What should I think of this?

[InfantCustody]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Ok. I know I can count on you all to tell me if I am being an xxx or controlling or getting the little hairs on my neck up for no reason...which I try not to be/do...but know I can be/do at times.

Dad is currently exercising 2 days/wk of supervised parenting time, supervised by his Father. I currently have physical custody. Dad has visitation.

Dad texts me today at 9:28 am and says "I am getting a new pediatrician for the baby. He has an appointment today at 9:45." Well, one I was working and two, I live 40 minutes away even if I wasn't working so he knew I couldn't attend. I asked him why he was taking the baby to the MD and he said "I don't question you on why you take the baby to the MD" and he refused to answer me. I then asked him why he was not taking him to his regular MD and he said he wants his own pediatrician for the baby (We live 30 miles apart. MD Office is 32 miles from Dad. Not like distance is an issue.) so he doesn't have to use "my doctor." When I said I was worried two MD's could miss something re: the baby or there could be some miscommunication issues since the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing - he said "Your opinion is noted but unnecessary. I am informing you, not asking you." Dad took the baby to the MD - never did tell me why - and I picked him up at the end of Dad's visit. Dad said the MD said they would like to see the baby "on an on-going basis" and when I asked "why" he said "to monitor his progress - duh?" Mind you, Dad and I met at the baby's regular MD office this Tuesday to exchange the baby after the baby's appointment, so he was just seen and had no reason (that I know of) to go to the MD?

Well...I am MAD and I don't know if I should be... Dad has made a huge stink of my informing him of every medical appointment I make for the baby...which I do...and then he turns around and does this. And I don't even know WHY the baby was seen. I called the office and they said I can request a copy of the medical records.

What would the appropriate response be to this? Is this something I just "let go" and get over it, or is this something that is setting the stage for future issues? As someone here says regularly (sorry, I don't remember who!) "Is this a hill to die on?"

 

[jbowman]

Get a copy of the records or go to the office and speak to the doctor - explain the situation. Just to make sure the baby isnt actually being treated for something you are unaware of.

Sounds to me like Dad is trying to assert some control over you after all that has happened.

 

[LdiJ]

Get a copy of the records or go to the office and speak to the doctor - explain the situation. Just to make sure the baby isnt actually being treated for something you are unaware of.

Sounds to me like Dad is trying to assert some control over you after all that has happened.

I agree but will add, I think that dad is also looking for an MD to be on his side if anything were to happen again. However, its a potentially serious problem because the baby will be getting vacinations and other things that simply cannot be duplicated.

Therefore I do agree that you should make an appointment to speak with the doctor dad took the child to yourself, so that you can explain that the baby has a regular pediatrician and is under regular care.

You should also follow through with asking for a copy of the medical records. You may need to address the issue in court as well.

 

[Ohiogal]

It could be he doesn't trust the regular MD and wants a new MD to check out the child -- especially since the regular MD believed you regarding the burns and dad says nothing happened like that. Be in contact with dad's MD and find out. Maybe dad wants allergy testing.

 

[Silverplum]

It could be he doesn't trust the regular MD and wants a new MD to check out the child -- especially since the regular MD believed you regarding the burns and dad says nothing happened like that. Be in contact with dad's MD and find out. Maybe dad wants allergy testing.

I agree -- those were my first thoughts.

He has every right to protect himself against accusations.

 

[CSO286]

The biggest thing would be making sure the two doctors are communicating with one another to avoid doubling up on vaccines and other treatments.

This does sound like an awkward situation for you IC, But there is one good thing there--Dad is communicating wit hyou to tell you what he's doing..... *hopeful*

 

[LdiJ]

The biggest thing would be making sure the two doctors are communicating with one another to avoid doubling up on vaccines and other treatments.

This does sound like an awkward situation for you IC, But there is one good thing there--Dad is communicating wit hyou to tell you what he's doing..... *hopeful*

The bolded is my biggest area of concern. I also wonder a bit if dad isn't hoping to get revenge somehow on mom, despite the fact that the judge told him that what happened was not mom's fault and he shouldn't be blaming her.

If he just wants to protect himself by having a second doctor monitor the child, that's not unreasonable, but it does open the door for potential problems.

 

[frylover]

You know, I see a lot of parents who "school shop"....they move from school to school until they find one where they get their way in everything. Maybe dad is doing a little "doctor shopping."

So dad has that right. I hope nobody screws up along the way and this child doesn't end up double vaccinated or something.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The first thought that comes to mind is to actually pay a visit to the doctor so that he/she KNOWS there is a primary physician in charge of vacinations, etc.

So, dad wants another doctor. My only question would be whether dad expects you to pay your portion of a medical expense when it duplicated a visit from a week before.

 

[Silverplum]

The first thought that comes to mind is to actually pay a visit to the doctor so that he/she KNOWS there is a primary physician in charge of vacinations, etc.

So, dad wants another doctor. My only question would be whether dad expects you to pay your portion of a medical expense when it duplicated a visit from a week before.

A second opinion is never a bad thing. I vote they split the cost however their agreement dictates.

 

[InfantCustody]

It could be he doesn't trust the regular MD and wants a new MD to check out the child -- especially since the regular MD believed you regarding the burns and dad says nothing happened like that. Be in contact with dad's MD and find out. Maybe dad wants allergy testing.

I don't have a problem with the second MD checking out the baby...my biggest concern is that Dad is not being forthcoming with why the baby went, and not letting me go to the appointment in addition to treatment, etc possibly being duplicated. I would certainly have no issues with the allergy testing either...I just want honesty re: the baby's medical care.

RE: the bolded. It wasn't that the primary care MD "believed me" regarding the burns. I never said Dad burned the baby. That was the MD's diagnosis.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I don't have a problem with the second MD checking out the baby...my biggest concern is that Dad is not being forthcoming with why the baby went, and not letting me go to the appointment in addition to treatment, etc possibly being duplicated. I would certainly have no issues with the allergy testing either...I just want honesty re: the baby's medical care.

RE: the bolded. It wasn't that the primary care MD "believed me" regarding the burns. I never said Dad burned the baby. That was the MD's diagnosis.

Which is why it is important that you go to the doctor's office and SPEAK with them, in addition to getting the medical records. THAT should tell you why they were there. They will also then have it on record that there is a primary physician to avoid duplication of efforts.

 

[InfantCustody]

The first thought that comes to mind is to actually pay a visit to the doctor so that he/she KNOWS there is a primary physician in charge of vacinations, etc.

So, dad wants another doctor. My only question would be whether dad expects you to pay your portion of a medical expense when it duplicated a visit from a week before.

I think I will pay a visit to the MD's office and make sure they understand there is a primary care MD involved and that the baby gets vaccinations, etc with his primary care MD.

I would certainly disagree with paying any portion of the visits that he chooses to duplicate. If the baby had a condition that was serious and warranted a second opinion (or if, God forbid, something happened again) I would have no issues with paying my 1/2 of a second opinion but you don't need a second opinion on a weight check and well child visit when Dad was there for the original visit.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Curiousity - is this doctor CLOSER to dad? Wasn't one of the complaints that he did NOTHING medically for the child for x amount of hours? Couldn't it be as simple as finding a doctor close to him in case there is another emergency?

 

[CSO286]

I don't have a problem with the second MD checking out the baby...my biggest concern is that Dad is not being forthcoming with why the baby went, and not letting me go to the appointment in addition to treatment, etc possibly being duplicated. I would certainly have no issues with the allergy testing either...I just want honesty re: the baby's medical care.

RE: the bolded. It wasn't that the primary care MD "believed me" regarding the burns. I never said Dad burned the baby. That was the MD's diagnosis.

If Dad will not permit you to go, then you need t ocntact that Doctor and request copies of all medical records. Also indicate to the new Doc that the child already had a PCP and provide contact information. Suggest to the new one that he maintain contact with your doc to about doubling up--


Oh, hey, I just had a thought---My state maintains a vaccination registry at the Minnesota Dept of Health that tracks kids and their shots. They do this to make sure kids are on track and probably to avoid situations like this where it is possible that some vaccines could be doubled up with two different docs. Check with your clinic and see if they have to report to your state's health dept about vaccines....