Update: Trial and new order

[AkersTile]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO
Mom and Dad had trial today over the Motions for Contempt and Motions for Modification that they had filed against each other back in Jan/Feb 2012. It was interesting, to say the least. The judge used about 2 paragraphs of Dad's parenting plan and the rest has to be redone (see differences below). He was not a happy judge at all.

Some tidbits:
-The judge asked Mom if she would be willing to do family counseling with the kiddos and she told him even if he ordered it, she wouldn't do it.
-The judge asked Mom why she hadn't given Dad any money whatsoever to help support the kiddos. She told him that she had to take care of herself and support herself and Dad could afford to support the kiddos.
-The judge informed Mom that she would be ordered to pay child support, as well as her half of the kiddos expenses that she hadn't paid. Multiple times Mom said "I'm done with all of it. Let me sign my rights away and (AkersTile) can adopt the kids." The judge told her that it was her responsibility to financially support her children and whether she chose to exercise her parenting time or not, she would be paying child support, and she couldn't just give up her rights to not have to pay for them.
-The judge commended Dad and I on doing such a great job raising and supporting the kiddos, making sure they could be involved in the activities they liked, and being so actively involved in their lives. (I was so proud that the judge realized how much Hubby tries and what a good Dad he is! )

Dad's proposed parenting plan:
Joint Legal and Physical Custody.
Mom pays full Form 14 Child support.
EOW visitation.
Mom pays her half of the past due expenses.

Judge's order:
Dad has Sole Legal and Physical Custody (Joint before)
Mom is to have no contact with oldest SD without prior approval from Dad and kiddo's counselor.
Mom has visitation every other Saturday from 10-6, with pickup and dropoff at our house. (EOW, meet in middle before)
Mom's boyfriend is to have no contact with any of the kiddos, and if it is found that Mom is allowing contact, visitation is to become supervised.
Mom is to have reasonable access to children via phone, on Dad's or my phone only (not on kiddos phones).
Mom is to pay full Form 14 child support.
Mom is to pay her half of all medical expenses from April 2011-current.
Dad is to claim kiddos on taxes every year.
Kiddos are to remain in counseling until counselor releases them from treatment.
Mom is to attend family counseling with kiddos in addition to kiddos being in individual counseling.

There's probably more, but I don't have the order in front of me yet, so I don't know for sure. I don't know if I'm weird or what, but I am completely heartbroken that Mom would just try to give up her kids so she didn't have to pay child support. I don't understand it, and I can't comprehend it. Her and I are definitely completely different, that's for sure.

 

[stealth2]

As sad as it is that Mom is a deadbeat, you and Dad should take comfort in the fact that you both are doing the right thing for the kids. Well done.

 

[Proserpina]

As sad as it is that Mom is a deadbeat, you and Dad should take comfort in the fact that you both are doing the right thing for the kids. Well done.

Heartily seconded!

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO
Mom and Dad had trial today over the Motions for Contempt and Motions for Modification that they had filed against each other back in Jan/Feb 2012. It was interesting, to say the least. The judge used about 2 paragraphs of Dad's parenting plan and the rest has to be redone (see differences below). He was not a happy judge at all.

Let's have a look...

Some tidbits:
-The judge asked Mom if she would be willing to do family counseling with the kiddos and she told him even if he ordered it, she wouldn't do it.

That's disgusting.

-The judge asked Mom why she hadn't given Dad any money whatsoever to help support the kiddos. She told him that she had to take care of herself and support herself and Dad could afford to support the kiddos.

That's also disgusting.

-The judge informed Mom that she would be ordered to pay child support, as well as her half of the kiddos expenses that she hadn't paid. Multiple times Mom said "I'm done with all of it. Let me sign my rights away and (AkersTile) can adopt the kids." The judge told her that it was her responsibility to financially support her children and whether she chose to exercise her parenting time or not, she would be paying child support, and she couldn't just give up her rights to not have to pay for them.

Those children deserve much better. I'm SO glad that you're there with Dad, because you're both doing one helluva lot better parenting than Mom. And I use "Mom" in the legal sense only.

-The judge commended Dad and I on doing such a great job raising and supporting the kiddos, making sure they could be involved in the activities they liked, and being so actively involved in their lives. (I was so proud that the judge realized how much Hubby tries and what a good Dad he is! )

Well, doh!

Dad's proposed parenting plan:
Joint Legal and Physical Custody.
Mom pays full Form 14 Child support.
EOW visitation.
Mom pays her half of the past due expenses.

Judge's order:
Dad has Sole Legal and Physical Custody (Joint before)
Mom is to have no contact with oldest SD without prior approval from Dad and kiddo's counselor.
Mom has visitation every other Saturday from 10-6, with pickup and dropoff at our house. (EOW, meet in middle before)
Mom's boyfriend is to have no contact with any of the kiddos, and if it is found that Mom is allowing contact, visitation is to become supervised.
Mom is to have reasonable access to children via phone, on Dad's or my phone only (not on kiddos phones).
Mom is to pay full Form 14 child support.
Mom is to pay her half of all medical expenses from April 2011-current.
Dad is to claim kiddos on taxes every year.
Kiddos are to remain in counseling until counselor releases them from treatment.
Mom is to attend family counseling with kiddos in addition to kiddos being in individual counseling.

There's probably more, but I don't have the order in front of me yet, so I don't know for sure. I don't know if I'm weird or what, but I am completely heartbroken that Mom would just try to give up her kids so she didn't have to pay child support. I don't understand it, and I can't comprehend it. Her and I are definitely completely different, that's for sure.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - for being there for these children and for being a wonderful stepparent.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

I will never understand parents who walk away from their children...ever. Even in high conflict situations where the parent feels that they are doing the right thing by taking their children out of the middle I STILL will never understand it.

 

[Silverplum]

Those children deserve much better. I'm SO glad that you're there with Dad, because you're both doing one helluva lot better parenting than Mom. And I use "Mom" in the legal sense only.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - for being there for these children and for being a wonderful stepparent.

Thank you.

I heartily second THIS!

Akers, I've been through some of the same wringers as a StepMom, but not as many as you. You are a gracious and dedicated lady, and I admire you greatly!

 

[AkersTile]

Thank you everyone for your kind words I know I mess up (a lot) but I try my hardest to do the right thing for all these kiddos. I just wish she would realize what she's missing out on and be the kind of Mom they deserve. I know it is her choice to be involved in their lives or not, but it's not fair to them to not have their Mom, and as much as I love them, I'm still their Stepmom. This forum has been a blessing to Dad and I. You have all helped us so much, and we are extremely grateful for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

[Proserpina]

I heartily second THIS!

Akers, I've been through some of the same wringers as a StepMom, but not as many as you. You are a gracious and dedicated lady, and I admire you greatly!

And I heartily love and second this!

(and one day I can perhaps regain my ability to "like" posts myself. Until then, though? This will do!)

 

[gam]

Thank you everyone for your kind words I know I mess up (a lot) but I try my hardest to do the right thing for all these kiddos. I just wish she would realize what she's missing out on and be the kind of Mom they deserve. I know it is her choice to be involved in their lives or not, but it's not fair to them to not have their Mom, and as much as I love them, I'm still their Stepmom. This forum has been a blessing to Dad and I. You have all helped us so much, and we are extremely grateful for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I was once the kid, yep it's tough growing up dealing with a not so good parent or a missing parent. But ya know many make it through it, many come out normal and many think they were pretty darn lucky to have 1 good parent. They don't end up sitting around about how it was unfair because mom or dad were not in their lives.

I had a great childhood, with a great parent, I didn't get lucky and get any bonus stepparent, but 1 parent was all that was needed.

Ya figure it out, my dad was who he was, he was not meant to parent. Had he been around parenting on a regular basis, he would have been miserable, and his kids would have been miserable. I wouldn't exchange my dad for the best dad in the world, I'm thankful for him, learned a lot from him.

These kids have 1 good parent, and they have a bonus step who seems to adore them, your trying and you have some extras in your order to help those kids out. They will be fine, moms loss, not the kids.

 

[AkersTile]

I was once the kid, yep it's tough growing up dealing with a not so good parent or a missing parent. But ya know many make it through it, many come out normal and many think they were pretty darn lucky to have 1 good parent. They don't end up sitting around about how it was unfair because mom or dad were not in their lives.

I had a great childhood, with a great parent, I didn't get lucky and get any bonus stepparent, but 1 parent was all that was needed.

Ya figure it out, my dad was who he was, he was not meant to parent. Had he been around parenting on a regular basis, he would have been miserable, and his kids would have been miserable. I wouldn't exchange my dad for the best dad in the world, I'm thankful for him, learned a lot from him.

These kids have 1 good parent, and they have a bonus step who seems to adore them, your trying and you have some extras in your order to help those kids out. They will be fine, moms loss, not the kids.

Thanks gam. That helped put it in a better perspective for me. These kids do have a great Dad, and I try to be the best Stepmom I can be for them. I hope you're right and they will do fine as they get older. They have a really awesome counselor too, so I know she will help them to deal with things as well. In reality, I think I may be taking this harder than the kids because as a Mom/Stepmom I just can't wrap my head around wanting to give up any of these kids. KWIM?