Step-mom hoping to help husband get custody of his daughter

[barbiegirl_269]

What is the name of your state?Missouri

I am a step-mother of a 4 year old girl. My husband has no legal custody or visitation due to the fact that it has never been before a judge. He is paying child support, ordered through family services as well as the paternity test, and has for the four years his daughter has been alive. His daughter is not living with her mother, but instead the grandmother, mother's mother, has legal custody because the mother gave it to her. My husband has tried more than several times to see his daughter, but she was either not there or he was told by the mother that he would be arressted (sp?) for trespassing if he tried to go see his daughter. The mother also told him that I am not allowed to see his daughter because I am on drugs (a complete and total lie) and that I would tell her bad things about her mother (another total lie), even though she goes to see her daughter accompanied by her current husband. As a result of these things, my husband nor I have seen his daughter since she was 2 months old.

My husband would like to get legal custody of his daughter and have me adopt her, but we cannot afford a lawyer right now. We have two children together (two boys, almost 3 and 3 months) and I have been off work for the last 4 months due to having a child and babysitting challenges.

These are my questions:

1. How would my husband go about setting up legal visitations (so his daughter can get to know him before taking her away from the only home she's known) and later, legal custody and adoption by me?

2. Are there any ways that I can help my husband get custody of his daughter?

3. Are there any ways that my husband and I can get reduced or free legal representation in this matter?

Thank you in advance for your help!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?Missouri

I am a step-mother of a 4 year old girl. My husband has no legal custody or visitation due to the fact that it has never been before a judge. He is paying child support, ordered through family services as well as the paternity test, and has for the four years his daughter has been alive. His daughter is not living with her mother, but instead the grandmother, mother's mother, has legal custody because the mother gave it to her. My husband has tried more than several times to see his daughter, but she was either not there or he was told by the mother that he would be arressted (sp?) for trespassing if he tried to go see his daughter. The mother also told him that I am not allowed to see his daughter because I am on drugs (a complete and total lie) and that I would tell her bad things about her mother (another total lie), even though she goes to see her daughter accompanied by her current husband. As a result of these things, my husband nor I have seen his daughter since she was 2 months old.

My husband would like to get legal custody of his daughter and have me adopt her, but we cannot afford a lawyer right now. We have two children together (two boys, almost 3 and 3 months) and I have been off work for the last 4 months due to having a child and babysitting challenges.

These are my questions:

1. How would my husband go about setting up legal visitations (so his daughter can get to know him before taking her away from the only home she's known) and later, legal custody and adoption by me?

2. Are there any ways that I can help my husband get custody of his daughter?

3. Are there any ways that my husband and I can get reduced or free legal representation in this matter?

Thank you in advance for your help!!!!

I hate to tell you this, but you and your husband are living in a little bit of a fantasy world.

Your husband is a total stranger to the child. Judges don't give custody of children to parents who are total strangers to them....to a parent who hasn't even attempted to obtain court ordered visitation for 4 years.

Its also not possible for a stepparent to adopt a child without the consent of the other biological parent unless that parent has abandoned the child. Clearly this mother has NOT abandoned the child as she sees the child regularly.

Your husband needs to forget everything else other than getting a court order for visitation right now. Once he has established a long term relationship with the child then he could possibly have a shot at primary custody.

However its highly unlikely that adoption will ever be a possibility.

 

[pojo2]

Simply put. You will need a GOOD Atty and it will be expensive.

I guess in hindsight he could have used funds to accomplish this before the addition of 2 other children spreading income even thinner making it pretty hard to fight the fight this already appears will happen.

Good Luck and maybe there is someone out there willing to put in the 100's of hours this may take to accomplish with no real guarantee of the end result.

 

[pojo2]

Also YOU should stay as far removed from this as you possibly can.

 

[shari36]

You can file the custody,parenting and support papers yourself at about 250.00.. Thats what my x did to me,oh yeh and the cost to have me served not sure how much that was.. He like, your husband had no relationship with his child.. I retained an attorney with borrowed money because I being the only bio parent for nine years, wasnt going to take any chances and be scared into something..Mediation was required first(which was a joke) in our situation the mediator was totally on the absent parent side. In the end the bio signed a reasonable custody and visitation order. Him having no custody and little visitation at this point in time.. Going for visitation at this point would be the smart first step and you should be able to do this without going broke..
Good luck
Shari

 

[titansfan]

let dad work it out you can do nothing legally

you can do nothing legally- you arent a party to this, and have no legal rights to the child. this is strictly between your husband, the childs father, and his former mistress, the childs mother.

 

[barbiegirl_269]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I would have replied earlier, but my internet was down last night.

First, to LdiJ: I guess that you didn't understand my post very well, because what you stated is pretty much the same thing that I did. That he wants to get legal visitation to get to know his daughter before attempting to gain custody of her. I do have a question, though. If the mother is proven unfit, would adoption be possible without her consent? I do thank you for taking the time to read my post and give your advice!!!

Second, to shari36: Thank you so much!!! Your advice is a great help!!!! Do you know how to go about getting the papers and filing them? If anyone else knows, also, it would be a great help!!!

Lastly, to titansfan: You seem to have something against step-parents. Before writing my post, I read several other posts by step-parents in which you said the same thing as you have here. I simply asked how MY HUSBAND could do it, not me, and if there was anything I could do to help him. I know that I cannot obtain the court dates or court papers myself, but MY HUSBAND can do it, and I just want to help him out in way I can, even if it is just moral support and finding things that HE can do. Also, you assume that because his daughter is 4 and our son is almost 3 that she was his mistress? That is actually quite funny, because I hadn't even met my husband when his daughter was born. We met a few weeks later, and I became pregnant in the next few months. I am only 20 years old. To think that I was married to my husband at the age of 15, before we had met, is quite funny to me as well as other people who now know I'm 20, I'm sure. We have been together about 2 weeks less than 4 years, and married for 2 weeks less than 2 years. Thank you for reading my post, if you even did, even though you gave your generic answer to questions posted by step-parents.

Thanks again to all the replies. My husband and I really appreciate the help!!!

 

[titansfan]

to barbiegirl_269

i didnt mean to post it that way. it seems some stepparents get it in their heads that they have equal, if not more rights, then bio parents, and im just simply pointing out thats not true.i hope everything works out for your husband, she sounds like a very special little girl, wish she was mine!

 

[Zephyr]

First off I want to set the record straight for all of you. My Daughter lives with my mother because of barbiegirl_269. I have been involved with the police with this woman. And she told my mother when I asked my mother to call and see if the dad wanted to come see her and barbiegirl_269 told my mother that as long as I am the mother of the child she wouldn't allow him to see his daughter. Her soon to be ex-husband (My daughters dad) talks to my younger sister and he has even told my sister that she has threatened him that if he sees my daughter then she would leave state with her boys and he would never see them.
And the only reason my husband is around my daughter all the time is because he's been in her life since she was 1 month 1 day old. And no I do not wont someone around my child that says bad stuff about me or my husband and she has no room to talk about ever seeing my daughter in person, because she never has and the only reason my ex saw her was because he wanted to get his stuff from my house and that was the only reason he saw my daughter.
I am not a bad person nor a parent. I have a job, an education and 3 children. And it's not right that she posts this kind of stuff but, never contacts me or my family.
And by the way I have custody of my daughter, My mother only has live in custody, and the dads rights, he told me he would sign them over if needed.
So get the facts before everyone starts ripping on me.

wow- you do realize the thread is almost 2 years old don't you?

 

[lexiedawn]

One more Thing on this

My Mother, My Self and Barbiegirl_269's Husband have set up the time to talk about what is in the best interest of my daughter, and the dad said that he would sign over his rights so there is no more problems his wife started and he was never aware his wife posted this blog. Which I thought was funny that she was posting this asking for legal advice and he wasn't. He does have alot of other threads and posts on other sites and not this one. So anyway, thank you all for giving her advice. But, it was not useful...

 

[Just Blue]

My Mother, My Self and Barbiegirl_269's Husband have set up the time to talk about what is in the best interest of my daughter, and the dad said that he would sign over his rights so there is no more problems his wife started and he was never aware his wife posted this blog. Which I thought was funny that she was posting this asking for legal advice and he wasn't. He does have alot of other threads and posts on other sites and not this one. So anyway, thank you all for giving her advice. But, it was not useful...

We base our advice on the information the OP provides. If the OP provides bad or incomplete information then of course the advice will not be useful...

 

[lexiedawn]

I know

We base our advice on the information the OP provides. If the OP provides bad or incomplete information then of course the advice will not be useful...

I know and I wasn't being sarcastic on that post. I really want to thank everyone for the advice they gave her it was really useful. And you all know what your talking about. I think this is a good site. I wish it was here when I needed it instead of hiring an attorney and getting no where with him. And now since the 2 are seperated he (My daughter's Dad) is willing to talk to me about what is in the best interest of my daughter. Sorry about all of this. I just found out about this post a few days ago. And was really upset, but, when I found out my ex was not aware of this post, I didn't get mad, I tried to tell the truth, but, I don't need to defend myself, b.c Like I said We... My Mother, Myself and My Ex have set up time to discuss what is the best thing for my child.

Please don't think I was being mean at all, but, I do have a right to see what was being posted about my daughter.

Thank you for your reply!

 

[Just Blue]

I know and I wasn't being sarcastic on that post. I really want to thank everyone for the advice they gave her it was really useful. And you all know what your talking about. I think this is a good site. I wish it was here when I needed it instead of hiring an attorney and getting no where with him. And now since the 2 are seperated he (My daughter's Dad) is willing to talk to me about what is in the best interest of my daughter. Sorry about all of this. I just found out about this post a few days ago. And was really upset, but, when I found out my ex was not aware of this post, I didn't get mad, I tried to tell the truth, but, I don't need to defend myself, b.c Like I said We... My Mother, Myself and My Ex have set up time to discuss what is the best thing for my child.

Please don't think I was being mean at all, but, I do have a right to see what was being posted about my daughter.

Thank you for your reply!

I didn't think you were being mean...And I am glad you and the ex are working this situation out! We actually LIKE to hear the outcome of these threads...even if it is from the "enemy"! LOL!!
Do your ex a favor and print out this thread ...if his STBX is threatening his custody or visitation with his children than this thread could be useful to him. Do NOT let the STBX (barbie) know you are doing this or she might delete the thread.

 

[lexiedawn]

I sent him a Link to the Site

I didn't think you were being mean...And I am glad you and the ex are working this situation out! We actually LIKE to hear the outcome of these threads...even if it is from the "enemy"! LOL!!
Do your ex a favor and print out this thread ...if his STBX is threatening his custody or visitation with his children than this thread could be useful to him. Do NOT let the STBX (barbie) know you are doing this or she might delete the thread.

I sent him the Link to the site. I hope he does Join and get advice. On Both Mine and His Situation and His and Barbie's. He's not a Bad guy, we had a bad relationship and I know he loves his daughter, he's just not seen her or talked to her in almost 6 yrs. And the bad part of it is I live really close to him and have for 6 yrs. My Mother lives 2 hours away, but, I offered to drive him when I go to see my daughter and she's (barbie) always been around and he says no. So hopefully with the seperation of the two he will now be more involved and our daughter will know him in person and not through photos. She deserves to know him and Vice Versa.

 

[profmum]

I sent him the Link to the site. I hope he does Join and get advice. On Both Mine and His Situation and His and Barbie's. He's not a Bad guy, we had a bad relationship and I know he loves his daughter, he's just not seen her or talked to her in almost 6 yrs. And the bad part of it is I live really close to him and have for 6 yrs. My Mother lives 2 hours away, but, I offered to drive him when I go to see my daughter and she's (barbie) always been around and he says no. So hopefully with the seperation of the two he will now be more involved and our daughter will know him in person and not through photos. She deserves to know him and Vice Versa.

sound very mature and congratulate yourself for working it out with your ex, I know how hard it is and sounds like your little one has two loving parents who care about her best interests. I hope Barbie's posts dont make it hard for stepparents to come to this site for advise.. yes they have no legal rights and most of them just want some advice to help their spouses out or get clarification on issues like the rest of us so I hope this situation does not put them off or the those who post on this site.