When enough of a good thing is too much

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? Any
Your comments on the following evidence is requested.

December 14th

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a
pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes


December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine,
turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes


December 16th

Dear John:

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I
don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just
darling but I must insist... you're just too kind.

Love Agnes


December 17th

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really!
They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're
being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes


December 18th

Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on
my nerves.

All my love, Agnes


December 19th

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on
my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those
geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop!

Cordially, Agnes


December 20th

John:

What's with you and those f*cking birds???? Seven swans
a-swimming. What kind of goddam joke is this? There's bird sh!t all
over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous
wreck and I can't sleep all night. It's not funny! So stop with those
f*cking birds.

Sincerely, Agnes


December 21st

Ok Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do
with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds
and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own goddam
cows. There is sh!t all over the lawn and I can't move into my own
house. Just lay off me. Smart ass.

Ag


December 22nd

Hey Sh!thead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And Christ - do they play. They never stopped chasing
those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are
upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder
they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a
petition to evict me. You'll get yours.

From Ag


December 23rd

You Rotten Prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those
sluts ladies. They've been balling those nine pipers all night
long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living
room is a river of sh!t. The commissioner of buildings has
subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be
condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.

One who means it, Ag


December 24th

Listen F*ckhead:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and
afterementioned "ladies?" Some of those broads will never walk
again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing
sodomy with the cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been
trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten
swine.

Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister


December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers
drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss
Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All
correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt
to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants
have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please
find attached a warrant for your arrest.

 

[mlane58]

Awesome! Haven't seen that one is some time--thanks!

 

[Gracie3787]

Thanks, I needed a good laugh. I'm so stressed out from getting ready for my kids to come home and christmas, the laugh really did me good.
Gracie

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thanks for stopping by, BL's thread got more attention
I won our local Christmas decorating contest the other day, and they say I don't have a life

 

[Gracie3787]

Thanks for stopping by, BL's thread got more attention
I won our local Christmas decorating contest the other day, and they say I don't have a life

Congrats on winning the contest.
Gracie

 

[LdiJ]

My office enjoyed this one just as much as BL's....LOL

We sincerely needed the comic relief of both....We are training umpteen number of tax preparers on the new changes for 2005....

It may seem like I have been on here alot...however most of the time that I have been on here is when my classes have been working on "problems"....

I really don't enjoy this time of year much...sigh.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

My office enjoyed this one just as much as BL's....LOL

We sincerely needed the comic relief of both....We are training umpteen number of tax preparers on the new changes for 2005....

It may seem like I have been on here alot...however most of the time that I have been on here is when my classes have been working on "problems"....

I really don't enjoy this time of year much...sigh.

Things could be worse you could be cleaning up after the above orgy. What a foul mess that must be

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I'll just hijack my own thread.
Since we don't have the results of our own annual contest, there we go. . . .

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
winners.

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends
and family . unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant
and hope they remain lost.