ex wants me to give him back CS each month help!

[MrsK]

Yes, that is exactly what I would have her do.

Child support is intended for the CHILD, not as a blackmail tool for her to keep him away, it is not extortion money. Legally, she is not using the child support for it's intended purpose.

Which part do you have a problem with, the money being used as it is legally intended??

Or the father having a relationship with his child??

I dont have a problem with either, her situation isnt MY problem. I was just saying "You have a limited amt of options, here they are".

BUT- she doesnt want the dad around. He has made it clear to her that he will not come around if he isnt paying. He cant stop paying, apparently, in the state of NY. She has very limited options if she really doesnt want dad around, and I believe dad will not come around if he isnt paying support, because obviously he doesnt want to be involved in the situation.

Honestly, I dont get why she doesnt collect the money AND let dad have a relationship with the child, but hey, again, its not MY situation. AND, I've seen situations where an NCP doesnt really want to be involved, but takes the kid for visitation JUST to spite CP because there is support owed, and the kid really is the one that suffers. We've heard of stories like that on this very board- CP's upset b/c NCP's are doing visitation with kids & not paying attention to them & not really spending time with them; they just do it either out of spite, or to get a reduction credit for time spent with the child.

OP, if you want the support, by all means, keep it. But be aware that the NCP may very well take the "I want visitation" thing to the next level.

 

[MrsK]

Well, what *I* would suggest is that she encourage a relationship between her child and her child's FATHER.
Silly me, I suppose...

Yeah, see, any CP who is thinking logically would do that from jump. I seriously doubt even with encouragement that OP will ever do this. I mean she is calling the guy & begging him to leave her & the kid alone, do you think ppl on a legal message board are going to convince her to do otherwise?

BTW, OP- Is this the same child in your other thread? The one that is about 9 yrs old?

 

[CJane]

Yeah, see, any CP who is thinking logically would do that from jump. I seriously doubt even with encouragement that OP will ever do this. I mean she is calling the guy & begging him to leave her & the kid alone, do you think ppl on a legal message board are going to convince her to do otherwise?

BTW, OP- Is this the same child in your other thread? The one that is about 9 yrs old?

Yeah, I think I'd start with 1) NOT calling him 2) NOT accepting his calls 3) Letting him file whatever he feels the need to file and let him pay the filing fees along with paying his CS 4) Submitting to the court that he has no relationship and should have supervised visitation at his expense until such time as a relationship is established

It's really not that hard.

 

[samsam88]

Yes, that is exactly what I would have her do.

Child support is intended for the CHILD, not as a blackmail tool for her to keep him away, it is not extortion money. Legally, she is not using the child support for it's intended purpose.

Which part do you have a problem with, the money being used as it is legally intended??

Or the father having a relationship with his child??

So is that really extortion or blackmail?

 

[samsam88]

Yeah, see, any CP who is thinking logically would do that from jump. I seriously doubt even with encouragement that OP will ever do this. I mean she is calling the guy & begging him to leave her & the kid alone, do you think ppl on a legal message board are going to convince her to do otherwise?

BTW, OP- Is this the same child in your other thread? The one that is about 9 yrs old?

No it isn't. It's a different child. Don't give me a lecture.

 

[MrsK]

No it isn't. It's a different child. Don't give me a lecture.

Eh, fine. I dont have the energy anyway.

You know your options, OP. Like other ppl said, he could just file for visitation anyway. I dont think he will as long as you send the money back. Its better for your kid to have a relationship with dad, I dont think it changes your mind to hear that. You do what you gotta do. Its not really blackmail, so that isnt a route you can go, if that is what you were thinking about. Do what you gotta do. The end.