Where is the line for short vs. long marriage?

[SingleAZdad]

What is the name of your state? Arizona

I read the Arizona statutes and cannot find a legal line for short term vs. long term marriage. I haven't seen a clear line on this web site either.

I have 2 questions:

1. I filed for divorce about a week after my 13 anniversary. It has now been 18 months and still counting. Is the clock still counting since we are still legally married or does it stop when you file?

2. Where is the line between short term and long term marriage?

Thanks in advance. I have learned alot from the members here.

 

[garrula lingua]

Single, it's usually ten years.

Courts often use that as a mark for 'long term marriage' and in many states, alimony is frequently granted after ten years of marriage (and other criteria).

I'm not familiar with Az divorce law, but the court would count your marriage from the date of marriage until the date of separation (usually a bit earlier than the filing date, maybe the same).

So, your marriage was 13 years or slightly less (if separated before filing date).

The interesting part of your post was the fact that it's gone on for 18 months ... why ?
Did you file ?
Have you provided discovery re income and property ?
Are you having trouble with division of assets ?
Are you arguing about child custody or support ?
Are you both waiting for the other to file for a final hearing ?
Have you gone to court and pulled your file and looked through, to ensure you know of everything that was filed and are aware of the next step ?

...The 18 month delay is beneficial to you, if you are not under a temp spousal support order --- if she could support herself for the past 18 months, then that tends to show she does not need alimony to support herself. (if this is the case, you probably shouldn't be in a hurry to finalize the divorce.)
If you are paying a temporary spousal support amount, that militates for a 'permanent' ss amt in much the same amt (get an atty to argue ss and finalize the divorce if that is the case).

 

[SingleAZdad]

STBX is not working and refuses to get a job. She plans to attend school (again) next year to start her 4th major. She is hoping at my expense ... again. I just finished paying her student loans from her first 6 years of college. I didn't have any student loans, I was fortunate enough to have a grandparent that paid for my education.

She is delaying every aspect of the divorce. It is truly unbelievable. She receives a grossly generous temporary support order that allows her to drive a new car, pay her rent, utilities, food, everything. I don't think the judge ever intended it to be in place this long.

i have sole legal and physical custody of the 2 minor children. She has supervised visitation. She hasn't seen the kids since June 2007, but only lives about 10 miles away. She calls on the phone about once a month or so. She has gone as long as 2.5 months without calling them.

Now get her in court and she cries and goes on and on about her poverty situation, how she just can't live without the kids, ... Never a consideration about working for a living or actually making an effort to keep in touch with the kids.

Well, the judge gave her a list of items that need to be done. She has drug out a Psychological Exam that was supposed to be completed within 30 days. The judge ordered it in May 2007. It still isn't completely done.

Her attorney only works on trying to get paid (by me). Most recently, he was awarded about 10% of what he was asking for. Thank goodness. I was freaked out considering she is the reason the divorce is dragging on so long and costing both of us a fortune in attorney fees.

So to answer your question, yes, there are alot of reasons my divorce is taking forever - it is called female entitlement. She is completely unreasonable about property settlement. She still thinks that in this housing market that our home has increased in equity since we bought it 2 years ago.

All things considered, the kids are safe and well cared for and we have enough money for us, so the rest doesn't really matter - although it would be nice if it ended some day.

 

[garrula lingua]

Single, do you have an atty ?
You need to get this into court ASAP & have cs and ss decided, with consideration given to the little visitation on her part.
You definitely need an atty to fight the ss.

Here's your homework:
Take a day, or more, off.
Go to the FL court.
Ask some of the men in court (or court hallway) whether they are satisfied with their atty. Get some names of attys from people who are satisfied with their court outcome. (People are essentially very nice and will share info readily - especially those in a similar situation as yours ... ask who has issues with spousal support and how satisfied they are & what their outcome is)

Also, if possible, ask the bailiff for the names of some good FL attys who can handle ss and cs issues.
Court staff (clerks, reporters) are good sources of info, but are very busy - try to ask at a quiet time. Often, the best time to approach them is the afternoon when court quiets down.
At worst, you saw (some of) the court process which has jurisdiction over you and your children (til 18).
At best, you'll get some good info.

I would do this even if I had an atty. 18 months, with her sitting on her can collecting $ from you when you are supporting the kids & only supervised visitation ... shouldn't happen. Bad attorney.

You have to file now - the emphasis has to be that you are having trouble providing all that's needed for the kids (think tutoring, other classes) because of the ss.

Your atty should have just filed for a trial, and filed a trial brief stating, eloquently, the financial difficulty for you and the children caused by the ss.

Get yourself in gear - get shopping for a lawyer (or a better lawyer).
Don't wait for her atty to fire the next shot - get rolling for the kids' sake.

PS: Erroneous beliefs of entitlement are neither male nor female. They are just wrong.
Especially in your case where they are taking precedent over the kids' futures (you could be saving that $ for the kids' college or any emergency they encounter.)

 

[LdiJ]

Also, if you can get CS ordered, it can partially offset any alimony that you might get ordered to pay.

 

[SingleAZdad]

I have an attorney. He has served me well on other issues. This has been a complicated divorce. I am very unhappy regarding the temporary orders and he is aware. We had a court date in November, but due to extenuating circumstances, it was canceled. I have had some bad luck with court dates. One was canceled due to a bomb threat. One was canceled due to an attorney family emergency.

The AZ CS calculator only awards me a few dollars from STBX. I make a good living which is why the court is willing to use my income as privately funded welfare for STBX.

I'll call my attorney in the morning and find out what he is doing to get us back into court.

Thanks.

 

[Bali Hai]

STBX is not working and refuses to get a job. She plans to attend school (again) next year to start her 4th major. She is hoping at my expense ... again. I just finished paying her student loans from her first 6 years of college. I didn't have any student loans, I was fortunate enough to have a grandparent that paid for my education.

She is delaying every aspect of the divorce. It is truly unbelievable. She receives a grossly generous temporary support order that allows her to drive a new car, pay her rent, utilities, food, everything. I don't think the judge ever intended it to be in place this long.

i have sole legal and physical custody of the 2 minor children. She has supervised visitation. She hasn't seen the kids since June 2007, but only lives about 10 miles away. She calls on the phone about once a month or so. She has gone as long as 2.5 months without calling them.

Now get her in court and she cries and goes on and on about her poverty situation, how she just can't live without the kids, ... Never a consideration about working for a living or actually making an effort to keep in touch with the kids.

Well, the judge gave her a list of items that need to be done. She has drug out a Psychological Exam that was supposed to be completed within 30 days. The judge ordered it in May 2007. It still isn't completely done.

Her attorney only works on trying to get paid (by me). Most recently, he was awarded about 10% of what he was asking for. Thank goodness. I was freaked out considering she is the reason the divorce is dragging on so long and costing both of us a fortune in attorney fees.

So to answer your question, yes, there are alot of reasons my divorce is taking forever - it is called female entitlement. She is completely unreasonable about property settlement. She still thinks that in this housing market that our home has increased in equity since we bought it 2 years ago.

All things considered, the kids are safe and well cared for and we have enough money for us, so the rest doesn't really matter - although it would be nice if it ended some day.

If the judge gave a crap about how long she has dragged this out, the open ended alimony pendente lite would not have been ordered in the first place and she would have been forced to negotiate in good faith.

 

[SingleAZdad]

One thing I will add. My attorney told me up front that if I fight for the kids and use STBX's mental health history against her, it would be a balancing act to offset alimony. I chose the kid's wellbeing over money.


Back to my original question. I have heard 1 response that 10 years is the cut off line. Is that the consensus?

 

[tuffbrk]

I think it depends on your state Single...in NJ I was told that 10-14 years is a kind of gray area where it's still could be up for grabs depending on the situation. Once you were over 14 yrs, it was a done deal. Also, they counted the length of marriage from the date of stupidity to the date I was in court - mine had dragged out for 3 years.

You don't want to push mental illness because it gives her an employment "out." What you want to push is status quo established with the children- and believe me, after 18 months of SS, her attorney is going to be pushing status quo on that topic.

Realistically, you are no longer able to afford A, B or C. Push your attorney on it - request a reduction. ARe you still carrying her on medical for example? Did your premiums go up? How about co-pays? Childcare costs increase? Car insurance? Find those items, and update your financials and have your attorney file. It's been 18 months - she needs to start supporting herself.

Don't make the same mistake that I did and just push through doing without A, B or C thinking that facts and paperwork would make a difference when you do get to court. It doesn't happen that way. What's right or wrong or fair doesn't make a difference. All that can be ruled on is the law - and the law on SS is notoriously murky and completely dependent upon the judge and their view of the situation - complete with their prejudices.

 

[SingleAZdad]

Thanks for the feedback. I talked to my attorney about an hour ago and we agreed to petition the court for a trial date. That will force her attorney to quite messing around and either commit to representing her or withdrawal. Also, it will put an end to some of this mess (for better or worse).