Not strictly a legal q...

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

My son is 18 months old. I've been dating my BF for about 9 of those months... close to 10 maybe...

Anyway, the boy is becoming verbal, and D'man asked me tonight what I think the boy should call him. I told him it was entirely up to him, that it wasn't up to me to 'saddle' him with any particular name.

The deal is this... my BF has been very involved with my son since shortly after we started dating. They're completely in love with each other. My son's father's involvement begins and ends with the CS payment he sends in every Friday. He hasn't seen my son since the boy was 3 months old... has made NO effort to see him at all. There are no custody/visitation orders in place.

Ok. So... my question is - what would y'all suggest we teach the little one to say? I'm really not a fan of him calling D'man by his first name, though if that's what he chooses I'll be ok with it.

Help?

 

[CourtClerk]

What is the name of your state? MO

My son is 18 months old. I've been dating my BF for about 9 of those months... close to 10 maybe...

Anyway, the boy is becoming verbal, and D'man asked me tonight what I think the boy should call him. I told him it was entirely up to him, that it wasn't up to me to 'saddle' him with any particular name.

The deal is this... my BF has been very involved with my son since shortly after we started dating. They're completely in love with each other. My son's father's involvement begins and ends with the CS payment he sends in every Friday. He hasn't seen my son since the boy was 3 months old... has made NO effort to see him at all. There are no custody/visitation orders in place.

Ok. So... my question is - what would y'all suggest we teach the little one to say? I'm really not a fan of him calling D'man by his first name, though if that's what he chooses I'll be ok with it.

Help?

I vote for Mr. __________ (whatever his first name is). That's what my son calls my bf of 3 years. There's nothing else to call him. He addresses him in the same fashion he would address any other adult male.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? MO

My son is 18 months old. I've been dating my BF for about 9 of those months... close to 10 maybe...

Anyway, the boy is becoming verbal, and D'man asked me tonight what I think the boy should call him. I told him it was entirely up to him, that it wasn't up to me to 'saddle' him with any particular name.

The deal is this... my BF has been very involved with my son since shortly after we started dating. They're completely in love with each other. My son's father's involvement begins and ends with the CS payment he sends in every Friday. He hasn't seen my son since the boy was 3 months old... has made NO effort to see him at all. There are no custody/visitation orders in place.

Ok. So... my question is - what would y'all suggest we teach the little one to say? I'm really not a fan of him calling D'man by his first name, though if that's what he chooses I'll be ok with it.

Help?

I would teach him to call him by his first name...or perhaps a cute nicname...If this guy is just a boyfriend you don't want your son to call him Daddy or a variation of that...what if you break it off?? ...If would make it harder for your son to not see Daddy than Bob...you know what I mean??

 

[CJane]

I vote for Mr. __________ (whatever his first name is). That's what my son calls my bf of 3 years. There's nothing else to call him. He addresses him in the same fashion he would address any other adult male.

Heh. That's cute.

My daughters just call him by his first name, which is fine with me... but they HAVE a dad, so it seems more appropriate.

(Yes, I know my son has a father, I'm making a distinction between Father and Dad)

I called my step-dad by his first name, still do. But I was 8 when mom married him, so there's a difference there too.

Bleh.

 

[CJane]

I would teach him to call him by his first name...or perhaps a cute nicname...If this guy is just a boyfriend you don't want your son to call him Daddy or a variation of that...what if you break it off?? ...If would make it harder for your son to not see Daddy than Bob...you know what I mean??

I thought about that tonight. While I can't imagine breaking it off, and he's not 'just' a boyfriend... I've also been married - I didn't exactly go into that thinking I'd ever be worrying about BF's again, yanno? So I'm not naive enough to think that it's gonna last for EVAH!!!! LOL

Though it'd certainly be nice. He's way more than BF, that's for sure.

Too bad I can't postpone the boy learning to talk until the rings are exchanged.

 

[LdiJ]

No matter what you choose, its most likely that the child already knows him by his first name (even though the child isn't really verbal yet) and its likely that the child will imitate his sisters.

My granddaughter is starting to be verbal (she is 16 1/2 months) and she is starting to call us all by the names that we use for each other. Luckily my daughter and I have gotten into the habit of calling each other mommy and grandma when around the child...lol. However, she is just beginning to be verbal, so she tends to call BOTH of us mama. However she is definitely calling my daughter's best friend (who provides most of her daycare) by her first name.

 

[profmum]

I like the Mr. x approach.

 

[CourtClerk]

Heh. That's cute.

My daughters just call him by his first name, which is fine with me... but they HAVE a dad, so it seems more appropriate.

(Yes, I know my son has a father, I'm making a distinction between Father and Dad)

I called my step-dad by his first name, still do. But I was 8 when mom married him, so there's a difference there too.

Bleh.

I have never liked the idea of children calling adults strictly by their first name.... adults are not their peers and it just sounds..... strange, borderline disrespectful to me. When my father remarried (I as about 13), I called my stepmother Ms. ____ or ma'am, eventually started calling her mom (but I think I was just about an adult by then), but I guess it's all in the way you raise your kids, not saying that either way is right or wrong, just my preference.

Hence, when my son addresses adults, you're either Ms. CJane, or Mr. X (first name or last name is fine), but never just hey CJane or John...that's reserved for his friends. The funny thing is that when I'm at work, I find myself doing the same thing to my much older coworkers. Obviously, I would never call a judge Richard or Jane, but as far as the support staff, janitorial staff etc. I always call them Ms. or Mr. ____ when I see them. LOL

 

[Zephyr]

I thought about that tonight. While I can't imagine breaking it off, and he's not 'just' a boyfriend... I've also been married - I didn't exactly go into that thinking I'd ever be worrying about BF's again, yanno? So I'm not naive enough to think that it's gonna last for EVAH!!!! LOL

Though it'd certainly be nice. He's way more than BF, that's for sure.

Too bad I can't postpone the boy learning to talk until the rings are exchanged.

did you get your keys?

 

[tuffbrk]

You may consider him to be way more than your BF but....it is all he really is and all he ever will be to your child - until such time as you marry - and then he becomes a step parent. I would never teach a child to say mom or dad for a party other than their birth or adoptive parents or legal guardians.

Both of my stepsons were somewhat jealous of my nieces and nephews calling me Aunt XXX and they originally switched from Miss XXX (my first name) to Aunt XXX, but then they wanted to be "special" so they came up with their own variation of my first name that was theirs alone and left off the Miss title. The boys coming up with their own variations of my name eventually became a game and was just fine with me. I just wanted them to be comfortable. Frankly, as a step, no matter how much you love them - they are not yours - and so it's best to think of the relationship as that of an older (granted, much older!!) sibling that gives love, guidance, support and eventually money for the movies every now and again - but there is no legal rights ever granted to a step....Of course, despite my being in th emiddle of divorcing their dad, one of them recently had a baby and I'm now referred to as "grandmama."

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? MO

My son is 18 months old. I've been dating my BF for about 9 of those months... close to 10 maybe...

Anyway, the boy is becoming verbal, and D'man asked me tonight what I think the boy should call him. I told him it was entirely up to him, that it wasn't up to me to 'saddle' him with any particular name.

The deal is this... my BF has been very involved with my son since shortly after we started dating. They're completely in love with each other. My son's father's involvement begins and ends with the CS payment he sends in every Friday. He hasn't seen my son since the boy was 3 months old... has made NO effort to see him at all. There are no custody/visitation orders in place.

Ok. So... my question is - what would y'all suggest we teach the little one to say? I'm really not a fan of him calling D'man by his first name, though if that's what he chooses I'll be ok with it.

Help?

Well, you know what they say about opinions.... At any rate, here's mine: I would never have my children call anyone Dad/Daddy but their own fathers. Likewise, I feel "Mr" is too formal for more intimate relationships. Therefore, I vote on their name or nickname/variation of their name.

Of course, it will likely be that he will imitate his big sisters anyway~ and call b/f by his first name.

 

[Silverplum]

Teach your son to call bf "The Duke!"

It'll make everybody happy.

Seriously...my stepsons have called me every possible variation upon my first name, including some that kids in grade school never invented! ( I tried to teach them to call me, "Empress Of All," but they resisted. Dangit.)

They've also called me variations of "Mama," but not the Actual Mother/Mama/Mom-Word Itself. [Important FYI: Their mom calls me, "The Other Mom," and is friendly/supportive/grateful for our family relationships. That's just my personal situation, and it took a long damn time and a lot of hard work to get there.]

CJane, it'll settle into something that makes everyone comfortable.

 

[Zephyr]

Teach your son to call bf "The Duke!"

It'll make everybody happy.

Seriously...my stepsons have called me every possible variation upon my first name, including some that kids in grade school never invented! ( I tried to teach them to call me, "Empress Of All," but they resisted. Dangit.)

They've also called me variations of "Mama," but not the Actual Mother/Mama/Mom-Word Itself. [Important FYI: Their mom calls me, "The Other Mom," and is friendly/supportive/grateful for our family relationships. That's just my personal situation, and it took a long damn time and a lot of hard work to get there.]

CJane, it'll settle into something that makes everyone comfortable.

I requested the simple title of "your highness".....that seems to be working with son's friends......

 

[Silverplum]

I requested the simple title of "your highness".....that seems to be working with son's friends......

Hmmmm...
Maybe I aimed too high; it was too much, too extravagant?

 

[CJane]

Hmmmm...
Maybe I aimed too high; it was too much, too extravagant?

Overachiever.

My girls, when they want something from me, say "You're the bestest mommy in the whole wide world. May we please have..."

Brats.

The boy could always call him Doc. LOL Yeah, I know y'all don't know why it's funny - though Z might.