Which action is right?

[tornado88]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Il.

I'm sorry if I did wrong by starting a new thread, I debated which to do and chose to start a new on since the problems were totally different.

For those of you who do not know me, I am the mother with full legal and physical custody of 2 girls 9 & 6. The father would have normally had this weekend as his visitation starting tonight at 5:00 P.M.. In Feb. we went back to court to modify CS and visitation. At that time it was decided to change father's summer time to 14 consectutive days instead of his previous 2-7 day visits. He chose his 14 days to be July 20-Aug 2. At 8:00 tonight I received a phone call from the police department asking me why I was refusing to give the girls to their father for his visitation time. I explained to the officer the situation with the number of days, the fact that the father chose which days he wanted (he spefically chose to keep them for the Aug 1-2 weekend because it is our youngest daughter's birthday), and the fact that I have no less then 3 letters between us that confirm the days he wanted (letters sent CRR to him when I told him the dates he chose were okay with me). Also, I would have been open to letting him have the additional 2 days, but he never asked or even gave me any idea he wanted them. I have no idea why he called the police to file a report. According to the police officer, the father had already made the 2 1/2 hour trip back home when he realized I was not going to give him the kids and before he called the police department. I have to admit it sounds a little fishy to me, if he really wanted them why get all the way home before he called the police. Was he planning on driving another 2 1/2 hours to come back to get them?

My first reaction is to just ignore the situation, I have documentation to cover myself if he tries to file for contempt. The longer I think about it though the more I question whether or not I need to respond/cover my bottom. This is a man who is trying everything he can including filing intentional false reports with DCFS of abuse to gain custody of the girls. Should I send him a letter that politely reminds him of why the girls were not at the pick up point tonight? Should I send a copy of this letter to his attorney? The point that concerns me is that there is now a report at the police department where he claims I am with holding the children from him. Just wondering if I need to counter that somehow. THank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Il.

I'm sorry if I did wrong by starting a new thread, I debated which to do and chose to start a new on since the problems were totally different.

For those of you who do not know me, I am the mother with full legal and physical custody of 2 girls 9 & 6. The father would have normally had this weekend as his visitation starting tonight at 5:00 P.M.. In Feb. we went back to court to modify CS and visitation. At that time it was decided to change father's summer time to 14 consectutive days instead of his previous 2-7 day visits. He chose his 14 days to be July 20-Aug 2. At 8:00 tonight I received a phone call from the police department asking me why I was refusing to give the girls to their father for his visitation time. I explained to the officer the situation with the number of days, the fact that the father chose which days he wanted (he spefically chose to keep them for the Aug 1-2 weekend because it is our youngest daughter's birthday), and the fact that I have no less then 3 letters between us that confirm the days he wanted (letters sent CRR to him when I told him the dates he chose were okay with me). Also, I would have been open to letting him have the additional 2 days, but he never asked or even gave me any idea he wanted them. I have no idea why he called the police to file a report. According to the police officer, the father had already made the 2 1/2 hour trip back home when he realized I was not going to give him the kids and before he called the police department. I have to admit it sounds a little fishy to me, if he really wanted them why get all the way home before he called the police. Was he planning on driving another 2 1/2 hours to come back to get them?

My first reaction is to just ignore the situation, I have documentation to cover myself if he tries to file for contempt. The longer I think about it though the more I question whether or not I need to respond/cover my bottom. This is a man who is trying everything he can including filing intentional false reports with DCFS of abuse to gain custody of the girls. Should I send him a letter that politely reminds him of why the girls were not at the pick up point tonight? Should I send a copy of this letter to his attorney? The point that concerns me is that there is now a report at the police department where he claims I am with holding the children from him. Just wondering if I need to counter that somehow. THank you.

I really wouldn't worry about it too much. In the best case scenario you are right, in the worst case scenario you merely misunderstood your orders or dad's intentions. Neither scenario is going to get you seriously dinged by the judge if he does take you to court for contempt. It would be a huge deal if you denied his two weeks, its a fairly minor deal that a weekend attached to those two weeks got confused.

However, I would bet that a totally strict interpretation of your orders would have been that dad got his weekend, had to return the children to you on sunday, and then would have had to pick them back up on monday to start his two weeks.

Dad should have given you dates of 7/17 to 8/2 if he wanted things to be clear...which of course would have been 16 days instead of 14. He should have informed you that he also intended to exercise his weekend if he intended a strick interpretation of the orders. He should have contacted you to find out why you were not there, before he turned around and drove back home.

If you have email communication with dad I would send him an email stating that there was obviously confusion between the two of you and ask him when he wants to meet to exchange the children...that you realize now that he did not intend to do it on monday, and that you are open to a saturday or sunday exchange.

 

[tornado88]

No, there is no e-mail communication between us. Rarely will he even answer the phone when I call him. I never even thought about the possibility of him getting his weekend, bringing them back on Sunday evening, then coming back to get them on Sunday. Our new order states that:

Both parties are allowed 14 consecutive days of summer vacation time. Both weekends of the party's regularly scheduled time are not to be added to the 14 days making a total of 16 days.

Did I misread the order then? I have scheduled my 14 days for Aug 3-16 keeping to the same policy for myself.

 

[Ohiogal]

If today was dad's weekend to begin he should have been able to get his girls. It also should have counted as his fourteen days IF the order is specific about including weekends with the 14 days. But seriously -- you would fight over THREE DAYS for dad -- the NCP -- to have?

 

[LdiJ]

No, there is no e-mail communication between us. Rarely will he even answer the phone when I call him. I never even thought about the possibility of him getting his weekend, bringing them back on Sunday evening, then coming back to get them on Sunday. Our new order states that:

Both parties are allowed 14 consecutive days of summer vacation time. Both weekends of the party's regularly scheduled time are not to be added to the 14 days making a total of 16 days.

Did I misread the order then? I have scheduled my 14 days for Aug 3-16 keeping to the same policy for myself.

NO, you absolutely did not misinterpret the order, as it clearly states that dad cannot tack on both weekends to his 14 days. He gave you dates that included his weekend at the end of the 14 days, so you are in the clear on this one.

I also disagree with OG that you should just give him the extra days. Obviously dad isn't a particularly good co-parent if he won't even pick up the phone when you call. Show up on Monday to exchange the children.

 

[tornado88]

No OG, I'm not fighting over three days. As I said in my first post I would have let him have both weekends, but he never gave me any indication he was planning, expecting or even wanting them. In his letters he specifically states July 20-Aug 2. I was going by the new court order that I was reading it as saying 14 days and we are not to include both of our weekends to make it a 16 day vacation. His request for days follows that order as does my request for vacation days. I was completely floored by his actions last evening in calling the police. Had he called to ask where they were and why they were not waiting for him I would have still been confused, but would have taken them to him. Instead he drove 2 1/2 hours back home then called the police to claim I deliberately withheld the children from him.

You are right LdiJ, he does not co-parent well at all. That is one of the reasons I'm a little worried about this. He has said and has done as much as he can to make me and my husband look bad in his effort to gain custody of the girls regardless of the effects his actions have on the girls. He has repeatedly told them, in front of me, that they will soon be living with him. In his last call to DCFS he had our oldest tell them she wanted to live with him. Then when they spoke to her privately, she admitted her dad made her say that and while she would like to live with both of us it is just to hard for her to choose between us. I must admit I didn't do a very good job at co-parenting either at the beginning, but am trying very hard now.