Visitation / Summer

[Footsy1972]

Iowa
I moved out of state about 2 years ago and the visitation has not changed. I am to have my daughter who is 13 for 4 weeks in the summer. She has stated repeatedly that she wants to come out but according to her dad and step mom she doesn't. I go home (1200 miles) every 2 months to visit and also spend long holidays at home so I can see her. She did not come out last summer because her dad said the same thing and I believed him but later found out that they did not want her coming here and conviced her that if she came I wouldn't spend any time with her and scared her in that is was so far away. She can be home in 2 hours by plane. I have stated she can go home when ever she wants. I am unsure of what to do. I rearranged my work schedule to only work half days and she can come to work with me. I have met families with daughters her age so she can get to know some girls her own age her.
My main question is can I make her come out here legally cause it is in the court documents that she is to spend summers with me.
If anyone can give me advice on this I would appreciate it.

Thank You

 

[ceara19]

The court order must be followed. Visitation won't change unless one of you can convince the court to modify it.

Buy your daughter a plane ticket for whatever date your visitation starts and tell dad, that if he does not put her on that plane, you will be taking further action for his blatant violation of a valid court order.

Dad has no right to withhold visitation and the CHILD doesn't get a vote. It makes no difference if she WANTS to go, she HAS to go! You also need to stop telling the child that "she can go home when ever she wants". If she is allowed to make decisions for things such as this you are BOTH (you & dad) are creating a situation where the child is going to start thinking she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She would also be likely to start playing mom & dad against each other in order to get her way.

 

[LdiJ]

The court order must be followed. Visitation won't change unless one of you can convince the court to modify it.

Buy your daughter a plane ticket for whatever date your visitation starts and tell dad, that if he does not put her on that plane, you will be taking further action for his blatant violation of a valid court order.

Dad has no right to withhold visitation and the CHILD doesn't get a vote. It makes no difference if she WANTS to go, she HAS to go! You also need to stop telling the child that "she can go home when ever she wants". If she is allowed to make decisions for things such as this you are BOTH (you & dad) are creating a situation where the child is going to start thinking she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She would also be likely to start playing mom & dad against each other in order to get her way.

I agree 100% Nip this in the bud now.

 

[Footsy1972]

Thanks for the replys I greatly appreciate it. Actually I am drving to pick her up and will tell her dad that I will be there as planned and she will stay the entire visit. Can I get the local police involved if he doesn't cooperate?

 

[ceara19]

Thanks for the replys I greatly appreciate it. Actually I am drving to pick her up and will tell her dad that I will be there as planned and she will stay the entire visit. Can I get the local police involved if he doesn't cooperate?

They won't force him to turn the child over to you, but you can probably get them to try and talk him into following the court order. If he still refuses, fill out a report with the police as proof that he denied your court order visitation to prove the violation in court.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

WHen you moved out of state did you petition the court to modify the visitation agreement to allow for long distance out of state visitaiton? Does your current visitation agreement include language allowing such travel?

 

[Footsy1972]

It current visitation document does not state anything about her not being able to travel or I am in the process of changing the visitation becuase I tried working this out with him but he stated he will drag it through court. I did not know that he would be this way until recently. They have more infuence than I do being 1200 miles away now so I constantly have to fight this battle. Like I said she has not said she didn't want to come out here to me, either when I talk to her several times a week or when I visited her last in April. So I am assuming again that they are doing the same thing as last summer and trying to influence her in any way they can. I will be talking to her dad again today and just stating that I will be picking her up on the date already agreed upon.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

It current visitation document does not state anything about her not being able to travel or I am in the process of changing the visitation becuase I tried working this out with him but he stated he will drag it through court. I did not know that he would be this way until recently. They have more infuence than I do being 1200 miles away now so I constantly have to fight this battle. Like I said she has not said she didn't want to come out here to me, either when I talk to her several times a week or when I visited her last in April. So I am assuming again that they are doing the same thing as last summer and trying to influence her in any way they can. I will be talking to her dad again today and just stating that I will be picking her up on the date already agreed upon.

So apparently you chose to move out of state as opposed to having regular and frequent visitation with your daughter and something is keeping you from simply taking it to court. Did you move out of state to be with a different person, choosing them over your daughter? This is somehtng that could be very hurtful to your daughter. Unless your court orders specifically allow you to remove the child from the state, you will be hard pressed to enforce your summer vacation and remove her from the state without permission until you have a modified court order..

 

[Footsy1972]

I did not move out of state to be with someone else I moved related to my job yes I choose to move but that does not mean I gave up my rights or that I left my daughter. It also does not give her dad the right to be uncooperative in my having a relationship with my daughter. As I have said she has never expressed to me that she does not want to visit me or see me.
I work fulltime and go to school full time and am doing what I can as far as going to court. I was hoping her dad would be cooperative but I found out otherwise. I am in the process of finding an attorney in Iowa to help with this and get the paperwork changed.
So if her dad wants to take her out of state for a vacation he should not be able to do that either. She is here for 4 weeks no longer. I pay for everything, they do not send clothes with her or anything. I do everything because I want her with me as much as possible. She did move out here with me but was very unhappy with the school and my family is also on her area so I did let her move back with her dad and step-mom to her family and freinds. I belive I made the right choice for her.

I am not trying to sound angry but I am not the first parent to move away from there child and even if a parent does move away does not mean they don't love there child or want a relationship. The parents should be able to work together for the best interest of the child and the best interest should be to have a relationship with both parents no matter where they reside.

 

[LdiJ]

So apparently you chose to move out of state as opposed to having regular and frequent visitation with your daughter and something is keeping you from simply taking it to court. Did you move out of state to be with a different person, choosing them over your daughter? This is somehtng that could be very hurtful to your daughter. Unless your court orders specifically allow you to remove the child from the state, you will be hard pressed to enforce your summer vacation and remove her from the state without permission until you have a modified court order..

Ok...you are doing it again. That is not true and you KNOW that. Her visitation time periods remain as stated in the original orders. Dad is in contempt if he does not honor the order. If she can't enforce them it won't be because she lives out of state, it will be because there may not be enough time to haul dad into court for contempt.

 

[LdiJ]

I did not move out of state to be with someone else I moved related to my job yes I choose to move but that does not mean I gave up my rights or that I left my daughter. It also does not give her dad the right to be uncooperative in my having a relationship with my daughter. As I have said she has never expressed to me that she does not want to visit me or see me.
I work fulltime and go to school full time and am doing what I can as far as going to court. I was hoping her dad would be cooperative but I found out otherwise. I am in the process of finding an attorney in Iowa to help with this and get the paperwork changed.
So if her dad wants to take her out of state for a vacation he should not be able to do that either. She is here for 4 weeks no longer. I pay for everything, they do not send clothes with her or anything. I do everything because I want her with me as much as possible. She did move out here with me but was very unhappy with the school and my family is also on her area so I did let her move back with her dad and step-mom to her family and freinds. I belive I made the right choice for her.

I am not trying to sound angry but I am not the first parent to move away from there child and even if a parent does move away does not mean they don't love there child or want a relationship. The parents should be able to work together for the best interest of the child and the best interest should be to have a relationship with both parents no matter where they reside.

That advice was incorrect. It is absolutely NOT true that you must modify the orders in order to continue to have your normal summer visitation....nor are you prohibited from having the visitation in your home state.

 

[Footsy1972]

I am obviously pressd for time but I am working on what will need to be done if I get there and things do not go as planned. He waited till the day before last summer and I fell for it becuase I love my daughter and thought she really didn't want to come out here but as I found out later that was not the case. I at least have a few weeks this time to make arrangments. Time and money are issues and I am getting in touch with Iowa Legal Aid to see if they can help.
I so appreciate the help on all this I was very upset reading the post that it might be difficult because I am taking her out of state. I felt I was being attacked for moving and yes I know it was my choice but I love my daughter and I do all this because I do love her and want her to know I am there for her. I am working with the possibility of parental allienation (? bad spelling). I have documented everything, ex: when I was home for x-mas I had her for the week and half of vacation and they sent her with the clothes she was wearing for the whole time in winter weather she also had no gloves or hat. I took her and bought her clothes and underwear etc... I try to be the nice person and just try to deal but it is not working.

 

[fairisfair]

So apparently you chose to move out of state as opposed to having regular and frequent visitation with your daughter and something is keeping you from simply taking it to court. Did you move out of state to be with a different person, choosing them over your daughter? This is somehtng that could be very hurtful to your daughter. Unless your court orders specifically allow you to remove the child from the state, you will be hard pressed to enforce your summer vacation and remove her from the state without permission until you have a modified court order..

OMG, where do you come up with some of your conclusions????