Modifying a court order through mediation

[Datman07]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

My ex and I currently have a parenting agreement in place for our daughter that is a couple of years old. This was after a much heated custody battle. My ex has full custody (as I was told by attorneys in the area there was no such thing was joint custody in the state of tennessee). While we have come to an agreement on visitation, my ex has been trying to sever the relationship i have with my daughter. She has been married for some time and has been trying to replace me with her husband. Another issue is that I have no contact with my daughter outside of my visits and is not allowed to recognize me as her father is anyways (my ex has my daughter calling her husband daddy, which is what my daughter used to call me before my ex left and got married). I just recently was able to find out where they are living and would like to do whatever I can to petition for joint custody and more visitation with my daughter so that she will know more about me and her family, and hopefully more than just the guy that comes to see her once a month.

Having said this, in our agreement, there is a line that states any modification to the order will be done by way of a mediator. I'm not very familiar with this and i'm sure was done with the intent to not have to go back and forth to court. What I would like to know is the process in which a mediator is selected and how they work as well as what to expect.

Would be greatly appreciated if anybody has any help!

 

[Zephyr]

if you both can agree on a nediator then the selection process isn't that hard- a lawyer might be able to refer a good mediator as well

 

[Datman07]

Sounds simple enough, but here's the problem...

My ex will not do anything that is not to her benefit, and she seems determined to give me as little time with my daughter as she possibly can (not sure if that is to get more CS or if she is just really that cold hearted), but that is unfortunately the reality that i am faced with. So what are my options if i can not agree? would i just file a motion in court?

 

[Zephyr]

what is the exact wording of your order regarding mediation?

 

[haiku]

it will look much better for you in court to attempt to mediate with your ex, first, and only go to court if you can't come to an agreement you can live with.

You need to figure out what it is you really want, and what you will settle for. And if your ex won't budge THEN you take it to court.

I am sure every state has different mediation criteria but a good start would be a google search for "Tennessee Mediation"

 

[Datman07]

what is the exact wording of your order regarding mediation?

I dont have it right here with me, but it did say that any modifications must be made through mediation...so if that's the case, is there anything I could do outside of mediation? Not that this is automatically and issue, but would like to have options for the "just in case".

 

[Silverplum]

I dont have it right here with me, but it did say that any modifications must be made through mediation...so if that's the case, is there anything I could do outside of mediation? Not that this is automatically and issue, but would like to have options for the "just in case".

What it means is that you both must START with mediation. Lets say you have three issues, just for example. You resolve two in mediation, the mediator writes up the new agreement with the two new solved situations. The judge signs off and it becomes part of your court order. The only part/s of the CO that are changed by this are the part/s that were actually changed: all others stand.

Then you file a motion to change or clarify the final issue that could not be resolved between you, Mom, and the mediator. It's heard, decided, signed/not signed, does/does not become part of CO.

 

[Datman07]

What it means is that you both must START with mediation. Lets say you have three issues, just for example. You resolve two in mediation, the mediator writes up the new agreement with the two new solved situations. The judge signs off and it becomes part of your court order. The only part/s of the CO that are changed by this are the part/s that were actually changed: all others stand.

Then you file a motion to change or clarify the final issue that could not be resolved between you, Mom, and the mediator. It's heard, decided, signed/not signed, does/does not become part of CO.

Thanks SP!! that makes sense....now it's just a matter of trying to find a mediator

 

[Silverplum]

Thanks SP!! that makes sense....now it's just a matter of trying to find a mediator

You're welcome.

I'd call your local (or the one that holds your court order) courthouse and ask for a list of approved mediators.

 

[Ohiogal]

if you both can agree on a nediator then the selection process isn't that hard- a lawyer might be able to refer a good mediator as well

I agree with the second part -- a lawyer might be able to refer a good mediator. As for the NEDiator I would pass. That person would probably be quite needy and not do much.

 

[Silverplum]

You are a naughty-gal!

I agree with the second part -- a lawyer might be able to refer a good mediator. As for the NEDiator I would pass. That person would probably be quite needy and not do much.

 

[blarg]

I agree with the second part -- a lawyer might be able to refer a good mediator. As for the NEDiator I would pass. That person would probably be quite needy and not do much.

LOL once again Ohio, you cracked me up. Thanks!

 

[Zephyr]

I agree with the second part -- a lawyer might be able to refer a good mediator. As for the NEDiator I would pass. That person would probably be quite needy and not do much.

damn fingernails! hehehe good catch

 

[Silverplum]

damn fingernails! hehehe good catch

Don't let OG fool ya -- she tosses an extra "y" in here and there, herself.

*walks away, whistling innocently*

 

[blarg]

Don't let OG fool ya -- she tosses an extra "y" in here and there, herself.

*walks away, whistling innocently*

Something tells me you're not *that* innocent.