What evidence to gather on open Affair

[bcr229]

In terms of custody, you would be better served showing why you would be the better custodial parent.

So... if the OP keeps a log of when his wife is staying at home versus sleeping elsewhere (and it doesn't matter where), then could he use that to show he should have primary custody and his wife should have visitation and pay him child support?

 

[adjusterjack]

So... if the OP keeps a log of when his wife is staying at home versus sleeping elsewhere (and it doesn't matter where), then could he use that to show he should have primary custody and his wife should have visitation and pay him child support?

The reality of divorce in this country suggests otherwise.

 

[stealth2]

So... if the OP keeps a log of when his wife is staying at home versus sleeping elsewhere (and it doesn't matter where), then could he use that to show he should have primary custody and his wife should have visitation and pay him child support?

Where Mom sleeps has little to do with who is caring for the child, i.e. who the primary caregiver is. Who handles (and has done in the past - two/four/six weeks doesn't really count) the day-to-day care. Who takes kiddo to doctor/dentist appointments. Who takes kiddo to school/picks up from. Who handles homework, meals, baths, bedtime. (of course, much of this is age dependent.)

Dad should be aware that, as soon as he files for primary physical custody? Mom will likely move back into the marital home. Her home. And resume (assuming she was, prior to this short separation) her primary care of the child(ren).

 

[AlmostThere]

You should be more concerned about your children's well being than with whom Mom is sleeping. How old are your children? Do they know you will be getting a divorce? Are they in counseling? Start reading about what kind of child custody arrangement is in your children's best interest. You can spend a lot of money and energy trying to stick to Mom, or you can spend the same money and energy working out the best solution for your children.

My advice:
Contact an attorney.
Get yourself into counseling. This will help you be grounded as you work through the upcoming months of turmoil.
Get your children into counseling.
Start figuring out finances. How much does it cost to run your home and take care of the family? Make a detailed list of all your assets and debts.
Never include your children in adult conversations or topics. Never bad mouth your STBX. Always support and promote their relationship with their mother.

Be aware that once you start splitting your combined household income between two homes, your standard of living will change.

 

[stealth2]

Anecdotally...
I remember walking down the stairs, late at night, to find my husband "working" in the den. To see him shut whatever screen down asap. More than once. Whatever. Yeah, I put two and two together, but you know what? It didn't matter. I'd been mentally and emotionally done long before and focused on our kids. Didn't really care, tbh. (Although I did snoop and confront him.)

Was it a factor in my decision to file for divorce? Nope. I was more interested in my kids having a mother who was emotionally healthy. And I could not be that with their father. And their well-being was always paramount.

 

[LdiJ]

Gives me upper hand with custody and money

It does not give you the upper hand with money at all. It may help you with custody, but only if it goes on for a much longer period of time than two weeks.

 

[Eekamouse]

Why not just file for divorce and be done with her instead of hoping and looking for a way to get some sort of revenge on her? You two were broken up anyway when she moved in with her new lover, right?