Forestgrump
Member
What is the name of your state? Virginia
Here's the quick version, My stepdaughter made a choice in December to come and live with my husband and I. Her mother had primary physical custody w/us having joint custody. Our daughter came to us, not because she doesn't love her mother, but because her mother's drinking/prescription pill dependence was making my sd feel like she was the parent, and in danger of being hurt while her mother drove drunk with her. She had discussed this with her school counselor, her mom's best friend and so from there I was contacted and asked her what she wanted to do..her answer was to come live with us while her mother would get help...so that was back in December, now everything has been worked out legally with basically a reversal of the child custody order. We did not want out 13 yr old to have to get on the stand and testify against her mother even though she wanted to (she thought that it would be the one time that she would be heard and her mother could not yell at her, since the judge would be there). Personally and I only shared this with my hubby, but I felt that knowing her mothers issues that if my sd testified her mother would never get over it and had already told her that she was going to move on with her life w/o her. Mother does not see she has a problem, and has quit her job, left the state and moved in with her own mother in Pa. This weekend my sd went for visitation, she texted me that her mother had changed and was not drinking. Problem is last night she wanted to talk and told me that her mother had told her she wanted to adopt a daughter and pick up where she had left off, told her that all her old friends in Md ,(which is the state in which everything went thru the courts, but now noone has ties to Md) and their parents all hate her for what she did to her mother, that her best friend in Md hates her, that she's a (our last name) and not a real ( mother's maiden name) and that our side of the family runs from their problems, so much was said and I personally find this abusive. We had her with a wonderful phd, but her mother cancelled her health insurance w/o telling us or anyone else and our insurance doesn't cover him and we now owe him over 1,300 dollars, with that and atorney fees we are way over our heads financially. but that is second.....What if any should I do about what her mother is saying to her? It kills me that this little girl had the strength to make such a grown up decision, yet as we all know sometimes emotional scars take longer to heal than physical! Hubby works out of town all week and as her sd I never want us to lose the relationship we have nor do I ever want her to resent me, for saying anything against her mother, but after last night I just am at my wits end with this woman...I tried to explain to my sd that sometimes adults say things and do not really mean it, but now I am feeling like I am making her feel like verbal abuse is okay...My sd did ask me if I would ever have said that type of thing and I replied "what do you think"? she stated no...it is such a fine line raising a teenager let alone with all the added in crap of her mother...I am just looking for adivse from anyone who knows or has been the child of a parent who has acted like this....thank you and I apologize for my novel in advance!! Peace and God Bless......
there is alot more, but that would take days to explain and it's all water under the bridge now.... thank you
Here's the quick version, My stepdaughter made a choice in December to come and live with my husband and I. Her mother had primary physical custody w/us having joint custody. Our daughter came to us, not because she doesn't love her mother, but because her mother's drinking/prescription pill dependence was making my sd feel like she was the parent, and in danger of being hurt while her mother drove drunk with her. She had discussed this with her school counselor, her mom's best friend and so from there I was contacted and asked her what she wanted to do..her answer was to come live with us while her mother would get help...so that was back in December, now everything has been worked out legally with basically a reversal of the child custody order. We did not want out 13 yr old to have to get on the stand and testify against her mother even though she wanted to (she thought that it would be the one time that she would be heard and her mother could not yell at her, since the judge would be there). Personally and I only shared this with my hubby, but I felt that knowing her mothers issues that if my sd testified her mother would never get over it and had already told her that she was going to move on with her life w/o her. Mother does not see she has a problem, and has quit her job, left the state and moved in with her own mother in Pa. This weekend my sd went for visitation, she texted me that her mother had changed and was not drinking. Problem is last night she wanted to talk and told me that her mother had told her she wanted to adopt a daughter and pick up where she had left off, told her that all her old friends in Md ,(which is the state in which everything went thru the courts, but now noone has ties to Md) and their parents all hate her for what she did to her mother, that her best friend in Md hates her, that she's a (our last name) and not a real ( mother's maiden name) and that our side of the family runs from their problems, so much was said and I personally find this abusive. We had her with a wonderful phd, but her mother cancelled her health insurance w/o telling us or anyone else and our insurance doesn't cover him and we now owe him over 1,300 dollars, with that and atorney fees we are way over our heads financially. but that is second.....What if any should I do about what her mother is saying to her? It kills me that this little girl had the strength to make such a grown up decision, yet as we all know sometimes emotional scars take longer to heal than physical! Hubby works out of town all week and as her sd I never want us to lose the relationship we have nor do I ever want her to resent me, for saying anything against her mother, but after last night I just am at my wits end with this woman...I tried to explain to my sd that sometimes adults say things and do not really mean it, but now I am feeling like I am making her feel like verbal abuse is okay...My sd did ask me if I would ever have said that type of thing and I replied "what do you think"? she stated no...it is such a fine line raising a teenager let alone with all the added in crap of her mother...I am just looking for adivse from anyone who knows or has been the child of a parent who has acted like this....thank you and I apologize for my novel in advance!! Peace and God Bless......
there is alot more, but that would take days to explain and it's all water under the bridge now.... thank you
