grandparents

[gawbaw]

I am new to these grandparents rights forums. I have recently been denied seeing our beautiful 1 yr. old grandson that we have helped take care of and have loved since his birth. In reading these messages I am so saddened by how many loving and caring grandparents are being discarded and not allowed to see their wonderful grandbabies. Why can't these parents realize that these children need us as much as we need them? I realize that there are some gparents who are not suitable to be around the children but I think that this is a rarity. Most gparents are loving people. Just because a child is adopted or a parents rights are terminated doesn't mean that the gparents no longer exist and the love we feel for the lost ones dies. So much sadness. So much pain. I cry for all of us.

 

[Just Blue]

I am new to these grandparents rights forums. I have recently been denied seeing our beautiful 1 yr. old grandson that we have helped take care of and have loved since his birth. In reading these messages I am so saddened by how many loving and caring grandparents are being discarded and not allowed to see their wonderful grandbabies. Why can't these parents realize that these children need us as much as we need them? I realize that there are some gparents who are not suitable to be around the children but I think that this is a rarity. Most gparents are loving people. Just because a child is adopted or a parents rights are terminated doesn't mean that the gparents no longer exist and the love we feel for the lost ones dies. So much sadness. So much pain. I cry for all of us.

This is not a support site, it is a LEGAL site. Do you have a legal question?

 

[fairisfair]

Sometimes things are really the other way around. Just because someone is a grandparent does'nt make them a great person. I have been through so much with my child's father's adopted parents. They have USED this innocent child to show off to their friends and extended family to say"look I get visitation even though our son physically abused our grandson". It is sad! You should'nt be so quick to judge. Things don't always appear as they seem. I know it would kill my mom (who considers him as her own) to not beable to see him and I would never(nomatter our relationship) deprive her of their special bond. However, when an innocent little baby is being thrown in a car in the middle of a parking lot(meeting place decided by court) and is crying and screaming and thrashing it is sad! Please just don't judge things you don't have enough info on.

can you give us an estimated number of times, on a daily basis that you assume this is said?

and advise us as to what information you might have that others do not???

 

[shore_girl]

can you give us an estimated number of times, on a daily basis that you assume this is said?

and advise us as to what information you might have that others do not???

Well...my mother threatened for years to sue for grandparents rights if we ever denied her visitation. It was a form of control to try to keep us submissive to her wishes. She never once tried to visit our children in our home. We had to always come to her even though she could afford the gas better than we...had a better vehicle...and had more things for her to do with the kids in our home area. Not to mention that little kids get really antsy on a 1 1/2 hour car trip.

She would then proceed to tell HOW to raise our children. She would tell us how we better NOT discipline them (spanking was fine for me growing up, but we had better NOT spank my children ) She would also tell us how to live our lives, and frankly, we got sick and tired of it.

Then she went and filed a false claim of abuse on us from something that was said (and misunderstood) two years ago...and she filed for SOLE CUSTODY of my children.

Suffice to say...we have won, and visitation is denied to the GPs. No...I'm not happy about this. Well..I'm happy that they can't use the legal system to try and control us...but no, I'm not happy that it was forced to go this far. (and I wasn't the one that pushed it this far) Many grandparents do use the threat of a GPV lawsuit to try to keep their children inline when the children get tired of being bossed around. Many do use the GPV lawsuit to try to exercise control over their children's lives. I have been a victim of this, and I was lucky enough to win.

 

[Silverplum]

Why is "shore_girl" answering a q posed to "carolinagirl"??????????

Well...my mother threatened for years to sue for grandparents rights if we ever denied her visitation. It was a form of control to try to keep us submissive to her wishes. She never once tried to visit our children in our home. We had to always come to her even though she could afford the gas better than we...had a better vehicle...and had more things for her to do with the kids in our home area. Not to mention that little kids get really antsy on a 1 1/2 hour car trip.

She would then proceed to tell HOW to raise our children. She would tell us how we better NOT discipline them (spanking was fine for me growing up, but we had better NOT spank my children ) She would also tell us how to live our lives, and frankly, we got sick and tired of it.

Then she went and filed a false claim of abuse on us from something that was said (and misunderstood) two years ago...and she filed for SOLE CUSTODY of my children.

Suffice to say...we have won, and visitation is denied to the GPs. No...I'm not happy about this. Well..I'm happy that they can't use the legal system to try and control us...but no, I'm not happy that it was forced to go this far. (and I wasn't the one that pushed it this far) Many grandparents do use the threat of a GPV lawsuit to try to keep their children inline when the children get tired of being bossed around. Many do use the GPV lawsuit to try to exercise control over their children's lives. I have been a victim of this, and I was lucky enough to win.

 

[fairisfair]

Well...my mother threatened for years to sue for grandparents rights if we ever denied her visitation. It was a form of control to try to keep us submissive to her wishes. She never once tried to visit our children in our home. We had to always come to her even though she could afford the gas better than we...had a better vehicle...and had more things for her to do with the kids in our home area. Not to mention that little kids get really antsy on a 1 1/2 hour car trip.

She would then proceed to tell HOW to raise our children. She would tell us how we better NOT discipline them (spanking was fine for me growing up, but we had better NOT spank my children ) She would also tell us how to live our lives, and frankly, we got sick and tired of it.

Then she went and filed a false claim of abuse on us from something that was said (and misunderstood) two years ago...and she filed for SOLE CUSTODY of my children.

Suffice to say...we have won, and visitation is denied to the GPs. No...I'm not happy about this. Well..I'm happy that they can't use the legal system to try and control us...but no, I'm not happy that it was forced to go this far. (and I wasn't the one that pushed it this far) Many grandparents do use the threat of a GPV lawsuit to try to keep their children inline when the children get tired of being bossed around. Many do use the GPV lawsuit to try to exercise control over their children's lives. I have been a victim of this, and I was lucky enough to win.

blah blah blah, so between you and carolina girl we can safely assume that the number would be TWICE. Most grandparents, I assure you are not out to wreak chaos and havoc in their grandchildren's lives.

 

[LdiJ]

blah blah blah, so between you and carolina girl we can safely assume that the number would be TWICE. Most grandparents, I assure you are not out to wreak chaos and havoc in their grandchildren's lives.

Of course most grandparents are not out to wreak chaos and havoc in their grandchildren's lives....however, generally, those are not the grandparents who have any need to sue for visitation rights.

Someone who sues their OWN child, for grandparent visitation rights IS generally out to wreak havoc in at least their children's, lives.

 

[Silverplum]

He is my child and I did carry him in my stomach for nine months...

Medical miracle!

 

[fairisfair]

Of course most grandparents are not out to wreak chaos and havoc in their grandchildren's lives....however, generally, those are not the grandparents who have any need to sue for visitation rights.

Someone who sues their OWN child, for grandparent visitation rights IS generally out to wreak havoc in at least their children's, lives.

bull, someone who sues for grandparents visitation rights is most generally out to visit their grandchild.

 

[Ohiogal]

bull, someone who sues for grandparents visitation rights is most generally out to visit their grandchild.

I disagree and actually say I agree with Ldij. Look at the reason why they normally don't have visitation with their grandchild -- usually because they have either tried to control their child, have caused problems for their child, or may have interfered with the parent/child relationship between child and grandchild somehow. Yes they may want to visit with their grandchild but many times they want the visit to be on THEIR terms and they will not be satisfied with what has been offered to them. Or they feel an entitlement to spend time with their grandchild even though they want nothing to do with their child. Or they have disowned their child or their child has disowned them and they see suing for a visitation as a way to get control.

The cases that are more likely to about the visitation with the grandchild are cases where the parent has died and the parent's parents want to establish visitation with the grandchild who is in the custody of the ex-son/daughter-in-law. But when a grandparent is suing THEIR child, there is more going on than just them wanting to visit with their grandchild.

 

[fairisfair]

I disagree and actually say I agree with Ldij. Look at the reason why they normally don't have visitation with their grandchild -- usually because they have either tried to control their child, have caused problems for their child, or may have interfered with the parent/child relationship between child and grandchild somehow. Yes they may want to visit with their grandchild but many times they want the visit to be on THEIR terms and they will not be satisfied with what has been offered to them. Or they feel an entitlement to spend time with their grandchild even though they want nothing to do with their child. Or they have disowned their child or their child has disowned them and they see suing for a visitation as a way to get control.

The cases that are more likely to about the visitation with the grandchild are cases where the parent has died and the parent's parents want to establish visitation with the grandchild who is in the custody of the ex-son/daughter-in-law. But when a grandparent is suing THEIR child, there is more going on than just them wanting to visit with their grandchild.

And I disagree that all grandparents who sue for visitation are conniving controlling monsters. Of course there are those cases, without a doubt. There are also many cases where the grandparents have exhausted all other ways and means of maintaining a relationship with the grandchild. Or a custodial parent eliminates all contact with all family members because the NCP is unfit. And even in the cases of simple disowning, well, does that mean that it is in the best interest of the child to not have contact with their grandparent? just because the parent and grandparent can't get along? Personally, I did not speak to my mother for over 4 years. There were very valid reasons, however, never did it cross my mind to prevent contact between her and my children. Never. Although the issues that we argued about were indeed regarding the children themselves; however, she loved her grandchildren. If I had been so ignorant as to try to eliminate that relationship, no matter how much it might have stuck in my craw, I certainly hope that she would have fought me in court, and won.

 

[carolinagirl]

Both sides

I appreciate both sides of the situation. I would'nt strip my mom from my two year year old (whom she has created a very strong bond with) if i could'nt get along with her but on the other hand it's hard say that in some way the relationship between the grandparent/parent would not cause problems with the children. Not everyone cares about the child enough to put aside their own feelings and not discuss issues in front of them. I grew up in a house where there was constant contention. I know the feeling as a child. I hate contention now. At all cost I will avoid it. sometimes it is better to (as in my situation) to cut the grandparents out if there is no bond created. This is not for everyone. I agree. There are definetely situations out there that the child would benefit from no contact/confusion in their lives.