treated like a step-child

[hayley"s mom]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I'm sure there are a ton of these problems on this forum; but here goes. My problem is my ex's wife, she has to be the most miserable woman I've ever met. and unfortunately my child is on the recieving end of her wrath. My ex is never home, he has 2 small children with her and a 8 yr old boy with the girl he was engaged to before he married his current (his wife used to be the baby sitter) and our daughter who is 14 and his wife has 2 daughters 11 and 13 from her 2 previous marriages, my ex lets her have all the authority she does all the disciplining and since my child is the oldest she gets in trouble and grounded most the time because she is the oldest, the bad part is she also gets grounded from me, when she is grounded her privileges are taken away and her step considers me (her mother) a privilege so therefore if I call I cannot talk to her on the phone and I am not allowed any extra time with her except for scheduled visitation. My ex did not even tell me that his wife took my daughter to the doctor, who was her daughters doctor and my daughter told me her step told the doctor she was adhd and she wanted her on something, the doctor disagreed and told the step so, and the step then
insisted she be on something....because she was depressed (I wonder why!!!) adhd and depression are the complete opposite- RIGHT? anyways he put my daughter on paxil- also they never got any of my medical history, But my child says her step argued with the doctor until she gave my daughter something, she has been spitting out the pills, she says her step just wants to control her, I agree, my daughter is not stupid! Not only that her step constantly berates and puts my daughter down, she tells her her cloths are ugly and her hair is ugly she tells her she doesn't know why she wants to live with me ( I am filing for custody), I have been divorced for 13 yrs and she has been married to my ex for 9 yrs. (she was his baby-sitter too). I have had to turn her into child protective services for beating my daughter with a belt and a hair brush and my daughter was so scared when they came to talk to her that she lied because her step said it would be worse next time so I had to tell the step that I would get her babysitting license revoked if she touched my daughter again, she also threatens me with bodily harm but since I threatened her license she hasn't beat her anymore she just is verbally and mentally abusive which is just as bad. I think my ex is scared of her too and since he is never home he just takes her word for everything, I have to clear everything with my ex and her and I can only have extra time with my daughter if her kids are visiting there fathers, also I cannot send anything I buy home with my daughter unless her daughters have the same or it comes up missing so if I send her a bookbag I buy 3, 2 for her step siblings sweaters etc. just so my daughter can have, I plan on filing for custody in 2 weeks if I cite these things and my daughter does will it be to my favor or would the judge think they were irrelivent? I think its important for him to know because it is effecting her health and well being she is a nervous wreck and walks on egg shells I feel helpless to help her and her father doesn't care he doesn't want her to go because he says my child support pays his child support, I have to get my baby out of that household before something happens to her.
PLEASE ADVISE ASAP!!!!!

 

[ENASNI]

hey

I have tried and read half your post you should edit , make it easy to read.
Paragraphs?


You might get more reponses.

 

[CJane]

when she is grounded her privileges are taken away and her step considers me (her mother) a privilege so therefore if I call I cannot talk to her on the phone and I am not allowed any extra time with her except for scheduled visitation.

If this is your biggest issue, you're out of luck. You're not entitled to extra days, and unless phone contact is spelled out in the CO, you're not really entitled to that either.

If DFS judged the 'abuse' unfounded, then you most likely can't use that in court.

It totally sucks, but unless there's something besides supreme selfishness going on, I'm not sure there's anything at all that you can do.

And yeah, making your post easier to read would help a LOT.

 

[hayley"s mom]

sorry, I'm new at this.... Can someone tell me what rights I do have! It seems like all I get to do is, pay support and see my daughter every other week-end. So should I try for modification until I go for custody?

 

[CJane]

sorry, I'm new at this.... Can someone tell me what rights I do have! It seems like all I get to do is, pay support and see my daughter every other week-end. So should I try for modification until I go for custody?

You have rights to her medical information. Depending on who has legal custody, you might be able to fight the fact that they put her on meds - but you'd have to prove that she was misdiagnosed. You have rights to her educational information.

You have the visitation rights that are outlined in your court order. No more, no less. If they're interfering with the court ordered visitation, then father is in contempt and you should file charges. If they're only interfering with 'extra time' there's nothing you can do about it.

Usually (and I say this not knowing how your state works), modification can only take place soon after a 'change in circumstance'. Usually, this is marriage, relocation, etc. Same with a custody change. You can't just go to court and say "I want custody now" because the courts aren't interested in changing the status quo without really good reason.

It sounds like there'd be good reason, but it's up to the judge to decide that. If I were you, I'd tell the child to call DFS herself next time step-mom gets abusive. And this time, she needs to stick to her guns when being questioned. Then, I'd document everything that she says, and TAKE PICTURES if there are marks on her body. Document gifts you've purchased and keep receipts. Either keep the 'extras' at your house, or document the fact that the items disappeared/were destroyed.

 

[bradybunchmom]

stepmom should leave the child alone

have a talk with your ex.tell him in no uncertain terms that his wife has no authority over YOUR daughter,and from now on you will only speak to him,not her.if she doesnt like it,too damm bad,shes not the childs mother,has no rights, and should mind her own business where this child is concerned.

 

[CJane]

have a talk with your ex.tell him in no uncertain terms that his wife has no authority over YOUR daughter,and from now on you will only speak to him,not her.if she doesnt like it,too damm bad,shes not the childs mother,has no rights, and should mind her own business where this child is concerned.

That's not entirely true though, is it? My understanding is that the step-mom has no LEGAL rights to the child, but it's her household, and she has the right to discipline the child as her and the father see fit while the child is in her household.

 

[bradybunchmom]

im a stepmom too

its the fathers job to disipline the child-not the stepmom,who is a legal stranger.if she beat my child with a belt,her ass would be in jail.the father needs to start standing up and protect his child,instead of being a sniveling coward.he could go to jail for failing to protect his child from abuse.i have 2 stepkids,and i dont discipline them at all,thats not my job.

 

[Jillian483]

In our parenting plan we ahve that nither step parent is to disvipline the child and that poth biological parents are to be allowed ontact with the child during their normal waking hours. It might be wise to have this added into the parenting plan. I don't really think that it will stop the SM from telling the father what to do though. Furthermore it should only be the boilogical parents taking the children to the doctor. If your husband cannot take them then he should all you and either ask you if it is ok if the SM takes them or if you can do it.

 

[CJane]

Furthermore it should only be the boilogical parents taking the children to the doctor.

Why? I occasionally ask my father to take the kids to Dr Appointments that take place during my visitation periods, rather than calling my ex and asking him to take off of work. If the appointments take place during HIS visitation periods, either he takes them, he calls my father, or I take them. However, I'd imagine that when he gets married in the Fall, his new wife may occasionally take the children to the doctor. (Though they almost always only go for routine stuff - they're never ill, it seems.)

Question for the OP ~ Who has legal custody?

 

[Jillian483]

Why? I occasionally ask my father to take the kids to Dr Appointments that take place during my visitation periods, rather than calling my ex and asking him to take off of work. If the appointments take place during HIS visitation periods, either he takes them, he calls my father, or I take them. However, I'd imagine that when he gets married in the Fall, his new wife may occasionally take the children to the doctor. (Though they almost always only go for routine stuff - they're never ill, it seems.)

Question for the OP ~ Who has legal custody?

Yeah but if they were my child I would feel a lot better hearing everything directly from the doctor. Ever played telephone?

 

[misslawli]

Are phone calls mentioned in the visitaion order?? One thing that I haven't seen mentioned that I would HIGHLY suggest: have her talk to a school counselor. They have to report any signs of abuse. DOCUMENT!!!! everything. Check into whether your state is a "one-party" or "two-party" state. If it is a one party state, start recording your calls to the ex and wifey poo.
But DEFINATELY tell her to talk to a counselor. Maybe take her to a couselor on your time.

 

[StpmomNchicago]

What an odd title for your post.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Now let's try to make sense out of the LEGAL issues and leave the cat fighting where it belongs, on stage.

I'm sure there are a ton of these problems on this forum; but here goes. My problem is my ex's wife, she has to be the most miserable woman I've ever met. and unfortunately my child is on the recieving end of her wrath. My ex is never home, he has 2 small children with her and a 8 yr old boy with the girl he was engaged to before he married his current (his wife used to be the baby sitter) and our daughter who is 14 and his wife has 2 daughters 11 and 13 from her 2 previous marriages, my ex lets her have all the authority she does all the disciplining and since my child is the oldest she gets in trouble and grounded most the time because she is the oldest, the bad part is she also gets grounded from me, when she is grounded her privileges are taken away and her step considers me (her mother) a privilege so therefore if I call I cannot talk to her on the phone and I am not allowed any extra time with her except for scheduled visitation.

Although having phone contact written in the visitation order is important, it is not required for there to be grounds for interference with a parental relationship. If you call your daughter and are told that she can't come to the phone because she has lost her priviledges, document the time, date and reason why. Ask when she will have priviledges restored and document that also, then attempt to contact her at that time.

My ex did not even tell me that his wife took my daughter to the doctor, who was her daughters doctor and my daughter told me her step told the doctor she was adhd and she wanted her on something, the doctor disagreed and told the step so, and the step then
insisted she be on something....because she was depressed (I wonder why!!!) adhd and depression are the complete opposite- RIGHT? anyways he put my daughter on paxil-

HE? In the following you say the doctor is a female. So, who put the daughter on Paxil? Have you seen the medical records? What was the reasoning for the prescription? Was there a clinical diagnosis that supported the medication?
Get the point? You need to have a copy of the records. If the medical staff refuses, then it's time to hire an attorney.

she also threatens me with bodily harm but since I threatened her license she hasn't beat her anymore she just is verbally and mentally abusive which is just as bad.

And, of course, you've filed a police report of the incident right? And what 'license' does she have?

also I cannot send anything I buy home with my daughter unless her daughters have the same or it comes up missing so if I send her a bookbag I buy 3, 2 for her step siblings sweaters etc.

Then stop and leave things that you purchase for her at your home.

I plan on filing for custody in 2 weeks if I cite these things and my daughter does will it be to my favor or would the judge think they were irrelivent? I think its important for him to know because it is effecting her health and well being she is a nervous wreck and walks on egg shells I feel helpless to help her and her father doesn't care he doesn't want her to go because he says my child support pays his child support, I have to get my baby out of that household before something happens to her.
PLEASE ADVISE ASAP!!!!!

Most of what you said is irrelevant to custody. And do not rise to the level that it would take to change custody.

HOWEVER, that being said, this girl is in dire need of clinical review. Therefore, I suggest that before you file for custody, you file to have a guardian ad Litem appointed for the child, THEN file for custody. The guardian will be appointed to look out for the best interest of the child, including the prescription and medical treatment.

 

[LdiJ]

If the child was really put on Paxil you have a right to be concerned. There has been signficant publishings recently on the dangers of giving Paxil to children and teenagers.

One thing that everyone has left out is the fact that at 14 your child's wishes regarding custody will be given some weight. Her wishes won't be the deciding factor, but they will be given some weight.