Visitation for infant

[Smatchet]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?AL
I had a prior post in the child support forum. Due to recent events, this is now the more appropriate forum.

I have a divorce (based upon a common law marriage) presently pending, with one minor child born to the parties (son is now 5 months old). Dad was served and filed a denial that a common law marriage existed and requested genetic testing. Genetic testing has conclusively established paternity.

Son's legal name is a hyphenated "dad's.legal.name-mom's.legal.name". My legal name happens to be the same as my children from a prior marriage. Dad is extremely upset that the new baby has this last name even as a portion of child's name.

Dad and I have been separated since I was 2 months pregnant, due to his continued refusal to become employed. Dad consistently refused all contact with son, despite offers for visitation. He has repeatedly stated that he will not pay support or visit with son while the last name is hyphenated.

This was the situation until last week, when I filed a motion to compel responses to discovery and a motion to transfer the case to child support court and out of divorce court. Dad has semi-lawyered up (paid a consultation fee only, rather than the $5k retainer atty has quoted). Dad has now filed an objection to the transfer out of divorce court. He has also presented to me a proposed settlement agreement which calls for joint legal custody with me as primary physical custodian, and a standard visitation schedule, and a name change for son to dad's last name only.

My feeling is that dad will not exercise visitation on a regular and continuing basis. Therefore, I am reluctant to change my son's last name and have him be the "odd man out" in my household, which consists of myself and two other kids with mom's.legal.name. Comments from all are invited.

Next issue up for comment is visitation schedule - what are some common graduated visitation plans for an infant? Child is breastfed at this time, and will not take a bottle (despite mom's frequent attempts to get him to Older sister had the same stubborn streak) I do not want to hamper son's relationship with dad, and I truly hope dad will follow through.

Your comments and advice will be appreciated.

 

[NotSoNew]

i see nothing wrong with the hypenated last name, and think dad needs to pick his battles. his son does have his last name, and if you feel strongly that it stay that way, I think that is fair.

As for a graduated visitation schedule for a 5 month old, the courts will propose a few hours every other day, however this doesnt always work with everyones schedule. My BF has a 5 month old DD and he has seen her two days a week since she was born, for 12 hours each day (9 am - 9 pm) he just had his first overnight last weekend, now he has one overnight every week.

Mom breastfeed also, she doesnt anymore now, but the courts dont let that interfere with visitation, you would be required to pump, and most babies wont take a bottle from mom or even if mom is in the room, but they will drink out of a bottle when mom is not around.

Good luck!

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?AL
I had a prior post in the child support forum. Due to recent events, this is now the more appropriate forum.

I have a divorce (based upon a common law marriage) presently pending, with one minor child born to the parties (son is now 5 months old). Dad was served and filed a denial that a common law marriage existed and requested genetic testing. Genetic testing has conclusively established paternity.

Son's legal name is a hyphenated "dad's.legal.name-mom's.legal.name". My legal name happens to be the same as my children from a prior marriage. Dad is extremely upset that the new baby has this last name even as a portion of child's name.

Dad and I have been separated since I was 2 months pregnant, due to his continued refusal to become employed. Dad consistently refused all contact with son, despite offers for visitation. He has repeatedly stated that he will not pay support or visit with son while the last name is hyphenated.

This was the situation until last week, when I filed a motion to compel responses to discovery and a motion to transfer the case to child support court and out of divorce court. Dad has semi-lawyered up (paid a consultation fee only, rather than the $5k retainer atty has quoted). Dad has now filed an objection to the transfer out of divorce court. He has also presented to me a proposed settlement agreement which calls for joint legal custody with me as primary physical custodian, and a standard visitation schedule, and a name change for son to dad's last name only.

My feeling is that dad will not exercise visitation on a regular and continuing basis. Therefore, I am reluctant to change my son's last name and have him be the "odd man out" in my household, which consists of myself and two other kids with mom's.legal.name. Comments from all are invited.

Next issue up for comment is visitation schedule - what are some common graduated visitation plans for an infant? Child is breastfed at this time, and will not take a bottle (despite mom's frequent attempts to get him to Older sister had the same stubborn streak) I do not want to hamper son's relationship with dad, and I truly hope dad will follow through.

Your comments and advice will be appreciated.

You can look up sample parenting plans for infants in your state- to get an idea of what the 'norm' is.

Contact La Leche League in your area re; help pumping. They are a good resource and inexpensive. I used them when youngest had issues pumping.

Re; names. My children have different last names (Their father's) so it was I that hyphenated MY name to match theirs. No problem, no hard feelings anywhere.

 

[stealth2]

Dad and I have been separated since I was 2 months pregnant, due to his continued refusal to become employed.

While this isn't specifically addressing your question, you do realize that if you had considered his "continued refusal" to work BEFORE getting pregnant, you wouldn't be having these problems, right?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Your common law husband is within his rights as the proven biological father to ask the courts to give his last name to his child, un-hyphenated and not to give his child the name belonging to one of your previous partners. Lots of families have children with different last names, that is what happens when you have children by different fathers. What will you do next time you hook up with a man and get pregnant again? If you are claiming a common law marriage, you will have to follow through with the divorce case until it is decided by a judge. Now if your were not using his last name or don't actually qualify for a common law marriage and he does win his contest, you could be responsible for his attorney's fees. Now that you have claimed a common law marriage it will have to be adjudicated otherwise, you could become a bigimist if you do marry. You cannot force him to visit your child and depending on his relationship with your other children he may receive visitation for them as well, see how complex all this becomes.

 

[Smatchet]

While this isn't specifically addressing your question, you do realize that if you had considered his "continued refusal" to work BEFORE getting pregnant, you wouldn't be having these problems, right?

This has nothing to do with my question. Since you've already bashed me about this on the child support thread, is it really necessary to keep at it? Baby is here, and I wouldn't change that for the world regardless of dad's status.

 

[Smatchet]

Your common law husband is within his rights as the proven biological father to ask the courts to give his last name to his child, un-hyphenated and not to give his child the name belonging to one of your previous partners.

This is not just HIS child, anymore than it is just MY child. Son is OUR child, and as such a judge can find that son is entitled to carry my LEGAL last name as well. I have never used dad's last name for any purpose. I could have given child only MY legal name at birth, but instead chose to hyphenate as a gesture of goodwill.
My concern is that my son will be the only member of our household with a completely different name from a dad he doesn't know. Please recall that my concern is that dad will probably not visit on a regular basis. His visits will probably be few and far between, and we do not live in the same town as dad and other members of dad's family.

What will you do next time you hook up with a man and get pregnant again?

Bite me. You have absolutely nothing upon which to base this very rude remark. I haven't popped out kids like puppies every year or two. My other, much older, children are from a previous marriage. I am presently 43 years old and was not supposed to be able to conceive. As I stated before, in the cs thread, son is a happy accident.

If you are claiming a common law marriage, you will have to follow through with the divorce case until it is decided by a judge. Now if your were not using his last name or don't actually qualify for a common law marriage and he does win his contest, you could be responsible for his attorney's fees

He is no longer contesting the cl marriage. He was vehemently opposed to becoming divorced as he stated we were not married. Only after I filed a motion to transfer to child support court, did he decide that now he wants to go through divorce court.

 

[Smatchet]

You can look up sample parenting plans for infants in your state- to get an idea of what the 'norm' is.

Contact La Leche League in your area re; help pumping. They are a good resource and inexpensive. I used them when youngest had issues pumping.

Re; names. My children have different last names (Their father's) so it was I that hyphenated MY name to match theirs. No problem, no hard feelings anywhere.

Where do I look up sample plans?

Hyphenating your own name is a great idea; however, I think dad would flip out if I changed my last name to include his as well.

 

[stealth2]

I think dad would flip out if I changed my last name to include his as well.

Too bad. He has no say in what you change YOUR name to.

 

[Smatchet]

Settlement agreement executed today in the divorce case:

We are divorced (despite dad's contention that we were never married - go figure)

Mom has sole & exclusive custody of 5 month old son

Dad's wages imputed at 2x minimum wage (as I requested in my offer), with existing cs arrearage for 5/5, 6/5, 7/5, 8/5 and 9/5 to be pd within 60 days with no interest, or at $50 per month with interest apr of 12%.

Dad pay $1,000 in meds from maternity & birth (significantly less than half, but this was the offer I proposed). No interest if pd within 60 days. Otherwise, to be paid at $50.00 per month at 12% interest.

Mom to be owner & beneficiary of $250,000 life insurance policy on dad, mom pays premium - no time limit placed on when must end (I'm looking at a 30 year term life policy from AIG)

Child's name to be changed to dad's last name only in October 2006, if dad complies with provisions regarding child support & life insurance.

Dad has graduated visitation as follows:

Until 18 months, every other Saturday from 1-5 at his brother's home.

18 months to 36 months, every other Saturday from 9:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m., and every other Sunday from 9:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m.

After 36 months, every other weekend Friday at 6 pm until Sunday at 6 pm; Xmas Day from 2 pm until 12/30 at 6 pm; Father's Day; 1/2 spring break after begins school; Thanksgiving every other year; 2 non-consecutive weeks in summer; all other reasonable times & places

No overnight with opposite sex to whom not related by blood or marriage.
Dad must have suitable home for overnight.
Dad must provide address & phone number for all visits.
No out of state without prior consent.
No disparaging remarks about either parent
Notification of illness
Requirement for car seat
50/50 uninsured meds to include orthodontics & glasses

- most of this will likely be moot. Dad is not likely to pay support or visit, unfortunately.

 

[nextwife]

I am presently 43 years old and was not supposed to be able to conceive.

Ummm, why would you presume you could not concieve at 42? I was pregnant at 42, and a good friend of mine got pregnant and had a son (spontaneous pregnancy, her first child) at 42.

 

[Smatchet]

Ummm, why would you presume you could not concieve at 42? I was pregnant at 42, and a good friend of mine got pregnant and had a son (spontaneous pregnancy, her first child) at 42.

Ummm, you really need to read for content. Nowhere in my post does it say I "presumed" I couldn't conceive. I stated that I "was not supposed to be able to conceive," not that I assumed I couldn't. But hey, what do doctors know? They're fallible human beings, just like the rest of us. Quite frankly, I don't give a rat's behind about your, or anyone else's, opinion on how my son came into being; the fact is that he did, he's here, and it really doesn't matter why or how or what choices led to him being here.

I came to this site with a few specific questions, none of which required you to have any details regarding why I got pregnant. It is none of your business, and has no bearing upon any questions I asked.

 

[nextwife]

What matters is that your child was born of two parents. Neither has to be continuously employed in order to be legally entitled to be a PARENT (not a "visitor") to their child. You are correct in that second guessing why you chose a man you do not respect to be your child's co-parent is a pointless exercise. The FACT is that he now IS the parent, IS seeking his paternal rights, has every legal right to do so and to get a visitation schedule with his own time, REGARDLESS of how much time he spent in the past with the child. Once they have had a "breaking in" period, he will eventually get a regular visitation schedule that will include overnights.

 

[Smatchet]

What matters is that your child was born of two parents. Neither has to be continuously employed in order to be legally entitled to be a PARENT (not a "visitor") to their child. You are correct in that second guessing why you chose a man you do not respect to be your child's co-parent is a pointless exercise. The FACT is that he now IS the parent, IS seeking his paternal rights, has every legal right to do so and to get a visitation schedule with his own time, REGARDLESS of how much time he spent in the past with the child. Once they have had a "breaking in" period, he will eventually get a regular visitation schedule that will include overnights.

You REALLY need to learn to read for content. See 3 posts above wherein the agreement re visitation has been reached which includes overnights after age 3.

My goal is now and has always been for my child to have a relationship with dad. Your post makes NO sense.