Would like your opinions

[LdiJ]

We had a judgement entry that the bio could send letters and emails to my son. We all know that that is not legally binding, and that we don't have to give these things to my son.

If the judgment entry was filed with the court and the judge signed off on it then you have yourself a COURT ORDER that must be followed. What makes you think it doesn't need to followed or is not binding? Sorry but you are barking up the wrong tree by thinking that you do not have to abide by this.

Ok, I MUST disagree with you here, at least in part. Those kinds of provisions are part of what is defined as "open adoption". There is considerable legal press as well as case law that indicates that open adoption provisions are absolutely NOT enforceable in almost all states.

If Ohio is different, and Ohio enforces open adoptions, then fine. However we both know that just because a judge signed off on an agreement, doesn't mean that the agreement is automatically enforceable. Judges sign off on lots of agreements that are not legally enforceable.

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry about that, really. I've read a lot of your posts you obviously know your stuff and REALLY look at the details. I'm sure you help tons of people out on this site, not to mention your own clients. You seem like you would kick someones ass in court... I would hire you in a second

Thanks. I appreciate the compliment. The details are important in this.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok, I MUST disagree with you here, at least in part. Those kinds of provisions are part of what is defined as "open adoption". There is considerable legal press as well as case law that indicates that open adoption provisions are absolutely NOT enforceable in almost all states.

If Ohio is different, and Ohio enforces open adoptions, then fine. However we both know that just because a judge signed off on an agreement, doesn't mean that the agreement is automatically enforceable. Judges sign off on lots of agreements that are not legally enforceable.

Read what i said again. I said it was a court order. Judgment entries are COURT ORDERS. Did I say that everyone was automatically enforceable -- no. But they are orders. You can fight them being enforceable HOWEVER if it was an agreed entry it becomes even more likely to be enforced.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks. I appreciate the compliment. The details are important in this.

Are you going to address my post?

 

[IrishLady47]

Given that your son is aware of the situation, why not simply tell him that any mail you get from msdad will be put in a box for him to read when he chooses to do so. You're not keeping them from him, nor are you making a big production should he write.

I agree. That sounds like to best solution for your particular situation. Good luck!

Also, how will you be able to determine what consistent is? Let's say he sends a letter today. There is no background for consistency. Then, the next one comes 8 months later. There still isn't a background. Then, the next one is 6 months later (sooner than you would have expected). Then, the next is 7 months later (later than expected, but not necessarily unreasonable). Then, the next is 10 months later, etc, etc.

Agree stealth2 has excellent suggestion. And moburkes a good point--you will not know in advance how consistent biodad will be or not. In the long run--even if he's not consistent, you can talk to your son about this. It is a life lesson in the simple fact that we cannot control other people's actions nor should we take all such actions personally. I know this is something I had to work with my son on--my x had him for regular visitations, stopped that, then stopped ALL contact, then started again. With both you & your husband (Dad) there for him and dealing w/this positively--it will not have a big affect on him. Plus, it is more honest than keeping anything from him. Which will always be a plus in the relationship you have with him.

 

[GrandmaOH]

The way I see it is this, whether you decide to let your son see the letters or not, you probably have a 50% chance of making the wrong decision. And in 10 years you may look back and wish you'd chose otherwise, but that doesn't mean the outcome would have been better.

I'd let dad(your husband) rule on this because I think doing otherwise could undermine his relationship with his son. And as mom, you definitely want to strengthen your son's relationship with his dad(your husband). I'd probably stick the letters in a box and give to your son later, he may be curious about who the bio-father is. But he may remember enough to never want to know more. I remember enough from your posts that if I was your son the only thing I'd want to know is if the bio-father ever changed. And that can wait until your son is grown because he has a real dad now.

 

[Just Blue]

The way I see it is this, whether you decide to let your son see the letters or not, you probably have a 50% chance of making the wrong decision. And in 10 years you may look back and wish you'd chose otherwise, but that doesn't mean the outcome would have been better.

I'd let dad(your husband) rule on this because I think doing otherwise could undermine his relationship with his son. And as mom, you definitely want to strengthen your son's relationship with his dad(your husband). I'd probably stick the letters in a box and give to your son later, he may be curious about who the bio-father is. But he may remember enough to never want to know more. I remember enough from your posts that if I was your son the only thing I'd want to know is if the bio-father ever changed. And that can wait until your son is grown because he has a real dad now.

Excellent advice!!

 

[LdiJ]

Excellent advice!!

I agree. Also, we don't know if bio-dad will even follow through with any letters. Based on what we know about this guy, its probably unlikely.

 

[penny4u]

I agree. Also, we don't know if bio-dad will even follow through with any letters. Based on what we know about this guy, its probably unlikely.

I'm not sure if he will either. He was floored when my son didn't come running up to him when they met calling "daddy, daddy I love you" He honestly said that.

I have a feeling that he will only send things from time to time if ever.

I appreciate all the advice, you guys have helped me sort this out.

 

[MrsK]

Given that your son is aware of the situation, why not simply tell him that any mail you get from msdad will be put in a box for him to read when he chooses to do so. You're not keeping them from him, nor are you making a big production should he write.

I really like stealth's idea. I would, of course, read those letters BEFORE you put them into the box to make sure they are appropriate for your son to read.