Loose ends

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

It's been almost exactly one year since I've heard from or seen Asshat.

Please bear in mind that until the beginning of March, I still lived in the house where we cohabbed so it's not like he didn't know where to find us.

I also have the same phone number now that I had then.

There is an order for CS which he began paying in Dec and which he pays faithfully every week.

As stated in other threads, I have no direct contact information for him.

*********

My question is 2-fold, and pertains to more than visitation/custody but I'm going to ask both questions here since they're related and will most likely eventually be filed as the same case.

Because the baby is now almost 18 months old and hasn't had contact with his father since he was 4 months old, I'm getting a little nervous about not having an order that specifically states that I have custody, and what his rights and obligations are pertaining to the child.

Here's what I want to ask for, please help keep me honest and let me know if I'm over-reacting:

• Sole Legal Custody due to 'lack of interest' on the father's part. I want the legally binding ability to make any and all decisions relating to the child.
• Visitation by agreement of the parties, following Father's completion of COPE class (court ordered parenting class that he didn't complete when HE filed for visitation a year ago).
• Exclusive right to determine the child's residence w/in the 16 counties that comprise the metro area.

How, if at all, does the fact that he filed for joint custody/visitation a year ago and then dropped the case after the child support calculation was verified by his attorney play into this?

I also want child support addressed as a matter of the court instead of CSE. I want to do this for a couple of reasons...

1. According to the state calculator, he should be paying 80% more than he's paying now - CSE denied my request for review.
2. He's ordered - through CSE - to provide insurance and does not. I want a provision that I provide insurance and the cost is just figured into CS.
3. Because he's $2000 in arrears, the court would most likely order that he catch up on the arrears.

I'm planning to do any and all filings on my own. I don't anticipate a fight from him, but anything is possible - and he's made some pretty outrageous threats in the past which have done a great job of keeping me quiet about all of this for the past year.

Projecting forward, it's a remote possibility that at some point, a future husband could want to adopt my son. If that were to ever be the case, wouldn't it be 'better' to be able to say that there's been an order for visitation all along and he's just never made an effort, than for him to be able to claim he couldn't find us or whatever?

 

[LdiJ]

Under the circumstances, it all sounds reasonable to me. It might not sound reasonable to someone who didn't know your history, but it sounds reasonable to me.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? MO

It's been almost exactly one year since I've heard from or seen Asshat.

Please bear in mind that until the beginning of March, I still lived in the house where we cohabbed so it's not like he didn't know where to find us.

I also have the same phone number now that I had then.

There is an order for CS which he began paying in Dec and which he pays faithfully every week.

As stated in other threads, I have no direct contact information for him.

*********

My question is 2-fold, and pertains to more than visitation/custody but I'm going to ask both questions here since they're related and will most likely eventually be filed as the same case.

Because the baby is now almost 18 months old and hasn't had contact with his father since he was 4 months old, I'm getting a little nervous about not having an order that specifically states that I have custody, and what his rights and obligations are pertaining to the child.

Here's what I want to ask for, please help keep me honest and let me know if I'm over-reacting:

• Sole Legal Custody due to 'lack of interest' on the father's part. I want the legally binding ability to make any and all decisions relating to the child.
• Visitation by agreement of the parties, following Father's completion of COPE class (court ordered parenting class that he didn't complete when HE filed for visitation a year ago).
• Exclusive right to determine the child's residence w/in the 16 counties that comprise the metro area.

How, if at all, does the fact that he filed for joint custody/visitation a year ago and then dropped the case after the child support calculation was verified by his attorney play into this?

I also want child support addressed as a matter of the court instead of CSE. I want to do this for a couple of reasons...

1. According to the state calculator, he should be paying 80% more than he's paying now - CSE denied my request for review.
2. He's ordered - through CSE - to provide insurance and does not. I want a provision that I provide insurance and the cost is just figured into CS.
3. Because he's $2000 in arrears, the court would most likely order that he catch up on the arrears.

I'm planning to do any and all filings on my own. I don't anticipate a fight from him, but anything is possible - and he's made some pretty outrageous threats in the past which have done a great job of keeping me quiet about all of this for the past year.

Projecting forward, it's a remote possibility that at some point, a future husband could want to adopt my son. If that were to ever be the case, wouldn't it be 'better' to be able to say that there's been an order for visitation all along and he's just never made an effort, than for him to be able to claim he couldn't find us or whatever?

I agree with LdiJ~ Considering your specific circumstances...it sounds reasonable.

The only part I'd like to make note of, is that the courts won't enforce CS any better than CSE...however, if the court CALCULATES and then ORDERS a different CS amount...that Court Order could be given to CSE & they could enforce IT. Is that what you are thinking CJane?

 

[CJane]

The only part I'd like to make note of, is that the courts won't enforce CS any better than CSE...however, if the court CALCULATES and then ORDERS a different CS amount...that Court Order could be given to CSE & they could enforce IT. Is that what you are thinking CJane?

That's exactly what I'm thinking. Enforcement doesn't seem to be an issue, in that he currently sends in a check that CSE gets every single Friday and is issued to me every single Monday that isn't a holiday. It's always the same amount, and it's exactly what he's supposed to be paying. So... not really a problem.

What I AM hoping for is that the court would order the correct amount, according to the calculation worksheet, which is 80% more than he's paying now. That order would then be administered by the local court unless and until I requested that CSE enforce it, if needed.

There are a couple of other benefits to doing this now. I just moved back to my 'home county' - where my divorce and custody stuff with my exhusband was all handled. I'm very familiar with this court and with the judge. It makes sense to me to get this stuff in front of him and establish jurisdiction here rather than wait and have to worry about it later perhaps in a different county.

 

[ezmarelda]

I agree with LdiJ~ Considering your specific circumstances...it sounds reasonable.

Me too...