What matters?

[hayley"s mom]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I am going to file for custody in two weeks, my daughter is fourteen (14) and she will be fifteen (15) in May, if you have read my other posts you are aware of some of the issuses that I am facing. My question now is my ex has had several like about seven(7) relationships since we split and divorced
thirteen (13) yrs ago, he moved two (2) of those women into his home setting up house keeping and had a son out of wed-lock with one also, that child is eight (8) now. He is married now but not to either of those women. Since he knows that I am filing for custody he says that since I am in a relationship (12) yrs, same guy but we are not married that I will not be able to get custody unless, we marry or live in seperate households.. Is this true?
I feel the fact that I have maintained a good relationship and have been with the same person a plus (married or not). He has a good relationship with my daughter and they love eachother very much, she actually has a better relationship with my significant other that her father because he is there for her and her father never has the time for her. ( her words not mine). I've often had a problem with my ex bringing people in and out of my daughters life I don't want her to think thats how it should be. Also my ex's son is with his 1st cousins ex and her other son and my exs son are brother/cousins!!!
Won't that have bearing or does a judge not care of those things?

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

I am going to file for custody in two weeks, my daughter is fourteen (14) and she will be fifteen (15) in May, if you have read my other posts you are aware of some of the issuses that I am facing. My question now is my ex has had several like about seven(7) relationships since we split and divorced
thirteen (13) yrs ago, he moved two (2) of those women into his home setting up house keeping and had a son out of wed-lock with one also, that child is eight (8) now. He is married now but not to either of those women. Since he knows that I am filing for custody he says that since I am in a relationship (12) yrs, same guy but we are not married that I will not be able to get custody unless, we marry or live in seperate households.. Is this true?
I feel the fact that I have maintained a good relationship and have been with the same person a plus (married or not). He has a good relationship with my daughter and they love eachother very much, she actually has a better relationship with my significant other that her father because he is there for her and her father never has the time for her. ( her words not mine). I've often had a problem with my ex bringing people in and out of my daughters life I don't want her to think thats how it should be. Also my ex's son is with his 1st cousins ex and her other son and my exs son are brother/cousins!!!
Won't that have bearing or does a judge not care of those things?

Ohio have hills ?

 

[hayley"s mom]

Mostly Flat....... Anybody got any info for me on this, Please!!!!!

 

[stealth2]

The judge is likely not going to give that much weight. The question is going to be why the judge should move the child from the home she has lived in for (apparently) 13 years.

 

[hayley"s mom]

I understand that, and it sucks because a judge is just going to take what my daughter says and what we say and decide, but in reality he doesn't know the true situation because he doesn't know my daughter and see how desperate and stressed she is. Her father is never there, and leaves the parenting up to his wife. My daughter is begging me to get her, and I want her here, she has even suggested we run away and I told her that's not the answer. I'm so afraid that if we go to court and she still does not get to come live with me that she will run away or become self destructive. I was told that if I were to lose the first time to just keep taking it to court and that by the third time I would win, I don't know if that is true but I will do what ever I have to because she's counting on me, sometimes I hate the system........

 

[LdiJ]

I understand that, and it sucks because a judge is just going to take what my daughter says and what we say and decide, but in reality he doesn't know the true situation because he doesn't know my daughter and see how desperate and stressed she is. Her father is never there, and leaves the parenting up to his wife. My daughter is begging me to get her, and I want her here, she has even suggested we run away and I told her that's not the answer. I'm so afraid that if we go to court and she still does not get to come live with me that she will run away or become self destructive. I was told that if I were to lose the first time to just keep taking it to court and that by the third time I would win, I don't know if that is true but I will do what ever I have to because she's counting on me, sometimes I hate the system........

Your living arrangements probably won't mean "squat" to the judge. Its very rare for married vs not married to be an issue anymore. In a situation like your's where the relationship has been committed for 12 years its unlikely to matter at all....However that isn't totally guaranteed.

Your child's wishes will be given some weight...how much weight they are given will depend a great deal on WHY she wants to live with you....and how she articulates those wishes. Judge's and Gals generally are not particularly impressed with "grass is greener" mentalities....and will rarely allow custody to be changed if they believe its due to that. However the reality of things is that if a teen TRULY wishes to live with the other parent...has reasonably mature reasons for wanting that...and the other parent doesn't have fitness issues...then there is a good chance that the judge will go with what the teen wants.

I was recently working with a parent that I was almost certain would retain custody of a teen...It was a "classic" grass is greener situation...the ncp was practicing some pretty serious alienation and I was nearly certain that the parent would retain custody.....it didn't work out that way...the judge agreed with all the points but still felt that since there were no fitness issues and since the teen was soooo adamant about her wishes that the judge felt that it was necessary to let the teen live with the ncp. Therefore its important to realize that the wishes of teens do carry some weight with judges.

 

[bradybunchmom]

dad is a male ho

he needs to worry about his own morals and stop worrying about yours. hes not exactly a saint now is he? you have just as much right to custody as he does,so tell him to stick where the sun dont shine!