Success stories in California?

[sherimon]

What is the name of your state? California
I will be filing for custody/visitation with my grandchildren soon. I was advised to go for both because of the situation in the courts with grandparents has worsened since the Troxel v Granville case where the grandparents lost (in WA state 2000)...so heartbreaking for them.
Anyway, Ive decided its time for me to really try to step up to the plate to help my grandchildren since things have continued to worsen with their situation.
They are 6 and 9 have lived with me over 50% of their lives,,are now in Phoenix against a visitation order for them to not be taken out of San Diego County..its just been recently that my grandson, 6, is really having some emotional problems. They are neglected medically, educationally, emotionally, spiritually....I saw someone else post how the mother treats her child as if she owns him not like she really cares, thats how my daughter treats my grandkids.I dont have any idea why she even wants to keep them she pays them so little attention. Anyway, I would love to hear from anyone about their experiences. I will be representing myself. My daughter has substance abuse problems and has recently had a difficult time finding housing because she gave her boyfriend who 21 years older than her all her tax return money. The only thing my daughter does do is keep a steady job otherwise she's just a mess. My granddaughter was molested while in her care, my grandson,6, just threatened to stab his teacher. My daughter wont even talk to them about these things much less get them into counseling. Its so hard to watch this neglect

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? California
I will be filing for custody/visitation with my grandchildren soon. I was advised to go for both because of the situation in the courts with grandparents has worsened since the Troxel v Granville case where the grandparents lost (in WA state 2000)...so heartbreaking for them.
Anyway, Ive decided its time for me to really try to step up to the plate to help my grandchildren since things have continued to worsen with their situation.
They are 6 and 9 have lived with me over 50% of their lives,,are now in Phoenix against a visitation order for them to not be taken out of San Diego County..its just been recently that my grandson, 6, is really having some emotional problems. They are neglected medically, educationally, emotionally, spiritually....I saw someone else post how the mother treats her child as if she owns him not like she really cares, thats how my daughter treats my grandkids.I dont have any idea why she even wants to keep them she pays them so little attention. Anyway, I would love to hear from anyone about their experiences. I will be representing myself. My daughter has substance abuse problems and has recently had a difficult time finding housing because she gave her boyfriend who 21 years older than her all her tax return money. The only thing my daughter does do is keep a steady job otherwise she's just a mess. My granddaughter was molested while in her care, my grandson,6, just threatened to stab his teacher. My daughter wont even talk to them about these things much less get them into counseling. Its so hard to watch this neglect

Where is the father to these children?

 

[sherimon]

Grandparent in California

Hes 27 or so (my daughter is only 25)...he just got out of jail here in San diego for about the 15th time for meth..oh wait he just graduated to heroin. Disgustingly selfish. He knows Im going to file for visitation. All hes worried about is having to pay child support..he hasnt complained much at all that he hasnt seen them for 2 years since my daughter hasnt asked for any childsupport$$. They are both unfit

 

[Ohiogal]

Hes 27 or so (my daughter is only 25)...he just got out of jail here in San diego for about the 15th time for meth..oh wait he just graduated to heroin. Disgustingly selfish. He knows Im going to file for visitation. All hes worried about is having to pay child support..he hasnt complained much at all that he hasnt seen them for 2 years since my daughter hasnt asked for any childsupport$$. They are both unfit

In your opinion they both may be unfit HOWEVER that does not mean that legally they are unfit. Unless you can prove that your grandchild was molested, your daughter knew about and allowed it to continue and did nothing about it, she is not to blame for the molestation. In your opinion not having the child in counseling is disgustingly selfish but guess what -- the courts do not necessarily agree unless it can be shown that mom KNOWS the child should be receiving treatment, doesn't get it and the lack of treatment is DETRIMENTAL to the child. I do someone selfish here and it appears to be you. YOur daughter has a right to raise HER children as she sees fit.

 

[Just Blue]

In your opinion they both may be unfit HOWEVER that does not mean that legally they are unfit. Unless you can prove that your grandchild was molested, your daughter knew about and allowed it to continue and did nothing about it, she is not to blame for the molestation. In your opinion not having the child in counseling is disgustingly selfish but guess what -- the courts do not necessarily agree unless it can be shown that mom KNOWS the child should be receiving treatment, doesn't get it and the lack of treatment is DETRIMENTAL to the child. I do someone selfish here and it appears to be you. YOur daughter has a right to raise HER children as she sees fit.

OG: Sheri doesn't want legal advice...she wants "positive" advice....She argued with me about it all last night...So in deference to her, I think everyone should only say happy happy joy joy responses.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG: Sheri doesn't want legal advice...she wants "positive" advice....She argued with me about it all last night...So in deference to her, I think everyone should only say happy happy joy joy responses.

Happy happy joy joy. Happy happy joy joy.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California
I will be filing for custody/visitation with my grandchildren soon. I was advised to go for both because of the situation in the courts with grandparents has worsened since the Troxel v Granville case where the grandparents lost (in WA state 2000)...so heartbreaking for them.
Anyway, Ive decided its time for me to really try to step up to the plate to help my grandchildren since things have continued to worsen with their situation.
They are 6 and 9 have lived with me over 50% of their lives,,are now in Phoenix against a visitation order for them to not be taken out of San Diego County.

Was this a visitation order for the father who you stated in a later post doesn't seem to care? If so, it would be irrelevant to any case of yours. How long have they been in Phoenix? If its longer than 6 months then you have to file there. Your grandparent case is completely separate from any previous action regarding the children.

.its just been recently that my grandson, 6, is really having some emotional problems. They are neglected medically, educationally, emotionally, spiritually....I saw someone else post how the mother treats her child as if she owns him not like she really cares, thats how my daughter treats my grandkids.I dont have any idea why she even wants to keep them she pays them so little attention. Anyway, I would love to hear from anyone about their experiences. I will be representing myself. My daughter has substance abuse problems and has recently had a difficult time finding housing because she gave her boyfriend who 21 years older than her all her tax return money. The only thing my daughter does do is keep a steady job otherwise she's just a mess. My granddaughter was molested while in her care, my grandson,6, just threatened to stab his teacher. My daughter wont even talk to them about these things much less get them into counseling. Its so hard to watch this neglect

Well...I am not going to be "positive", because you are making a huge mistake. Nothing you have described is sufficient enough to overturn a parent's constitutional right to custody.

So, what going to happen is that you are going to lose, and your daughter will be so angry at you for bringing the case forward that she will cut you out of her and the children's lives permanently.

What's more, gpv orders are harder than heck to enforce....so even if you do win, your daughter is going to fight you tooth and nail. I have worked with literally thousands of parents over the last 14 years or so and I can tell you that absolutely there is nothing that more permanently destroys the relationship between an adult child and their parent, than being sued for visitation or custody of their children.

 

[FITFatherof2]

This is from a study done on grandparents rights cases.

Grandparents have been perceived by clinicians as focussed on their own needs, perhaps to fill their empty nests; as making reparation for their own past perceived failures; as impeding the gaining of autonomy and independence in their own children; and as remaining enmeshed and overinvolved with these children through their grandchildren. Grandparents have been viewed as interfering, indulgent, overprotective, demeaning of the parents and sabotaging their efforts at discipline, competing with their children and wanting to assume former, rewarding roles, tinged with power and control.

Sounds like they hit the nail on the head.

I was advised to go for both because of the situation in the courts with grandparents has worsened since the Troxel v Granville case where the grandparents lost (in WA state 2000)...so heartbreaking for them

The Granvilles were offered reasonable visitation, but they wanted more. More time, more control. In the end they got exactly what they deserved, nothing.

My in-laws said Troxel vs Granville was irrevelant in our case, but the judge did not see it their way. In the end they got the same as the Granvilles. In his verdict saying the court would not award any time to the grandparents, or exteded family. I wish your daughter well.

If your daughter turned out so bad, why do you believe you will be able to raise your grandchildren any better? Your daughter, if you raised her, is the byproduct of your parenting. What did CPS do after you found out, and reported that your grandaughter had been molested?

 

[LdiJ]

This is from a study done on grandparents rights cases.


Sounds like they hit the nail on the head.



The Granvilles were offered reasonable visitation, but they wanted more. More time, more control. In the end they got exactly what they deserved, nothing.

My in-laws said Troxel vs Granville was irrevelant in our case, but the judge did not see it their way. In the end they got the same as the Granvilles. In his verdict saying the court would not award any time to the grandparents, or exteded family. I wish your daughter well.

You are absolutely correct that the Gravilles wanted more than the reasonable visitation that the mother was willing to offer. They honestly believed that they were entitled to full ncp visitation, when the mother was more than willing to allow them to spend some time with the kids, but not that much. In the end, they ended up with nothing, and with grandkids who didn't want anything to do with them at all.

 

[sherimon]

Thank you for responding

I have checked my motives many times to make sure it is not for self-indulgent reasons that I care about the safety of my grandchildren.
I have often wondered what I may have done in raising my daughter to exacerbate the problem. I have 3 children, however, the oldest is a decorated Navy Seal and doing very well. The youngest, also a man, doing very well.
I have told my daughter how much I would love to have a close friendship with her, but, unfortunately it has been very hard for me to watch was has happened to my grandchildren through her very poor choices.
Maybe one day when you all have your own grandchildren, especially if you have a significant bond...maybe you will understand. My issue has nothing to do with control. It has to do with continuing the bond I have with my grandchildren and overseeing their safety.
I took my granddaughter to the Emergency room and called the police after she was molested. My daughter lived in a homeless camp for 6 months after that, doing drugs etc etc..the whole story is extreme and heartbreaking.
Like I said until your in my shoes.....I'm sorry so many of you have so many issues regarding grandparents and perceive the adoration I have for my grandchildren to be nothing but an issue of control. Since life is like a mirror, a reflection of what is inside us, it seems some introspection on your part would be in order.

 

[Bay1954]

If you are protecting a child, truly truly truly protecting a child then your case is just -just as fit parents truly protecting their children is just.
Grandparents truly protecting grandchildren and fit parents have an awful lot in common.
Believe it or not, many of us work very closely together.
Just please don't be swayed ever to the extremist end wherein -grandparents feel an entitlement to tramp over the rights of fit parents. Don't ever go that way because it doesn't serve anyone well.
And by the way, many of us fit parents are old enough to be grandparents and many people fighting these unjust laws are grandparents themselves. It is not an issue of age.
Again, if criminal activity is the issue, molestation, abuse, etc, it is the duty for all people to report same.
By the way-the bond thing sort of gives your motives away. A bond between a grandparent and a child is NOTHING compared to a bond between a parent and a child. We can all live without our grandparents but could we live without our parents? Please, there is no way the two can be equated. Don't try the BOND issue here.
Again, the only reason any grandparent would have to intervene is a criminal one-i.e. that the child is in harm's way.
Good luck to you and if I might add, to your son the Navy Seal, I very appreciate his service to our country. I know it isn't easy and I admire his bravery and fortitude.

 

[sherimon]

Like I said before, until your a grandparent there is no way you can even imagine what kind of a bond there may be between a grandparent and their grandchild. With all the crummy parents out there, I really beg to differ and think you should stop assuming what kind of a bond we can have especially when you havent experienced it yourself. Write me back in 10 or 20 years ok.
I'm Done

 

[LdiJ]

Like I said before, until your a grandparent there is no way you can even imagine what kind of a bond there may be between a grandparent and their grandchild. With all the crummy parents out there, I really beg to differ and think you should stop assuming what kind of a bond we can have especially when you havent experienced it yourself. Write me back in 10 or 20 years ok.
I'm Done

I AM a grandparent, with a grandchild who is currently living in my home. A grandchild who I adore.

My advice to you remains the same. Unless your grandchildren are currently in true danger you are making a huge mistake. Remember, your definition of unfitness, and even my definition of unfitness, are NOT the same as the legal definition of unfitness.

 

[Bluemonkey]

Like I said before, until your a grandparent there is no way you can even imagine what kind of a bond there may be between a grandparent and their grandchild. With all the crummy parents out there, I really beg to differ and think you should stop assuming what kind of a bond we can have especially when you havent experienced it yourself. Write me back in 10 or 20 years ok.
I'm Done

I'm a grandparent to a beautiful little girl whom I love more than life, and I can honestly say that I've watched my son and his girlfriend make what I consider some poor choices, although so far not what I would consider dangerous choices. They are very young. Too young to be parents, but they are.

I keep my mouth shut about it because she belongs to them, not me.

Blue

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm a grandparent to a beautiful little girl whom I love more than life, and I can honestly say that I've watched my son and his girlfriend make what I consider some poor choices, although so far not what I would consider dangerous choices. They are very young. Too young to be parents, but they are.

I keep my mouth shut about it because she belongs to them, not me.

Blue

And that is a good thing on your part. Congrats on realizing your place