Wanting to change things

[AkersTile]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?MO

Basic Background: Mom and Dad have joint custody.
Mom is supposed to get kiddos EOW, actually EOWeek per CO, but only EOWeekend per their random agreement.
Dad works out of state.
I'm StepMom, for those that don't already know this ;-)

Dad got sent to Pennsylvania last week for work and told the job was only going to be for a few weeks. Now being told it will be approx 2 YEARS and they are working 5 days/8 hours per week instead of 4/10s as usual. Job is 13 hours from here. That means Dad can't come home on weekends. To make it even better, a realtor contacted me and told me that the person who owns our house is putting it back on the maket. We were in a rent-to-own type agreement where we paid a certain amount extra over our rent to go towards the down payment while we got our credit in a better place to get financed for the house.

Dad is wanting to see if Mom will come to an agreement as far as kiddos are concerned and file it with the courts. We both know that if Mom decides she wants primary custody, there's a pretty darn good chance she'd get it, since they are being raised by me, not Dad.

Here's what Dad's wanting to offer:
Primary physical to Dad, Mom having 1 full week every month, plus extra time as agreed upon.
Dad provides all transportation (well actually *I* provide it, he just pays for it. LOL).
No Child Support.
Permission for the kiddos to be homeschooled/online curriculum.
Dad claims kiddos on taxes.

He hasn't talked to Mom yet, but will be talking to her either tonight or tomorrow.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?MO

Basic Background: Mom and Dad have joint custody.
Mom is supposed to get kiddos EOW, actually EOWeek per CO, but only EOWeekend per their random agreement.
Dad works out of state.
I'm StepMom, for those that don't already know this ;-)

Dad got sent to Pennsylvania last week for work and told the job was only going to be for a few weeks. Now being told it will be approx 2 YEARS and they are working 5 days/8 hours per week instead of 4/10s as usual. Job is 13 hours from here. That means Dad can't come home on weekends. To make it even better, a realtor contacted me and told me that the person who owns our house is putting it back on the maket. We were in a rent-to-own type agreement where we paid a certain amount extra over our rent to go towards the down payment while we got our credit in a better place to get financed for the house.

Dad is wanting to see if Mom will come to an agreement as far as kiddos are concerned and file it with the courts. We both know that if Mom decides she wants primary custody, there's a pretty darn good chance she'd get it, since they are being raised by me, not Dad.

Here's what Dad's wanting to offer:
Primary physical to Dad, Mom having 1 full week every month, plus extra time as agreed upon.
Dad provides all transportation (well actually *I* provide it, he just pays for it. LOL).
No Child Support.
Permission for the kiddos to be homeschooled/online curriculum.
Dad claims kiddos on taxes.

He hasn't talked to Mom yet, but will be talking to her either tonight or tomorrow.

Remind me, how old are the kids?

 

[AkersTile]

Remind me, how old are the kids?

13, 11, 9, 7

 

[Proserpina]

13, 11, 9, 7

To clarify - is Dad wanting the kids in PA?

If that's the case, how is school going to work with them being with Mom one week a month?

 

[AkersTile]

To clarify - is Dad wanting the kids in PA?

If that's the case, how is school going to work with them being with Mom one week a month?

Yes he's wanting them in PA. Evidently, he's been doing a lot of thinking and wants to do a combination homeschool/online program that way they are not uprooted each time they send him to a new location and she can spend time with them as well regardless of where we are.

Our internet is through my cell company so we have it wherever we go

 

[Proserpina]

Yes he's wanting them in PA. Evidently, he's been doing a lot of thinking and wants to do a combination homeschool/online program that way they are not uprooted each time they send him to a new location and she can spend time with them as well regardless of where we are.

Our internet is through my cell company so we have it wherever we go

I'll be honest hon - I'm not liking that schedule. With that said, Dad has EOW, yes? But Mom isn't exercising her full week? Would she actually want to be the primary?

 

[AkersTile]

I'll be honest hon - I'm not liking that schedule. With that said, Dad has EOW, yes? But Mom isn't exercising her full week? Would she actually want to be the primary?

According to the CO, they each have EOW, but Mom has only been getting the kiddos EOWeekend. She only wants to be primary of the 11yo. 13yo is not even allowed at her house (per Mom not Dad) so she's a non-issue. Its mainly the younger 3. Any suggestions on a better schedule? Like I said, Dad hasn't talked to Mom yet, so we're just brainstorming ideas right now and trying to come up with something that would work.

 

[Proserpina]

According to the CO, they each have EOW, but Mom has only been getting the kiddos EOWeekend. She only wants to be primary of the 11yo. 13yo is not even allowed at her house (per Mom not Dad) so she's a non-issue. Its mainly the younger 3. Any suggestions on a better schedule? Like I said, Dad hasn't talked to Mom yet, so we're just brainstorming ideas right now and trying to come up with something that would work.

Standard long-distance parenting plan, and allowing Mom to claim the kids every other year, maybe? (In addition to what you said)

 

[AkersTile]

Standard long-distance parenting plan, and allowing Mom to claim the kids every other year, maybe? (In addition to what you said)

K. I will give him those ideas as well. *I* had thought of the standard LD plan, but figured Mom wouldn't want to go from seeing them EOW to not seeing them for a few months at a time.

 

[CJane]

I disagree that *in this case* Mom has a better than even shot at primary, should she fight the relocation.

Homeschooling, in and of itself, is not a significant change in circumstances (per case law in MO). And if Dad is offering 1 week every month, that's more time than mom is currently utilizing. Mom has also shown that it's NOT in the kids' best interests to live full time with her, and that she has no desire for a relationship with one of the children.

 

[PQN]

I think the fact that mom would want to separate the siblings would hurt her in a bid for primary custody as would the fact that she has only used roughly 4 days/month of her 15/days per month she could have (How long has that been the staus quo?).

 

[AkersTile]

I think the fact that mom would want to separate the siblings would hurt her in a bid for primary custody as would the fact that she has only used roughly 4 days/month of her 15/days per month she could have (How long has that been the staus quo?).

Sorry it took a few days to reply. Mom has had them EOWeekend since 2009. This last CO took effect April 28, 2011, which gave her EOWeek, but she still only gets them EOWeekend.

 

[AkersTile]

So Dad called Mom last night. Mom wanted to 3 way me in, because for some reason, I need to be a part of these discussions.

Dad explained to her how hard it was for the kids being away from both their parents for long periods of time, etc., etc. He asked her if she had any ideas that may make the situation easier for them. She replied that the kids have only seen her EOW for a few years so now he can see how that feels too Dad ignored that (amazingly and I am so proud of him for that!) and brought up the homeschooling idea, LD plan vs. Mom having them 1 week a month. Mom didn't like either plan because (Mom's words) "If I had them for a whole week, then I would have to find childcare and pay for all that crap, and I just don't see a point in doing that". I did not say a word, but I gotta say, my lip still has a hole in it and it hurts.

Mom wants things to stay exactly how they are and have ME raise HER children. I'm not complaining about that, so don't take it the wrong way. I am well aware that legally I'm nothing to them, but emotionally they are mine just as much as my 2 monsters I gave birth too. I just still can't seem to wrap my head around her thought processes.

So, in the meantime, Mom gets the kids this weekend, then Monday morning I'm loading them and all their crap in my truck and driving to PA to see Dad and we're going to take them to Hershey Park next weekend (well as long as I am not in the looney bin after a 13 hour drive, by myself, with 6 children). At least for the rest of the summer we'll be spending lots of time with Dad and coming back home for them to go to Mom's. Not sure what's going to happen yet as far as school goes.

 

[PQN]

(Good luck with the drive!)

 

[CJane]

It sounds like dad needs to file in court and ask for permission to move.

(Good luck with the drive!)

No.

Dad needs to send Mom notification of his intent to relocate, include a new proposed parenting plan, and do it NOW.

If mom plans to stop the relocation, SHE will have to file in court.