Please Help

[Nikki74]

What is the name of your state? MO

My husband's daughter has accused him of raping her. 2 years ago she accused her step-dad of molesting her when she was 9. She has lived with us since she was 14; she is now 16. She is known for her lying and manipulating. My husband is in jail and they are waiting on a warrant to file charges against him. They want 75000 cash or 7500 bond and my mother-in-law says the bondsman wants 2000 to get him out and then I guess they take payments. They are holding him for 24 hours and they will let him out if they don't have the warrant yet. My step-daughter was at the hospital today getting examined.

Does anyone know how long it takes to get DNA back and what other kind of evidence will they be looking for?

Is it true that if you come up with the bond money that you can't have the public defender?

I've been with my husband for 15 years and I don't believe he did this. We have 3 children together 12, 9, and 2. My husband moved out about a week ago because my step-daughter succeded in manipulating us against each other. In the past she has asked her dad why he left her when she was little and never came back to her mom and why he comes back to the 3 kids we have together.

My husband called me last night and told me he was at his brothers and that he was getting ready to go to the bar and wanted to know if I wanted to go and I said no. Today the Juvenile office called and asked if they could come and get some of my step-daughters clothes and they wouldn't tell me what was going on so I said no. At that time I had no idea my husband was in jail. I called around and talked to my step daughters step dad and he didn't want to tell me at first but he finally told me that she had accused my husband of rape and that she was at the hospital being examined and that she said her and her dad were drinking together and that he raped her around 2 am Friday morning. He also said he doesn't believe this happened since she accused him of the same thing and there was never any evidence found against him. Everyone I've talked to that knows my husband doesn't believe he did this and they know how manipulating my step-daughter is.

I need help....what do I do? I haven't talked to my husband and nobody is really telling me anything except the sheriff said they are holding him for charges of forceable rape.

 

[outonbail]

Two years ago you posted the following title:

My SD was molested by her stepfather!

in the message you included this:

I truly believe my SD.

Now, with the shoe on the other foot, you post this:

She is known for her lying and manipulating.

and this:

Everyone I've talked to that knows my husband doesn't believe he did this and they know how manipulating my step-daughter is.

Amazing how fast things can change. It is a horrible position to be in when you're the accused, especially when you're innocent. I hope you are right this time, as I believe this little girl did a snow job on you last time. At least the SD is not as gullible to this girls lies as you were, but he's been through it, now it's you're husband's turn.

She sounds like she is in serious need of a psychiatric evaluation and therapy. She obviously doesn't realize that these accusations can destroy people and tear family's apart. Or maybe she does know and is enjoying all the commotion she is capable of stirring up.
I certainly hope she is lying again and that she hasn't been sexually active with a boyfriend, to the point of showing signs of aggressive activity which you're husband will be on the hook for.

It would certainly be to you're benefit to hire legal representation ASAP. But how far this case will actually go, probably depends on the results of the medical examination.

Hopefully the DA will know about this girls history of false abuse claims and look closely at the situation before jumping to any conclusions.

 

[Nikki74]

Yes, I did believe her...but in the past 8 months a lot has happened to change my mind. She has been caught in many lies....sneaking a prepaid cellphone after being grounded from the phone and going out...telling her teacher and counselor and friends lies about how she is treated at her moms and here because she likes that kind of attention. She loved it here at first and then I had ground her once and ever since then it's been like this with her. It's like she enjoys the drama and people getting upset over her. Also, me and her dad have gotten closer with her mom and learned a few things about her from each other....like how she manipulates us against her all the time. She tells each house how bad it is at the other ones, when it's not bad. The 3 kids we have together are perfectly happy. She tried breaking her mom and step-dad up and she tried doing it to us more than once. I didn't just quit believing her overnight, this has been for a while now.

 

[Just Blue]

Has Mom or Dad ever put this girl in therapy? Has A psychological evaluation done?

 

[Nikki74]

She saw a counselor for a little while but that has been it. And that was after she accused her step dad and moved in with us to deal with what her she accused her step dad of. It turned out to be sessions about her boyfriend and working on building a better relationship with her bio dad.

 

[Just Blue]

She saw a counselor for a little while but that has been it. And that was after she accused her step dad and moved in with us to deal with what her she accused her step dad of. It turned out to be sessions about her boyfriend and working on building a better relationship with her bio dad.

So for the past 8 months, you, (meaning mom and dad), have all realized that this girl is a manipulative lier, who will go to the extent of accusing an innocent man of RAPE, and have done nothing to find the reason for this anti-social behavior?
Her Mother needs to get this girl in for a psychological eval right away.

Beg, borrow, mortgage your home...get a GOOD attorney for your husband.

 

[Nikki74]

Everyone said it was teenage stuff and I figured she was just trying to get her dads attention. I've been with my husband for 15 years and I just can't believe he is capable of doing this. I know there are times when you think you know someone but I'm hoping this isn't one of them.

 

[Just Blue]

Everyone said it was teenage stuff and I figured she was just trying to get her dads attention.

Who is "everyone"? It is not "teen aged stuff" to tell the authorities that your step-father raped you...Sorry it is NOT! Her parents have done her a great dis-service by not having a complete mental health evaluation. I guess the father is "paying the price" for that poor decision ....

As I said...Get him a good Criminal Defense Attorney...Preferbly one that has expertise in this (child abuse) area.

 

[outonbail]

Everyone said it was teenage stuff and I figured she was just trying to get her dads attention. I've been with my husband for 15 years and I just can't believe he is capable of doing this. I know there are times when you think you know someone but I'm hoping this isn't one of them.

Well, someone needs to find a number of doctors who specialize in several different fields, so they can do an evaluation and determine just exactly who's the monster here. This is a very serious accusation for a child to make. I don't know of any crime that would be worse to be accused of. Whenever there's the chance that a crime against a child has occurred, especially one of a sexual nature, people find it very difficult to keep personal emotions from obstructing good judgment and results in people jumping to conclusions before having any real facts.

Simply being held in jail for being accused of a sex crime against a child, places you're life in danger and is nothing to take lightly. You must do whatever is necessary to protect the innocent party from the offender. If you know you're husband is innocent, you need to look into hiring him qualified legal representation now! Mortgage the house, cash in an insurance policy, sell stock, deplete savings, take on another job, whatever it takes to get him representation through this entire process. As unbelievable as this situation may be to you, it has the potential to cost you're husband his life.

Frankly, after it was discovered that this girl's prior allegations of sexual abuse were proved to be false, she should have gone through extensive therapy to get to the root of her troubles. Not taking any action subsequent to the first false alarm she pulled, is a mistake that has left the door open so she could again enter the fantasy world that brought her such overwhelming attention last time. Unfortunately, she is now a little older, a little smarter and has probably learned a little about manipulating the people who are going to be evaluating her for this claim of abuse. An evaluation she's familiar with. All at you're husband's expense.

Now if the allegations have any truth to them whatsoever, then he deserves everything that lies ahead. However, upon reviewing you're posts from the past, it is clear this girl has created this type of legal nightmare once before, so I think it is reasonable to give you're husband the benefit of any doubt. But you shouldn't expect this benefit from the DA who is handling you're husbands case. His job is to protect the victim and the victim at this point, is not you're husband.

You're husband needs someone who the DA will pay attention to and encourage him to look into the possibility that these allegations are made up by a disturbed little girl who has done this before. The DA will not place much weight on anything you or other family members have to say, so you need someone who he/she will listen to.

Find an attorney and do it yesterday!

 

[Nikki74]

Well, someone needs to find a number of doctors who specialize in several different fields, so they can do an evaluation and determine just exactly who's the monster here. This is a very serious accusation for a child to make. I don't know of any crime that would be worse to be accused of. Whenever there's the chance that a crime against a child has occurred, especially one of a sexual nature, people find it very difficult to keep personal emotions from obstructing good judgment and results in people jumping to conclusions before having any real facts.

Simply being held in jail for being accused of a sex crime against a child, places you're life in danger and is nothing to take lightly. You must do whatever is necessary to protect the innocent party from the offender. If you know you're husband is innocent, you need to look into hiring him qualified legal representation now! Mortgage the house, cash in an insurance policy, sell stock, deplete savings, take on another job, whatever it takes to get him representation through this entire process. As unbelievable as this situation may be to you, it has the potential to cost you're husband his life.

Frankly, after it was discovered that this girl's prior allegations of sexual abuse were proved to be false, she should have gone through extensive therapy to get to the root of her troubles. Not taking any action subsequent to the first false alarm she pulled, is a mistake that has left the door open so she could again enter the fantasy world that brought her such overwhelming attention last time. Unfortunately, she is now a little older, a little smarter and has probably learned a little about manipulating the people who are going to be evaluating her for this claim of abuse. An evaluation she's familiar with. All at you're husband's expense.

Now if the allegations have any truth to them whatsoever, then he deserves everything that lies ahead. However, upon reviewing you're posts from the past, it is clear this girl has created this type of legal nightmare once before, so I think it is reasonable to give you're husband the benefit of any doubt. But you shouldn't expect this benefit from the DA who is handling you're husbands case. His job is to protect the victim and the victim at this point, is not you're husband.

You're husband needs someone who the DA will pay attention to and encourage him to look into the possibility that these allegations are made up by a disturbed little girl who has done this before. The DA will not place much weight on anything you or other family members have to say, so you need someone who he/she will listen to.

Find an attorney and do it yesterday!

They got the warrant to arrest my husband before he was released yesterday. My Mother in law bailed him out and he called me wanting to see the kids last night. He moved out a week ago which is why i didn't put the house up to bail him out because I wanted to find out if they were going to get the warrant. They got it on probable cause. He is being charged with 1 count of forceable rape, 1 count of sodimy, and 1 count of incest. I really can't imagine my husband doing this, but someone must have sodimized her for them to have him on that because they would have found that proof at the hospital. My step daughter wasn't a virgin before this, but the sodimy, to me that says someone did rape her or she let her boyfriend do that to her, but is she just blaming her father or did he really do it. I pray he didn't but if he did, yes he deserves what he gets. But now I feel like I have to be careful with what I do and with letting him see his 3 kids. I think I'm gonna have to consult an attorney and get temp custody of our kids and see what the attorney says I should do as far as letting him see his kids. Anyway, my husband has to have an attorney by the 10th or he goes back in.

Any advice on what to do with our kids?

Also, from what I hear my step daughter isn't going to go live with her mom because the step dad said she can't and I don't blame him. The plan is for her to live with her softball coach in the same town we live in and continue going to the same school. I'm wondering if she would have to go into the custody of the state and if she is lying about this what will happen to her?

 

[outonbail]

They got the warrant to arrest my husband before he was released yesterday. My Mother in law bailed him out and he called me wanting to see the kids last night. He moved out a week ago which is why i didn't put the house up to bail him out because I wanted to find out if they were going to get the warrant. They got it on probable cause. He is being charged with 1 count of forceable rape, 1 count of sodimy, and 1 count of incest. I really can't imagine my husband doing this, but someone must have sodimized her for them to have him on that because they would have found that proof at the hospital. My step daughter wasn't a virgin before this, but the sodimy, to me that says someone did rape her or she let her boyfriend do that to her, but is she just blaming her father or did he really do it. I pray he didn't but if he did, yes he deserves what he gets. But now I feel like I have to be careful with what I do and with letting him see his 3 kids. I think I'm gonna have to consult an attorney and get temp custody of our kids and see what the attorney says I should do as far as letting him see his kids. Anyway, my husband has to have an attorney by the 10th or he goes back in.

Any advice on what to do with our kids?

Also, from what I hear my step daughter isn't going to go live with her mom because the step dad said she can't and I don't blame him. The plan is for her to live with her softball coach in the same town we live in and continue going to the same school. I'm wondering if she would have to go into the custody of the state and if she is lying about this what will happen to her?

I don't know, this whole thread is getting stranger at every post. Now you're husband not only raped her but he sodomized her? Sounds awful violent for a father with no history indicating he is capable of such a thing, to suddenly do this.
How much time passed between when this alleged incident occurred and this girl first reporting it?
If she had never had this type of sexual activity and suddenly it was forced upon her in an act of rape, she would have been in allot of pain and it wouldn't have been something she could easily hide. I have to believe she also would have been screaming when this was happening, so if anyone else was home or in the vicinity at the time, they should have heard something that would alarm them to investigate.

So if you're husband is innocent, I feel sorry for him as I can't imagine what he's going through. To make matters worse, you, his wife, who was so sure he wasn't capable of such a thing, are now turning against him as well. This flip flopping on you're husband's guilt or innocence is not helping anyone,,, or is it?
Reading between the lines here, I can't help but wonder if the reason for this change of heart has something to do with a personal advantage you might gain in any future divorce proceedings you may be involved in. If not, I apologize, but to be honest, you're starting to sound like you're about half a nut case yourself. I think the whole family could use some psychological intervention and considerable therapy.....

 

[Nikki74]

I don't know, this whole thread is getting stranger at every post. Now you're husband not only raped her but he sodomized her? Sounds awful violent for a father with no history indicating he is capable of such a thing, to suddenly do this.
How much time passed between when this alleged incident occurred and this girl first reporting it?
If she had never had this type of sexual activity and suddenly it was forced upon her in an act of rape, she would have been in allot of pain and it wouldn't have been something she could easily hide. I have to believe she also would have been screaming when this was happening, so if anyone else was home or in the vicinity at the time, they should have heard something that would alarm them to investigate.

So if you're husband is innocent, I feel sorry for him as I can't imagine what he's going through. To make matters worse, you, his wife, who was so sure he wasn't capable of such a thing, are now turning against him as well. This flip flopping on you're husband's guilt or innocence is not helping anyone,,, or is it?
Reading between the lines here, I can't help but wonder if the reason for this change of heart has something to do with a personal advantage you might gain in any future divorce proceedings you may be involved in. If not, I apologize, but to be honest, you're starting to sound like you're about half a nut case yourself. I think the whole family could use some psychological intervention and considerable therapy.....

I pray to God my husband is innocent. I don't wish prison or what he is going through on him unless he did it. I don't believe he did it, but my concern is our children. He wants to see them, but I'm wondering if it should be in public place or what just until he gets the trial over with. I don't want him to go to prison. How would I explain that to our kids? I don't want them to live their life without their father. He has always been a good father and if he hadn't been accused of this I would let him see his children anytime he wanted.

Supposidly this happened at 2 am Friday morning and she was at the hospital being examined at 7 pm Friday night.

 

[donovanatee]

God help the softball coach!!!


First you say you've known your husband for 15 years, had three children with him, and
you can't believe he is capable of raping his daughter. Then you say you feel you have to "be careful" about letting him see his other children.

Is there some part of you that thinks he could have done it? If not, then what's best
for his other children is to show solidarity and support their father. You explain to
your children that their sister has moved out, and that Daddy will be home soon.
If you believe he is innocent, why on earth would you want to take away his parental
rights?

Something about your story just smells bad****************************....

 

[Nikki74]

God help the softball coach!!!


First you say you've known your husband for 15 years, had three children with him, and
you can't believe he is capable of raping his daughter. Then you say you feel you have to "be careful" about letting him see his other children.

Is there some part of you that thinks he could have done it? If not, then what's best
for his other children is to show solidarity and support their father. You explain to
your children that their sister has moved out, and that Daddy will be home soon.
If you believe he is innocent, why on earth would you want to take away his parental
rights?

Something about your story just smells bad****************************....

I never said I wanted to take his parental rights away. I just don't want our children to be taken away because I allow them to be with a man that may have raped his daughter. That is all I'm worrying about. And I talked to my husband tonite and he told me everything that went on the night and I believe him 100%. At first I didn't believe he would do it at all and then I started having some doubts when they got the warrant, I thought if they had a warrant they must have evidence, then I found out the warrant was for probable cause, but now that I know his side of the story I completely believe him. I am just looking out for our children. I don't want them to lose both parents and I was worried they would be taken from me if they were allowed to be around him. I don't want to do that to our children. They love their dad and he is a good dad and I had even been talking to him about shared custody of the children.

My husband also said that she was out with a group of guys that night and when he picked her up she puked in his car and they pulled over and she got out and then took off running. My guess is one or more of these guys did this to her and she may have blacked out. Then when she got sick she realized what had happened and thought that since she was with her dad he must have done it or it was convinient to blame him. Also, he has no scratches, bruises, or anything and when they examined him they asked him if he showered when he got to his moms that night and he said no, so they asked his mom if she knew if he took one and she said he didn't. I guess they must not have found what they wanted to find. And this supposidly took place in his car. He drives an older ford escort. She also told the police there was oral sex on top of the anal and vaginal sex. My Step daughter is a very strong girl. She is 5' 6" and about 150 lbs and a very strong girl. She would have been able to put up a fight and leave some kind of mark on my husband unless she was passed out when it happened.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Honestly Nikki, your whole history is like that. First you believe her stepfather raped her, then you don't. Then you believe whatever it was she did or said to break you and your husband up, then you don't. Then you believe your husband is innocent, now you're not sure. Your mind seems to change at every gust of wind. This is some extremely serious stuff happening to your family. The best thing you can do for yourself is to start examining things objectively and logically--not superficially--and then make whatever you think is the best decision.