school official 'take sides' in custody??

[sandysue]

What is the name of your state? CA

Can a school official take up one parents side against the other re custody hearing?

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? CA

Can a school official take up one parents side against the other re custody hearing?

What's the issue? SOmething called "Details" would help.

 

[Zephyr]

the school official can certainly be a witness at to what has been seen regarding either parent

 

[sandysue]

the issue is related to a school official, who showed obvious bias against me, the custodial parent and deferred to noncustodial parent. He broke school policy several times against me, made some pretty outrageous requests of me, asked me if he could hop in my car after a meeting andcome to my home...scheduled a meeting time with my ex but not with me,...etc etc then over summer my ex tells me that the principal and him talked a couple of times, I found this interesting that the principal would be having private talks with him over summer, esp since school is out of session and also he is not as I said the custodial parent. Seems very odd and can't think of a reason he would be talkign with him....recently my ex told me that this principal has eagerly signed up to talk down about me in court, to be on his side....(hmmm, principal and ex meet over summer, principal refused to make a meeting time I could attend, and now, voila, he is on his side at court?Seems a bit too coincidental) I am a responsible parent, child never had any attendance issues. At the very end of last year our child was absnet for a little while, but it was medically excused. The principal refused to accept the doctor note, very odd in itself, saying HE needed to confirm the diagnosis-- i couldnt imagine what special ability he had to give second medical opinions and told him I would pass on that, that the doctor is the one who does that, thanks anyways. He continued to harrass me, asking me several times if he could come to my home....I knew this is not kosher and told him I would pass on that, this infuriated him, he seemed insulted although I t old him veyr kindly and diplomatic way that I preferred not to do that. After that point that I said I didnt want him to come home in my car with me, he had it in for me. So, if its' true that he's coming to court, there isnt much to tell,...but he is dishonest and has some personal agenda,...maybe he wants to relive his own custody battle? Finding out that the other school in the district doesnt let it's employees do even something neutral for court stuff, I cannot see how he can pair up with my ex, based on fact our child was absent and had a dr note.

 

[BL]

He wanted to hop in your car ?


Geesh , make a complaint to the school districts office , the human resource dept. , or who's ever in charge .

 

[casa]

the issue is related to a school official, who showed obvious bias against me, the custodial parent and deferred to noncustodial parent. He broke school policy several times against me, made some pretty outrageous requests of me, asked me if he could hop in my car after a meeting andcome to my home...scheduled a meeting time with my ex but not with me,...etc etc then over summer my ex tells me that the principal and him talked a couple of times, I found this interesting that the principal would be having private talks with him over summer, esp since school is out of session and also he is not as I said the custodial parent. Seems very odd and can't think of a reason he would be talkign with him....recently my ex told me that this principal has eagerly signed up to talk down about me in court, to be on his side....(hmmm, principal and ex meet over summer, principal refused to make a meeting time I could attend, and now, voila, he is on his side at court?Seems a bit too coincidental) I am a responsible parent, child never had any attendance issues. At the very end of last year our child was absnet for a little while, but it was medically excused. The principal refused to accept the doctor note, very odd in itself, saying HE needed to confirm the diagnosis-- i couldnt imagine what special ability he had to give second medical opinions and told him I would pass on that, that the doctor is the one who does that, thanks anyways. He continued to harrass me, asking me several times if he could come to my home....I knew this is not kosher and told him I would pass on that, this infuriated him, he seemed insulted although I t old him veyr kindly and diplomatic way that I preferred not to do that. After that point that I said I didnt want him to come home in my car with me, he had it in for me. So, if its' true that he's coming to court, there isnt much to tell,...but he is dishonest and has some personal agenda,...maybe he wants to relive his own custody battle? Finding out that the other school in the district doesnt let it's employees do even something neutral for court stuff, I cannot see how he can pair up with my ex, based on fact our child was absent and had a dr note.

Both parents (Custodial or Non) have a Right to all educational/school records & the Right to discuss any issues re; their child with school employees. Wanting to drive in your car is not demonstrating good boundaries~ but is not illegal.

My first piece of advice is NEVER take advice from your X. Do Not believe him when he says the Principal is going to court to talk down about you...that's BS. If a principal DID do that a judge could/would see right through it.

Typically Educators are relied upon for information purposes only. ie; Attendance & Academics. Outside of that they are mandated reporters for abuse/neglect...however, since there have been no reports, the Principal would look like an idiot saying there were those issues~ as he's required by law to report them if there were.

CA DOES have strict attendance laws...some which do not excuse excessive absences- even due to illness....If a child has an extended absence due to medical issues then the school changes the child's academic program to accomidate that. (Home schooling or various other options you can discuss with the school counselor).

Your X is trying to get your goat. Don't let him. If you have questions for the Principal- ask the Principal. Do not believe anything that the Principal himself does not tell you directly. (And I cannot imagine a Principal in CA even having the TIME to get this involved in Custody Issues with no prior instances of abuse/neglect)

So, unless there is a HUGE part of this story missing...don't worry about it. And STOP listening to the X.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

the issue is related to a school official, who showed obvious bias against me, the custodial parent and deferred to noncustodial parent. He broke school policy several times against me, made some pretty outrageous requests of me, asked me if he could hop in my car after a meeting andcome to my home...scheduled a meeting time with my ex but not with me,...etc etc then over summer my ex tells me that the principal and him talked a couple of times, I found this interesting that the principal would be having private talks with him over summer, esp since school is out of session and also he is not as I said the custodial parent. Seems very odd and can't think of a reason he would be talkign with him....recently my ex told me that this principal has eagerly signed up to talk down about me in court, to be on his side....(hmmm, principal and ex meet over summer, principal refused to make a meeting time I could attend, and now, voila, he is on his side at court?Seems a bit too coincidental) I am a responsible parent, child never had any attendance issues. At the very end of last year our child was absnet for a little while, but it was medically excused. The principal refused to accept the doctor note, very odd in itself, saying HE needed to confirm the diagnosis-- i couldnt imagine what special ability he had to give second medical opinions and told him I would pass on that, that the doctor is the one who does that, thanks anyways. He continued to harrass me, asking me several times if he could come to my home....I knew this is not kosher and told him I would pass on that, this infuriated him, he seemed insulted although I t old him veyr kindly and diplomatic way that I preferred not to do that. After that point that I said I didnt want him to come home in my car with me, he had it in for me. So, if its' true that he's coming to court, there isnt much to tell,...but he is dishonest and has some personal agenda,...maybe he wants to relive his own custody battle? Finding out that the other school in the district doesnt let it's employees do even something neutral for court stuff, I cannot see how he can pair up with my ex, based on fact our child was absent and had a dr note.

Details means what exactly happened and when. NOT your little bitch session. This entire post is worthless.

 

[sandysue]

that's a good point, and i hope the judge will see that...if the principal had soem legitimate concern, why did he not report anything? Also, it seems like isnt there something to appearances, as far as a single, older male principal asking a 15 yr younger female to hop in her car after a meeting with her? I'm not syaing it was sex. harrasment, but i dont see how that request could look good for him...it's totally unprofessional. It is my feeling that he has some past issues of his own that have made this very personal for him,...because as you said, to ditch 1,000 students, 100 teachers, other staff, meetings, activites to go to court to side up with the other parent...on tax payer bill?

this brings up the other point,....our child went to another school for about 5 years, its' in teh same district. I had veyr good repoire w/ the staff there, and helped in the class, volunteered, etc. I asked for a basic character reference from a teacher there, to use in court, nothing biased against my ex, just a one paragraph reference on what she observed of my character and how i was as a parent. She said she's sorry but her principal doesnt let the teachers even do that much, if it's related to court,...i dont agree with that, and dont see how that could be true. If I were asking her to say stuff about my ex, then that would be more understandable, but I dont think it's an actual rule or law that a teacher cannot provide a neutral character reference, is it? I mean, my ex could also ask for a character reference for himself if he wanted to, it's not biased at all.

 

[sandysue]

blond lebinese,

yes, I already in the past did file a complaint about that. I think it probably teeters near the brink of harrassment

 

[BL]

If the school has problems with a child , and request a meeting , the school personnel should focus on what the problems are from all sides , then make notes for the records .

If the court gets involved those records could be subpoened , without actual testimony , for consideration .

It's not unusual for the personnel to focus on ones statements over the other to get to the bottom of the problem .

 

[casa]

that's a good point, and i hope the judge will see that...if the principal had soem legitimate concern, why did he not report anything? Also, it seems like isnt there something to appearances, as far as a single, older male principal asking a 15 yr younger female to hop in her car after a meeting with her? I'm not syaing it was sex. harrasment, but i dont see how that request could look good for him...it's totally unprofessional. It is my feeling that he has some past issues of his own that have made this very personal for him,...because as you said, to ditch 1,000 students, 100 teachers, other staff, meetings, activites to go to court to side up with the other parent...on tax payer bill?

this brings up the other point,....our child went to another school for about 5 years, its' in teh same district. I had veyr good repoire w/ the staff there, and helped in the class, volunteered, etc. I asked for a basic character reference from a teacher there, to use in court, nothing biased against my ex, just a one paragraph reference on what she observed of my character and how i was as a parent. She said she's sorry but her principal doesnt let the teachers even do that much, if it's related to court,...i dont agree with that, and dont see how that could be true. If I were asking her to say stuff about my ex, then that would be more understandable, but I dont think it's an actual rule or law that a teacher cannot provide a neutral character reference, is it? I mean, my ex could also ask for a character reference for himself if he wanted to, it's not biased at all.

That is because teachers don't have time to take off work because they are subpoena for child custody cases/hearings/trials...they'd hardly ever be in class (especially in CA).

Again~ The FOCUS is Attendance/Academics, &/or abuse/neglect. Period. And all those are handled via documentation. (report cards, attendance records, CPS records).

You can certainly advise the court you've volunteered & great rapport throughout your child's education in public school....but truthfully? I doubt it will even get that far.

Example:
X says there is abuse/neglect. Judge asks for CPS reports/evidence/documentation.
X says children are failing or have attendance issues. Judge asks for report cards/attendance records.
X says Principal doesn't like Mom. Judge says everyone has a right to their personal opinion. Some teachers like very involved parents, some find them 'meddling'....Some teachers wish parents would be more involved, but they can't/won't. Schools just don't get involved in the he-said/she-said. No one wants to end up in court wasting their days while their classrooms are being taught by substitute teachers~ only to end up with one of the parents miffed at them the rest of the year.

Stop reacting. Let his calls go to voicemail/answering machine. Keep all correspondence in writing. Refuse to participate in the drama.

 

[ezmarelda]

The only time I have seen a "school offical" get involved in custody disputes is if/when there is a GAL

 

[sandysue]

what is a 'Gal'??

 

[casa]

A GAL is a Guardian Ad Litem....a person you, your spouse petition for (& pay for) or that the courts appoint to determine the Child's Best Interests. An advocate for the child in other words. However, a GAL is highly unlikely to miss bias such as you describe.

 

[sandysue]

i still dont get how it is that my ex could get (or pay??) this principal to testify for him, and the other school in same district has a policy against that? It leaves it very one sided, I cannot get a witness to come for my side,even though that teacher wants to, her principal has a rule against it....but bc this other principal has a thing agianst women or whatever, my ex will get to have him come? It seems like the district would have the same policy for both schools...?