Update on stepmom's nastiness, efforts to redo decree

[kimberlywrites]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

Well I hired a lawyer this morning. We're starting by adding stuff to the decree, specific wording as to each parent's responsibilities during their week, including extracurricular activities, and a few other things.

When dad screws up because his wife won't "let" him do what he's supposed to do, then I can go for contempt of court and ask for a custody change. It's a little hard to do right now because the decree is so vague. Also, HE is listed as the one to designate the children's residence - which I agreed to so the kids wouldn't have to change schools. (We live within a mile of each other, but different school districts). Lawyer said a new law has passed in Texas that neither parent needs to be designated as such, so she's going to try and get that out of the decree as well. She said the fact he's got that right now makes it harder for me to request custody.

I don't want to take time away from him. I just want him to man up and do the things he is supposed to be doing.

As for the "simple assault," I will file with the DA this afternoon. This will help my case should we decide to go for custody after all. That will also depend on his reaction once he's served.

 

[Ronin]

...HE is listed as the one to designate the children's residence...

Lawyer said a new law has passed in Texas that neither parent needs to be designated as such, so she's going to try and get that out of the decree as well. She said the fact he's got that right now makes it harder for me to request custody.

If you can, please state which new law in Texas would no longer require either parent to be designated as the one to determine the childs residence. That's one I have not heard about. Either way, these things are not retroactive, and any new law in and of itself would not be cause to modify the decree to comply with such law. The Texas Family Code always has qualifiers that state words to the effect that a new or amended statute only "applies to suits commenced after X date"

Since your ex is currently the parent to designate residency, the legal presumption is that this was in the best interests of the children at the time the decree was rendered. The burden will be on you to prove this is no longer the case. Your lawyer is correct that this makes it a bit harder on you.

When dad screws up because his wife won't "let" him do what he's supposed to do, then I can go for contempt of court and ask for a custody change.

Not necessarily... getting past first base on a suit for modification requires you to first establish a material and substantial change in circumstances, and then that any proposed changes are in the best interests of the children.

What the new wife will or will not "let" your ex do is irrelevant. Your ex is the one making the call, and if he fails to do whatever he is supposed to do it falls on his shoulders alone.

A conviction for assault by a child's step-parent against either of the child's parents could be construed as a conviction for family violence, and a good attorney may be able to leverage this to bolster a suit for modification.

 

[Zephyr]

a motion to clarify could certainly bring about specification regarding everything but the residence though.

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

Well I hired a lawyer this morning. We're starting by adding stuff to the decree, specific wording as to each parent's responsibilities during their week, including extracurricular activities, and a few other things.

Much needed

When dad screws up because his wife won't "let" him do what he's supposed to do, then I can go for contempt of court and ask for a custody change. It's a little hard to do right now because the decree is so vague. Also, HE is listed as the one to designate the children's residence - which I agreed to so the kids wouldn't have to change schools. (We live within a mile of each other, but different school districts). Lawyer said a new law has passed in Texas that neither parent needs to be designated as such, so she's going to try and get that out of the decree as well. She said the fact he's got that right now makes it harder for me to request custody.

I don't want to take time away from him. I just want him to man up and do the things he is supposed to be doing.

As for the "simple assault," I will file with the DA this afternoon. This will help my case should we decide to go for custody after all. That will also depend on his reaction once he's served.

And your actions yesterday can also "help" Dad to maintain what he has already. Remember you are not blame free at all here.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I want dad to keep what he has. I don't want stepmom interfering anymore.
Can't see what I did was wrong. Dad asked me to take daughter to hiphop. When I returned her to dad, my son is hysterical and asking to see mom. I say Where is My Son and stepmom goes crazy. What, she wants me to butt out during their week, but at the same time take the kids everywhere they need to be? Yeah, okay. NOT.
Main thing I've learned is that 50-50 can work out great between parents. But when you add steps to the mix, it goes bad.
Ldj is right. She has maintained all along 50-50 doesn't work very often. My lawyer this morning told me the same thing.
She said the only case she knows of in Texas that the judge was pleased with was two parents who literally lived as next door neighbors. And even then, they were told to create an opening in their backyard fences so the kids could come and go without the neighbors seeing it all.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

Well I hired a lawyer this morning. We're starting by adding stuff to the decree, specific wording as to each parent's responsibilities during their week, including extracurricular activities, and a few other things.

When dad screws up because his wife won't "let" him do what he's supposed to do, then I can go for contempt of court and ask for a custody change. It's a little hard to do right now because the decree is so vague. Also, HE is listed as the one to designate the children's residence - which I agreed to so the kids wouldn't have to change schools. (We live within a mile of each other, but different school districts). Lawyer said a new law has passed in Texas that neither parent needs to be designated as such, so she's going to try and get that out of the decree as well. She said the fact he's got that right now makes it harder for me to request custody.

I don't want to take time away from him. I just want him to man up and do the things he is supposed to be doing.

As for the "simple assault," I will file with the DA this afternoon. This will help my case should we decide to go for custody after all. That will also depend on his reaction once he's served.

Another poster stated that you might not get a custody change right away if dad screws up and lets stepmom stop him from following the orders. I agree. Dad may have to screw up and end up in court several times for contempt, prior to a judge taking it that far.

However, what you may be doing is doing dad a HUGE favor. If he is court ordered to do something, then he can blame it on the judge if his wife doesn't like it. It will give him "permission" to go against what his wife wants because he can blame it on someone else that his wife cannot control or go against.

Or...stepmom will end up so mad and frustrated that they will end up getting divorced, and dad will be back to being a decent co-parent.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Another poster stated that you might not get a custody change right away if dad screws up and lets stepmom stop him from following the orders. I agree. Dad may have to screw up and end up in court several times for contempt, prior to a judge taking it that far.

However, what you may be doing is doing dad a HUGE favor. If he is court ordered to do something, then he can blame it on the judge if his wife doesn't like it. It will give him "permission" to go against what his wife wants because he can blame it on someone else that his wife cannot control or go against.
Or...stepmom will end up so mad and frustrated that they will end up getting divorced, and dad will be back to being a decent co-parent.

EXACTLY!! That's what I'm hoping for. It would also serve as a reminder to her to stop interfering. At least I think it would.

 

[Proserpina]

Another poster stated that you might not get a custody change right away if dad screws up and lets stepmom stop him from following the orders. I agree. Dad may have to screw up and end up in court several times for contempt, prior to a judge taking it that far.

However, what you may be doing is doing dad a HUGE favor. If he is court ordered to do something, then he can blame it on the judge if his wife doesn't like it. It will give him "permission" to go against what his wife wants because he can blame it on someone else that his wife cannot control or go against.

Or...stepmom will end up so mad and frustrated that they will end up getting divorced, and dad will be back to being a decent co-parent.

I'm in complete agreement.

I do feel bad for Kimberly - I know that nobody is entirely without blame here but it's one of the far less clear-cut situations and it's put Kimberly in a very awkward place where she could quite possibly be damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.