Update and Questions

[chipmunk226]

What is the name of your state? Maryland, but my custody order is in PA

My son is severely allergic to cats and of course his dad decides to have two. :-/ I recently got an order from the courts [May 18th] in PA that my son's father is to not have cats in his home and he testified under oath that he cleaned his home for cats and that he no longer has cats in his home. Problem solved? Nope.

My son has come back home sick again from his last visit and he says that his dad still has a cat box in one of their bathrooms. If the cats are gone, why does he still have a cat box? This really concerns me because my son next visitation is for the summer [9 straight weeks] and I don't have any visitation with him during this time.

His dad has been very difficult throughout this whole process and even though I have medical records and test results documenting his allergies, his father still thinks it's ok to have cats in his home and my son isn't getting sick from them but something else. I am afraid that during the summer, my son will have an attack and his dad won't react appropriately.

Ok, finally my questions.

- Do I have enough to file for an emergency contempt since the most recent order was less than two weeks ago? We are going to his PCP this morning and he already had a follow up scheduled for his ENT this afternoon.

- Is it likely that his visitation would be suspended or modified at least so I have some time with him during the summer to make sure he's healthy? Or am I dreaming?

Thanks for all your help in advance.

~Eva

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Maryland, but my custody order is in PA

My son is severely allergic to cats and of course his dad decides to have two. :-/ I recently got an order from the courts [May 18th] in PA that my son's father is to not have cats in his home and he testified under oath that he cleaned his home for cats and that he no longer has cats in his home. Problem solved? Nope.

My son has come back home sick again from his last visit and he says that his dad still has a cat box in one of their bathrooms. If the cats are gone, why does he still have a cat box? This really concerns me because my son next visitation is for the summer [9 straight weeks] and I don't have any visitation with him during this time.

His dad has been very difficult throughout this whole process and even though I have medical records and test results documenting his allergies, his father still thinks it's ok to have cats in his home and my son isn't getting sick from them but something else. I am afraid that during the summer, my son will have an attack and his dad won't react appropriately.

Ok, finally my questions.

- Do I have enough to file for an emergency contempt since the most recent order was less than two weeks ago? We are going to his PCP this morning and he already had a follow up scheduled for his ENT this afternoon.

- Is it likely that his visitation would be suspended or modified at least so I have some time with him during the summer to make sure he's healthy? Or am I dreaming?

Thanks for all your help in advance.

~Eva

Obviously dad hasn't gotten rid of the cats, he is just sending them someplace else on the weekends. Therefore their dander etc is still all over the house. If he does the same things during the summer visit, then the house will get cleaner each time they vacuum and dust, so it might not be that bad for your son.

However, if they do NOT keep the cats elsewhere for the whole 9 weeks...its going to be a serious problem.

 

[moburkes]

Also, with allergy medicine, the problem should be significantly reduced. Can your child be responsible for taking his meds daily?

 

[chipmunk226]

Obviously dad hasn't gotten rid of the cats, he is just sending them someplace else on the weekends. Therefore their dander etc is still all over the house. If he does the same things during the summer visit, then the house will get cleaner each time they vacuum and dust, so it might not be that bad for your son.

However, if they do NOT keep the cats elsewhere for the whole 9 weeks...its going to be a serious problem.

This is what I suspect too. My son has an older sister and I am good friends with her mom. She has told me that her daughter says that her dad only drops the cats off at their grandmothers while he's not there

Also, with allergy medicine, the problem should be significantly reduced. Can your child be responsible for taking his meds daily?

My son is on Singular, Clarinex and Albuterol Inhaler. He's only 7, so he can take the inhaler on his own with the chamber, but he doesn't really know when he 'needs' it. When he's with me, I have to remind him. He also says that he doesn't take his meds consistently while at his dads. His dad leaves it up to my son to tell him when he needs to take his meds

 

[moburkes]

I was actually thinking that you would say that he couldn't take him asthma meds alone, but that he could take his pills alone. Hmmmmmm.

 

[jbowman]

I posted before that Singulair is a miracle worker BUT it is not going to be AS effective if he is sitting in the middle of cat dander. Dad is really a piece of work. Also, to keep this medication working, it needs to be taken EVERY day at bedtime to build up in his system. I notice with my son that if he misses a few days he gets all the symptoms all over again and we have to start over.

I would take it back to court. JMO. Dad has obviously has no idea how dangerous this potentially can be. Argh it pisses me off!!!

 

[chipmunk226]

I was actually thinking that you would say that he couldn't take him asthma meds alone, but that he could take his pills alone. Hmmmmmm.

He can take the chewable, but I tell him when to take it. My cell phone beeps an alarm thats pretty loud and he'll get the bottle and I watch him take it.

I posted before that Singulair is a miracle worker BUT it is not going to be AS effective if he is sitting in the middle of cat dander. Dad is really a piece of work. Also, to keep this medication working, it needs to be taken EVERY day at bedtime to build up in his system. I notice with my son that if he misses a few days he gets all the symptoms all over again and we have to start over.

I would take it back to court. JMO. Dad has obviously has no idea how dangerous this potentially can be. Argh it pisses me off!!!

Well... this is an email he sent me today... I think he's really gone off his rocker.

Yes! because his inhaler is as needed. Please stop trying to be a smart ass, I know
that's hard for you but, can you give it a try! All I said was XXX is (is) smart
enough to say my chest is tight. I never said I was using the litter hood for anything.
And it was never used.... As kittens the now cats were to little to use the litter box
with the hood. I never thought I'd come to this point but, I wish I never, ever had a
child with you. You really need to grow up. From here on out do not contact me about
anything that happens or that you thinks happens here with a closed mind. I'm telling
you, you are pushing me to the limit. Up until now I've tried to be decent and respect
you as my son's mother. The last thing that I want to do is take matters into my own
hands, but he's my son and I'm starting to think that I have to protect him from you and
if I find out that's the case than I will. In closing.... if you want me to be a jerk
than I will be the best/worst one you ever meet.

 

[critterperson]

He can take the chewable, but I tell him when to take it. My cell phone beeps an alarm thats pretty loud and he'll get the bottle and I watch him take it.



Well... this is an email he sent me today... I think he's really gone off his rocker.

\

Sounds like the cats aren't the only thing you are pushing to the limit with "dad"...From his email I am beginning to think it might be you who is the problem not the cats...This is pretty common...Spiteful ex finds everything on the planet wrong with the ex's parenting, home environment, their car (just not safe) I have heard it all on this forum...I hope if your child truly does have a problem with the cats you can stop nitpicking dad long enough for him to realize that the cats ARE a "real" problem, and not just another gripe from a spiteful ex...Have you ever heard that if you gripe about everything the "true complaints" will never get heard, because people will shut off their hearing when you are around...It is true that the squeaky wheel gets the greese but the spiteful ex will get the door slammed in their faces...Sorry, but from his email this was my take...I hope you aren't just a spiteful ex, and for the sake of your child I hope you can start working together...Good Luck

Just an FYI- My 2 1/2 year old son has asthma (allergies trigger it) and he is able to tell me when he needs his provental (his inhaler). So dads response that your son is smart enough to tell him when he needs it doesn't seem unreasonable, given he is 7 and I am assuming average to above average intelligence.'

Another thing, don't ask your child to "tell" on dad about the cats...Most likely your child likes the cats (even people with allergies like animals ) and by asking your child to "tell" on dad about the cats could make your child feel bad that dad has to get rid if them because he has allergies that are obviously beyond his control...

 

[Ohiogal]

Prove there are cats still there. A litter box alone means nothing and the rest is NOT proof.

 

[NYR]

\

Sounds like the cats aren't the only thing you are pushing to the limit with "dad"...From his email I am beginning to think it might be you who is the problem not the cats...This is pretty common...Spiteful ex finds everything on the planet wrong with the ex's parenting, home environment, their car (just not safe) I have heard it all on this forum...I hope if your child truly does have a problem with the cats you can stop nitpicking dad long enough for him to realize that the cats ARE a "real" problem, and not just another gripe from a spiteful ex...Have you ever heard that if you gripe about everything the "true complaints" will never get heard, because people will shut off their hearing when you are around...It is true that the squeaky wheel gets the greese but the spiteful ex will get the door slammed in their faces...Sorry, but from his email this was my take...I hope you aren't just a spiteful ex, and for the sake of your child I hope you can start working together...Good Luck

I would think if she actually got a CO to keep the cats away form the child that it would be serious issue and not her just being a spiteful ex.

 

[critterperson]

I would think if she actually got a CO to keep the cats away form the child that it would be serious issue and not her just being a spiteful ex.

I am hoping that is the case, but read Dad's email in her post...It doesn't sound to me like it is just the cats...JMO

This is Dad's email from her post
Yes! because his inhaler is as needed. Please stop trying to be a smart ass, I know
that's hard for you but, can you give it a try! All I said was XXX is (is) smart
enough to say my chest is tight. I never said I was using the litter hood for anything.
And it was never used.... As kittens the now cats were to little to use the litter box
with the hood. I never thought I'd come to this point but, I wish I never, ever had a
child with you. You really need to grow up. From here on out do not contact me about
anything that happens or that you thinks happens here with a closed mind. I'm telling
you, you are pushing me to the limit. Up until now I've tried to be decent and respect
you as my son's mother. The last thing that I want to do is take matters into my own
hands, but he's my son and I'm starting to think that I have to protect him from you and
if I find out that's the case than I will. In closing.... if you want me to be a jerk
than I will be the best/worst one you ever meet.

 

[chipmunk226]

\

Sounds like the cats aren't the only thing you are pushing to the limit with "dad"...From his email I am beginning to think it might be you who is the problem not the cats...This is pretty common...Spiteful ex finds everything on the planet wrong with the ex's parenting, home environment, their car (just not safe) I have heard it all on this forum...I hope if your child truly does have a problem with the cats you can stop nitpicking dad long enough for him to realize that the cats ARE a "real" problem, and not just another gripe from a spiteful ex...Have you ever heard that if you gripe about everything the "true complaints" will never get heard, because people will shut off their hearing when you are around...It is true that the squeaky wheel gets the greese but the spiteful ex will get the door slammed in their faces...Sorry, but from his email this was my take...I hope you aren't just a spiteful ex, and for the sake of your child I hope you can start working together...Good Luck

critter, I understand why you may think this. But that is EXACTLY why he writes it that way, to make me look like the bad person. But I am not the spiteful ex in this case, honestly.

I suspected my son had an allergy to cats in the spring of 2005. He wasn't responding to OTC allergy meds, so in the Fall of 2005 he had a RAST test that showed that my son had the highest class of allergy to cats. Since this testing, my son's father has had at least 5 cats at 3 different times. The problem would resolve itself because the cats would either run away or they would give them away. But this Spring, his father got two cats and it seemed to really trigger my son. I don't know if it was the breed or what. My son has had the prick allergy test last week that showed again, a severe allergy to cats, and to dust mites and roaches.

Since March, my son has been seen by doctors about 7 times in reference to his asthma and allergies, not including the one today and Thursday. My son has gone from trying OTC meds, to one, to two, now up to four Rx meds.

I will only contact his father via email, because over the phone he tries to dominate the convo, yell and scream and try to get me upset. This in turn makes him upset that I don't take his bait. I wish I could post all the email's I've sent him so you could see that this in unprovoked I think that he is saying all this because he wants me to react to help him out. But I won't.

I understand, you only see the little bit that I post. And it's human to be skeptical, especially when it comes to custody. But I have been nothing but patient with his father. I don't yell scream or demand him to do anything because I can't. This stuff shouldn't have to be handle in the courts. But me providing him all of his son's medical records was still not enough for him to take the proper steps in making sure his son is healthy while with him.

His father is the spiteful ex. He's upset because he can no longer control me and make me upset. What upsets me is that he's using his son to try.

Thanks for your response though

 

[chipmunk226]

I am hoping that is the case, but read Dad's email in her post...It doesn't sound to me like it is just the cats...JMO

Your right, it's not just the cats... for him. From his perspective, he sees that I am using this to control him. He can't see past the fact that I am doing it for our son, not to get at him.

He reacted the same way when it came out that his nephew sexually assaulted my son. He to this day, even though his nephew has been convicted, still says that my husband or someone else in my family was the attacker. But has filed nothing to start any type of investigation. His father didn't even come to the trial to support his 7 year old son who then had to testify in court. The lawyer for his nephew told the judge that my son's father didn't want to be put in between his SON and his nephew.

 

[critterperson]

critter, I understand why you may think this. But that is EXACTLY why he writes it that way, to make me look like the bad person. But I am not the spiteful ex in this case, honestly.

I suspected my son had an allergy to cats in the spring of 2005. He wasn't responding to OTC allergy meds, so in the Fall of 2005 he had a RAST test that showed that my son had the highest class of allergy to cats. Since this testing, my son's father has had at least 5 cats at 3 different times. The problem would resolve itself because the cats would either run away or they would give them away. But this Spring, his father got two cats and it seemed to really trigger my son. I don't know if it was the breed or what. My son has had the prick allergy test last week that showed again, a severe allergy to cats, and to dust mites and roaches.

Since March, my son has been seen by doctors about 7 times in reference to his asthma and allergies, not including the one today and Thursday. My son has gone from trying OTC meds, to one, to two, now up to four Rx meds.

I will only contact his father via email, because over the phone he tries to dominate the convo, yell and scream and try to get me upset. This in turn makes him upset that I don't take his bait. I wish I could post all the email's I've sent him so you could see that this in unprovoked I think that he is saying all this because he wants me to react to help him out. But I won't.

I understand, you only see the little bit that I post. And it's human to be skeptical, especially when it comes to custody. But I have been nothing but patient with his father. I don't yell scream or demand him to do anything because I can't. This stuff shouldn't have to be handle in the courts. But me providing him all of his son's medical records was still not enough for him to take the proper steps in making sure his son is healthy while with him.

His father is the spiteful ex. He's upset because he can no longer control me and make me upset. What upsets me is that he's using his son to try.

Thanks for your response though

Sounds like you might have a long road with this guy...Have you considered the allergy shots? My husband went to a allergist (he got hives, swollen eyes and couldn't breath around cats) and was put on shots (1 every two weeks for 6 months) because of his allergies to cats, and after six months he stopped taking them but we now have 5 cats of our own...with no problems This was a few years ago...so maybe they have a better drug now? Some people also say that you can actually overcome your allergy if you are exposed to it enough I am convinced that this is what happened with my hubby (ever thought about getting a cat or two of your own?)

 

[jbowman]

Sounds like you might have a long road with this guy...Have you considered the allergy shots? My husband went to a allergist (he got hives, swollen eyes and couldn't breath around cats) and was put on shots (1 every two weeks for 6 months) because of his allergies to cats, and after six months he stopped taking them but we now have 5 cats of our own...with no problems This was a few years ago...so maybe they have a better drug now? Some people also say that you can actually overcome your allergy if you are exposed to it enough (ever thought about getting a cat or two of your own?)

Critter, no offense but have you seen a child in distress due to allergy related asthma? It is horrible and your child can die. I, as a parent, would not take the risk of trying to make my son overcome his allergy by getting a cat and exposing him enough to make him immune. It seems so dangerous.

JMO, again, but take it to court. You have your existing order. You may not be able to prove that dad still has the cats but Christ Almighty, there is some common sense issue here. If child is sick when he returns from dads, bingo--it is probably the cats causing it.

Legally, Im sure this is not the best advice but as a mom, I completely understand what your child is going thru. I myself, have only taken my child to the pediatrician for this, NOT 7 doctors. It seems like a legitmate and documented problem. Dad needs to take his head out of his A**.