Would like your opinions

[penny4u]

What is the name of your state? OH

So for those of you who don't remember my case. My son's bio popped up about 2-1/2 years ago when my son was 8. He filed for visitation, wasn't really granted it. Judge ordered a psychologist to introduce them when my son was ready. Took about a year for that. It was a 15 minute session and then bio gave up then and there and now my husband has adopted my son.

We had a judgement entry that the bio could send letters and emails to my son. We all know that that is not legally binding, and that we don't have to give these things to my son. However, I let bio's attorney know through mine that I would like him to send letters and emails as long as they are appropriate and consistant. By consistant I meant don't disappear for a few years at a time. I know I can't control that, but let him know my thoughts anyway. I figured this would be the best way so when/if my son wants to contact him later, it would be easier for my son.

Here's where I would like opinions from non involved people. I know I'm not going to be able to express right, but I'll try. My husband says "FORGET IT". He's NOT and I stress NOT threatened by the bio dad. Even the Judge, doctors and attorneys were amazed at how not threatened he been through all this. My husband has never doubted his and my son's relationship. My husband has said we should not give any letters or emails to my son because the bio dad has been such an a$$ through this whole thing and the things he said and did to my son. And not just because he is bio dad. He says if he were a decent guy he would have no problem giving correspondence to my son from him. But because of everything he put my son through, forget it.

So, what does everything think? Am I right by wanting to except and give these to my son, or is my husband right by just protecting our son from "bad" people? I can see it both ways really, but I'm just assuming that my son will want to contact this guy in a few years and I would like it to be easier on him.

any thoughts on this is appreciated. Thanks

 

[panzertanker]

Am I right by wanting to except and give these to my son, or is my husband right by just protecting our son from "bad" people? I can see it both ways really, but I'm just assuming that my son will want to contact this guy in a few years and I would like it to be easier on him.

any thoughts on this is appreciated. Thanks

Son is now 10 going on 11, correct?

Allow whatever sporadic communication bio is sending to be given to your son.
It allows for easier communication if/when son seeks it, and does not make you the "bad guy" for withholding information.

(strictly an opinion)

 

[Gracie3787]

I can understand both you and your husband's points of view, you both are trying to do what is best for your son. Since your husband is now the Dad he does have the right to protect his son from what he views as a threat to his son's well being, the question is, will your making a decision contrary to husband's wishes be in your son's best interests?

There is a compromise that the 2 of you can discuss- take all of the letters, etc and put them away until such time as your son asks about his former Dad.
Hopefully this will help.

 

[LdiJ]

Didn't the bio-dad post on here too? If so, and its the guy I remember, I agree with your husband.

 

[penny4u]

Didn't the bio-dad post on here too? If so, and its the guy I remember, I agree with your husband.

Yes, it's the one you remember, msdad. I'm still conflicted on what to do though. There is no legal threat anymore, so if his letters are appropriate and simple it might make it easier on my son later if he chooses to contact him. Although, it seems as a reward to msdad which angers me. I'm trying not to be selfish, and think of what's best for my son. It's hard because the selfish, vengeful makes me feel better.

And Gracie, we've spoke about keeping them and giving them to him later, but then you deal with the possible "why did you keep these from me" from my son. As of right now my son couldn't care in the least. If we were to get a letter and tell him, he wouldn't want to read it. But the future might be a different matter.

Maybe I'm just over thinking this too much right now...

Thanks everyone,

 

[stealth2]

Given that your son is aware of the situation, why not simply tell him that any mail you get from msdad will be put in a box for him to read when he chooses to do so. You're not keeping them from him, nor are you making a big production should he write.

 

[moburkes]

Given that your son is aware of the situation, why not simply tell him that any mail you get from msdad will be put in a box for him to read when he chooses to do so. You're not keeping them from him, nor are you making a big production should he write.

I agree. That sounds like to best solution for your particular situation. Good luck!

Also, how will you be able to determine what consistent is? Let's say he sends a letter today. There is no background for consistency. Then, the next one comes 8 months later. There still isn't a background. Then, the next one is 6 months later (sooner than you would have expected). Then, the next is 7 months later (later than expected, but not necessarily unreasonable). Then, the next is 10 months later, etc, etc.

 

[Ohiogal]

We had a judgement entry that the bio could send letters and emails to my son. We all know that that is not legally binding, and that we don't have to give these things to my son.

If the judgment entry was filed with the court and the judge signed off on it then you have yourself a COURT ORDER that must be followed. What makes you think it doesn't need to followed or is not binding? Sorry but you are barking up the wrong tree by thinking that you do not have to abide by this.

 

[Ohiogal]

Didn't the bio-dad post on here too? If so, and its the guy I remember, I agree with your husband.

And that would be the wrong answer because they have a judgment entry -- which if it is a judgment entry then it was signed off on/approved by the judge. Which makes it an order. Which could get her contempt. Hubby is wrong.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree. That sounds like to best solution for your particular situation. Good luck!

Also, how will you be able to determine what consistent is? Let's say he sends a letter today. There is no background for consistency. Then, the next one comes 8 months later. There still isn't a background. Then, the next one is 6 months later (sooner than you would have expected). Then, the next is 7 months later (later than expected, but not necessarily unreasonable). Then, the next is 10 months later, etc, etc.

And that doesn't matter. She only let the other attorney know this and it is not in the judgment entry. Why do you all think a judgment entry is NOT binding?

 

[penny4u]

And that doesn't matter. She only let the other attorney know this and it is not in the judgment entry. Why do you all think a judgment entry is NOT binding?

Because it's not. We had the judgement entry before the actual adoption. The judge told the bio dad, my husband and myself that it was not binding once the adoption was completed. Sorry I should have posted that.

 

[penny4u]

Given that your son is aware of the situation, why not simply tell him that any mail you get from msdad will be put in a box for him to read when he chooses to do so. You're not keeping them from him, nor are you making a big production should he write.

This seems to be the best for everyone, and well noted. Thanks Stealth.

 

[penny4u]

I agree. That sounds like to best solution for your particular situation. Good luck!

Also, how will you be able to determine what consistent is? Let's say he sends a letter today. There is no background for consistency. Then, the next one comes 8 months later. There still isn't a background. Then, the next one is 6 months later (sooner than you would have expected). Then, the next is 7 months later (later than expected, but not necessarily unreasonable). Then, the next is 10 months later, etc, etc.

Thank you for the well wishes. By consistency I meant birthdays and christmas, etc. Just don't drop off for a year or two and then pop back in.

 

[Ohiogal]

Because it's not. We had the judgement entry before the actual adoption. The judge told the bio dad, my husband and myself that it was not binding once the adoption was completed. Sorry I should have posted that.

That would have helped. Because that changes my answer.

 

[penny4u]

That would have helped. Because that changes my answer.

Sorry about that, really. I've read a lot of your posts you obviously know your stuff and REALLY look at the details. I'm sure you help tons of people out on this site, not to mention your own clients. You seem like you would kick someones ass in court... I would hire you in a second