funds aren't full. Reversing custody from a child abuser. And yes, all the legal stuff drained us financially. Is this standard response to potential clients? You are an attorney also. Correct? I thought the standard response from attornies is gleeful hand clapping as they take the check from the highest bidder. Doesn't really matter which parent they represent as long as they have cash and are the first ones through the door. My experience is they really don't care where the money comes from just so as they have it in hand before paperwork is started. My attorney asked me if I had credit cards, IRA's, trust funds, family members, the monthly grocery money, etc., to withdraw from when I last had to retain him.

You know nothing about me. I have volunteered my time to go sit in court with people so that they could get restraining orders against their abusive spouses. I have taken cases at flat rate far cheaper than other attorneys in the area that charge $200 and up an hour. I accept payments. I have contacted domestic violence and homeless shelters regarding VOLUNTEERING to give their clients legal advice. I spent this morning talking to a man helping him maneuver the legal system without a dime in compensation. During law school I worked for legal aid for two summers and spent my third year working at an appellate legal clinic -- all of which helped those who couldn't afford it. Yes I charge for my services, but I also tell people about the law and what is expected from them and what their obligations are. I don't sugar coat and I do not suck up to people so they hire me. I take juvenile and criminal appointments and I am currently in the process of taking training to become a VOLUNTEER GAL. Should I go on?

The price of his legal fees does NOT excuse his financial obligations. If you don't like the legal FACT, that is your problem. If you want to whine and cry and expect sympathy, you better believe I wouldn't have taken your case. I would have told you the facts. I would have told you honestly. But you can't take the honesty so apparently you decide that you are going to badmouth ANYONE who tells you it like it is.

FACT: YOUR HUSBAND AGREED TO PAY FOR COLLEGE.

FACT: YOUR HUSBAND HAS A LEGAL OBLIGATION TO DO SO.

FACT: THE JUDGE WILL NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES FOR HIM NOT DOING SO.

FACT: IF HE HAD 15k to spent on an attorney then he had money to put in a college fund.

FACT: HE MADE A CHOICE TO SPEND IT ON THE ATTORNEY.

FACT: YOU HAVE MADE A CHOICE NOT TO WORK.

FACT: YOU AND HE MADE A CHOICE TO HAVE TWO KIDS TOGETHER.

FACT: HE WAS AWARE OF HIS LEGAL RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE KIDS HE HAD WITH HIS EX.

FACT: HE MADE DECISIONS THAT DO NOT FREE HIM OF THIS OBLIGATIONS.

FACT: Deal with it!

 

[Just Blue]

You know nothing about me. I have volunteered my time to go sit in court with people so that they could get restraining orders against their abusive spouses. I have taken cases at flat rate far cheaper than other attorneys in the area that charge $200 and up an hour. I accept payments. I have contacted domestic violence and homeless shelters regarding VOLUNTEERING to give their clients legal advice. I spent this morning talking to a man helping him maneuver the legal system without a dime in compensation. During law school I worked for legal aid for two summers and spent my third year working at an appellate legal clinic -- all of which helped those who couldn't afford it. Yes I charge for my services, but I also tell people about the law and what is expected from them and what their obligations are. I don't sugar coat and I do not suck up to people so they hire me. I take juvenile and criminal appointments and I am currently in the process of taking training to become a VOLUNTEER GAL. Should I go on?

The price of his legal fees does NOT excuse his financial obligations. If you don't like the legal FACT, that is your problem. If you want to whine and cry and expect sympathy, you better believe I wouldn't have taken your case. I would have told you the facts. I would have told you honestly. But you can't take the honesty so apparently you decide that you are going to badmouth ANYONE who tells you it like it is.

FACT: YOUR HUSBAND AGREED TO PAY FOR COLLEGE.

FACT: YOUR HUSBAND HAS A LEGAL OBLIGATION TO DO SO.

FACT: THE JUDGE WILL NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES FOR HIM NOT DOING SO.

FACT: IF HE HAD 15k to spent on an attorney then he had money to put in a college fund.

FACT: HE MADE A CHOICE TO SPEND IT ON THE ATTORNEY.

FACT: YOU HAVE MADE A CHOICE NOT TO WORK.

FACT: YOU AND HE MADE A CHOICE TO HAVE TWO KIDS TOGETHER.

FACT: HE WAS AWARE OF HIS LEGAL RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE KIDS HE HAD WITH HIS EX.

FACT: HE MADE DECISIONS THAT DO NOT FREE HIM OF THIS OBLIGATIONS.

FACT: Deal with it!

Clap Clap Clap Clap....

 

[Ohiogal]

Clap Clap Clap Clap....

*curtsey*
Thank you, thank you!

 

[aud]

just playing Devil's Advocate for a sec....

Yes I agree that the letter of the court order has to be followed....Lord knows that it would all be simpler if all CP/NCP followed all DO/CO like they should......But (C'mon, ya'll knew there was a but coming along)....

I personally feel the idea of post secondary support ludicrous and discriminatory...After all, no court has the power to order a married couple to send thier kids to a university! When I went to school and applied for financial assisstance (many many moons ago) I was told that FA is for students who's parents were poor, not tightwads. I had to join the Big Green Machine (that's the U.S. Army folks) to pay for school after my hitch....and feel I came out the better forit. I think the collective family court judges need to pull thier collective heads out of thier backsides and quit coddling CP's with CS after the child is considered an adult.

just my 2 cents

 

[Ohiogal]

just playing Devil's Advocate for a sec....

Yes I agree that the letter of the court order has to be followed....Lord knows that it would all be simpler if all CP/NCP followed all DO/CO like they should......But (C'mon, ya'll knew there was a but coming along)....

I personally feel the idea of post secondary support ludicrous and discriminatory...After all, no court has the power to order a married couple to send thier kids to a university! When I went to school and applied for financial assisstance (many many moons ago) I was told that FA is for students who's parents were poor, not tightwads. I had to join the Big Green Machine (that's the U.S. Army folks) to pay for school after my hitch....and feel I came out the better forit. I think the collective family court judges need to pull thier collective heads out of thier backsides and quit coddling CP's with CS after the child is considered an adult.

just my 2 cents

HE AGREED TO IT! He agreed. Came to the agreement, signed the agreement. AGREED. The court then made the agreement the order. So DAD is at fault for this one. I agree with your overall sentiment but when parents AGREE to something they should be held to their agreement. No one held a gun to his head. No one forced him to agree. He agreed because he wanted out and now wants to back out because of a thousand different excuses. No one is doubting that you are the better for putting yourself through school -- i put myself through school too... all of it from undergrad to law school. However daddy dearest agreed to put kids through school. That was a priority that he signed off on. Now that he went out and procreated some more STEPMOM has decided to post about how dad should be able to renege for a thousand different reasons. Courts will NOT accept those things as excuses for him trying to get out of what he NOW feels is a bum deal because he has full custody of the kids.

 

[stealth2]

I do. and it will happen again unless you learn how to conduct yourself on this forum.

LOL I was gonna say I do, too!

 

[BiggusJerkus]

just playing Devil's Advocate for a sec....

Yes I agree that the letter of the court order has to be followed....Lord knows that it would all be simpler if all CP/NCP followed all DO/CO like they should......But (C'mon, ya'll knew there was a but coming along)....

I personally feel the idea of post secondary support ludicrous and discriminatory...After all, no court has the power to order a married couple to send thier kids to a university! When I went to school and applied for financial assisstance (many many moons ago) I was told that FA is for students who's parents were poor, not tightwads. I had to join the Big Green Machine (that's the U.S. Army folks) to pay for school after my hitch....and feel I came out the better forit. I think the collective family court judges need to pull thier collective heads out of thier backsides and quit coddling CP's with CS after the child is considered an adult.

just my 2 cents

Financial assistance isn't just for poor people. Financial assistance (alot of it, that is) is available to those on a first come-first served basis. Grants, scholarships are also considered financial aid. Almost anyone can get a student loan. For those who are really determined, they should be visiting with their high school counselor at the beginning of the school year (senior) and start inquiring.

 

[aud]

HE AGREED TO IT! He agreed. Came to the agreement, signed the agreement. AGREED. The court then made the agreement the order. So DAD is at fault for this one. I agree with your overall sentiment but when parents AGREE to something they should be held to their agreement. No one held a gun to his head. No one forced him to agree.

Oh I get that. Not taking issue with that....just the post secondary support sysyem in general. Like i said, just playing devil's advocate. No offense intended

 

[LdiJ]

You know nothing about me. I have volunteered my time to go sit in court with people so that they could get restraining orders against their abusive spouses. I have taken cases at flat rate far cheaper than other attorneys in the area that charge $200 and up an hour. I accept payments. I have contacted domestic violence and homeless shelters regarding VOLUNTEERING to give their clients legal advice. I spent this morning talking to a man helping him maneuver the legal system without a dime in compensation. During law school I worked for legal aid for two summers and spent my third year working at an appellate legal clinic -- all of which helped those who couldn't afford it. Yes I charge for my services, but I also tell people about the law and what is expected from them and what their obligations are. I don't sugar coat and I do not suck up to people so they hire me. I take juvenile and criminal appointments and I am currently in the process of taking training to become a VOLUNTEER GAL. Should I go on?

The price of his legal fees does NOT excuse his financial obligations. If you don't like the legal FACT, that is your problem. If you want to whine and cry and expect sympathy, you better believe I wouldn't have taken your case. I would have told you the facts. I would have told you honestly. But you can't take the honesty so apparently you decide that you are going to badmouth ANYONE who tells you it like it is.

FACT: YOUR HUSBAND AGREED TO PAY FOR COLLEGE.

FACT: YOUR HUSBAND HAS A LEGAL OBLIGATION TO DO SO.

FACT: THE JUDGE WILL NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES FOR HIM NOT DOING SO.

FACT: IF HE HAD 15k to spent on an attorney then he had money to put in a college fund.

FACT: HE MADE A CHOICE TO SPEND IT ON THE ATTORNEY.

FACT: YOU HAVE MADE A CHOICE NOT TO WORK.

FACT: YOU AND HE MADE A CHOICE TO HAVE TWO KIDS TOGETHER.

FACT: HE WAS AWARE OF HIS LEGAL RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE KIDS HE HAD WITH HIS EX.

FACT: HE MADE DECISIONS THAT DO NOT FREE HIM OF THIS OBLIGATIONS.

FACT: Deal with it!

They have 8 kids......I am not sure that the "choosing not to work" is a viable criticism (hell, I am sure I didn't spell that right but what the heck). I agree 100% with the rest of what you said. I can't imagine paying for daycare for even 1/2 of them....sigh. Depending on the area daycare for even two of them could add up to more than she could earn.

I also understand the concern about losing benefits....its a "damned if you do, damned if you don't situation for some families.

However....I totally and completely disagree with most of the complaints (and her proposed solutions) for most of the issues that concern her.

I understand the complications of dealing with a family of 8 kids. My best friend came from a family of 8 and I was their honorary 9th. I feel that most of the complaints that come from this poster are not valid and are based on what is best for HER kids and HER comfort levels, rather than being based on what is best for the two kids involved in the case.

Nevertheless....we shouldn't tar all issues with the same brush....or criticize on issues that aren't realistic. I doubt that she could earn enough to deal with daycare/after school costs....let alone enough to also contribute more to the family budget.

 

[ceara19]

They have 8 kids......I am not sure that the "choosing not to work" is a viable criticism (hell, I am sure I didn't spell that right but what the heck). I agree 100% with the rest of what you said. I can't imagine paying for daycare for even 1/2 of them....sigh. Depending on the area daycare for even two of them could add up to more than she could earn.

I also understand the concern about losing benefits....its a "damned if you do, damned if you don't situation for some families.

However....I totally and completely disagree with most of the complaints (and her proposed solutions) for most of the issues that concern her.

I understand the complications of dealing with a family of 8 kids. My best friend came from a family of 8 and I was their honorary 9th. I feel that most of the complaints that come from this poster are not valid and are based on what is best for HER kids and HER comfort levels, rather than being based on what is best for the two kids involved in the case.

Nevertheless....we shouldn't tar all issues with the same brush....or criticize on issues that aren't realistic. I doubt that she could earn enough to deal with daycare/after school costs....let alone enough to also contribute more to the family budget.

But they only started out with 6 kids. They CHOSE to have two more. Plus, out of the original 6, only TWO belong to the husband. If the OP was having a problem with paying for child care, she needs to discuss it with the father/s of her children, not her husband. Besides, aren't the original 6 old enough to take care of themselves for a few hours a day?

 

[mom6stepmom2]

But they only started out with 6 kids. They CHOSE to have two more. Plus, out of the original 6, only TWO belong to the husband. If the OP was having a problem with paying for child care, she needs to discuss it with the father/s of her children, not her husband. Besides, aren't the original 6 old enough to take care of themselves for a few hours a day?

Yes, we CHOSE. I am sorry if this makes some you so upset. I make no appologizies for my 2 youngest. Who ever said I was having child care problems? Yes, the 4 I have with ex are old enough to spend some time on their own if I so choose. My 2 oldest and my husband's oldest are older and busy all the time. My youngest and my husband's youngest are not old enough to be on their own without supervision. And we have weighed the options and found that 2 very young children, one special needs, and two older children in daycare all day long would leave little to bring home after expenses. Particularly since summer months are approaching rapidly. I am on both sides of the fence here. My 4 have another child in their dad's life. Seems like they get left out of a lot when it comes to their dad. But that is life. Which child do I throw back? Obviously the 2 youngest. They were the aferthoughts. They are the ones interfering with the 'firsts' money and time. If anyone ever decides to have a child with someone else besides their 'first' child's parent, God help you. Cause a lot of the 'first' parents on here won't.

I just love all the speculations going around. Every one is all gung ho on my husband getting a second job. My 4 children from previous marriage have gone to private school since the oldest was K age. I was able to pay the first 2 years but after that I could not. The school has been very generous with me over the years. People donate 'scholarship' funds every year. The school has always applied this toward my children. This year and last year my husband's two children were welcomed in with open arms at the same private school. Someone donated a large portion of the kids supplies and tuition for the year both years. To make up for the deficeit my husband volunteers at the school 12 hours a week. My husband does this to keep all 6 in the school. He was doing it before his 2 came to live with us.

Someone else on this board said 'you know nothing about me'. I can say the same for myself and my husband.

I still think berating my husband because he chose to charge up every credit card we had and then some(because this was the only money we had to pay attorney) to get his kids out of harms way as being irresponsible towards the kids college funds is completely ludicrous. Very few, if any, attorneys work for free.( Ohiogal, I would have to say you are a rarity if what you say is true.) My husband was doing this between two coasts. Which added a great deal to the expenses. It would have been completely irresponsible of my husband to leave his kids with their mother. Fortunately the judge agreed.

I also take offense at being told I hate my husband's ex. Nothing I have stated about issues with her has been an untruth. As far as Spring Break, my husband was very concerned she was defying the court order just 7 months after signing it. All it took to fix the problem was an email to her attorney. Attorney and client both emailed back within a few short hours. Problem solved. I wish that I could get on with her as well as I do with my ex and his girlfriend. We aren't the best of friends but we do ok.

Anyone is free to say she is just whining again. I am still not in agreement that an adult male should have a free ride all the way through college. Which is what my stepson will be when he gets to college. I worked while going to college. My husband worked while going to college. My kids will have to work their way through college. But I do understand. Really I do. I have no say. I have no say. I have no say. I have no say. I got it.