Modification Question

[chipmunk226]

What is the name of your state? Custody order is in PA, but I live in MD with my son. I have primary physical and legal custody of my son.

My son is very allergic to cats, but his dad insists on having two cats in his home. My son and I were in the ER last night until 2 am after coming back from his dad's with an asthma attack He got the cats about 3 months ago and every time I pick my son up, he progressively is worse. He's on his 3rd allergy med, and now has an inhaler.

I am not sending him his next weekend and going to drive to Philadelphia next Monday to file the emergency modification. The courts there only allow emergency filings on Mondays, and I couldn't travel today with my son being sick.

Of course I feel that this is an emergent situation but I wanted to get the input of some others that have gone through similar situations.

Case Points
- My son was diagnosed in 2005 as having a severe allergies to cats
- He visits his father 2x a month and for the whole summer in Philadelphia
- Since after finding out his diagnosis, his father has had no less then 5 cats over this time
- Currently he has two and even after asking, pleading and down right telling to find another home for these animals, his father insists that the cats have nothing to do with my son's discomfort and refuses to find them a new home.
- I have sent his father countless emails, medical documents and had phone discussions on this matter and he still won't budge.

I am planning to ask for his visitation be suspended until he can prove that he removed the cats and did a thorough house cleaning. My husband thinks that they judge will just tell him to get rid of the cats but still continue with the visitations.

My outlook though is that if these cats are causing attacks, but his father is saying that the cause is not the cats, then he will not seek treatment for my son when he says he doesn't feel well. I am so fearful that my son will get very sick and his dad won't do a thing. And the saddest part is that my son's father had a nephew who died from asthma He swears up and down it's from him running around. But he runs around in my house and is fine. He only is sick after coming back from his dads.

Thanks in advance for your input!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Custody order is in PA, but I live in MD with my son. I have primary physical and legal custody of my son.

My son is very allergic to cats, but his dad insists on having two cats in his home. My son and I were in the ER last night until 2 am after coming back from his dad's with an asthma attack He got the cats about 3 months ago and every time I pick my son up, he progressively is worse. He's on his 3rd allergy med, and now has an inhaler.

I am not sending him his next weekend and going to drive to Philadelphia next Monday to file the emergency modification. The courts there only allow emergency filings on Mondays, and I couldn't travel today with my son being sick.

Of course I feel that this is an emergent situation but I wanted to get the input of some others that have gone through similar situations.

Case Points
- My son was diagnosed in 2005 as having a severe allergies to cats
- He visits his father 2x a month and for the whole summer in Philadelphia
- Since after finding out his diagnosis, his father has had no less then 5 cats over this time
- Currently he has two and even after asking, pleading and down right telling to find another home for these animals, his father insists that the cats have nothing to do with my son's discomfort and refuses to find them a new home.
- I have sent his father countless emails, medical documents and had phone discussions on this matter and he still won't budge.

I am planning to ask for his visitation be suspended until he can prove that he removed the cats and did a thorough house cleaning. My husband thinks that they judge will just tell him to get rid of the cats but still continue with the visitations.

My outlook though is that if these cats are causing attacks, but his father is saying that the cause is not the cats, then he will not seek treatment for my son when he says he doesn't feel well. I am so fearful that my son will get very sick and his dad won't do a thing. And the saddest part is that my son's father had a nephew who died from asthma He swears up and down it's from him running around. But he runs around in my house and is fine. He only is sick after coming back from his dads.

Thanks in advance for your input!

Taking it back to court is the appropriate thing to do. You will need hard evidence of your son's allergies to cats. His medical records should be sufficient for that, but it needs to be certified copies.

 

[chipmunk226]

Taking it back to court is the appropriate thing to do. You will need hard evidence of your son's allergies to cats. His medical records should be sufficient for that, but it needs to be certified copies.

Thanks LdiJ! How do I go about getting them certified? Is that something the doctor office does?

Thanks again!

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks LdiJ! How do I go about getting them certified? Is that something the doctor office does?

Thanks again!

The rules on that vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. See if you can get an answer to that from the local court clerk.

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? Custody order is in PA, but I live in MD with my son. I have primary physical and legal custody of my son.

My son is very allergic to cats, but his dad insists on having two cats in his home. My son and I were in the ER last night until 2 am after coming back from his dad's with an asthma attack He got the cats about 3 months ago and every time I pick my son up, he progressively is worse. He's on his 3rd allergy med, and now has an inhaler.

I am not sending him his next weekend and going to drive to Philadelphia next Monday to file the emergency modification. The courts there only allow emergency filings on Mondays, and I couldn't travel today with my son being sick.

Of course I feel that this is an emergent situation but I wanted to get the input of some others that have gone through similar situations.

Case Points
- My son was diagnosed in 2005 as having a severe allergies to cats
- He visits his father 2x a month and for the whole summer in Philadelphia
- Since after finding out his diagnosis, his father has had no less then 5 cats over this time
- Currently he has two and even after asking, pleading and down right telling to find another home for these animals, his father insists that the cats have nothing to do with my son's discomfort and refuses to find them a new home.
- I have sent his father countless emails, medical documents and had phone discussions on this matter and he still won't budge.

I am planning to ask for his visitation be suspended until he can prove that he removed the cats and did a thorough house cleaning. My husband thinks that they judge will just tell him to get rid of the cats but still continue with the visitations.

My outlook though is that if these cats are causing attacks, but his father is saying that the cause is not the cats, then he will not seek treatment for my son when he says he doesn't feel well. I am so fearful that my son will get very sick and his dad won't do a thing. And the saddest part is that my son's father had a nephew who died from asthma He swears up and down it's from him running around. But he runs around in my house and is fine. He only is sick after coming back from his dads.

Thanks in advance for your input!

I would also suggest that, until a court orders otherwise, you ARE to send the child for parenting time. You do not possess a legal right or authority to supercede a court order. That will only cause legal problems for YOU.

Plus, is it possible that the child could be allergic to a specific type(s) of cat? I am allergic only to long-hair cats and allergy medication serves me fine.

 

[chipmunk226]

I would also suggest that, until a court orders otherwise, you ARE to send the child for parenting time. You do not possess a legal right or authority to supersede a court order. That will only cause legal problems for YOU.

Plus, is it possible that the child could be allergic to a specific type(s) of cat? I am allergic only to long-hair cats and allergy medication serves me fine.

I am going to file before his fathers next weekend, so I would be able to get a declaration of whether or not he is to go that weekend or not. I am confident that they wouldn't have me send him, but hey, I don't know that for sure.

I have to disagree about superseding the order. If I feel that my son is in danger, I do not have to send him into a harmful environment. If I am acting in the best interests of my son, I don't see that contempt. Now if I decided I want to keep my son for a barbecue, that's a different story. I am however subject to the courts discretion This I fully understand and am prepared for.

His father tried to put me in contempt because I missed a weekend because I was in pre-term labor. The judge yelled at him and said that he should fine him for wasting the courts time.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am going to file before his fathers next weekend, so I would be able to get a declaration of whether or not he is to go that weekend or not. I am confident that they wouldn't have me send him, but hey, I don't know that for sure.

I have to disagree about superseding the order. If I feel that my son is in danger, I do not have to send him into a harmful environment. If I am acting in the best interests of my son, I don't see that contempt. Now if I decided I want to keep my son for a barbecue, that's a different story. I am however subject to the courts discretion This I fully understand and am prepared for.

His father tried to put me in contempt because I missed a weekend because I was in pre-term labor. The judge yelled at him and said that he should fine him for wasting the courts time.

You can disagree all you want about superseding the order but what you feel is dangerous or harmful may not be what the court sees as such and if the court believes that you are wilfully violating the order you will be found in contempt. Which could lead to you losing custody.

 

[chipmunk226]

You can disagree all you want about superseding the order but what you feel is dangerous or harmful may not be what the court sees as such and if the court believes that you are wilfully violating the order you will be found in contempt. Which could lead to you losing custody.

I completely understand where you are coming from. What would you think is dangerous or harmful enough to go against an order?

 

[jbowman]

I completely understand where you are coming from. What would you think is dangerous or harmful enough to go against an order?

What OG thinks really doesnt make much difference. It is what the judge thinks that will matter. Hopefully, a judge will see that you have documentation of the allergies to cats and he/she will use common sense and see that you are acting in your child's best interest. I am not condoning going against a court order but to be honest, if it was me--I would do the same. My child also has allergy-related asthma and it is nothing nice and very dangerous. This isnt just a kid breathing a bit hard from running. It is scary, I know.

BTW Singulair has absolutely worked WONDERS for my little one. I mean, its a miracle to us. Check into it if you havent.

 

[chipmunk226]

What OG thinks really doesnt make much difference. It is what the judge thinks that will matter. Hopefully, a judge will see that you have documentation of the allergies to cats and he/she will use common sense and see that you are acting in your child's best interest. I am not condoning going against a court order but to be honest, if it was me--I would do the same. My child also has allergy-related asthma and it is nothing nice and very dangerous. This isnt just a kid breathing a bit hard from running. It is scary, I know.

BTW Singulair has absolutely worked WONDERS for my little one. I mean, its a miracle to us. Check into it if you havent.

Jbowman, that is what my son takes, Singulair. He started on it last month. It seemed to be helping at first, but I think now my son is being overwhelmed. It's getting warmer, more of the other allergens in the air on top of the cats.

I just came back from the doctors for my son's follow up and along with giving me a referral to go back to his ENT, she wrote another note stating that my son should be kept away from cats. She also said to give him clarinex in the morning, singular at night, and make sure that he takes his inhaler at least 2x a day.

I spoke to his dad to tell him this and when I asked him outright if he would remove the cats, he asked "What kind of question is that?" and refused to answer. We went back and forth and then he hung up on me.

I know I need an attorney, but I just can't afford one.

 

[jbowman]

Jbowman, that is what my son takes, Singulair. He started on it last month. It seemed to be helping at first, but I think now my son is being overwhelmed. It's getting warmer, more of the other allergens in the air on top of the cats.

It took my son about a month for it to kick in completely. We just never skip a day. Yours takes the chewables, right? I hope it works for you because it has been a true lifesaver for us!!

I just came back from the doctors for my son's follow up and along with giving me a referral to go back to his ENT, she wrote another note stating that my son should be kept away from cats. She also said to give him clarinex in the morning, singular at night, and make sure that he takes his inhaler at least 2x a day.

I spoke to his dad to tell him this and when I asked him outright if he would remove the cats, he asked "What kind of question is that?" and refused to answer. We went back and forth and then he hung up on me.

He is a complete idiot and if I were you, I would PUSH the issue. HARD.

I know I need an attorney, but I just can't afford one.

You probably dont need one to do this. See if there is a Self Help page on the states website or something. Or get a free consultation with an attorney to point you in the right direction. Or one of our lovely members here will point you in the right direction. I am clueless about PA.

 

[chipmunk226]

You probably dont need one to do this. See if there is a Self Help page on the states website or something. Or get a free consultation with an attorney to point you in the right direction. Or one of our lovely members here will point you in the right direction. I am clueless about PA.

Thanks again jbowman, I really apprectiate it

I guess guess I just really lack the confidence to do this on my own. I know the emergency portion should be easy enough for me to do on my own, it's the full modification hearing that scares me.

I am looking to have him help more with transportation. Our order in 2005 said that he is "encouraged" to assist in transportation, but never has. He know has a car, so I want to take a stab at getting some help.

Also, I want to try again to move jurisdiction to Maryland. I tried once, but it was denied. I doubt it will happen, but figure if I'm already going, it's worth a shot

Thanks again! I am so glad I found this site!

 

[GrowUp!]

Thanks again jbowman, I really apprectiate it

I guess guess I just really lack the confidence to do this on my own. I know the emergency portion should be easy enough for me to do on my own, it's the full modification hearing that scares me.

I am looking to have him help more with transportation. Our order in 2005 said that he is "encouraged" to assist in transportation, but never has. He know has a car, so I want to take a stab at getting some help.

Also, I want to try again to move jurisdiction to Maryland. I tried once, but it was denied. I doubt it will happen, but figure if I'm already going, it's worth a shot

Thanks again! I am so glad I found this site!

Ohiogal is an attorney. Jbowman, on the other hand, is not. So go ahead and follow the advice of those who are giving you the equivalent of a shoulder to cry on and suggesting you go against a court order.

Go ahead and go against a court order. You will find out the repurcussions regardless of what YOU think.

 

[GrowUp!]

I have to disagree about superseding the order.

We don't give a rats' backside what you agree or disagree with.

If I feel that my son is in danger, I do not have to send him into a harmful environment.

Oh you bet your kids you MUST send him. The COURT -- NOT YOU -- will decide if it's a harmful environment or not. You have to prove your son is in danger. Those are BOTH very steep hills to climb. It's not a matter of simply walking into court. I highly doubt the court order stipulates such a "right."

If I am acting in the best interests of my son, I don't see that contempt.

Well, that's yours -- along with many other CP's problem. YOU do not know what the "best interest" is. The court dictates that because each parent is biased in what THEY see and have something to gain. You are going through the proper channels, but I am telling you -- as did an ACTUAL Attorney (and that's NOT Jbowman ), until a court decides otherwise, you ARE ORDERED to send the child. A court order is NOT a suggestion.

Also, be prepared it *could* be a possibility that the court could not see it worthy as an ex-parte and could schedule it for a hearing in the future.

Now if I decided I want to keep my son for a barbecue, that's a different story.

No, it's not. You are not the court or a Judge. You do not possess the legal right or authority to supercede a court order. Doing so does not go any good for your cause/case.

I am however subject to the courts discretion This I fully understand and am prepared for.

No, you do not fully understand at all. You are subject to the COURT ORDER.

His father tried to put me in contempt because I missed a weekend because I was in pre-term labor. The judge yelled at him and said that he should fine him for wasting the courts time.

Irrelevant. game playing.

 

[jbowman]

I am going to file before his fathers next weekend, so I would be able to get a declaration of whether or not he is to go that weekend or not..

Hopefully you can file an emergency hearing before his next weekend as you have stated. But if not, common sense would tell anyone that if you have DOCUMENTATION from the pediatricians of your childs acute allergy to the animals, you are not going to LOSE custody of an instance or two of not letting your child go to dads until it is resolved. Come on now, guys, why try to scare the crap out of her??? You think a judge is going to REVERSE custody because she doesnt want her child to be extremely ill on the weekends he is with his father???? The kid is on all kinds of medication and she has info from the doctors. Common sense prevails. Plus dad sounds like a complete idiot anyway after filing contempt when she was in labor and getting admonished by the judge--he may not even file anything.... but if he did, well she is prepared. I'd say "bring it"!