Long-distance summer visitations...

[amberlea434]

What is the name of your state? TN

My fiance is in the process of getting his parenting plan modified with his ex-gf for his 8 year old daughter. His current plan gives him EOW, but we'll be moving to Louisiana in October and he wants to revise the plan to reflect longer visitations during the summer. At first, he tried to work with his ex to revise the plan amongst themselves without a third party, but to no avail. The ex adamantly refuses to let the child go for longer than two weeks during the summer. Obviously, he doesn't think that is fair to his relationship with his daughter, so he consulted an attorney to find out more info. The attorney felt confident that if this went before a judge to decide, he would probably be granted 6 weeks during the summer, which he's perfectly happy with. When my fiance went back to his ex to talk to her about 6 weeks, she still refused and told him that she didn't feel comfortable having her child away from her for that long and that the child doesn't want to go away for that long, either. My fiance wants retain this attorney to go ahead and get the ball rolling on all of this. But, I'm wondering if this does, indeed, have to go before a judge, will he take into consideration that the mother just doesn't want the child gone for that long and that (she claims) the child doesn't want to go for that long either? Will this hurt his chances for getting a fair portion of the summer to spend with his child?

 

[nextwife]

Most of summer is a very common arrangement for a child this age. Mom's personal wants are not the issue, a judge may very well grant this, plus alternating school breaks.

 

[amberlea434]

Most of summer is a very common arrangement for a child this age. Mom's personal wants are not the issue, a judge may very well grant this, plus alternating school breaks.

That's what we thought, but we just weren't sure if her sob-story would persuade a judge to shorten the summer visitations. He wants the 6 weeks because the child's summer vacation is 12 weeks and he feels that's fair to both he and his ex.

 

[bononos again]

What is the name of your state? TN

My fiance is in the process of getting his parenting plan modified with his ex-gf for his 8 year old daughter. His current plan gives him EOW, but we'll be moving to Louisiana in October and he wants to revise the plan to reflect longer visitations during the summer. At first, he tried to work with his ex to revise the plan amongst themselves without a third party, but to no avail. The ex adamantly refuses to let the child go for longer than two weeks during the summer. Obviously, he doesn't think that is fair to his relationship with his daughter, so he consulted an attorney to find out more info. The attorney felt confident that if this went before a judge to decide, he would probably be granted 6 weeks during the summer, which he's perfectly happy with. When my fiance went back to his ex to talk to her about 6 weeks, she still refused and told him that she didn't feel comfortable having her child away from her for that long and that the child doesn't want to go away for that long, either. My fiance wants retain this attorney to go ahead and get the ball rolling on all of this. But, I'm wondering if this does, indeed, have to go before a judge, will he take into consideration that the mother just doesn't want the child gone for that long and that (she claims) the child doesn't want to go for that long either? Will this hurt his chances for getting a fair portion of the summer to spend with his child?

Why shouldn't Mom be upset?
There is a current arrangement that works and he wants to create a distance.
If he's so concerned about the relationship with his daughter, don't move.
I would be very uncomfortable having my child away for 6 weeks too.
I also wouldn't want to be Dad and missing out on regular time for 6 weeks all at once.
Why the move?
If it's not absolutely necessary, don't move.

 

[bononos again]

That's what we thought, but we just weren't sure if her sob-story would persuade a judge to shorten the summer visitations. He wants the 6 weeks because the child's summer vacation is 12 weeks and he feels that's fair to both he and his ex.

Maybe you should stay out of it.
"Sob-story"?
HE wants to create a distance.
HE wants to not see his child regularly.
HE wants a mother who has probably not been apart from her child for more than a few days be apart from her for a month and a half.
HE is causing the problem, NOT HER.

 

[amberlea434]

Why shouldn't Mom be upset?
There is a current arrangement that works and he wants to create a distance.
If he's so concerned about the relationship with his daughter, don't move.
I would be very uncomfortable having my child away for 6 weeks too.
I also wouldn't want to be Dad and missing out on regular time for 6 weeks all at once.
Why the move?
If it's not absolutely necessary, don't move.

I agree that it would be difficult at first for mom to cope and I understand her concerns, but life isn't always fair. We're moving because there are better opportunities for him there. We're not the first people in history to be dealing with this type of situation, it happens all the time. Atleast he still wants to maintain a healthy relationship with his daughter and he's not abandoning her.

 

[bononos again]

I agree that it would be difficult at first for mom to cope and I understand her concerns, but life isn't always fair. We're moving because there are better opportunities for him there. We're not the first people in history to be dealing with this type of situation, it happens all the time. Atleast he still wants to maintain a healthy relationship with his daughter and he's not abandoning her.

YOU are not involved in this type of situation.

 

[bononos again]

I agree that it would be difficult at first for mom to cope and I understand her concerns, but life isn't always fair. We're moving because there are better opportunities for him there. We're not the first people in history to be dealing with this type of situation, it happens all the time. Atleast he still wants to maintain a healthy relationship with his daughter and he's not abandoning her.

So, oh well Mom, tough ta-tas, like stinks???
Shut up and deal with it?

 

[fairisfair]

huh? Better "opportunities"??? you mean he doesn't already have a job ready and waiting for him? What are the opportunities that are located in LA, that are not available to him in TN?

 

[bononos again]

huh? Better "opportunities"??? you mean he doesn't already have a job ready and waiting for him? What are the opportunities that are located in LA, that are not available to him in TN?

Maybe he won't have the "opportunity" to have new GF rule his life and stick her nose in where it doen't belong unless he moves.

 

[amberlea434]

YOU are not involved in this type of situation.

That's not even the point. You're entitled to your opinions, Bononos, and I respect that. But, fact of the matter is, he's not going to cancel our plans just to keep the mother happy. She wouldn't do that for him. What if it was her that was moving? Would it be okay then?

 

[bononos again]

That's not even the point. You're entitled to your opinions, Bononos, and I respect that. But, fact of the matter is, he's not going to cancel our plans just to keep the mother happy. She wouldn't do that for him. What if it was her that was moving? Would it be okay then?

No, it wouldn't be OK for her to move either.
Removing a child from a working situation where they have regular time with both parents is never OK.
He should cancel his plans to keep his child happy.

 

[amberlea434]

huh? Better "opportunities"??? you mean he doesn't already have a job ready and waiting for him? What are the opportunities that are located in LA, that are not available to him in TN?

Yes, he has a better job waiting for him in LA. We also have land where we'll be building a house. He doesn't have that in TN.

 

[amberlea434]

No, it wouldn't be OK for her to move either.
Removing a child from a working situation where they have regular time with both parents is never OK.
He should cancel his plans to keep his child happy.

And, like I said, that's your opinion. Unfortunately, that's not what's going to happen. I just wanted a LEGAL answer, isn't that what this forum is for?

 

[fairisfair]

actually, if mom wanted to move, she would bear the burden of proving to the court that the move was in the best interest of the child. Something, that your fiance, will not have to do. (talk about not fair, huh?) Since mom and fiance cannot come to an agreement, then yes, the court will take all factors into consideration in modifying the parenting time order. INCLUDING the cost of transporting the child to and from the visitation. And, since dad is creating this distance, you can pretty much count on him bearing the larger portion of that cost.