Mother dragging son to psychologist

[BlissfulMommy]

What is the name of your state? Florida and Ohio

My boyfriend's son has been back home in Ohio since this past Monday - like originally planned and agreed upon with his mother. His mother took him to a psychologist yesterday because he has been telling her that he misses his Dad and that he still wants to live with him here in Florida for the past few days. My boyfriend doesn't really understand WHY she would take him to a psychologist, he thinks it might be to his advantage IF and WHEN the case goes to court. She made another appointment for her son after he returns from another family visit out of state. You think it is going to be to my boyfriend's advantage?

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh dear God. Not everything that is done is done to put someone at an advantage or disadvantage in a custody battle. NO ONE can tell you if mom taking the child to a psychologist is going to help or hurt or be indifferent. Maybe the child just needs or wants to go to a psychologist or talk to a specialist instead of mom and dad because neither parent is NEUTRAL.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

I wouldn't put my children through having to go to a psychologist unless there is something such as a serious emotional trauma that the child cannot deal with by him- or herself without professional help. I don't see the reasoning that the mother is sending her son to a psychologist at all. Psychologists are supposed to be "neutral", right? Could the mother have influenced the psychologist to "talk the child out of his wishes to live with his father"? I'm just curious because none of us here has never been to a psychologist before - there was never a need for it.

 

[fairisfair]

I wouldn't put my children through having to go to a psychologist unless there is something such as a serious emotional trauma that the child cannot deal with by him- or herself without professional help. I don't see the reasoning that the mother is sending her son to a psychologist at all. Psychologists are supposed to be "neutral", right? Could the mother have influenced the psychologist to "talk the child out of his wishes to live with his father"? I'm just curious because none of us here has never been to a psychologist before - there was never a need for it.

No you are simply grasping at straws. And it is, quite honestly, not very attractive.

Just because you don't see a need, doesn't mean that others don't. Personally, I think the entire bunch of you would benefit from talking to a psychologist.

 

[Ohiogal]

I wouldn't put my children through having to go to a psychologist unless there is something such as a serious emotional trauma that the child cannot deal with by him- or herself without professional help.

That is your choice. Many children go to see a psychologist.

I don't see the reasoning that the mother is sending her son to a psychologist at all.

THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILD! You have no say so in what she does with HER child. You do not have to understand her reasoning. You have no right to KNOW her reasoning. You seem to think that everything she does is geared at getting at your boyfriend. Why is that?

Psychologists are supposed to be "neutral", right?

Neutral in what sense? Believe it or not psychologists are not for court -- that is not their sole purpose. That is not what they do for a living as a whole. Psychologists talk to people. They try to help them deal with issues. I can understand this child having issues. He has two parents plus a third interloper that -- if I believe you -- are all scheming to keep him from the other people in his life and using him as a pawn.

Could the mother have influenced the psychologist to "talk the child out of his wishes to live with his father"?

The mother could have tried but why do you see everything as a scheme. The child does NOT get to make the choice. And that is what you are missing. Regardless of whether or not the child wishes to live with his father THAT MAY NOT HAPPEN! It may NEVER happen. So the child may be in counseling to come to terms with the fact that he does not dictate his life.

I'm just curious because none of us here has never been to a psychologist before - there was never a need for it.

IN YOUR OPINION. In your opinion there is no need. But when are you going to realize that you have no rights to this child, no say so and just because you do not see a need doesn't mean there is not a need. YOU ARE NOTHING TO THIS CHILD. AND MOST LIKELY you will always remain LEGALLY NOTHING to this child. You are way over-involved and most likely could benefit from a psychologist yourself.

 

[Ohiogal]

No you are simply grasping at straws. And it is, quite honestly, not very attractive.

Just because you don't see a need, doesn't mean that others don't. Personally, I think the entire bunch of you would benefit from talking to a psychologist.

We were typing at the same time though I was more verbose.

 

[fairisfair]

We were typing at the same time though I was more verbose.

as you should be!!!

 

[Just Blue]

Bliss...Every new thread you start makes the MOTHER look better and you and the FATHER look like flakes. I think I know EXACTLY why MOM is taking HER child to this Doctor....EXACTLY why!

 

[BlissfulMommy]

My boyfriend and I are talking about the things that are on his mind every day (that's what couples do if they have a healthy relationship) - I understand that I don't have any legal rights to voice my opinion, but I am indirectly and emotionally very much involved in the situation. Unfortunately I can't turn off my feelings and eventually I'll be this child's stepmom. It doesn't make parents good parents just because they are biologically related. Stepparents can be better parents and care more about the child(ren) than birth mothers. There is no reason to diss me because I care more about this child than his Mom does. How do I know? Because I met this child's mother and I'm a very good judge of character - I have talked to my boyfriend's Mom who lives in the same Ohio town and who knows first hand what is going on - and I believe my boyfriend's son. You can't always just base everything on the law, it seems like the emotional involvement aspect is always totally forgotten and is held against me.

I really don't think that I need to see a psychologist, I'm a very strong woman and have dealt with situations in my life that were everything else than pretty - without a psychologist.

My boyfriend and I - because I also care very much about this child - just want what is best for him and his development.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

Bliss...Every new thread you start makes the MOTHER look better and you and the FATHER look like flakes. I think I know EXACTLY why MOM is taking HER child to this Doctor....EXACTLY why!

Why in the world would you think that? Geez, this mother doesn't care enough about her children to spend time with them in the evenings, she goes out instead because it is more important to her to go to the bars and pick up guys. She has her priorities wrong, TOTALLY WRONG. Her children don't come first, it's guys instead. But if you think that it's ok for a mother to put her children second, so be it. For my boyfriend, his children ALWAYS come first.

 

[jbowman]

It sounds so completely uneducated to not understand why mom took the child to a psychologist. He dont need no head shrinker--aint nuttin wrong wit him!!

Jeese Louise. Mom probably took him because she felt at a loss as to how to help him deal with some of the feelings he is having. Not everything is evil!!! It sounds to me that mom has a good head on her shoulders. You on the other hand....

I took my son to a psychologist when he was having difficult accepting the baby his dad was having with the new wife--also because son wanted me and dad to get back together. I thought it was better that he talk it out with someone that was NOT mom or dad or interferring girlfriend.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

It sounds so completely uneducated to not understand why mom took the child to a psychologist. He dont need no head shrinker--aint nuttin wrong wit him!!

Jeese Louise. Mom probably took him because she felt at a loss as to how to help him deal with some of the feelings he is having. Not everything is evil!!! It sounds to me that mom has a good head on her shoulders. You on the other hand....

I took my son to a psychologist when he was having difficult accepting the baby his dad was having with the new wife--also because son wanted me and dad to get back together. I thought it was better that he talk it out with someone that was NOT mom or dad or interferring girlfriend.

Completely uneducated, huh? LOL Well, ok. We both have college degrees and have our heads on our shoulders just fine. I don't understand why the people on this board are always so confrontational - I really don't get it. Why don't you believe that a father can be a better parent than a mother who doesn't put her children first? Maybe she took him to the psychologist because she, on the other hand, just doesn't know how to deal with children, their feelings and what's on their mind, period? She's never around!

I would have, like you, taken my child to a psychologist too if my child would have had a hard time adjusting to a new baby with another person than the parent. It shows that YOU CARE about your child. This woman simply doesn't. And that is the very important difference between this child's mother and you. I don't want to interfere, I only want to support my boyfriend and his son.

 

[fairisfair]

Completely uneducated, huh? LOL Well, ok. We both have college degrees and have our heads on our shoulders just fine. I don't understand why the people on this board are always so confrontational - I really don't get it. Why don't you believe that a father can be a better parent than a mother who doesn't put her children first? Maybe she took him to the psychologist because she, on the other hand, just doesn't know how to deal with children, their feelings and what's on their mind, period? She's never around!
I would have, like you, taken my child to a psychologist too if my child would have had a hard time adjusting to a new baby with another person than the parent. It shows that YOU CARE about your child. This woman simply doesn't. And that is the very important difference between this child's mother and you. I don't want to interfere, I only want to support my boyfriend and his son.

Even IF that is true, and the font on this thing just CAN'T make that a big enough IF, at least she has the good sense to find a licensed professional who does.

What again are YOUR credentials??

 

[mommyof4]

Why in the world would you think that? Geez, this mother doesn't care enough about her children to spend time with them in the evenings, she goes out instead because it is more important to her to go to the bars and pick up guys. She has her priorities wrong, TOTALLY WRONG. Her children don't come first, it's guys instead. But if you think that it's ok for a mother to put her children second, so be it. For my boyfriend, his children ALWAYS come first.

Really? Good parents always put their children first? I gues I'm just a crappy mom then. My MARRIAGE and MY HUSBAND come first. Without my MARRIAGE, my children will be in the same situation (well, to a point. I would NEVER do what you are doing to this child) as this poor child.

Butt out. You got nothin'. You are purposely poisoning this child's mind, whether you ever say a word to him or not, against his mother. I can guarantee that your feelings come across loud and clear. He is NOT your child. You will NEVER be a better parent than his mother. You know why? You will NEVER BE HIS PARENT. You have kids of your own. Go parent them and leave this mother and her child alone.

 

[BlissfulMommy]

But seriously, I wish that people would not always expect me to put the emotional aspect aside, I doubt that anyone can just simply "turn off" feelings and emotions, especially when it comes to children who can't defend themselves and rely and count on the help of an adult. I've always been very emotional because I care very deeply for children and I love my own kids and my boyfriend's kids equally - as if they were my own. If there is an injustice of some sort, I try to help when I can.