Yet another question!!!

[Kimmyf1965]

What is the name of your state? TN

I'm sorry that I keep asking questions but I have another question. Today is Thursday and as usual my X's wife is calling wanting to cancel their visitation. When his wife called today she said that they can't pick him up today and wanted to know if they can take him at 3:00 tomorrow instead of 6:00. My X is suppose to take him on Wednesdays and Thursdays from 2:00 to 7:00. As stated in a previous thread he never takes him on Wednesdays and occationally takes him Thursdays. When I went to court several weeks ago my X stated that he had no knowledge of a conversation that took place between me and his new wife. This conversation was very important to my case and I know that he was sitting next to her while we talked because I asked to speak to him about something else regarding visitation and he got on the phone with me. Here's what I want to say to her when I call her back:

1st of all he needs to be the one that calls me when you are going to talk to me in person. I'm not going to deal with anymore of this she must have talked to my wife because I have no knowledge of the conversation. 2nd no you can't take him tomorrow at 3:00 instead of 6:00 because I work and I want to spend sometime with him before leaves. I don't care if you pick him up today or not but he needs to let me know what he is doing.

Can I say this to his wife? Do I have to deal with her on issues and changes involving my son?

Also, my court papers from August 24th, 2004 states "Both parents are strickly advised to adhere to the visitation schedule set forth in the parenting plan on June ?? of 2001. There were absolutely no modifications to the parenting plan that includes the Wednesday deal. Is he in violation of the court order if he doens't pick him up on Wednesdays and Thursdays? Or is the key word here "advised"?

Thanks,
Kim

 

[BelizeBreeze]

A visitation order is NOT a requirement except on your part. In other words, if you do not have the child ready to go at the prescribed time and date as custodial party, YOU and YOU alone can be held in contempt.

The non-custodial parent is not REQUIRED to exercise visitation. It's a right, not a requirement.

HOWEVER, if your ex is allowed the child on Wed and Thursday and does not return the child when the order states, HE can be held in contempt. Also, If he does not pick the child up and wants a makeup day outside of the order, that's up to you.

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state? TN

Can I say this to his wife? Do I have to deal with her on issues and changes involving my son?

Also, my court papers from August 24th, 2004 states "Both parents are strickly advised to adhere to the visitation schedule set forth in the parenting plan on June ?? of 2001. There were absolutely no modifications to the parenting plan that includes the Wednesday deal. Is he in violation of the court order if he doens't pick him up on Wednesdays and Thursdays? Or is the key word here "advised"?

Thanks,
Kim

His wife is not part of the court order and should keep out of this. It's up to you whether or not you want to allow her into your business.

He will not be in contempt if he doesn't pick the child up. You will be in contempt if you don't have the child ready to go at the court ordered time. Keep in mind that while you may think it's inconvenient to change the schedule once in a while, think of how inconvenient it is for a child not to know one of his parents because they won't work together.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

I would write a registered letter to your ex stating that you will no longer deal with his new wife in changes to the visitation schedule. That way you have proof if she does call remind her that you will not discuss changes with her. He is not in contempt but it will not look good to the Judge that your ex did not take the Judges' advisement into account. Good Luck

 

[WyattJ]

I was in the same boat as my son's father would have his mother and now wife discuss issues about our son. I got to the point that everytime his wife or mother called I would say, "Just have "father" call and we can discuss this ourselves".

Finally, after many rememebers of that they finally have the father call. Just have patience.

 

[divorcebound]

WOW! BB is being very nice today! Wonder how come BB can be nice to Kimmyf1965 but was mean to me the other day. Kimmy and I are very good friends, ain't that somethin!

 

[Kimmyf1965]

I totally agree with you Verionica, but there is much more to the enitire story that I'm able to relay in this thread. My child is physically handicapped and for the most part my X doens't exercise his right to visit with the child on a regular consistant basis. Everytime that I've needed him to take the child early he refuses. I'm contantly doing things for them. When my X hurt himself and was unable to take care of my sone my son became depressed because he wasn't getting to see his dad so I called my X and told him that we would meet him somewhere or take my son to his house for a few hours so that they could spend time together. In February of this year I was admitted to the hospital and had to have a blood transfusion and nearly died. My current husband called my X and told him that he was going to have to take of my son one more night because I was very sick and my X refused!!!! This is just 2 examples there are many more!!!!!! My son loves his dad. I don't want to take away visitation at all. But I work 2 jobs and very little time with my son because of this. My current husband is my son's main caregiver. My son gets home form school on Friday at 2:15. I'm just getting home from work and want to spend a few hours with him before he goes away for 2 days. My son's disease will eventually take his life. I want to spend as much time with him as possible. I already feel like I'm taking away from him by working 2 jobs but with the medical bills that I have no choice.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Another note. Do you get along with the new wife at all? I only say this because as the Future step-mom in my fiances case. The Mom and Dad still pick at eachother and usually end up aggravated and not getting things done so often I work as the go between. Mom tells me of her preferred change or I tell her of Dads' and then when all is "worked out" they pretty much get on the phone together and restate the change say okay and all is good. This has a lot to do with the fact that I am the one that writes up EVERY change, I mean down to a few hours change. That agreement is signed and notarized and filed with the Court. Although it is not Enforceable technically it goes a long way when one party tries to go against it and say they didn't agree, you have a notarized copy saying they did. I know this is a lot different from my other advice but it really depends on each situation on which way to go. Again Good Luck.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

After reading your post Kimmy all I can say is I am sorry for your situation and I will pray for you and your family. Oh yeah your EX is an @sshole, @#%#$^$&@$&%^& You get what I mean.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I totally agree with you Verionica.

And what the hell am I? Chopped Liver?

but there is much more to the enitire story that I'm able to relay in this thread.

Bull$hit. If you want a valid answer to a valid question, then you need to lay ALL facts on the table. PERIOD.

My child is physically handicapped and for the most part my X doens't exercise his right to visit with the child on a regular consistant basis.

Your child being handicapped has nothing whatsoever to do with the existing court order. And neither does your ex's not exercising his visitation all the time. As pointed out to you TWICE, visitation is a right, NOT an obligation.

I'm contantly doing things for them. When my X hurt himself and was unable to take care of my sone my son became depressed because he wasn't getting to see his dad so I called my X and told him that we would meet him somewhere or take my son to his house for a few hours so that they could spend time together. In February of this year I was admitted to the hospital and had to have a blood transfusion and nearly died. My current husband called my X and told him that he was going to have to take of my son one more night because I was very sick and my X refused!!!!

Touching story. But still immaterial to the EXISTING COURT ORDER. PERIOD!

I don't want to take away visitation at all.

Good. Because you can't. Only a court can do so and that is only after a new visitation order is issued supplanting the existing one.

Listen lady, no matter what you think of me and my answers to you, your health, your son's health or his illness has absolutely no bearing on the fact that you have an existing visitation order which you cannot bend to suit yourself.

So what if your ex doesn't exercise his RIGHT to visitation. That's his perrogrative. And NOT punishable under law.

What it means is he's an a$$hole. Nothing more or less. And if and when you die, guess who's getting the kid. Not your current husband, your ex.

so, either put up with it, TRY to have his rights terminated (fat chance) or get the order changed. Those are your ONLY options. And please leave the sob story where it belongs, at home. It makes not one bit of difference.

 

[VeronicaGia]

After reading your post Kimmy all I can say is I am sorry for your situation and I will pray for you and your family. Oh yeah your EX is an @sshole, @#%#$^$&@$&%^& You get what I mean.

Ditto.

Of course though Belize is right in that unfortunately, the court order is what must be followed - the CP must especially follow the visitation schedule and the NCP must especially follow the child support schedule. The NCP does not have to take more visitation and the CP doesn't have to adjust the schedule to suit the NCP's needs.

The situation is especially sad since the child is so ill. It's really too bad mom and dad can't figure out a way to bend for the short time the child has so they each have quality time with the child.

 

[Kimmyf1965]

And what the hell am I? Chopped Liver?

I wasn't trying to put you down. But Verionica answered my main question which was regarding the new wife being involved in making the calls. Which I explained why I was concerned in my original post.

Quit being so heartless.

 

[Kimmyf1965]

After reading your post Kimmy all I can say is I am sorry for your situation and I will pray for you and your family. Oh yeah your EX is an @sshole, @#%#$^$&@$&%^& You get what I mean.

Thank you Smurfee!!!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And what the hell am I? Chopped Liver?

I wasn't trying to put you down. But Verionica answered my main question which was regarding the new wife being involved in making the calls. Which I explained why I was concerned in my original post.

Quit being so heartless.

Heartless my ass lady. Them's the facts. Plain and simple. Facts are not heartless or hearwarming. They just are. And the plain fact is your illness, death or the illness of your child has absolutely no bearing on your issue.

And neither does the fact that your ex isn't exercising his PRIVILEDGE of visitation. The facts are as I stated. Nothing more or less.

 

[Kimmyf1965]

Ditto.

And you too Veronica!!!