What now?

[escape2paradise]

What is the name of your state? WA

For those who would like some background info https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=373014

A few weeks ago X's attorney sent out a notice that he was withdrawing from the case. I ,of course, don't know for sure why he withdrew. Though, I have a pretty good idea that he got sick of X not cooperating, not following his advice and doing things to hang himself and damage his own case. Anyway, I have reason to believe X is not going to seek another attorney and I know he would not attempt to rep himself. He told me he is done w/ all this and would see DD when she is an adult. Also other mutual acquaintances have essentially stated the same. We are into this about 10 mos and the trial is scheduled in March. X has no visitation right now as he refused to submit to hair follicle testing.

What happens if X doesn't show for the trial? Do I essentially get what I am asking for? There is a GAL involved and though she had requested drug testing for X, she is wishy washy and when X refused to take the test, she turned aroung and said "OK", we won't make you! Judge luckily didn't agree. I know you all don't have crystal balls, but does anybody have any idea how much weight GAL recommendations carry when one party is a no show?

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? WA

For those who would like some background info https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=373014

A few weeks ago X's attorney sent out a notice that he was withdrawing from the case. I ,of course, don't know for sure why he withdrew. Though, I have a pretty good idea that he got sick of X not cooperating, not following his advice and doing things to hang himself and damage his own case. Anyway, I have reason to believe X is not going to seek another attorney and I know he would not attempt to rep himself. He told me he is done w/ all this and would see DD when she is an adult. Also other mutual acquaintances have essentially stated the same. We are into this about 10 mos and the trial is scheduled in March. X has no visitation right now as he refused to submit to hair follicle testing.

What happens if X doesn't show for the trial? Do I essentially get what I am asking for? There is a GAL involved and though she had requested drug testing for X, she is wishy washy and when X refused to take the test, she turned aroung and said "OK", we won't make you! Judge luckily didn't agree. I know you all don't have crystal balls, but does anybody have any idea how much weight GAL recommendations carry when one party is a no show?

You should contact the GAL and find out if SHE has received notice that NCP's attorney has withdrawn.

Then you should ask HER her opinion on how to proceed.

Do YOU have an attorney?

 

[escape2paradise]

You should contact the GAL and find out if SHE has received notice that NCP's attorney has withdrawn.

Then you should ask HER her opinion on how to proceed.

Do YOU have an attorney?

I haven't talked to GAL, but according to my attorney she knows whats up. My attorney wants to essentially let things unfold. Let X continue to hang himself by not fulfilling requirements and seeking visitation. See if he lawyers up etc...Attorney wants to wait to serve X with interrogatories, discovery etc...I think it sucks that I am going to have to pay to prepare for a trial that may end up being a default situation, but at the same time I don't want to not prepare just in case X pulls his head out of his you know where!

In the meantime, DD doesn't get to see dad. Sad for her and with the holidays coming I am especially bothered by that.

 

[CJane]

I haven't talked to GAL, but according to my attorney she knows whats up. My attorney wants to essentially let things unfold. Let X continue to hang himself by not fulfilling requirements and seeking visitation. See if he lawyers up etc...Attorney wants to wait to serve X with interrogatories, discovery etc...I think it sucks that I am going to have to pay to prepare for a trial that may end up being a default situation, but at the same time I don't want to not prepare just in case X pulls his head out of his you know where!

In the meantime, DD doesn't get to see dad. Sad for her and with the holidays coming I am especially bothered by that.

Ask your attorney if you can file to dismiss his motion for non-compliance or something. Worst case scenario, you can't. Best case, you can get it dismissed and NOT have a trial pending.

And kiddo will be fine. I promise.

 

[escape2paradise]

Ask your attorney if you can file to dismiss his motion for non-compliance or something. Worst case scenario, you can't. Best case, you can get it dismissed and NOT have a trial pending.

And kiddo will be fine. I promise.

I wondered about getting it dismissed etc...but, we do need a parenting plan. For 13 yrs we have never had a legal agreement for custody, visitation, CS etc...Things were amicable before X remarried then it all went to he$$. Even if we could dismiss, would we need to file another case to get things done legally. After going through this I want it all in Black and White.

 

[CJane]

I wondered about getting it dismissed etc...but, we do need a parenting plan. For 13 yrs we have never had a legal agreement for custody, visitation, CS etc...Things were amicable before X remarried then it all went to he$$. Even if we could dismiss, would we need to file another case to get things done legally. After going through this I want it all in Black and White.

What are the chances you could contact Dad since he's attorneyless at the moment and submit to him a parenting plan and he'd agree to it.

It could be written that the following visitation schedule would be implemented at such time as Father presents results of a clean hair follicle test to the court.

Then you have a parenting plan and it's up to HIM to complete the requirement. He might agree just to avoid court.

Or is that me being Pollyanna again?

 

[escape2paradise]

What are the chances you could contact Dad since he's attorneyless at the moment and submit to him a parenting plan and he'd agree to it.

It could be written that the following visitation schedule would be implemented at such time as Father presents results of a clean hair follicle test to the court.

Then you have a parenting plan and it's up to HIM to complete the requirement. He might agree just to avoid court.

Or is that me being Pollyanna again?

Tried this, X wouldn't take the test. He can't pass.

I have thought about this, my concern is that X has been trying his darndest to alienate DD from me and my entire family. He has been involved w/ DD running away 2 times. First time I think she was up for it the second time she did not want to and he essentially forced her to cooperate with him. Running away is how his current wife got to live with her dad growing up. Anyway, X continues to encourage DD to make her own decisions, telling her she doesn't have to listen to me, had her make false abuse allegations, threatens me and my family to DD all the time. DD is in counseling and this is all coming out now.

X has been very unstable all of DD's life, he finally started showing her attention as the tension between he and myself grew. DD ate it up as she has wanted so badly for X to show he cared and be a real dad to her. X told DD many terrible lies about me trying to paint me as a liar. This threw DD for a loop as I have been the stable, responsible, loving parent all her life. We went through he$$ to get back the relationship we had w/ DD and sadly she realizes X was playing her all along to get back at me. I don't believe he ever really wanted custody of DD, but just wanted to put me through the ringer. I don't know that I want him to have "standard" visitation. I am scared that his relationship with DD does her more harm than good.

On one hand I know X is a thief, does drugs, has some serious mental problems. His behavior definitely exhibits this and the fact that he would not sign off for GAL to have access to his mental health records raises red flags as well. On the other hand I have always facilitated a relationship between he and DD as I felt she had a right to know her dad regardless of his flaws but he never had her for weeks at a time and he wasn't alienating her from me either.

DD does spend time with X's family. In fact she is going to spend the night at her grandparents house tonight. I have no desire to keep her from them or punish anybody. I want to do what is right by DD, but right now don't know what that is.

 

[CJane]

So... why do you think you NEED a parenting plan?

If I were you, I would submit a parenting plan to the court that gave you sole legal and dad supervised visitation at his parent's house (if DD is comfortable there) until such time as he submits himself for a hair follicle test and it comes back clean (this is the guy that shaved, yes?). When he doesn't show up for court, request that your PP be entered as a default judgment.

 

[escape2paradise]

So escape2paradise, there's a part of you that's thinking maybe his rights will fall by the wayside because he won't fight for them and that may be best since you think he's unstable and you don't want to expose your daughter to that?

If not, then I can see where CJane's approach makes sense because any time there is a change like a new attorney, no attorney, other party's vulnerable in some way, etc. is a time to see if you can resolve once and for all. Doesn't hurt to make the offer. But, if you are having serious doubts about his fitness as a father, I can see you wanting to let this die out from his inaction w/ the court.

Yes, that is what I am thinking. Let his rights die out. It's not that I don't ever want him to have the ability to see our daughter. I just don't want him given a license to continue to abuse her either. I offered right from the get go a generous visitation schedule, (no problem, I have never kept her from him) but he said "NO Way" he wanted custody because I'm so abusive after 13 yrs. Nevermind I have raised her since 1 yr, by myself. He was never legally named Dad and essentially never took any of the responsibility, came and went as he pleased, one time for over half a year. Still I welcomed him and his entire family in her life. She spends time with her aunt, uncle, babysits her cousins. His mom and I are good friends.

Luckily the abuse allegations didn't fly. My DD is an awesome young lady. 4.0 student, takes advanced classes, plays sports, two instruments etc....Running away, lying, not at all like her. In the beginning my attorney, the GAL and others thought she was being a typical teenager wanting her way etc...though I kept saying wow, do they really change this much essentially overnight? Now with individual counseling, family counseling etc... things have unfolded and everybody knows what we are dealing with. Dad is bent on hurting me and doesn't care about trampling DD to do it.

 

[escape2paradise]

So... why do you think you NEED a parenting plan?

I want the parenting plan because I don't want him to drag me into court in another year and start this whole process over again. I want him to have to show a change in circumstance before he can drag me through this again. Had I had a plan years ago, I wouldn't be in this boat now.
If I were you, I would submit a parenting plan to the court that gave you sole legal and dad supervised visitation at his parent's house (if DD is comfortable there) until such time as he submits himself for a hair follicle test and it comes back clean (this is the guy that shaved, yes?). When he doesn't show up for court, request that your PP be entered as a default judgment.

This is exactly what I want, but can I get it without going to trial? He has other requirements that the GAL wants fulfilled as well, parenting classes, counseling etc...He won't do anything. He started all of this and he hasn't even answered the standard questionaire from the GAL, hasn't provided references, won't sign a release for her to see his records, won't take the classes it goes on and on.

I don't know that I want the follicle to be the only requirement as all he would have to do is to stay sober for a few months and then go right back to the same old thing. I say this like it is so easy for him to stay sober for three months and it has never been done by him since I have known him. This guy has been in treatment 4 times, always quits the outpatient stuff in a matter of weeks and goes right back to where he was. He won't stay sober, though I believe he doesn't abuse drugs as bad as he used to. He's a drinker, pot smoker and used to be bad bad into smoking cocaine. I "think" he has not been doing cocaine on a regular basis for a few years. But I am certain he does it occasionally. I know you all have to wonder how do I really know. I was this guys best friend, we were together very young, after we split we stayed friends, I tried to help him when I could. I just couldn't stay living with him and raise a child while he was doing what he did any longer. He confided much in me all these years. I always thought he would never do anything to hurt our daughter and that he valued and respected me and my husband (who has been very supportive of him, tried to help him etc...)to ever pull what he has here. But then, the new wife appeared and well the rest of the story is a classic. Seen it and heard it many times on these boards.

 

[escape2paradise]

Okay the moron is now sending my attorney frivolous letters. Can he really rack up my attorney fees doing this? Is there any way to prevent him from sending communications via my attorney when it is not legal pleadings, filings etc....?

 

[escape2paradise]

My husband's ex tried to pull a similar stunt. Have your attorney deal with getting him to knock it off.

Will my attorney be able to do anything besides tell him not to? If he continues can I be awarded attorney fees?

 

[wileybunch]

Will my attorney be able to do anything besides tell him not to? If he continues can I be awarded attorney fees?

Well, I don't know what exactly your ex is sending your attorney so assuming it's truly frivolous, just because he wants to "talk" to your attorney doesn't mean your attorney has to entertain him. If your attorney doesn't entertain him, there's no costs. Does your attorney act like he doesn't know what to do about it? Do you have an issue b/c your attorney keeps dealing with him and you get the bill?

 

[CJane]

Ask your attorney to place all correspondence from your ex into a file for you. YOU go by atty's office on Friday or whenever is convenient for you, but every week, and go through the file. Anything that pertains directly to the case or that you cannot deal with directly, you give back to your attorney.

Anything YOU can deal with (ie the crap), keep and deal with.

Your attorney then only has to look at, and therefore charge you for, stuff that's relevant.

 

[escape2paradise]

Well, I don't know what exactly your ex is sending your attorney so assuming it's truly frivolous, just because he wants to "talk" to your attorney doesn't mean your attorney has to entertain him. If your attorney doesn't entertain him, there's no costs. Does your attorney act like he doesn't know what to do about it? Do you have an issue b/c your attorney keeps dealing with him and you get the bill?

The attorney hasn't replied when it is not relevant. However, the receiving, reviewing the relevance and forwarding on to me, I am charged for.