13 yr old daughter suspended 1 week private school

[grayburn]

What is the name of your state? Maryland

My daughter is a 13 year old 8th grader at a private christian school. She is an average student academically but has never had any type of behavior problems nor has she ever done anything to break any school rules. She is very well liked in her small school by both teachers and students alike. She has received the "good citizenship" award several years in a row for her display of peer mediation as well as her actually "living" the word of the gospels.

Now that I have given you some background concerning my daughter, please let me ask for advice concerning an incident that happened this week.

My daughter has a my-space account. Her account has approximately 42 people listed as her "friends" who receive posting that she creates or forwards. Several of these "friends" are students from school and one is a teacher from the school. My daughter had received a "chain letter" from another friend from a different school. The chain letter had a body that said something like "Wow. You opened it. Now you must forward this to 10 friends and you will have good luck with relationships. If you don't forward it, you will have back luck for the next 10 years.....etc. (on that same note). At the end of the body of the letter, it instructs the next person to "send as subject: (your school) teacher was arrested 4 rape". The object was to create an eye-catching subject line to lead your friends to open the my-space mail you were sending. My daughter was very irresponsible and acting without thinking she posted on her bulliten, which goes out to her 42 friends but is otherwise inaccessible as it is marked "private", the chain letter with the subject line "Mr. _last name of her teacher__ was arrested 4 rape" - except the _____ was actually my daughter's teacher's last name which I, of course, have intentionally left blank. This was done on my home computer during the weekend. On Monday morning when my daughter and I arrived at school, the principal instructed us to come to his office, where he showed me the chain mail with the subject line. The teacher listed as one of her friends had seen the posting and showed it to the principal. My daughter was very remorseful when it was explained the consequences this could have had on the teacher's reputation. She did not intend to hurt anyone and she was in no way trying to be malicious. However, to make a long story short, her punishment was.....
1. She was made to visit the seventh and eighth grade class rooms and stand in front of the classes admitting that she lied about the teacher and that she was very sorry. The principal then told the classes that she would be suspended for five days from school.
2. She was suspended from school for five days on the grounds of defamation and harassment of a teacher.

When I asked about the severity of the punishment, the principal informed me that my daughter and I were LUCKY HE WASN'T EXPELLING HER. He also said that he was suspending her for two reasons....first, that this would teacher her a valuable lesson, and second, that it would show the other students the zero tolerance for this type of situation.

I feel my daughter was used as an example. I feel she was punished harshly by the school. I, personally, felt it appropriate to punish her from use of the internet as well she was forced to deleter her my-space account. Here are my questions:

1. Was the school within its rights to punish her at all? Or did the matter effect the teacher, my daughter and myself only?

2. Could teacher have right to persue legal acation personally (without school involvement)?

3. Do I have any rights or recourse at this point? We are already 2 days into the suspension.

ANY HELP OR ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK.

THANK YOU.

 

[Silverplum]

Yes, the school has every right to punish her, suspend her, expel her. And yes, the teacher could seek some sort of action if he chose. How would you like to be in the teacher's shoes yourself? Geesh. Quit trying to protect the little darling and move on. Teach her some common sense.

What is the name of your state? Maryland

My daughter is a 13 year old 8th grader at a private christian school. She is an average student academically but has never had any type of behavior problems nor has she ever done anything to break any school rules. She is very well liked in her small school by both teachers and students alike. She has received the "good citizenship" award several years in a row for her display of peer mediation as well as her actually "living" the word of the gospels.

Now that I have given you some background concerning my daughter, please let me ask for advice concerning an incident that happened this week.

My daughter has a my-space account. Her account has approximately 42 people listed as her "friends" who receive posting that she creates or forwards. Several of these "friends" are students from school and one is a teacher from the school. My daughter had received a "chain letter" from another friend from a different school. The chain letter had a body that said something like "Wow. You opened it. Now you must forward this to 10 friends and you will have good luck with relationships. If you don't forward it, you will have back luck for the next 10 years.....etc. (on that same note). At the end of the body of the letter, it instructs the next person to "send as subject: (your school) teacher was arrested 4 rape". The object was to create an eye-catching subject line to lead your friends to open the my-space mail you were sending. My daughter was very irresponsible and acting without thinking she posted on her bulliten, which goes out to her 42 friends but is otherwise inaccessible as it is marked "private", the chain letter with the subject line "Mr. _last name of her teacher__ was arrested 4 rape" - except the _____ was actually my daughter's teacher's last name which I, of course, have intentionally left blank. This was done on my home computer during the weekend. On Monday morning when my daughter and I arrived at school, the principal instructed us to come to his office, where he showed me the chain mail with the subject line. The teacher listed as one of her friends had seen the posting and showed it to the principal. My daughter was very remorseful when it was explained the consequences this could have had on the teacher's reputation. She did not intend to hurt anyone and she was in no way trying to be malicious. However, to make a long story short, her punishment was.....
1. She was made to visit the seventh and eighth grade class rooms and stand in front of the classes admitting that she lied about the teacher and that she was very sorry. The principal then told the classes that she would be suspended for five days from school.
2. She was suspended from school for five days on the grounds of defamation and harassment of a teacher.

When I asked about the severity of the punishment, the principal informed me that my daughter and I were LUCKY HE WASN'T EXPELLING HER. He also said that he was suspending her for two reasons....first, that this would teacher her a valuable lesson, and second, that it would show the other students the zero tolerance for this type of situation.

I feel my daughter was used as an example. I feel she was punished harshly by the school. I, personally, felt it appropriate to punish her from use of the internet as well she was forced to deleter her my-space account. Here are my questions:

1. Was the school within its rights to punish her at all? Or did the matter effect the teacher, my daughter and myself only?

2. Could teacher have right to persue legal acation personally (without school involvement)?

3. Do I have any rights or recourse at this point? We are already 2 days into the suspension.

ANY HELP OR ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK.

THANK YOU.

 

[grayburn]

silverplum,

thank you for the information. Would it be possible to elaborate on the rights of the school to punish her. For example, on what grounds? As the action my daughter took did not actually involve school. It was done on a school computer nor was it posted on a school related web-site, etc.

Also, quite frankly, it is my job to protect my daughter. She is, after all, not yet an adult by any means.

 

[grayburn]

I'm sorry .. typo..

It was NOT done on a school computer, etc.

 

[fairisfair]

personally, I find the punishment rather lenient. And quite appropriate.

Your daughter is not an idiot. She knew what she was doing, when she was doing it. It was supposed to be funny, I bet she stopped laughing a couple of days ago??

 

[fairisfair]

silverplum,

thank you for the information. Would it be possible to elaborate on the rights of the school to punish her. For example, on what grounds? As the action my daughter took did not actually involve school. It was done on a school computer nor was it posted on a school related web-site, etc.

Also, quite frankly, it is my job to protect my daughter. She is, after all, not yet an adult by any means.

It is your job to produce a happy, healthy, well adjusted, respectful adult, with an ability to distinguish right from wrong. It is not your job to abet her in avoidance of paying the consequences for her actions.

 

[Silverplum]

silverplum,

thank you for the information. Would it be possible to elaborate on the rights of the school to punish her. For example, on what grounds? As the action my daughter took did not actually involve school. It was done on a school computer nor was it posted on a school related web-site, etc.

Also, quite frankly, it is my job to protect my daughter. She is, after all, not yet an adult by any means.

It's a PRIVATE school. Short of electrocuting her, they can punish her pretty much as they please. And YES it involved school, Brainiac -- she slandered a TEACHER FROM HER SCHOOL. Betcha at least one of her 42 "friends" is a student at the school. There's another connection.

You can protect your daughter from being an idiot by teaching her common sense, courtesy, manners, and respect. By trying to undo the suspension, you are showing [your child] that you think her precious self is more important than the school's authority and the teacher's PROFESSIONAL REPUTATION.

Frankly, if I were the teacher, I'd sue you to kingdom come.

 

[grayburn]

Fair is fair,

I agree that she should have to be held accountable for her actions. At the home level, I have forbidden her use of the computer and she is grounded from friends, etc. I have not yet given her a time frame for her punishment. However, at the school level, she was made to suffer embarassment among her peers. Other students, as well as their parents if the students talk about it, are not being made aware that this happened. My daughter is being subjected to humiliation along with her suspension from school????? Am I the only one that sees the wrong in this? Whereas her junk chain letter COULD HAVE but did not caused the teacher considerable stress, I don't believe that by causing my daughter embarassment and smearing her good name in the community by only allowing her to tell students that she LIED, and not allowing them to know the context (the fact that it was a junk chain letter and not meant to harm). It's as if she went out and accused the teacher of rape - which she clearly did not do. Any change in your opinion?

 

[fairisfair]

Fair is fair,

I agree that she should have to be held accountable for her actions. At the home level, I have forbidden her use of the computer and she is grounded from friends, etc. I have not yet given her a time frame for her punishment. However, at the school level, she was made to suffer embarassment among her peers. Other students, as well as their parents if the students talk about it, are not being made aware that this happened. My daughter is being subjected to humiliation along with her suspension from school????? Am I the only one that sees the wrong in this? Whereas her junk chain letter COULD HAVE but did not caused the teacher considerable stress, I don't believe that by causing my daughter embarassment and smearing her good name in the community by only allowing her to tell students that she LIED, and not allowing them to know the context (the fact that it was a junk chain letter and not meant to harm). It's as if she went out and accused the teacher of rape - which she clearly did not do. Any change in your opinion?

absolutely none. She did go out and accuse the teacher of rape. She just didn't scream it in the streets. Actually less people would probably have heard her that way than via the internet. She did lie. The teacher had not been arrested for rape. That is what she said in her email, or at least that is what you told us that she said. Trust me, I have teenagers, kids talk, everybody in that entire school knows what happened (or some version of it). Parents are just the last to know. I do not think that the punishment your daughter received was cruel. And if she was my daughter, she would be spending this time researching libel, slander and writing a letter of apology to the teacher involved.

 

[grayburn]

silverplum and fairisfair....

Are either of you actually involved in the legal field? Especially in the case of silverplum, I can't begin to understand the brutality of your posts? Is there something wrong with you? As for you, fairisfair, I appreciate your responses. I just question whether or not you are answering my post with actual experience?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

silverplum,

thank you for the information. Would it be possible to elaborate on the rights of the school to punish her. For example, on what grounds?

On the grounds that she committed a crime and a civil tort.

As the action my daughter took did not actually involve school.

Not relevant.

It was done on a school computer nor was it posted on a school related web-site, etc.

again, not relevant.

Also, quite frankly, it is my job to protect my daughter. She is, after all, not yet an adult by any means.

and it is also your job to no minimalize this incident.

The principal is quite right, both morally and legally. He has the right to not only suspend her, but expell her from school. You are only lucky that the teacher did not press charges or a civil action against you and your daughter.

 

[grayburn]

Thank you for your response Belizebreeze. You are absolutely right.....I have not minimalized this in any way where my daughter is concerned. She is unaware that I question the punishment given by the school. She has in fact written a letter of apology to the teacher. She and the teacher involved have had a great relationship as he was her math teacher last year as well. She honestly did not think this could be harmful. In fact, it was supposed to be funny. As well, she knew that other students would receive it as well as the teacher she had as a "friend" on her my space. Obviously if she thought it truly harmful or if she had even paused to think at all, she would not have sent it out to her friends including a teacher at the school. Make sense? Shouldn't her past behavior (no problems before - not even a small one), and her good character (helps at the school church time, helps with the younger students, volunteers time on a regular basis) count for something????????? Doesn't INTENT play any role?