Possible harrassment with strick custody order?

[GrowUp!]

This is not purely what I "think", these are facts.

I have yet to see facts. Your definition of "facts" is the same as Elisabeth Hasselbeck's.

He has abused my daughter.

According to what judge/magistrate?

He is refusing contact with my daughter and is demanding I do things, which is in violation of the order.

So?

There is a wrap sheet a mile long with what he has done.

So?

The facts are he has been proven to be a danger around the child,

Again, according to WHOM?! If it wasn't a Judge or a Magistrate, then it's irrlevant.

that there is a history of abuse/harassment when it comes to me and those around me.

So what? This isn't about you.

I am not sure what else you need. The point in me posting in the first place is to maybe find out what can be done. He is in contempt big time, however with the appeal in process the judge refuses to look at it. He is harassing me by email, drive-bys, etc...he is harassing my friends...he is harassing my family. I just want it to stop. At this point I think my only option is to drop the appeal and bring him for contempt of the order.

Well you would have to prove contempt. And it's not as easy as one thinks.

 

[blarg]

This is long, but I wanted to answer all questions OhioGal asked of me.

How long ago was the joint custody granted that you are appealing? April 30th 2007

You have shown no where where you have proven that. It has been proven in DSS records. According to DSS records, he is NOT allowed to be around the child except under the supervised order.

How? Every time I have tried to contact her he has picked up the phone, than immediately hung it up. He has admitted to this in an email sent to me today as well.

Such as? Demanding me to purchase a phone, dictating how to live my life and raise the child, telling me he will not tell me anything about my daughter until I do certain things for him (ie. stop cutting my daughter's hair - which I cut bc my daughter got a hold of scissors and cut her own hair...yes, the scissors are now not where she can reach them. I never thought kid's scissors could cut hair! lol )

What is the EXACT wording of the order he is violating and what has he done that you believe puts him in violation? The order states very clearly that all contact with me (and vise versa) is strictly in dealing with the welfare of the child. He is in violation by 1) Contacting me over personal matters between us as in returning items he assumes I have of his, which I do not. 2) Refusing to tell me any details about my daughter. He point blank told me he was not going to tell me anything about her while he was with her until I did what he wanted. (This all stems back to his need to be in control of everything...in his mind including my personal life) I cold care less about the people in his life as long as it does not affect the kiddo.

What has he been convicted of? CONVICTIONS! Not charges or allegations. And it is not a WRAP SHEET! Drug possession, paraphernalia, DUI, illegal use of controlled substance (vicodin), he has also been incarcerated for issues stemming from domestic violence.

But the judge apparently didn't think you proved that because he was awarded joint custody -- is that joint legal or physical? I hate to say this, but the judge did not even look at the past evidence at all. I was not able to get an attorney, even though this was my first appearance in front of the court. The judge didn't even let me get my full request out, cut me off, and said "No, sit down". I verbalized and showed evidence to him which included past court hearings, DSS records, records form the visitation (in which he showed up 1 time in 6 months), police records, etc. It was a matter of this particular judge did not care to listen to anything I had to say. This is why I was going for an appeal.

The appeal in process? Again how is he contempt? Yes, I have done the first step in the appeal process. The next step is to contact Raleigh. I have the contact person's name and was told to call back on Tuesday. (as for the contempt, I explained that above)

What do the emails state? How many times has he emailed you? How is he harassing your friends and family? You saying it does not make it legally true. I have received a total of 15 emails...10 today (yesterday at this point) alone. The emails are very demanding, degrading and are basically telling me he is not going to tell me anything in regards to our daughters welfare (ie. is she ok?) unless I do what he wants. This is against the court order. In the order I am allowed to call my daughter daily...he is not allowing me to do so. In the order it also states that I am to tell him (and vise versa) how she is doing and what is going on while she is at the other's home. An example is that he can not leave the city that we live in and he has said that he took her to TN. He is harassing friends and family by repeatedly calling their residences and in one case he has actually sat outside one of the residences in his car.

can you PROVE that he is strung out? How does his drug use impact his parenting -- you need proof of that. This has already been proven through DSS. Which is why I am not comprehending why the judge did not put this into consideration at all. His drug use impacts his parenting in 2 different ways based on if he has his pills or if he doesn't. When he has them he is pretty laid back, but is not focused at all. When he does not have them he is very agitated and these are the times in which his violent nature has come into play.

Then how has she helped "raise" your daughter? She has helped "raise" my daughter as she was an emotional support for me during all this. She also helped me out financially by helping me get back on my feet after I separated from my ex, as he took everything...house, car, and emptied out the bank account. She is also a single mom and has given me countless amounts of useful advice on how to handle raising a child on my own. This is what I meant by helping me raise her. She did not live with me, nor was she around the child daily. I hope that clarifies this.

No one said it does or should have standing on your parenting. BUT any SO can affect custody -- be it a hetero- or homo- sexual relationship. I do not have a SO at this time so this doesn't relate to me. Yes, I am gay, but I choose to be alone right now and focus on my daughter's well being and safety.

BULL! That is NOT abuse. Unless there is a no contact order he has a right to call. He has a right to drive where he wants. It may not even qualify as harassment. During that 2.5 years, I had a restraining order on him. Protected under it was me, kiddo, my family. He was not to contact any of us in any way whatsoever and he was also to stay away from my residence, place of work & my daughter's daycare. I went to get the order renewed, however, I was sitting in the hallway as no children were allowed in the courtroom, he went and told the judge I left. I did not find out what happened until 4 hrs later. I am in the process of trying to get that re-established. The current order states the only contact is to be in re:to the child's welfare, nothing else.

OKay. And has he attended those supervised visits? What say the supervisor of said visits?He attended 1 visit in 6 months. At that point, the supervisor of the visitation, stated to the courts and DSS that they did not feel comfortable with the visitation as father exhibited unfavorable behavior at the center. A letter was sent to father stating that if he wanted the visitation to be continued he needed to contact certain people (DSS and the court liaison). He did not do anything.

Allegations are NOT proof. Allegations without anything more are nothing. The allegations were not even investigated. Reasoning being that DSS "couldn't find him" even though I provided them with a cell, home and work number and also his home and work address. Also when I was petitioned to court through DSS, they put HIS address as MY address, and not even a day later, he was in court as a witness for DSS. Sounds a little odd to me, but at this point this whole situation seems odd...

It is disrespectful and you are wrong. he became daddy/father when he impregnated you regardless of your opinion of him now. I am in no way trying to downsize the fact that he is a father. I look at the term daddy, as a term of endearment. A word used to express love and compassion. He has not shown her this love and compassion. I mean no disrespect at all by not using the term daddy. Please do not take it in that manner. I apologize for using the quotes, I will say that was inappropriate. However, I can not use the term daddy with any comfort. I hope you can understand and respect that.

 

[LdiJ]

After reading the above, I really believe that you NEED an attorney....and that you need to continue with the appeal. It appears that "due process" was not followed by the judge at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ldij I can understand why you are saying what you are

Ldij I agree she needs an attorney however it may not be due process violations.

This is long, but I wanted to answer all questions OhioGal asked of me.

I appreciate it.

How long ago was the joint custody granted that you are appealing? April 30th 2007

Was it joint legal or joint physical or both? What type of visitation schedule?

You have shown no where where you have proven that.

It has been proven in DSS records. According to DSS records, he is NOT allowed to be around the child except under the supervised order.

When was this decision presented in juvenile court? DSS cases MUST be litigated. DSS cannot just make that decision and it becomes the order of the time. There has to be due process for him before the decision can be made. If there was no finding in court of substantiated abuse towards the daughter then you have nothing.

How? Every time I have tried to contact her he has picked up the phone, than immediately hung it up. He has admitted to this in an email sent to me today as well.

How long is she with him before you try calling or when you try calling? If she is only there for five or six hours then you really shouldn't be calling. It comes across as harassing on your end.

Such as? Demanding me to purchase a phone,

You don't have a phone? How do you call? He needs a phone number to get in touch with you and I am confused by this.

dictating how to live my life

He can't tell you anymore than you can tell him.

and raise the child,

She's his child. HE HAS INPUT!

telling me he will not tell me anything about my daughter until I do certain things for him (ie. stop cutting my daughter's hair - which I cut bc my daughter got a hold of scissors and cut her own hair...yes, the scissors are now not where she can reach them. I never thought kid's scissors could cut hair! lol )

Quite frankly he has a right to do this. He is the father. He has just as much right to have a say in haircuts as you do. And yes, kid's scissors can cut a hell of a lot. If the child is very diligent they can be extremely dangerous -- think electric wires.

What is the EXACT wording of the order he is violating and what has he done that you believe puts him in violation? The order states very clearly that all contact with me (and vise versa) is strictly in dealing with the welfare of the child.

Hair cuts qualify.

He is in violation by 1) Contacting me over personal matters between us as in returning items he assumes I have of his, which I do not.

Okay this may be a violation.

2) Refusing to tell me any details about my daughter. He point blank told me he was not going to tell me anything about her while he was with her until I did what he wanted.

Legally you have NO RIGHT to know this. You are being a bit highstrung and overprotective. He does not have to tell you ANYTHING about what he does when his daughter is with him. Same as you don't have to tell him what you do with her -- doctor's appointments, haircuts, schooling matters etcetera excepted. Day to day activities -- baths, food, meals, movies, who she sees and where she goes with few exceptions -- none of your business.

(This all stems back to his need to be in control of everything...in his mind including my personal life) I cold care less about the people in his life as long as it does not affect the kiddo.

Again none of your business. You have no right to dictate who he takes the child around.

What has he been convicted of? CONVICTIONS! Not charges or allegations. And it is not a WRAP SHEET! Drug possession,

Was the child there? If not irrelevant to parenting.

paraphernalia, DUI, illegal use of controlled substance (vicodin), he

See above -- if child not there, irrelevant to parenting.

has also been incarcerated for issues stemming from domestic violence.

Against the child -- if not, irrelevant to parenting.

But the judge apparently didn't think you proved that because he was awarded joint custody -- is that joint legal or physical? I hate to say this, but the judge did not even look at the past evidence at all.

Judge doesn't have to.

I was not able to get an attorney, even though this was my first appearance in front of the court.

the court does not care why you didn't get an attorney. YOu could have filed for a continuance BEFORE the hearing to give you more time.

The judge didn't even let me get my full request out, cut me off, and said "No, sit down". I verbalized and showed evidence to him which included past court hearings,

Court hearings of what? His criminal convictions? If so irrelevant and inadmissible.

DSS records,

Hearsay -- and hence inadmissible.

records form the visitation (in which he showed up 1 time in 6 months),

Hearsay. Inadmissible.

police records, etc.

Hearsay, inadmissible.

It was a matter of this particular judge did not care to listen to anything I had to say. This is why I was going for an appeal.

Problem. All of your evidence is inadmissible under the rules of evidence. So you have issues and there is no mistake in law that the judge refused to allow them to be admitted. He can't admit them. They are purely inadmissible.

The appeal in process? Again how is he contempt? Yes, I have done the first step in the appeal process. The next step is to contact Raleigh. I have the contact person's name and was told to call back on Tuesday. (as for the contempt, I explained that above)

Raleigh? Confused as I don't know the relevance of what you are referring to here.

What do the emails state? How many times has he emailed you? How is he harassing your friends and family? You saying it does not make it legally true. I have received a total of 15 emails...10 today (yesterday at this point) alone. The emails are very demanding, degrading and are basically telling me he is not going to tell me anything in regards to our daughters welfare (ie. is she ok?) unless I do what he wants.

he doesn't have to tell you. That is the point you are missing.

This is against the court order. In the order I am allowed to call my daughter daily...he is not allowing me to do so.

he is allowing you to call. But can you prove he is not allowing you to talk to her? How old is she?

In the order it also states that I am to tell him (and vise versa) how she is doing and what is going on while she is at the other's home.

Quite frankly that order is OVERLY intrusive and can very easily be struck down if that is what it says. Please give us the direct verbiage.

An example is that he can not leave the city that we live in and he has said that he took her to TN. He is harassing friends and family by repeatedly calling their residences and in one case he has actually sat outside one of the residences in his car.

Give the exact verbiage of the order.

can you PROVE that he is strung out? How does his drug use impact his parenting -- you need proof of that. This has already been proven through DSS.

No it has not. If there was NOT a juvenile court hearing that made legal findings then NOTHING has been proven.

Which is why I am not comprehending why the judge did not put this into consideration at all.

Because you are making assumptions that may not be true. DSS may have been investigating but unless their investigation is PROVEN in court then it doesn't matter.

His drug use impacts his parenting in 2 different ways based on if he has his pills or if he doesn't. When he has them he is pretty laid back, but is not focused at all. When he does not have them he is very agitated and these are the times in which his violent nature has come into play.

How does that put the child in danger and how has it injured your child? And can you PROVIDE proof of your opinion?

 

[Ohiogal]

Part II

Then how has she helped "raise" your daughter? She has helped "raise" my daughter as she was an emotional support for me during all this. She also helped me out financially by helping me get back on my feet after I separated from my ex, as he took everything...house, car, and emptied out the bank account. She is also a single mom and has given me countless amounts of useful advice on how to handle raising a child on my own. This is what I meant by helping me raise her. She did not live with me, nor was she around the child daily. I hope that clarifies this.

Clarified. But she has NOT helped you raise your daughter. She has been a friend. That is different.

No one said it does or should have standing on your parenting. BUT any SO can affect custody -- be it a hetero- or homo- sexual relationship. I do not have a SO at this time so this doesn't relate to me. Yes, I am gay, but I choose to be alone right now and focus on my daughter's well being and safety.

Okay. Again i am not basing my answers on the fact that you are gay. That is irrelevant truthfully in my reading of this subject.

BULL! That is NOT abuse. Unless there is a no contact order he has a right to call. He has a right to drive where he wants. It may not even qualify as harassment. During that 2.5 years, I had a restraining order on him. Protected under it was me, kiddo, my family. He was not to contact any of us in any way whatsoever and he was also to stay away from my residence, place of work & my daughter's daycare. I went to get the order renewed, however, I was sitting in the hallway as no children were allowed in the courtroom, he went and told the judge I left. I did not find out what happened until 4 hrs later. I am in the process of trying to get that re-established. The current order states the only contact is to be in re:to the child's welfare, nothing else.

Well if the order was dropped then there are issues. Why did you take your child to court? That was a BAD mistake. How exactly does the current order read?

OKay. And has he attended those supervised visits? What say the supervisor of said visits?He attended 1 visit in 6 months. At that point, the supervisor of the visitation, stated to the courts and DSS that they did not feel comfortable with the visitation as father exhibited unfavorable behavior at the center. A letter was sent to father stating that if he wanted the visitation to be continued he needed to contact certain people (DSS and the court liaison). He did not do anything.

Again this is hearsay. If you had subpoenaed the supervisor that would have been different.

Allegations are NOT proof. Allegations without anything more are nothing. The allegations were not even investigated. Reasoning being that DSS "couldn't find him" even though I provided them with a cell, home and work number and also his home and work address. Also when I was petitioned to court through DSS, they put HIS address as MY address, and not even a day later, he was in court as a witness for DSS. Sounds a little odd to me, but at this point this whole situation seems odd...

He was a witness for DSS? explain what the heck happened. If the allegations were not investigated then I am totally lost as to what happened because you said there was a report.

It is disrespectful and you are wrong. he became daddy/father when he impregnated you regardless of your opinion of him now. I am in no way trying to downsize the fact that he is a father. I look at the term daddy, as a term of endearment. A word used to express love and compassion. He has not shown her this love and compassion. I mean no disrespect at all by not using the term daddy. Please do not take it in that manner. I apologize for using the quotes, I will say that was inappropriate. However, I can not use the term daddy with any comfort. I hope you can understand and respect that.

Fine> then stick with father. It is understandable and your opinion can be respected. But he is the father.

 

[blarg]

Part 1

Clarified. But she has NOT helped you raise your daughter. She has been a friend. That is different. Ok, sorry for not saying it correctly.

Okay. Again i am not basing my answers on the fact that you are gay. That is irrelevant truthfully in my reading of this subject. It was more on the fact that I do not have a SO at all, male or female.

Well if the order was dropped then there are issues. Why did you take your child to court? That was a BAD mistake. How exactly does the current order read?
I took my child to court as her sitter backed out at the last minute. It was not my intention at all to bring her. I try to shelter her from all this the best I can.

Again this is hearsay. If you had subpoenaed the supervisor that would have been different. Was not given the chance to subpoena anyone.

He was a witness for DSS? explain what the heck happened. If the allegations were not investigated then I am totally lost as to what happened because you said there was a report. My daughter had come up to me and said "daddy touched me in my special spot". I went to DSS and told them. They "couldn't find him" so they dropped the investigation. The inappropriate behavior happened earlier, before the RO was in place. I was subpoenaed to court about 2 months after this so that DSS could talk to the kiddo in private on allegations put on me for "force feeding vegetables" (this is no joke...that is what the allegations were). I went to this hearing and he was there on stand for DSS stating that I did these things, even though he was not in the presence of me and the child together. When I said report I meant there was a report of abuse put in, however it was not properly investigated. Hope that makes sense.

Fine> then stick with father. It is understandable and your opinion can be respected. But he is the father. Thank you

 

[blarg]

Part 2

First off, ty OhioGal for devoting your time to helping me, I greatly appreciate it. This is a stressful time for me and I just want to make sure I am doing everything correctly. She is now home. I have been told a lot of things, and at this point I defiantly think it is time to look for a lawyer that can at least take payments.

Was it joint legal or joint physical or both? What type of visitation schedule? Not sure what you mean by this. We are given every other week with the child.

When was this decision presented in juvenile court? DSS cases MUST be litigated. DSS cannot just make that decision and it becomes the order of the time. There has to be due process for him before the decision can be made. If there was no finding in court of substantiated abuse towards the daughter then you have nothing. Now this I find interesting. DSS cases must be litigated. This makes me wonder if I was wronged by DSS. The cases that did go to court were dropped on me bc they could not be proven. NC DSS has made me do everything from take medications to do parenting classes (neither of which I was against). They said if I did not do either, they would take my child. They said the same of him, however, he did not do anything whatsoever. Based on this, DSS stated that he is not to be around the child at all bc of the history of abuse and neglect towards her.

How long is she with him before you try calling or when you try calling? If she is only there for five or six hours then you really shouldn't be calling. It comes across as harassing on your end.
I gave her a full day alone with him before I tried calling. I didn't even call every day so that the whole harassing term could not be brought in. The day I repeatedly called was Saturday. She was dropped off with him last Monday.

You don't have a phone? How do you call? He needs a phone number to get in touch with you and I am confused by this. Yes, I can see how this is confusing. I have a prepaid cell phone. He has a contact number for me. This phone is strictly for voice mail and texting. I explained this in court to the judge as well, and what was stated was when/if he called my phone, I would go to a neighbor's to call him back so that he can speak with her. I even put up the option of talking over the computer as I have a webcam and mic. The judge agreed to this as a form of communication.

He can't tell you anymore than you can tell him.
I don't tell him nor do I care to. lol He's an adult and I can just hope he makes wise decisions.


She's his child. HE HAS INPUT! I understand this, and I do take his input, he has told me that my input means sqwat and he will not listen to any of it bc I am not bowing down to his every whim. Yes, I can't control this, I understand that. This is one I feel I will have to just suck up and deal with.


Quite frankly he has a right to do this. He is the father. He has just as much right to have a say in haircuts as you do. And yes, kid's scissors can cut a hell of a lot. If the child is very diligent they can be extremely dangerous -- think electric wires. It wasn't the fact that her hair is cut or not. It was the whole I am not going to tell you ANYTHING unless you stop doing this. This includes school, health, etc. He will not tell me anything at all.

Legally you have NO RIGHT to know this. You are being a bit highstrung and overprotective. He does not have to tell you ANYTHING about what he does when his daughter is with him. Same as you don't have to tell him what you do with her -- doctor's appointments, haircuts, schooling matters etcetera excepted. Day to day activities -- baths, food, meals, movies, who she sees and where she goes with few exceptions -- none of your business. I was not asking about details of how she spent time with him. As you said, none of my business. I was talking with him about her school, I was talking to him about her medication she is on, he refused to discuss these things. This is what I was referring too.

Again none of your business. You have no right to dictate who he takes the child around. Not dictating. Just want to make sure she is safe.

Was the child there? If not irrelevant to parenting. Yes, she was present. He was growing the mj plants under the house. The only one she was not around him was the DUI.

Against the child -- if not, irrelevant to parenting. Yes, my child was protected under the order as the judge found him a danger to her physically, emotionally and mentally.

the court does not care why you didn't get an attorney. YOu could have filed for a continuance BEFORE the hearing to give you more time.
I did ask for a continuance before the hearing. I was told that I had to do it when I was in front of the judge, which is what I did. He denied it.

Court hearings of what? His criminal convictions? If so irrelevant and inadmissible. Court hearings about the DV.

Hearsay -- and hence inadmissible. They were used against me by him, but not usable when it came to him, even though he was not allowed to be around her at all. This is what I am not getting.

Hearsay. Inadmissible. Not understanding how this is hearsay...(visitation) Can you please explain?

Hearsay, inadmissible. The police records are written by the officers not me in which they spoke of the bruises on both me and the child. How is this hearsay?

Raleigh? Confused as I don't know the relevance of what you are referring to here. The process of appeals in NC. First you go to the county courthouse and put in the appeal, then you need to contact the North Carolina Court of Appeals in Raleigh. That is the step I am on.

he doesn't have to tell you. That is the point you are missing.
Explained that above.

he is allowing you to call. But can you prove he is not allowing you to talk to her? How old is she? Yes. He wrote in an email that he is hanging up. "He immediately hangs up" was his exact words. She is 5 years old and this was (as she is home now) her first time ever away from me.

Quite frankly that order is OVERLY intrusive and can very easily be struck down if that is what it says. Please give us the direct verbiage. I wish I knew how to use my scanner so I could show you the order. It is overly intrusive. It dictates when to put her to sleep at night. It (not me) dictates who is to be around the child...she can not even have sleepovers any more...If possible, I will try and figure this thing out and scan it and send it to you.

No it has not. If there was NOT a juvenile court hearing that made legal findings then NOTHING has been proven. The investigations dealing with his drug usage were brought up in CPS family assessment meetings in which it stated that he was to go to therapy and rehab for his drug abuse. In these files it states he never went. Every time I pressured DSS to further investigate and they did nothing. I was brought to juvenile court over vegetables, but he was let go on sexual abuse allegations.

How does that put the child in danger and how has it injured your child? And can you PROVIDE proof of your opinion? If I subpoena people then yes, I have proof. He went haywire on her, me and the house one night when he was strung out. (this is what one of the police reports stated...he was arrested)

 

[Ohiogal]

Clarified. But she has NOT helped you raise your daughter. She has been a friend. That is different. Ok, sorry for not saying it correctly.

The reason why I made such a big deal of it is because IF she is helping raise your daughter then her disability becomes more relevant. It is completely irrelevant as she is NOT involved in the day to day life of your daughter like a stepparent or live in or even day care provider would be.

Okay. Again i am not basing my answers on the fact that you are gay. That is irrelevant truthfully in my reading of this subject. It was more on the fact that I do not have a SO at all, male or female.

Not a problem. But seriously, I don't think you being homosexual is or should be relevant at all. I was just questioning your friend because sometimes we have had those who are in homosexual relationships refer to their lover as their "friend". I also didn't want you to think I was basing my answers on your sexual orientation.

Well if the order was dropped then there are issues. Why did you take your child to court? That was a BAD mistake. How exactly does the current order read?
I took my child to court as her sitter backed out at the last minute. It was not my intention at all to bring her. I try to shelter her from all this the best I can.

Good. Keep doing that because court is NOT the place for her.

Again this is hearsay. If you had subpoenaed the supervisor that would have been different. Was not given the chance to subpoena anyone.

How many days before the hearing were you served?

He was a witness for DSS? explain what the heck happened. If the allegations were not investigated then I am totally lost as to what happened because you said there was a report. My daughter had come up to me and said "daddy touched me in my special spot". I went to DSS and told them. They "couldn't find him" so they dropped the investigation. The inappropriate behavior happened earlier, before the RO was in place. I was subpoenaed to court about 2 months after this so that DSS could talk to the kiddo in private on allegations put on me for "force feeding vegetables" (this is no joke...that is what the allegations were). I went to this hearing and he was there on stand for DSS stating that I did these things, even though he was not in the presence of me and the child together. When I said report I meant there was a report of abuse put in, however it was not properly investigated. Hope that makes sense.

DSS should have served him then on the prior allegations. Force feeding vegetables? Were you shoving them down your daughter's throat? That just seems preposterous!

Fine> then stick with father. It is understandable and your opinion can be respected. But he is the father. Thank you

You are welcome.

 

[blarg]

The reason why I made such a big deal of it is because IF she is helping raise your daughter then her disability becomes more relevant. It is completely irrelevant as she is NOT involved in the day to day life of your daughter like a stepparent or live in or even day care provider would be. Ok understanding now.

Not a problem. But seriously, I don't think you being homosexual is or should be relevant at all. I was just questioning your friend because sometimes we have had those who are in homosexual relationships refer to their lover as their "friend". I also didn't want you to think I was basing my answers on your sexual orientation. I didn't think you were harassing me at all. I understand the questioning, makes sense to me.

Good. Keep doing that because court is NOT the place for her. I plan on it.

How many days before the hearing were you served?I went to the calender call in which I stated I will need to get a lawyer secured for my hearing, they said well your hearing is in 2 days (not enough time to secure an attorney). They told me to ask the judge for a continuance so I can secure council. Judge did not even let me get out my request.

DSS should have served him then on the prior allegations. Force feeding vegetables? Were you shoving them down your daughter's throat? That just seems preposterous! They never did serve him which, sorry if this sounds to extreme, but, it infuriated me. Yes, force feeding veggies...I was not shoving them down her throat. Quite the opposite. My daughter LOVES veggies. She would rather eat carrots and broccoli with ranch dressing than a hot dog. It was preposterous, but hey, that's NC for ya!

You are welcome.

 

[Ohiogal]

First off, ty OhioGal for devoting your time to helping me, I greatly appreciate it.

I don't mind helping you and will take all the time necessary to explain things to you because you are not getting pissy at the messenger when it may not go your way. You are learning and going with it. And explaining things when asked for clarification. You are VERY welcome.

I have been told a lot of things, and at this point I defiantly think it is time to look for a lawyer that can at least take payments.

Yes it definitely is. Appeals are based on mistake of law. NOT mistake of fact. And that is where the problem for laypeople comes in. Laypeople do not understand the difference.

Not sure what you mean by this. We are given every other week with the child.

Sounds like joint physical and maybe joint legal -- at least shared parenting. What does the order state specifically. Dig that up and type it in.

Now this I find interesting. DSS cases must be litigated. This makes me wonder if I was wronged by DSS. The cases that did go to court were dropped on me bc they could not be proven. NC DSS has made me do everything from take medications to do parenting classes (neither of which I was against). They said if I did not do either, they would take my child. They said the same of him, however, he did not do anything whatsoever. Based on this, DSS stated that he is not to be around the child at all bc of the history of abuse and neglect towards her.

This is possible however until there is litigation they cannot keep your child. In other words, if they took your child on an emergency basis they would have justify the removal based on dependency, neglect or abuse in front of a judge for a shelter care hearing and then there would have to be an adjudicatory hearing to PROVE that the child was dependent, neglected or abused based on DSS's findings. Sometimes those hearings are combined. They can do a VOLUNTARY case plan however without a hearing. But they cannot force a case plan on anyone without a hearing.

I gave her a full day alone with him before I tried calling. I didn't even call every day so that the whole harassing term could not be brought in. The day I repeatedly called was Saturday. She was dropped off with him last Monday.

Okay. What exactly does your plan state regarding phone calls and communication> EXACTLY! Word for word.

Yes, I can see how this is confusing. I have a prepaid cell phone. He has a contact number for me. This phone is strictly for voice mail and texting. I explained this in court to the judge as well, and what was stated was when/if he called my phone, I would go to a neighbor's to call him back so that he can speak with her. I even put up the option of talking over the computer as I have a webcam and mic. The judge agreed to this as a form of communication.

Okay. That makes sense.

I don't tell him nor do I care to. lol He's an adult and I can just hope he makes wise decisions.

Sometimes you just have to hope. Because quite frankly you had a baby with this man. And that takes a GIANT leap of faith. The law is not going to micromanage this relationship.

I understand this, and I do take his input, he has told me that my input means sqwat and he will not listen to any of it bc I am not bowing down to his every whim. Yes, I can't control this, I understand that. This is one I feel I will have to just suck up and deal with.

Maybe. But quite frankly a judge is not going to freak if you get her hair cut and he doesn't like it. Hair grows back. If you get her a tattoo that is a MUCH different story. the more permanent the decision the more important to inform/consult with the other parent depending on what your order requires.

It wasn't the fact that her hair is cut or not. It was the whole I am not going to tell you ANYTHING unless you stop doing this. This includes school, health, etc. He will not tell me anything at all.

YOu have a right to know school and health issues. Who makes the school decisions -- who is the residential parent for school purposes? What about medical decisions? What is the procedure in the COURT order for those decisions? Type it.

I was not asking about details of how she spent time with him. As you said, none of my business. I was talking with him about her school, I was talking to him about her medication she is on, he refused to discuss these things. This is what I was referring too.

What I suggest to my clients: get a communication log and write it down. A communication log is a three ring binder with notebook paper. Write down all of your concerns. When you exchange for visitation send the binder. Keep copies for your records. If he says he has not gotten it, you can show the court that you sent it in the binder. If he does not respond or won't take it then you can use that as proof that you have tried to communicate. Keep copies of everything and send it weekly. or attempt to send it.

Not dictating. Just want to make sure she is safe.

Again a leap of faith.

, she was present. He was growing the mj plants under the house. The only one she was not around him was the DUI.

Was she there when he was busted? Did she know he was growing MJ? Yes it is frustrating and not fair however that is the way the laws are. Because the court looks at it as though the two of you CHOSE to have sex and make this child. Therefore you are stuck with each other.

Yes, my child was protected under the order as the judge found him a danger to her physically, emotionally and mentally.

What judge was that? I ask because you stated he was CONVICTED of DV and that means criminal not civil. A protection order is CIVIL. Big difference.

I did ask for a continuance before the hearing. I was told that I had to do it when I was in front of the judge, which is what I did. He denied it.

Who told you to ask for it in front of the judge? When were you served? is this a temporary order or a final appealable order?

Court hearings about the DV.

Which lapsed? And was it criminal?

They were used against me by him, but not usable when it came to him, even though he was not allowed to be around her at all. This is what I am not getting.

I would have to see a transcript because there was something going on.

Not understanding how this is hearsay...(visitation) Can you please explain?

Because it was a report written by a third person who was not there to be cross examined.

The police records are written by the officers not me in which they spoke of the bruises on both me and the child. How is this hearsay?

the officers are third persons who were not there to be cross examined. Unless they were present anything they say is hearsay when presented by someone other than them. Their reports may be their words but they are not there to verify them or be questioned about them.

The process of appeals in NC. First you go to the county courthouse and put in the appeal, then you need to contact the North Carolina Court of Appeals in Raleigh. That is the step I am on.

get an attorney. The court clerks cannot give you legal advice. You will need a transcript of the proceedings however. Which will be expensive. But well worth it if your attorney can find a mistake of law. And that is what you need -- a mistake of law.

Yes. He wrote in an email that he is hanging up. "He immediately hangs up" was his exact words. She is 5 years old and this was (as she is home now) her first time ever away from me.

Frustrating but it may be considered minimal depending on how often the court order specifically states you can talk to your child. What does the court order state?

I wish I knew how to use my scanner so I could show you the order. It is overly intrusive. It dictates when to put her to sleep at night. It (not me) dictates who is to be around the child...she can not even have sleepovers any more...If possible, I will try and figure this thing out and scan it and send it to you.

Dang. GET AN ATTORNEY. Contact legal aid. Do something to get an attorney. No court order should get that intrusive.

The investigations dealing with his drug usage were brought up in CPS family assessment meetings in which it stated that he was to go to therapy and rehab for his drug abuse. In these files it states he never went. Every time I pressured DSS to further investigate and they did nothing. I was brought to juvenile court over vegetables, but he was let go on sexual abuse allegations.

That is ridiculous ... but unless there was a court hearing in which it was found substantiated it is easily dismissed.

If I subpoena people then yes, I have proof. He went haywire on her, me and the house one night when he was strung out. (this is what one of the police reports stated...he was arrested)

Keep with the appeal on various legal issues and and get back in front of the lower court so that you can present your case then subpoena everyone. Police reports are hearsay as I said before. But you need an attorney to argue the mistakes of fact and the outcome (the order) as being overly broad and intrusive.

 

[Ohiogal]

The reason why I made such a big deal of it is because IF she is helping raise your daughter then her disability becomes more relevant. It is completely irrelevant as she is NOT involved in the day to day life of your daughter like a stepparent or live in or even day care provider would be. Ok understanding now.

Good.

Not a problem. But seriously, I don't think you being homosexual is or should be relevant at all. I was just questioning your friend because sometimes we have had those who are in homosexual relationships refer to their lover as their "friend". I also didn't want you to think I was basing my answers on your sexual orientation. I didn't think you were harassing me at all. I understand the questioning, makes sense to me.

Glad to hear it because some don't take it that way on here. they feel judged or attacked.

Good. Keep doing that because court is NOT the place for her. I plan on it.

Good.

How many days before the hearing were you served?I went to the calender call in which I stated I will need to get a lawyer secured for my hearing, they said well your hearing is in 2 days (not enough time to secure an attorney). They told me to ask the judge for a continuance so I can secure council. Judge did not even let me get out my request.

You should have asked that day. Hindsight is 20/20.

DSS should have served him then on the prior allegations. Force feeding vegetables? Were you shoving them down your daughter's throat? That just seems preposterous! They never did serve him which, sorry if this sounds to extreme, but, it infuriated me. Yes, force feeding veggies...I was not shoving them down her throat. Quite the opposite. My daughter LOVES veggies. She would rather eat carrots and broccoli with ranch dressing than a hot dog. It was preposterous, but hey, that's NC for ya!

Beg or borrow to get an attorney to appeal and be prepared you are on a time limit!

Usually 28 dayts from the day of the order unless a leave to plead is granted!

 

[blarg]

I figured out my scanner

I figured out this dang thing. It will be easier to scan the order and upload it somewhere rather than type the whole thing out as it is long. Where can I upload it to be seen by you? Or where can I send it? I will post my "junk email" in the forum that you can respond to so that your private email is not displayed for the word to see if that works. Again ty OhioGal

 

[blarg]

When it comes to the appeal I got that process started within a week of receiving the order. That is already in progress so I am far below the alloted time. At this time I am trying to figure out if I should keep the appeal or go for the contempt. If I wait for the appeal the evidence against him will be much more and (knowing him) he will get tired of the visitation bc it "cramps his style". This is the reason he stopped doing any visitation before. He was given the steps to get the visitation elsewhere, but it was an inconvenience for him. IMO (and that is what it is, an opinion) when you become a parent, your needs come after the child's need as they can not take care of themselves.

 

[LdiJ]

When it comes to the appeal I got that process started within a week of receiving the order. That is already in progress so I am far below the alloted time. At this time I am trying to figure out if I should keep the appeal or go for the contempt. If I wait for the appeal the evidence against him will be much more and (knowing him) he will get tired of the visitation bc it "cramps his style". This is the reason he stopped doing any visitation before. He was given the steps to get the visitation elsewhere, but it was an inconvenience for him. IMO (and that is what it is, an opinion) when you become a parent, your needs come after the child's need as they can not take care of themselves.

A local attorney can best help you decide whether or not to go for the appeal or for contempt. However, based on everything that you have said here....it really does sound like you need to go for the appeal. It sounds like the order is way overly intrusive, and that alone means that you need to appeal it.

 

[Ohiogal]

A local attorney can best help you decide whether or not to go for the appeal or for contempt. However, based on everything that you have said here....it really does sound like you need to go for the appeal. It sounds like the order is way overly intrusive, and that alone means that you need to appeal it.

Yep. Normally when people say they want an appeal, they want to base it on the fact that they do not like the order and there is NO LEGAL reason by which they can appeal. They just don't like it. You on the other hand have legal reasons to appeal based on everything you have revealed. You are getting a transcript of the hearing correct that you are going to file with your appeal? YOU NEED TO! You also need an attorney seriously.