Maybe its not quite over yet...

[TCool]

What is the name of your state? WI

Well, today my daughters mother decided to commence on the path of musical daddies. She has rushed into a new relationship and is already involving my daughter. I explained why that is not good for my daughter, and after many attempts to make her understand I tried to resort to just telling her that because of the court order I have more power and I will use it to keep my daughter from harm, which basically means that I will strictly follow the court order and she will only see our daughter at the times in the stip (I did explain to her that I meant exactly that). She then started acting as if it didn't matter because she knew some way around all this, and acted as if she had some way to change the order so I would lose my daughter. I'm pretty sure she was just trying to play mind games and get me worrying, but I figured just to be on the safe side I'd ask more annoying questions.

So, here's the main parts of the order: (has been signed by both me and the mother, my attorney, and the judge)

It is stipulated between the parties that:
1. Both parents shall share joint custody of their child
2. The child shall be primarily physically placed with her father.
3. The mother shall have alternate periods of placement defined as each weekend starting at 5:30 pm on Fridays to Sunday at 8:00 pm

(there is then a bunch of info on how we will split holidays, etc)

6. Transportation will be shared equally as it is anticipated that the mother is moving to Tomahawk, WI and the father may move for school to another city in WI such as, but not limited to, Madison.

__________________________________
So, I know I have been told that there would need to be a significant change in circumstance, but I now remember my attorney saying that every two years the court reviews these orders. I'm afraid that when that happens she will be able to pull some crap and have it changed, or does the "significant change" rule still apply even tho its being reviewed?

Also, would it be correct of me to assume that after 2 years of this situation I would have an advantage in any kind of review since courts don't usually like to change an order that is working for the child? Because, by 2 years from now me and my daughter will be living in Madison, and she will be attending school there.

Finally, since it is specifically stated in the order that I will be moving, am I correct in assuming that she can't use that as a significant change to try and change the order?

Sorry for always asking so many questions, just wanna make sure I am prepared for whatever happens in the future. Please let me know if you see anything that would warrant getting an attorney immediately, I want to avoid that now because I can't exactly afford one. But, I honestly believe that if the mother gets her way not only will that ruin my future but it will also ruin the future of my daughter since she has chosen the life of unemployment in a very small city with very few opportunities, and I want better than that for my daughter.

Btw, Zephyr, this is how bright the mother of my daughter is (you should understand, given that I'm pretty sure you know the area's I'm talking about):

When we were writing up the agreement and I told her I wanted it in there that I was going to move to Madison or another area in WI for school, she asked, "What if you decide to move somewhere farther away from Tomahawk than Madison?"
"Like where?"
"Minocqua"

Minocqua? LOL, she apparently is more worried that I would move to a place with no university 20-30 miles away from her than to Madison, almost 200 miles away.

I just find that funny.

 

[fairisfair]

Has the order actually been signed by the judge?, so it is infact a court order now? If so, then I wouldn't be terribly worried about her having grounds for a change. You need to remember though Tcool that just because her parentinting style is different (a nice way of saying worse) that doesn't give you the right to designate what she can or cannot do on her time. Yes, it stinks that she would bring other men around your daughter so soon. but that is really her choice not yours. Be absolutely sure that you follow the court order to the letter, give her no grounds to complain that you are restricting her from her daughter

 

[MrsK]

I dont think its wise for her to stick your daughter in the middle of her brand new relationship, either, but she gets visitation in this capacity:

>>3. The mother shall have alternate periods of placement defined as each weekend starting at 5:30 pm on Fridays to Sunday at 8:00 pm

So dont you think she still is going to have this guy around your child during this time period? I guess I'm not understanding what you think you will prevent because you cant deny her access to the child at this outlined period of time...

 

[TCool]

Oh, I know I have absolutely no legal right to stop her from bringing my daughter into that relationship. However, as a father, I believe it is not only my right, but my responsibility to try and persuade her away from that kind of behavior, for my daughters sake. Unfortunately I failed(mother is not very smart, I even tried printing information off the internet about child psychology and she told me she doesn't believe in psychology), and just want to make sure she has no options for getting this changed. And, yes, its signed by the judge and is in effect, has been for about 2 and a half weeks now.

Have no fear, I will give her no grounds to complain. I specifically said to her "I want to make it very clear to you that I have no legal right to keep her out of your relationship when it is your time with her, however it is not smart to bring her into it so soon." I wanted to make sure that I stressed to her that I couldn't legally do anything about it, because I don't want her running into court claiming that I made her believe that I had the legal right to keep my daughter away from her new bf.

MrSK: I'm not trying to prevent her from bringing her around her new bf during her time, I just told that story as some background into where my worries about the legal issues came from. All I was trying to do was convince her it is not good for our daughter, but she didn't listen and went and did it anyway, and I realize there is not a damn thing I can do about it. All I can do is just sit back and hope to god that nothing bad happens that will impact my daughter in a negative way. But, her mother does not make very good decisions, so I'm pessimistic about things working out good in that situation. I'm just happy that my daughter will be out of that relationship most the time.

So, any input on the review(my attny said its reviewed every 2 years) and whether or not my move to Madison can be seen as a significant change warranting revisions in the agreement, even tho its specifically mentioned in the agreement?

 

[BadDecision]

Oh, I know I have absolutely no legal right to stop her from bringing my daughter into that relationship. However, as a father, I believe it is not only my right, but my responsibility to try and persuade her away from that kind of behavior, for my daughters sake. Unfortunately I failed(mother is not very smart, I even tried printing information off the internet about child psychology and she told me she doesn't believe in psychology), and just want to make sure she has no options for getting this changed. And, yes, its signed by the judge and is in effect, has been for about 2 and a half weeks now.

Have no fear, I will give her no grounds to complain. I specifically said to her "I want to make it very clear to you that I have no legal right to keep her out of your relationship when it is your time with her, however it is not smart to bring her into it so soon." I wanted to make sure that I stressed to her that I couldn't legally do anything about it, because I don't want her running into court claiming that I made her believe that I had the legal right to keep my daughter away from her new bf.

MrSK: I'm not trying to prevent her from bringing her around her new bf during her time, I just told that story as some background into where my worries about the legal issues came from. All I was trying to do was convince her it is not good for our daughter, but she didn't listen and went and did it anyway, and I realize there is not a damn thing I can do about it. All I can do is just sit back and hope to god that nothing bad happens that will impact my daughter in a negative way. But, her mother does not make very good decisions, so I'm pessimistic about things working out good in that situation. I'm just happy that my daughter will be out of that relationship most the time.

So, any input on the review(my attny said its reviewed every 2 years) and whether or not my move to Madison can be seen as a significant change warranting revisions in the agreement, even tho its specifically mentioned in the agreement?

You have to realize the emotional/pyshcological crap...

Although, not really legal, when you tell your ex that SHE is doing something wrong that MAY hurt your daughter and now YOU plan to follow the order to the letter, it comes off to her as threat, therefore she gets defensive and threatens back.

It' silly really, when the child should be the first concern.

However, this is human nature. Although you are right in your thinking, don't be so logical with your approach... people are definately not logical when it comes to these things.

And don't expect her to be reasonable, sometimes it just never happens!

Blow off some of the crap you can't control (e.g. new boyfriend)
Because in the end, your little girl will grow up and KNOW what the real deal is.

Don't waste too much energy fighting and going back and forth.
State your peace, let the ex know it is not a legal matter, but rather a personal matter, and then let it go.

Once you drop it, she will loose steam. Well, that's been my experience anyway!

LET GO! It's hard, it sucks and is terrible knowing this is not the best thing for the child, but, is the entire situation any good? NO!

Make the best of the imperfect situation, and just be there for the child... that's the best you can do!
You can't make stupid smart

Good luck!

 

[ceara19]

Oh, I know I have absolutely no legal right to stop her from bringing my daughter into that relationship. However, as a father, I believe it is not only my right, but my responsibility to try and persuade her away from that kind of behavior, for my daughters sake. Unfortunately I failed(mother is not very smart, I even tried printing information off the internet about child psychology and she told me she doesn't believe in psychology), and just want to make sure she has no options for getting this changed. And, yes, its signed by the judge and is in effect, has been for about 2 and a half weeks now.

Have no fear, I will give her no grounds to complain. I specifically said to her "I want to make it very clear to you that I have no legal right to keep her out of your relationship when it is your time with her, however it is not smart to bring her into it so soon." I wanted to make sure that I stressed to her that I couldn't legally do anything about it, because I don't want her running into court claiming that I made her believe that I had the legal right to keep my daughter away from her new bf.

MrSK: I'm not trying to prevent her from bringing her around her new bf during her time, I just told that story as some background into where my worries about the legal issues came from. All I was trying to do was convince her it is not good for our daughter, but she didn't listen and went and did it anyway, and I realize there is not a damn thing I can do about it. All I can do is just sit back and hope to god that nothing bad happens that will impact my daughter in a negative way. But, her mother does not make very good decisions, so I'm pessimistic about things working out good in that situation. I'm just happy that my daughter will be out of that relationship most the time.

So, any input on the review(my attny said its reviewed every 2 years) and whether or not my move to Madison can be seen as a significant change warranting revisions in the agreement, even tho its specifically mentioned in the agreement?

I've personally never heard of a court that reviews custody orders automatically at ANY interval, but presumably, your attorney knows the way things work in your area. A move may or may not be a significant change of circumstance. If you move next month and she tries to bring it up 2 years from now, she will be SOL in all likelihood. If you move and it affects the child's demeanor and grades and mom files a month or 2 later, it could easily be seen as a significant change. Significant change can be a very subjective matter that changes with each individual Judge. Your attorney would really be the best source of information on this subject.

IF your orders have not been finalized yet, you may want to consider a clause barring EITHER parent from having unrelated visitors of a romantic nature between the hours of say, 8pm - 10am when the child is in their custody.

 

[LdiJ]

6. Transportation will be shared equally as it is anticipated that the mother is moving to Tomahawk, WI and the father may move for school to another city in WI such as, but not limited to, Madison.

I don't think that that is necessarily explicite permission for you to move the child away. I think its an acknowledgement that moves are likely, but not explicite permission that bars the way to a challenge of a move, based on the child's best interest.