No court order in regards to custody or residence

[mommyof4]

The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what her reasons are for refusing to modify custody. Even if it is all about the child support, it is her legal right to collect child support. The argument can be made that y'all only want the kid to live with you so Dad doesn't have to pay CS. You are, after all, the one that keeps bringing up CS. The fact is that at this point, there is no legal reason to force her to do so.

What in the world made the child think it was okay to question his mother as to why she wouldn't talk to his father? (Although, I think I have a pretty good idea.) WAY out of line. I agree with jbowman. My personal response, if my child had said that to me, would be, "_____, you are out of line. I will NOT discuss this with you. I will NOT answer to you about my actions. You are a child. You have no business talking to an adult, especially THIS adult, in that manner. If you ever speak to me that way again, you will be looking at the four walls of your bedroom until you can remember how to address me with respect."

All your bf is doing is giving Mom all the ammunition she needs, if/when he tries to take this to court, to legitimately claim that Dad is trying to pressure the child to do his bidding.

Good job.

Oh, and jbowman....there are times that I would pay someone $50 to take my kids.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

I have a child that is 12 years old and if he EVER, in his life said to me "why are you putting me in the middle of this and giving me hell about it, why are you refusing to talk to my Dad?", he would find his lips in the next county. That is not maturity that its disrespect. And at 13, he has no choice in the matter. A 13 year old can decide he wants to stay there because it is more fun... get to eat more candy, see more movies. Of course, its been a fun vacation, he doesnt want it to end....

The mom in this situation did pretty much exactly what I would do. I would NOT entertain any type of move or change of custody over the phone with my child sitting right there -- completely involved.

Why do YOU feel it is in the child's best interest to stay there vs. going home? Is he abused at home? Do they not have running water? What is the problem?

Yeah, its probably about money cuz mothers never really LOVE their children or anything. All mothers are money hungry. ****, Id sell my kid for 50 bucks.

My boyfriend's son wasn't sitting right there when my boyfriend was talking to the child's mother, I was. We were sitting next to him when his Mom called the last time and she brought him to tears - again. He was never disrespectful to his Mom, his Mom constantly badmouths his Dad (my boyfriend) and that is a big NO NO, you don't do something like that. This 13 year old thinks that this is an adult matter and his Mom should be talking to my boyfriend instead of him - that is maturity, not disrespect. This is not about him having more fun, it's about him wanting to stay with his Dad because of several reasons, one of them that the Mom constantly changes her boyfriends and that there is no male to talk to, he is living with his Mom and younger half-sister, in other words - it's an unstable home. Another one is that his Mom is constantly gone in the evenings on dates and he is being left alone, babysitting his little sister. He feels neglected and disrespected by his Mom. His Mom doesn't have time or isn't in the mood to help him with homework. This mother doesn't love her children, they are the means to get money from the Dads.

 

[Accountable]

You say no custody orders are in place.....well that only applies to Dad's rights of custody and visitation. (I am assuming from your initial post to this thread that mom and dad were never married and paternity was established after the child's birth). At that child's birth, Mom automatically has all custodial rights to the child since she is not married to the child's father. The only way to change that is for Dad to file for a modification of custody or visitation formally through a court of law....which he should have done when paternity was established. If there are no custody orders that apply to him, it's his own fault.

In filing for modification of custody, Dad will have to show what changes in circumstance justify such a request. If the only thing you've got is because a 13 yr old boy thinks he now wants to live with his father and his father's girlfriend, the judge might take the child's wishes in consideration, but I doubt he'd give it much weight.

 

[jbowman]

My boyfriend's son wasn't sitting right there when my boyfriend was talking to the child's mother, I was. We were sitting next to him when his Mom called the last time and she brought him to tears - again. He was never disrespectful to his Mom, his Mom constantly badmouths his Dad (my boyfriend) and that is a big NO NO, you don't do something like that. This 13 year old thinks that this is an adult matter and his Mom should be talking to my boyfriend instead of him - that is maturity, not disrespect. This is not about him having more fun, it's about him wanting to stay with his Dad because of several reasons, one of them that the Mom constantly changes her boyfriends and that there is no male to talk to, he is living with his Mom and younger half-sister, in other words - it's an unstable home. Another one is that his Mom is constantly gone in the evenings on dates and he is being left alone, babysitting his little sister. He feels neglected and disrespected by his Mom. His Mom doesn't have time or isn't in the mood to help him with homework. This mother doesn't love her children, they are the means to get money from the Dads.

If that child said what you claim he said, he was disrespectful.

Changing boyfriends means nothing, doll. Living with his mom and half-sister is not unstable. I date and live my son and my dog, are you saying my home is unstable??? Well, the judge in my case sure the heck didnt think so--he actually took time AWAY from dad--and guess what? I used to be a dancer years ago--yeah the stripper kind--and THAT still wasnt UNSTABLE enough to change homes. Youre gonna have to come up with better than babysitting to make mom's home unhealthy.

And you saying this mother doesnt love her children??? yeah you have stepped WAY OVER THE LINE here.

 

[jbowman]

Oh, and jbowman....there are times that I would pay someone $50 to take my kids.

And YOU... youre just a silly goose LOL

 

[LdiJ]

My boyfriend's son wasn't sitting right there when my boyfriend was talking to the child's mother, I was. We were sitting next to him when his Mom called the last time and she brought him to tears - again. He was never disrespectful to his Mom, his Mom constantly badmouths his Dad (my boyfriend) and that is a big NO NO, you don't do something like that. This 13 year old thinks that this is an adult matter and his Mom should be talking to my boyfriend instead of him - that is maturity, not disrespect. This is not about him having more fun, it's about him wanting to stay with his Dad because of several reasons, one of them that the Mom constantly changes her boyfriends and that there is no male to talk to, he is living with his Mom and younger half-sister, in other words - it's an unstable home. Another one is that his Mom is constantly gone in the evenings on dates and he is being left alone, babysitting his little sister. He feels neglected and disrespected by his Mom. His Mom doesn't have time or isn't in the mood to help him with homework. This mother doesn't love her children, they are the means to get money from the Dads.

I was the oldest of 4 children, and when my mother went back to work (essentially to pay for mine and my siblings college education) I ended up taking responsibility for my younger siblings.

So I went to school, worked AND took care of my siblings....including when mom and dad wanted to go out. Sometimes that's life.

 

[mommyof4]

Let me tell you, I have already put my daughter on notice that if she ever wants a car, she better be prepared to babysit. She'll be 13 in a year. I am counting down the days.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

And you saying this mother doesnt love her children??? yeah you have stepped WAY OVER THE LINE here.

jbowman, I am not judging people because of the job(s) they have. You can be a stripper and be a loving parent as well, provide for your children and have a stable home. That is not the point here. I think that being a hard working parent, sometimes with more than 1 job, shows great responsibility and teaches the kids that money doesn't grow on trees. She's an accountant making about 80K a year who is acting like she's single without children, it seems that the children are just baggage to her. And In this case, the mother emotionally and psychologically abuses her son. Oh, and did I mention that these children NEVER get hugs from their mother? What a loving mother she is - NOT !!

I agree with one of the people's signature here on the board (I forgot who) that states that parents should be thoroughly examined before they have children to determine if they are fit parents. Putting children through constantly changing relationships with new boyfriends is not healthy for the development of the child. Then, when things go down hill, she comes to the kids and loads all her emotional distress on them. Again, that is wrong too. The kids should not be exposed to so much adult problems. For God's sake, they are CHILDREN. She goes out almost every night and has different men sleeping over all the time. It's NOT a very healthy environment for the kids. And the matter of the son wanting to stay here in Florida with his Dad should be discussed ONLY between Mom and Dad and Mom should NOT only talk to her son about it. It's another adult matter.

SHE was the one starting about the child support, not my boyfriend. She mentioned the money thing in almost every sentence. Like I said before, my boyfriend doesn't want or need child support from her and he told her so. We both care about my boyfriend's son, not about the money. We even suggested an extended visit here until July 16th but the mother refused, she actually said to her son that "he will never be able to see his Dad again because of the crap he is pulling now" - does that sound like a responsible mother to you who has the best interest of her child in mind? She should ENCOURAGE a good relationship between her son and his father instead of putting her own hatred in the middle of it and punish her son for something that happened between her and my boyfriend a long time ago. This mother is way out of line, not us, and she is wrong. She only cares about herself, not her son. Besides the advantages of collecting child support from 2 different fathers of her kids, those children are just a major inconvenience for her. She is very immature and extremely selfish.

My boyfriend is going to call his local Ohio lawyer about this case today who specializes in Family Law. We are going to fly my boyfriend's son back to Ohio tomorrow as planned, but this case is far from being over, it's just starting.

 

[jbowman]

Out of curiousity, just how much CS is your boyfriend sending to help support his child?

 

[BlissfulMommy]

Out of curiousity, just how much CS is your boyfriend sending to help support his child?

He's paying around $500 a month to the mother which comes out of his VA disability payment. Like I said, money is really not an issue for my boyfriend, he has always provided for his son and paid his child support. When his son came here to visit 3 weeks ago he had 3 pairs of socks and 2 pairs of underwear in his suitcase which the Mom packed, I mean WTF? He said he brought "all his clothes" That's crazy! So we took him shopping and bought him a couple of 6-packs of socks and underwear. It's his emotional and psychological well-being that we are concerned about.

 

[jbowman]

Well if mom earns 80K a year, the piddly $500 bucks a month is probably not doing much to contribute to the HIGH life.

And you know, kids say the darndest things. But if you believe that this child only owns 2 pair of socks and mom is truly abusing him--I would call CPS.

You have still not given any valid reason as to why you feel your home is better for the child than moms. Mom having boyfriends doesnt make her home bad. The child having to babysit doesnt make her home bad. Seriously. You really seem to be saying that you guys are perfect and mom is horrible. There are two sides to everything.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

Well if mom earns 80K a year, the piddly $500 bucks a month is probably not doing much to contribute to the HIGH life.

And you know, kids say the darndest things. But if you believe that this child only owns 2 pair of socks and mom is truly abusing him--I would call CPS.

You have still not given any valid reason as to why you feel your home is better for the child than moms. Mom having boyfriends doesnt make her home bad. The child having to babysit doesnt make her home bad. Seriously. You really seem to be saying that you guys are perfect and mom is horrible. There are two sides to everything.

If it came to it, she would have to pay more child support than my boyfriend pays to her, around $750 a month and she would not have the $500 in child support from my boyfriend, so she would have a "deficit" of $1,250. And that would definitely affect her "high life" which she has no intention of giving up. You see what I'm saying? That's why she is refusing to let her son live with his father.

As for the reasons why we can provide a better home than his Mom - there are 2 adults in this household, I work with my boyfriend in the mornings and early afternoons during school times and usually I'm home before my 16 year old daughter comes home from school. We can help with homework and projects. We have been in a very stable and loving relationship for almost 2 years. A son needs to be with his father, especially during the time of adolescence and puberty. I'm not saying that we are perfect - by all means, nobody is - I just know in my heart that we have a lot more love and positive guidance to give to him than his Mom. She is just concerned about materialistic things, not her son's (and his half-sister's) well-being.

 

[jbowman]

As for the reasons why we can provide a better home than his Mom - there are 2 adults in this household,

I am a single mother and work 40 hours per week. There are not two adults in my household. Are you implying (again) that I am not fit to raise my child or his dad that is married, is better? Should I hurry up and send my son packing?

I work with my boyfriend in the mornings and early afternoons during school times and usually I'm home before my 16 year old daughter comes home from school.

You are not this child's mother. I think you are forgetting that.


We can help with homework and projects. We have been in a very stable and loving relationship for almost 2 years. A son needs to be with his father, especially during the time of adolescence and puberty. I'm not saying that we are perfect - by all means, nobody is - I just know in my heart that we have a lot more love to give to him than his Mom. She is just concerned about materialistic things, not her son's (and his half-sister's) well-being.

I think the last sentence is purely your own opinion and it is hateful, IMO. You sound like a very bitter girlfriend.

 

[mommyof4]

Really, you could be the second coming of the holy family and it wouldn't matter.

You have to show that a significant change in the CHILD'S living environment has occured or that the mother is unfit to parent her child.

It's not a one upmanship competition between parents.

Quite honestly, if you want to stick to your arguments that Mom's home is unstable due to the fact that she dates, et al... some could (and would) state that YOUR home is unstable due to the fact that you are shacking up with your boyfriend without benefit of marriage. See how that works?

Until you can prove that Mom is unfit or there has been a significant change in the child's living environment (and that does not mean that kiddo has decided he wants to live somewhere else) he will be staying right where he is.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

I think the last sentence is purely your own opinion and it is hateful, IMO. You sound like a very bitter girlfriend.

I am not disputing that you are a very fit mother, not at all. I bet you are a very good single mother, this boy's mother is NOT. She is gone all the time - first to work, then for her entertainment with men. I am sure that you spend time with your children. She is not. I know that you hug your children and you tell them that you love them. She doesn't. And for me being bitter - not really. I'm just upset that this woman is emotionally and psychologically abusing her child. I'm not hateful, I just see things how they are - if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it IS a duck