Support of a retarded adult

[qualified]

What is the name of your state? NYC
My girlfriend's mom has been taking care of her profoundly retarded other adult daughter for all her 45 years of life. Her mother, who'se been legally divorced for over 10 years, died suddenly at home. They've both been surviving on medicare/medicaid. My girlfriend is going to surrogate's court so that she can assume responsibilityfor her mother's estate & close out all her accounts. Her father, who'se remarried wants nothing to do with his retarded daughter's care. In the past he had been sending money for support. Who is legally responsible for the retarded daughter's care since her mother's death. My girlfriend or her father? Does my girlfriend have to assume responsiblilty for her mother's bills. she paid $12,000 for her mother's funeral. Shouid she even go to surrogate's court ornot get involved & let matters be? How can she get her father to pay something towards his retarded daughter's care.

 

[moburkes]

No one is responsible for an adult's care. Your girlfriend can go to welfare to help get sister any additional help that is out there.

Not to be rude, by why did she spend $12k on her mother's funeral?

 

[garrula lingua]

Ah ... when a child is disabled, child support can continue for as long as the paying parent (or their estate) is in existence.

The answer is in the divorce decree.
Additionally, your friend may/may not want to establish a conservatorship/guardianship (at least for the finances).

Sister really has to consult an atty who is familiar with NY law re the CS, guardianships/conservatorhips and what facilities may be available for the disabled sister. Additionally, friend needs legal advice about becoming responsible/or not, for the sister's finances.

I hope she makes a decision after receiving lengthy info & digesting all the various impacts on herself and her sister.

 

[LdiJ]

No one is responsible for an adult's care. Your girlfriend can go to welfare to help get sister any additional help that is out there.

Not to be rude, by why did she spend $12k on her mother's funeral?

Have you paid for a funeral lately? When my grandmother died 5 years ago it cost 10k for a very conservative funeral, therefore 12k seems quite reasonable to me.

 

[qualified]

You asked, why did she spend 12k to bury her mother.
How else was she supposed to get her mother buried? She is of the Jewish faith, whose belief is to bury the body immediately. So she went to a funeral parlor in NY & they wanted 12k for the burial, casket, etc? What could she have done?

 

[stealth2]

I'm reposting your duplicate post here as it has additional information:

What is the name of your state? NYC
My girlfriend's mom who was caring for her retarded adult daughter (my girlfriend's sister), died suddenly at home this past Wednesday. They, her mom & retarded sister, were both surviving on Social Security medicare & medicaid. The sister was attending a day care program during the week. Her mom had been divorced many years but was receiving some support from her ex-husband, my girlfriend's father, although we're not sure whether it was court enforced or not. Hersister has been placed in a temporary facility while going to the program during the week. Who is now responsibile for the care of the retarded adult? Is it her father? He has since remarried & wants no part of it. How can he be made responsible? My girlfriend just paid $12,000 (she doesn't have) on funeral expenses. She wants to go to Surrogate's court on Monday to assume responsibility for her mom's estate but all she left were bills. I told her not to do this because it may make her responsible for those bills & the care of her sister which doesn't want. She would like her father to but he won't. There was a $5,000 life insurance policy with my girlfriend as beneficiary which we feel would go towards the $12,000 bill for the funeral. The apartment was sealed by the police department because of the way her mom died at home & the only way to get back in is with the Surrogate's certificate. I told my girlfriend not to try to do this since there is nothing in the apartment worth much & to focus on getting her father to assume responsibility for his daughter

Since she's apparently unwilling to take responsibility for her sister, I don't know why she's doing anything at all. That's all I'll say, as the rest will definitely spill into non-legal commentary.

 

[You Are Guilty]

Tell her to give these people a call:
http://www.yai.org/

 

[qualified]

stealth2,
it is a ridiculous comment for you to say that my girlfriend should assume her sister's responsibility when she has a father, just paid 12k for her mother's funeral & has a family of her own to support, how ridiculous of you!

 

[moburkes]

stealth2,
it is a ridiculous comment for you to say that my girlfriend should assume her sister's responsibility when she has a father, just paid 12k for her mother's funeral & has a family of her own to support, how ridiculous of you!

I think its ridiculous to spend that much money on a funeral. Stealth has an opinion, I have another, you and your GF have another. Get it? We're all entitled to them.

 

[nextwife]

I think its ridiculous to spend that much money on a funeral. Stealth has an opinion, I have another, you and your GF have another. Get it? We're all entitled to them.

I just checked a website for a NY Jewish funeral home, and $10,000 or so seems pretty standard for the funeral, opening the grave, etc.
http://www.plazajewishcommunitychapel.org/03_cost.php

Plus there is an honorarium for the Rabbi who performs the service, and food at the house for people coming after the funeral and for the next few nights for shiva services. And, if kosher, the food is more expensive.

Poster, you 2won't get far calling senior members "stupid". It's not "stupid" for the developmentally disabled sibling to do better if they remain in the presence of the sibling they know and grew up with, vs. an uninvolved parent they don't know well.

 

[BL]

Hersister has been placed in a temporary facility while going to the program during the week. Who is now responsibile for the care of the retarded adult?

There are group homes and day treatment programs , as you have indicated take place .

If anything the State will seek support from the Parent .

Your girlfreind can do nothing as you do not have guardianship .

 

[qualified]

moburkes,
you still haven't answered how you would pay for the funeral under these circumstances?
I called no one stupid

 

[moburkes]

moburkes,
you still haven't answered how you would pay for the funeral under these circumstances?
I called no one stupid

Maybe I misspoke. Funerals don't cost $12k where I live. And I live near a large Jewish area. I have no idea where the "stupid" comment came from. I don't know what you're talking about.

 

[stealth2]

stealth2,
it is a ridiculous comment for you to say that my girlfriend should assume her sister's responsibility when she has a father, just paid 12k for her mother's funeral & has a family of her own to support, how ridiculous of you!

Ridiculous, huh? Okay, that's a valid opinion. But I can tell you plain and simple. If it were my sibling, I would care for him before a state agency did - regardless of the situation with our parents. Because, in my life, that's what family does. (and yeah, I'm a single parent with a family to support.) Seems like your "friend" is more like her father than she may care to admit. Poor sister. Maybe she's better off in the state's care, with family like she's got.

 

[stealth2]

Poster, you 2won't get far calling senior members "stupid". It's not "stupid" for the developmentally disabled sibling to do better if they remain in the presence of the sibling they know and grew up with, vs. an uninvolved parent they don't know well.

OP didn't call me stupid. Just ridiculous.