Visitation restrictions

[BelizeBreeze]

DAMMIT TO HELL WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a LEGAL forum. Can we put the frikkin' soapboxes away and deal with the LEGAL issues.?

Jeeez, give a woman an inch and she wants to become the frikkin' ruler.

 

[ezmarelda]

Like I said, the children need your undivided attention for a while. You have only been separated for three months...for the kids, that's still the "traumna" stage. How long it will take will depend on the children's adjustment....PARTICULARLY the 3 year old.

However, I am not suggesting that you have to continue to visit at mom's house. I am suggesting that you insist on your visitation rights, but let mom know that your girlfriend won't be part of things until the children have had more time to adjust to the divorce. Let her know that you realize that your kids need to have your undivided attention during your time. I would give it at least 3 months with the children getting your sole attention during your time, and then maybe gradually have your girlfriend around a bit for at least another 3 months, but not overnight.

Your children are more important than anything else....and they are suffering more from this divorce than you and your wife are. Particularly the three year old. Even if she isn't showing it...she really is suffering. The one year old won't remember a time when you and mom were together, but the three year old will for a long time.

My ex and I split up when our daughter was three. Even a year later she was constantly asking me to buy presents for daddy so he would want to come home. No matter how much I reassured her that daddy and mommy both loved her, and that sometimes daddy's and mommy's didn't live in the same house...she still suffered for a long time.

Luckily I didn't have to worry about my ex having her around his girlfriend (the one he left me for...sigh...) because he read an article by a psychologist that talked about the importance of focusing his attention soley on his child for a while. Therefore he refused to even consider introducing her to his new love interest for a VERY long time.

Sure, you believe that your girlfriend will just be another person to give them love....and you aren't really wrong. However, you didn't make it with their mother, and that is traumatic for them. If you make her a major part of their lives, and then you don't make it with her, then they will suffer traumna again.

However, again, right now they need your undivided attention.

my daughter was 3 when the kiddos and I left...she has NO memory of "mommy & daddy"

 

[LdiJ]

my daughter was 3 when the kiddos and I left...she has NO memory of "mommy & daddy"

My daughter doesn't now either....but she sure did for the first couple of years afterwards.

 

[LdiJ]

DAMMIT TO HELL WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a LEGAL forum. Can we put the frikkin' soapboxes away and deal with the LEGAL issues.?

Jeeez, give a woman an inch and she wants to become the frikkin' ruler.

Dad opened the door for that....and showed some interest about what is best for his child outside of the "legal" best interests of the child.

Since it appears that he cares more than just about the legalities, I will give him my real opinion.

I realize that you don't care squat about anything other than the legalities...and I know that this board is strictly for legalities. However, since most of the senior members don't confine themselves strictly to legalities I will continue to feel free to occasionally deviate.

 

[Ohiogal]

Should have been more specific. The court won't care that dad is dating...it WILL care, if brought to it's attention, that dad is sleeping with someone while the child is there, if brought to it's attention. It can and most likely will be grounds to change visitation and in this case, limit that visitation based on the overnights.

I have been in front of judges in several different counties in Ohio representing clients. With the fact that this was just settled three months ago, unless dad is literally sleeping with the girlfriend in front of the kids they won't change the visitation order. I have seen several parents slammed for trying to change visitation based on the fact that their ex has a boyfriend/girlfriend spending the night. Because all it takes is one of the parents to state that they slept together before marriage and a judge finds it hypocritical. Wierd but Ohio courts. Would it happen in every case? Maybe not but more often than not the judge doesn't care that dad has someone AFTER the marriage is over. If it were DURING the divorce proceedings the court would crack down. But afterwards the parents are allowed to have live ins unless the court order already bars it.
Of course cigarette smoking is another thing all together!

 

[nextwife]

I have been in front of judges in several different counties in Ohio representing clients. With the fact that this was just settled three months ago, unless dad is literally sleeping with the girlfriend in front of the kids they won't change the visitation order. I have seen several parents slammed for trying to change visitation based on the fact that their ex has a boyfriend/girlfriend spending the night. Because all it takes is one of the parents to state that they slept together before marriage and a judge finds it hypocritical. Wierd but Ohio courts. Would it happen in every case? Maybe not but more often than not the judge doesn't care that dad has someone AFTER the marriage is over. If it were DURING the divorce proceedings the court would crack down. But afterwards the parents are allowed to have live ins unless the court order already bars it.
Of course cigarette smoking is another thing all together!

Aren't moms given, not just visitation, but CUSTODY of the kids regardless of whether she's moving them from home with dad into HER new home with the guy she left dad for? How come it's NOT ok for dad to have his kids around his girlfriend, but a dad in another thread (https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=337060) whose wife moved THEIR kids in with her boyfriend is being told he doesn't even have a shot at custody - he has to stand by and have his kids taken from him and see them living with another man ? And this man is being told he shouldn't even plan on visitaion with a non-spouse around?

 

[ceara19]

Aren't moms given, not just visitation, but CUSTODY of the kids regardless of whether she's moving them from home with dad into HER new home with the guy she left dad for? How come it's NOT ok for dad to have his kids around his girlfriend, but a dad in another thread (https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=337060) whose wife moved THEIR kids in with her boyfriend is being told he doesn't even have a shot at custody - he has to stand by and have his kids taken from him and see them living with another man ? And this man is being told he shouldn't even plan on visitaion with a non-spouse around?

These 2 cases are COMPLETELY and TOTALLY different. In the other case, they have been seperated for 3 YEARS and dad's main concern obviously isn't the fact that mom lives with another man, because they have apparently been living together for quite some time. He is concerned that HIS children won't get enough attention once mommy has her "love child" with the boyfriend.

THIS man is adding a girlfriend into the mix 3 MONTHS after the separation. The ink isn't even dry ion the divorce decree (if it's even final) yet. What the OP is doing is incredibly STUPID. But unless his court order prohibits it, he is doing nothing wrong LEGALLY. As OG already explained, mom has virtually NO chance at all of having the order amended to keep the GF away unless she is a danger to the kids.

The only real LEGAL issue is that mom is violating the court order. The OP may be morally wrong, but that is irrelevant.

 

[Ohiogal]

These 2 cases are COMPLETELY and TOTALLY different. In the other case, they have been seperated for 3 YEARS and dad's main concern obviously isn't the fact that mom lives with another man, because they have apparently been living together for quite some time. He is concerned that HIS children won't get enough attention once mommy has her "love child" with the boyfriend.

THIS man is adding a girlfriend into the mix 3 MONTHS after the separation. The ink isn't even dry ion the divorce decree (if it's even final) yet. What the OP is doing is incredibly STUPID. But unless his court order prohibits it, he is doing nothing wrong LEGALLY. As OG already explained, mom has virtually NO chance at all of having the order amended to keep the GF away unless she is a danger to the kids.

The only real LEGAL issue is that mom is violating the court order. The OP may be morally wrong, but that is irrelevant.

What Ceara said. OP says the divorce is final. So a judge is not going to change it at this juncture.

 

[ceara19]

What Ceara said. OP says the divorce is final. So a judge is not going to change it at this juncture.

I'm wondering if the divorce is actually final though. 3 months from seperation to final divorce seems rather fast since there are children involved. Most people wait at least a little while before filing for divorce when they seperate. In Texas, 90 days from filing to final is the MINIMUM for an uncontested divorce. What is the standard in Ohio?

 

[haiku]

not to continue the tangent on the other thread but, I could almost agree with Nextwife on the surface, but for the fact the guy in the other thread has already "let" mom live with the boyfriend for 3 years. thats a lot different than the mom in this thread IMMEDIATELY putting up a fuss about dads new girlfriend.

you have to protest things BEFORE they become the status quoe (did I spell that right?....)....Because once you do, either through passage of time, or the finality of a court order, you're done.

thats why the dad in this OP, needs to put his foot down and demand his visitation be followed to the letter before mom gets a status quoe of visitation in her home.....

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm wondering if the divorce is actually final though. 3 months from seperation to final divorce seems rather fast since there are children involved. Most people wait at least a little while before filing for divorce when they seperate. In Texas, 90 days from filing to final is the MINIMUM for an uncontested divorce. What is the standard in Ohio?

Filed a divorce with one child for a client first week of June. Final decree of divorce was granted/time-stamped/finalized first week of September. it can be very quick. That is about the minimum. Standard? What normally happens? Oh heck. That can be anywhere from three months to eternity. The other thing to consider is that OP may have meant that it is three months since the divorce. Again not saying that OP is doing the right thing by introducing his children to a live-in within three months of the divorce but what he is doing is NOT illegal.

 

[Kalso]

Wow... I do appreciate all of the input.

Let me clear up a few things I see questions about. My divorce was finalized on Aug. 25th, so we've been separated for a little over 3 months, and divorced now for one.

I wasn't asking if I *should* introduce them to my new girlfriend, I need to make that choice based on what's best for my girls. I was mainly seeking legal advice of whether or not my ex had the right to demand that she not be included in my visitation.

I disagree with any set, arbitrary timeframe on this, but I do believe that the children need time to adjust to the new situation, meaning the divorce/separation. My main concern now is that by keeping my visitations at her house, then I don't get time with just me and them. The girls get mommy time, and then mommy-daddy time. No daddy time. I've not pushed the issue with her because I don't want to make things more difficult for my girls.

To all those who have made comments that imply that I do not love my girls, or am not thinking of their best interest, well...I'm glad you know me so well to make those judgements. I can understand where you inferred that, but that's a helluva conclusion to leap to from 20 lines of text.

Sincere thanks to those who helped clarify the legal issue at hand.

 

[Ohiogal]

Wow... I do appreciate all of the input.

Let me clear up a few things I see questions about. My divorce was finalized on Aug. 25th, so we've been separated for a little over 3 months, and divorced now for one.

I wasn't asking if I *should* introduce them to my new girlfriend, I need to make that choice based on what's best for my girls. I was mainly seeking legal advice of whether or not my ex had the right to demand that she not be included in my visitation.

I disagree with any set, arbitrary timeframe on this, but I do believe that the children need time to adjust to the new situation, meaning the divorce/separation. My main concern now is that by keeping my visitations at her house, then I don't get time with just me and them. The girls get mommy time, and then mommy-daddy time. No daddy time. I've not pushed the issue with her because I don't want to make things more difficult for my girls.

To all those who have made comments that imply that I do not love my girls, or am not thinking of their best interest, well...I'm glad you know me so well to make those judgements. I can understand where you inferred that, but that's a helluva conclusion to leap to from 20 lines of text.

Sincere thanks to those who helped clarify the legal issue at hand.

Mom canNOT make those demands. Didn't you guys attend the parenting class? YOu had to have attended or you would be have been found in contempt. That class if VERY specific that mom cannot control dad's time with the kids and dad cannot control mom's time. Tell her to grow up and go get your kids on your time. Unless your visitation has been stated in the court order to be supervised by mom she has no say. If she doesn't give you the children she is in contempt and the first time she doesn't let you leave with the kids, tell her you will be filing contempt against her in court on Monday. And then go do it. Contempt by the way is punishable by jail time, fines, make up time and eventually the primary residential parent can lose that status for playing games.

 

[LdiJ]

Mom canNOT make those demands. Didn't you guys attend the parenting class? YOu had to have attended or you would be have been found in contempt. That class if VERY specific that mom cannot control dad's time with the kids and dad cannot control mom's time. Tell her to grow up and go get your kids on your time. Unless your visitation has been stated in the court order to be supervised by mom she has no say. If she doesn't give you the children she is in contempt and the first time she doesn't let you leave with the kids, tell her you will be filing contempt against her in court on Monday. And then go do it. Contempt by the way is punishable by jail time, fines, make up time and eventually the primary residential parent can lose that status for playing games.

I agree 100% with this advice from a purely legal standpoint.

However...from the basis of amicable co-parenting and the true best interests of the child, I honestly would recommend agreeing not to have the girlfriend around for a while longer, but insisting that the visitation take place in his home.

I don't agree with allowing mom to insist that the visits take place in her home. If your girlfriend is really "the one"...then she will understand that your children need your undivided attention for a while.

There are two issues here. Making sure that mom understands that she needs to follow the orders, but also both of you demonstrating that you are truly putting the children and their needs first. One is a legal issue, the other is doing the right thing for your children.

 

[Silverplum]

I agree 100% with this advice from a purely legal standpoint.

However...from the basis of amicable co-parenting and the true best interests of the child, I honestly would recommend agreeing not to have the girlfriend around for a while longer, but insisting that the visitation take place in his home.

I don't agree with allowing mom to insist that the visits take place in her home. If your girlfriend is really "the one"...then she will understand that your children need your undivided attention for a while.

There are two issues here. Making sure that mom understands that she needs to follow the orders, but also both of you demonstrating that you are truly putting the children and their needs first. One is a legal issue, the other is doing the right thing for your children.

OP doesn't need to agree to anything mom wants. IF he so chooses to be a responsible parent by keeping his gf on the back burner for a while, that's his choice. But to AGREE to mom now will guarantee that she will *think* she can control him further.