Will I going to jail?

[maryjo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My son is almost 13. He really wants nothing else to do with his father. He never has but I have forced him to go see him for 5 years now. His father is verbally abusive and most of the time doesnt even want (or "cant") take him for his weekends or holidays. Now that our son has told him he doesnt want to go his father is threatening to call the sheriff and file a report at 6pm tomorrow if he isnt there. He told this to our son. Not to me.

I have two questions.

1.) If I dont make him go will I go to jail?

and

2.) Is it true that at 12 or 13 he can go before a judge and tell the judge he no longer wants to see his father?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My son is almost 13. He really wants nothing else to do with his father. He never has but I have forced him to go see him for 5 years now. His father is verbally abusive and most of the time doesnt even want (or "cant") take him for his weekends or holidays. Now that our son has told him he doesnt want to go his father is threatening to call the sheriff and file a report at 6pm tomorrow if he isnt there. He told this to our son. Not to me.

I have two questions.

1.) If I dont make him go will I go to jail?

and

2.) Is it true that at 12 or 13 he can go before a judge and tell the judge he no longer wants to see his father?

1. Eventually, you can lose custody. To Dad. Is that what you want?

2. No.

 

[maryjo]

Sorry about the crazy title. I have had a really long, busy week and am currently totally stressed out. LOL!

 

[maryjo]

So I am supposed to just let him go, let his father verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse him and destroy him? How is that right?

 

[Proserpina]

So I am supposed to just let him go, let his father verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse him and destroy him? How is that right?

Okay, what PROOF is there of emotional abuse?

Have you been teaching your son how to cope with uncomfortable situations? Is he in therapy, and can his counselor/therapist testify that visitation is directly harming him?


Or, is this a case of a tween being a tween?

Your son is 11 - and you say you've had to "force" him for FIVE YEARS? There shouldn't have even been any discussion, let alone forcing. "You're going to Dad's. Have fun. Bye!". Should've been the end of it.

 

[gr8rn]

So I am supposed to just let him go, let his father verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse him and destroy him? How is that right?

Is your son in counseling? If not, do so asap. 13 is not a good age to be giving your son that kind of power. how exactly is his father destroying him?

 

[maryjo]

Is your son in counseling? If not, do so asap. 13 is not a good age to be giving your son that kind of power. how exactly is his father destroying him?

Him and his wife call him gay, fag, sissy...simply because he has red, curly hair. They constantly put him down, treat him like crap. His wife constantly talks about kicking my ass and killing me...in front of my son. The ex has NOTHING to do with our son unless its his weekend and IF he wants him that weekend.

And I did have my son in counseling last year. He was in it through a free program at school and they had him in for months but said he was doing better and discharged him. I had to put him through that program because I have really no money and the ex is more than 5,000 dollars behind in child support yet has a friend that is a lawyer that convinced a judge they shouldnt suspend his license and made ME out to be the villian for filing for child support enforcement!!

 

[Proserpina]

Him and his wife call him gay, fag, sissy...simply because he has red, curly hair. They constantly put him down, treat him like crap. His wife constantly talks about kicking my ass and killing me...in front of my son. The ex has NOTHING to do with our son unless its his weekend and IF he wants him that weekend.

Constantly?

Maryjo, I'm not picking, okay? But nobody does anything "constantly" (other than basic physical functions, anyway ).

I also doubt that stepmom is constantly threatening you. What I'm seeing, is a tween who doesn't like feeling different, and who is likely feeling alienated and just downright fed up with the situation.

These are all fairly common in these types of situation.

They're not enough to claim emotional abuse though. And given that kiddo spends the vast majority of time with you, the onus truly is on you to help your son deal with the situation.

Get your son back in therapy if he needs it. Then, if the therapist can honestly state that visitation is truly harming the child, you can work with that and perhaps request supervised therapeutic visitation with Dad.

Don't expect "no visitation", and don't expect "Son gets to decide".

Until then, stick with your court order. Kiddo goes to Dad's.

 

[maryjo]

Okay, what PROOF is there of emotional abuse?

Have you been teaching your son how to cope with uncomfortable situations? Is he in therapy, and can his counselor/therapist testify that visitation is directly harming him?


Or, is this a case of a tween being a tween?

Your son is 11 - and you say you've had to "force" him for FIVE YEARS? There shouldn't have even been any discussion, let alone forcing. "You're going to Dad's. Have fun. Bye!". Should've been the end of it.

My son is 12 and will be 13 the end of March. And yes...forcing him. He will cry all the way there. Beg me not to take him. I have been trying me hardest to foster a relationship between him and his son since the day this child was born!!! Even when his father said he didnt have to go if he didnt want to I still made him go. Even when he cries all the way I made him go.

My ex's own parents have seen what he does to our son and when they told him to stop he walked out of their house and didnt have much else to do with them. He constantly picks on him, makes him wrestle with him, annoys and frustrates him until he is furious. I know what he does, he did to me and worse for many years. Thankfully he hasnt become physically abusive to our son but its probably just a matter of time. Especially now that he knows he doesnt want to see him.

This is NOT a matter of me trying to keep our son from him. This isnt a matter of our son having better things to do that go see his father. My entire family and his knows how abusive and mean and nasty he is. EVERYONE is SCARED of him!!!! And no one in his family has anything to do with him anymore. He has burned all his bridges with them too.

I would NEVER keep our son from his father. It isnt a tween being a tween either. What does he do at his dad's? NOTHING! He gets to watch TV and play video games but his dad doesnt actually do anything with him. But he doesnt have to do chores or anything like he would if he stayed here. He would rather stay here and clean the entire house than go play video games at his dad's. I even made sure that our son never got involved in ANYTHING like sports because every other weekend he would have to go an hour away to his dad's.

I know yall like to crucify people when they post here but I have been coming here a long time even though I dont post very often. But I know that I have done everything I should have done and then some regarding this man and this situation.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm sorry - I know this isn't what you want to hear.

But none of what you wrote changes anything.

Kiddo goes with Dad. Period. Even if.

And really - nobody is being crucified.

 

[I'mTheFather]

And really - nobody is being crucified.

Well, not on THIS forum anyway.

 

[Proserpina]

Well, not on THIS forum anyway.

And not today

 

[I'mTheFather]

And not today

Too true, dear.

 

[Eekamouse]

You know, you make it sound like Dad and stepmom hate your child and I just find that extremely hard to believe. Picking on him for his hair color? Stepmom telling the boy that she wants to beat you up/kill you? Why would she tell him something like that? Do you, in turn, make your own threats? This all just seems so implausible or you must be leaving alot of the story out of this.

 

[TheGeekess]

You know, you make it sound like Dad and stepmom hate your child and I just find that extremely hard to believe. Picking on him for his hair color? Stepmom telling the boy that she wants to beat you up/kill you? Why would she tell him something like that? Do you, in turn, make your own threats? This all just seems so implausible or you must be leaving alot of the story out of this.

I know people like this.