wants children

[longsally111]

What is the name of your state? South carolina
Posting this for a friend

She is getting divorced after several years of marriage, 2 children ages 7 and 3. She attempted suicide in June due to her relationship with husband and he has cut her off from family, isolated her. She was saved and is back to normal now, takes children to school, has complete control oevr them, feeding, clothing, takes them everywhere, no problems. Asked hubby for divorce and he told her she could leave but not with kids and that no judge would give them to her as she attempted suicide. I dont think that is true but she is now afraid. Any thoughs?

 

[Arkseven]

Just my two cents; but I would advise my friend to visit a local mental health department, obtain counsel if necessary and obtain a clean bill of mental health. At the same time visit a clergy or minister for marriage counseling (can be done alone, without the spouse participating) and determine if divorce is the only option.

If divorce IS the only way, she should continue with the counseling, obtain a clear goal for her and her childrens future and work towards that goal.

As her friend; she will need you now more than ever. She is blessed to have a friend that cares.

 

[FITFatherof2]

She is getting divorced after several years of marriage, 2 children ages 7 and 3. She attempted suicide in June due to her relationship with husband and he has cut her off from family, isolated her. She was saved and is back to normal now, takes children to school, has complete control oevr them, feeding, clothing, takes them everywhere, no problems. Asked hubby for divorce and he told her she could leave but not with kids and that no judge would give them to her as she attempted suicide. I dont think that is true but she is now afraid. Any thoughs?

You say that he "has cut her off from family,isolated her" then you go on to say that she is back to normal now, and has complete control over the kids, feeding,clothing,takes them everywhere. How does she do all of this if she has been cut off from them? The father sounds like a stand up guy. Dad is not going to let his kids be taken by an emtionally unstable person. Whatever was going on in her life at the time she attempted suicide was obviously more important than her children. Her past may come back to bite her on this one. Dad should ask for a Psych. evaluation, and make her pay for supervised visits.

 

[longsally111]

clearer

When I say that she is better, she is now on medication, has been seeing a counselor and is on the right track. Believe me, she is a changed person. She did say that she wanted to move back to Texas with her family there to help and support her. That is when hubby told her she could not take the children. She began to realize that he had cut her off from family ( she could not even call them, he would complain about the bill) friends ( not allowed to go anywhere) no job ( he said daycare was too expensive). It all came in on her at one moment. That is, on his part, considered abuse. He has NOTHING to do with the kids. She takes them to school, picks them up, takes them to sports, in short, does EVERYTHING with them. If she is so unstable, he says, why does she have control over the kids now? He didnt mind until she said she was going to leave. I just wondered what a judge would think.

 

[LdiJ]

You say that he "has cut her off from family,isolated her" then you go on to say that she is back to normal now, and has complete control over the kids, feeding,clothing,takes them everywhere. How does she do all of this if she has been cut off from them? The father sounds like a stand up guy. Dad is not going to let his kids be taken by an emtionally unstable person. Whatever was going on in her life at the time she attempted suicide was obviously more important than her children. Her past may come back to bite her on this one. Dad should ask for a Psych. evaluation, and make her pay for supervised visits.

I think the OP means that he has cut her off from her extended family, and isolated her from them. (her parents, her siblings etc.)

If that is true, then dad is not such a stand up guy.

 

[acmb05]

When I say that she is better, she is now on medication, has been seeing a counselor and is on the right track. Believe me, she is a changed person. She did say that she wanted to move back to Texas with her family there to help and support her. That is when hubby told her she could not take the children. She began to realize that he had cut her off from family ( she could not even call them, he would complain about the bill) friends ( not allowed to go anywhere) no job ( he said daycare was too expensive). It all came in on her at one moment. That is, on his part, considered abuse. He has NOTHING to do with the kids. She takes them to school, picks them up, takes them to sports, in short, does EVERYTHING with them. If she is so unstable, he says, why does she have control over the kids now? He didnt mind until she said she was going to leave. I just wondered what a judge would think.

So now you mention that mom wants to leave and take kids to another state that is very far away. No wonder dad is saying she cant take the children. If she filed for divorce there is a chance that she would not be able to take the children if she moved.

 

[acmb05]

When I say that she is better, she is now on medication, has been seeing a counselor and is on the right track. Believe me, she is a changed person. She did say that she wanted to move back to Texas with her family there to help and support her. That is when hubby told her she could not take the children. She began to realize that he had cut her off from family ( she could not even call them, he would complain about the bill) friends ( not allowed to go anywhere) no job ( he said daycare was too expensive). It all came in on her at one moment. That is, on his part, considered abuse. He has NOTHING to do with the kids. She takes them to school, picks them up, takes them to sports, in short, does EVERYTHING with them. If she is so unstable, he says, why does she have control over the kids now? He didnt mind until she said she was going to leave. I just wondered what a judge would think.

Ok you state that all of this occured AFTER her attempt at suicide. You also said she attempted it because of her relationship with her husband. So why did she attempt it in the first place? What was to root cause of her attempt, and dont say alianation because you already said she didnt realize that until after the attempt. What was her husband doing that was so bad that she thought killing herself and leaving her kids without a mom was better than divorcing him.

Oh yea, and what kind of medication is she on now?

 

[FITFatherof2]

When I say that she is better, she is now on medication, has been seeing a counselor and is on the right track. Believe me, she is a changed person. She did say that she wanted to move back to Texas with her family there to help and support her. That is when hubby told her she could not take the children. She began to realize that he had cut her off from family ( she could not even call them, he would complain about the bill) friends ( not allowed to go anywhere) no job ( he said daycare was too expensive). It all came in on her at one moment. That is, on his part, considered abuse. He has NOTHING to do with the kids. She takes them to school, picks them up, takes them to sports, in short, does EVERYTHING with them. If she is so unstable, he says, why does she have control over the kids now? He didnt mind until she said she was going to leave. I just wondered what a judge would think.

I apologize for my response I misunderstood your post.

When your friend attempted suicide was she admitted to a health care facility for treatment? Can a doctor guarantee that she will always take her medication? What could happen if she stops taking her meds? Her selfish act raises so many questions.

As a father I can understand not wanting the kids to be taken to another state. While the mother is doing all of these things with the kids where is the father? In my case I was accused of the same things. When it came out that I was not with the kids all the time because I worked long hours to enable the mother to be a stay at home mother, at her request. The judge said he seen me as a hard working man who has maintained a stable and secure environment for my kids. Their accusations actually hurt them because they knew the truth before they made the allegations.

The accusation of abuse on the husbands part because he has cut her off from all contact with her family is pretty weak. There are cell phones with free minutes, you can get broadband phone service with free long distance. There is also another option to communicate where one writes what they want to say on paper and sends it in the mail. If they cannot afford long distance bills how can they afford daycare? For two kids after school care I pay $900.00 dollars a month, and almost $1,500 monthly in the summer. Is mom able to work at a profession that will make enough to cover the expenses of daycare? The 3 year old will be in all day wich will raise the payments quite a bit more monthly.

You say she is not allowed to have friends and yet you open your post by saying you are posting this for a friend. Your friend is a volunteer not a victim. She has allowed herself to become alientaed from her family. Do they call her? Does he say that if they call she cant speak with them? A judge is going to look at what is best and safest for the kids. Mom's actions will be taken in to consideration. Dad can simply say that he watches her take her medication each day before he goes to work so he feels that she will be ok while he is gone. A support group in texas is not reason enough to take the kids away from their father. She chose to leave her support group behind when she went to South Carolina.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

If I were the father's attorney I would advise immediately to file for divorce, full residental custody including supervised visitation by mom until such time as she is certifed by a panel of medical professionals appointed by the court that she is capable (without help) to care for the children without possibility of harm to herself or them.

I would also advise pops to stipulate that the children are not to be removed from the jurisdiction FOR ANY REASON until such time as the mother is certified by such panel.

 

[longsally111]

ok, again now......

As far as belizes post goes, the attempt by her was last summer. She can EASILY be certified as not a danger to herself or her children right now, not a problem. Again, I state that if her husband is so concerned about her with the kids, why is he gone all the time and leaving her alone 18-20 hours a day with them? He is not involved in their lives AT ALL!!! She is the one who does everything for them. He showed NO concern about that until she told him that she wanted a divorce. For Fit father, they only have one car and he REFUSED to get her a means of transportation. It is VERY easy to cut people off if you do not provide them means of transportation, you have control over all the money, you check phone records to make sure no long distance calls are being made etc... I am glad that you are a stable and loving father. Not all people are, however, some just control and manipulate. For acmv05, she is on lexapro currently and has been in counseling since last summer with professionals and her pastor to boot. As far as Texas is concerned, she would need family support to help her as hubby wont at all if she gets a job and needs assistance with picking up kids,etc.... I guess we will see what the judge thinks. Ill let you know what happens

 

[BelizeBreeze]

As far as belizes post goes, the attempt by her was last summer. She can EASILY be certified as not a danger to herself or her children right now, not a problem.

And, of course, you are a licensed psychologist able to make that diagnosis?

Again, I state that if her husband is so concerned about her with the kids, why is he gone all the time and leaving her alone 18-20 hours a day with them? He is not involved in their lives AT ALL!!! She is the one who does everything for them. He showed NO concern about that until she told him that she wanted a divorce.

And why should he allow her to uproot HIS children to another state where Susan Smith has a lake reserved for her. She is free to go where she wishes. He is also free to file for divorce and an injunction against her removing HIS children from the jurisdiction.

For Fit father, they only have one car and he REFUSED to get her a means of transportation. It is VERY easy to cut people off if you do not provide them means of transportation, you have control over all the money, you check phone records to make sure no long distance calls are being made etc...

And of course her legs are broken and she didn't complete the second grade so a job is out of the question?

I am glad that you are a stable and loving father. Not all people are, however, some just control and manipulate.

And again, what is your qualification to make such an assumption?

For acmv05, she is on lexapro currently and has been in counseling since last summer with professionals and her pastor to boot.

Her pastor is not qualified to make a medical diagnosis supportable in court.

As far as Texas is concerned, she would need family support to help her as hubby wont at all if she gets a job and needs assistance with picking up kids,etc.... I guess we will see what the judge thinks. Ill let you know what happens

Please let us know when the judge tells her that the second the divorce if filed and she removes the children, how long it will take him/her to put her butt in jail.

 

[ceara19]

As far as belizes post goes, the attempt by her was last summer. She can EASILY be certified as not a danger to herself or her children right now, not a problem. Again, I state that if her husband is so concerned about her with the kids, why is he gone all the time and leaving her alone 18-20 hours a day with them? He is not involved in their lives AT ALL!!! She is the one who does everything for them. He showed NO concern about that until she told him that she wanted a divorce. For Fit father, they only have one car and he REFUSED to get her a means of transportation. It is VERY easy to cut people off if you do not provide them means of transportation, you have control over all the money, you check phone records to make sure no long distance calls are being made etc... I am glad that you are a stable and loving father. Not all people are, however, some just control and manipulate. For acmv05, she is on lexapro currently and has been in counseling since last summer with professionals and her pastor to boot. As far as Texas is concerned, she would need family support to help her as hubby wont at all if she gets a job and needs assistance with picking up kids,etc.... I guess we will see what the judge thinks. Ill let you know what happens

She is an ADULT, a Judge is not going to buy into the story that he kept her from getting a job. Since there was only one income in the household, being concerned about long distance phone calls is not unusual. There was no reason that her family could call HER or that she couldn't call them collect. I would accept a collect call from my child ANYTIME. Again, his being gone so much is not going to be an issue, because SOMEBODY had to work and pay the bills. And she can forget about moving the children out of the state unless dad AGREES to it.

 

[GrowUp!]

And OP, if you don't believe what people here are telling you, then I suggest you review thoroughly, Title 20 of the SC Code of Laws.